[00:00:00] Christine: Do you find yourself wanting to find purpose outside of your role as a military spouse and parent, but you’re just not sure how to balance it with demands of military life. You feel pulled in all directions and you sometimes find yourself questioning. If you should just put yourself in your dream, on the back burner.

[00:00:19] Well, welcome to my monthly real life recap series. Where, where I show you what it actually looks like to pursue goals and live with purpose as a military spouse, the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. If you’ve been following along with my journey over the last several months, you know, I’m the middle of a PCS from one OCONUS location to another, and I’ve been chronicling my efforts to stay consistent with my self care prioritize.

[00:00:49] What matters most, make progress towards my goals and live. Of purpose in the middle of a crazy season of life. And so here we are talking about what happened in the month of July. For me, did my household goods finally arrive or they covered with mold is our PCS finally coming to an end. Well, we’re gonna unpack all of that.

[00:01:14] What exactly happened in my life in July and what we can all learn through what I did well and what I did not so buckle up and let’s get started.

[00:02:16] Hey friends, welcome back to the show. I’m so excited to be back with you today. We are talking about my July real life recap, um, and. What is true for me and has been true for so many of you is that this PCS cycle has been rough. It’s been hard. It’s been full of lots of emotions. And I set this goal back in January that I was gonna come record an episode at the end of every single.

[00:02:46] So that you could see what it really looks like to pursue goals as a military spouse and navigate all of the ups and downs of pursuing goals in this lifestyle. So let’s talk about July and boy, it’s been a month. I think most of the time I’m pretty pumped to record these monthly recaps because. it’s helpful to talk through my month and what happened and where I did well, where I struggled, what I learned so that I can help encourage all of us on our journeys.

[00:03:21] Um, but this episode, I had a little bit of res resistance to wanting to record this. Um, most months have a pretty good mixture of highs and lows. Um, but July. Was one of those months where,uh, I just struggled more. And so I was sitting with this feeling of resistance to sitting down to record this for you and why I wasn’t excited about this.

[00:03:51] And I think it’s because. There’s no clear win. There’s no clear takeaway. There’s no clear result or learning point yet. I’m still in the middle of figuring out what I’m supposed to be learning in this season. And I know there’s something there, but I don’t have clarity on that yet. And I would say this month has probably had a lot of lows.

[00:04:19] Um, and, and just to say that this lifestyle is challenging, it’s, it’s hard and, and learning to thrive is not about making our lives easier or sugar coat things or pretending things are all sunshine and roses all the time. We can’t just recite some positive affirmations and. All of the difficult elements go away.

[00:04:46] It’s really about making space for all of the feelings that come up. Not trying to push them aside to bury them down to pretend they don’t exist. And the more that we try to resist or cover up those emotions, the worst we actually feel. Our feelings are emotional signals for us. They’re telling us something.

[00:05:10] If we can just stop and pause and try to see what we can learn and what this is a signal of, it’s our body’s way of making sure that we can actually function. When we pay attention to our emotions, they’re telling us when something is hard or it feels off this, this idea of thriving is something that is available to all of us, but it doesn’t mean that life gonna be good or all the time or that we’re gonna feel.

[00:05:44] All the time. That’s not military life and that’s not life in general. Part of being human is having both good and bad things happen and feeling a full range of emotions and hard seasons. Like PCSing, like going through a deployment, like having a newborn at home, they’re gonna bring a lot of emotion, some good, some that feel not so good.

[00:06:13] Some that we struggle with and. We can celebrate this fact that it’s our body’s way of letting us know that we’re doing hard things and we need to honor the struggle, choose hope, and take care of ourselves in the process. And, and so really when I look at the month of July, for me, it’s not about what I accomplished, the goals that I achieved.

[00:06:38] It’s about honoring that struggle. Learning to lean into the hard, if I could encapsulate July into one word. It would probably be the word chaos because nothing feels settled. And the longer that we’ve gone without these anchor points in our lives, um, the harder it feels, the more chaotic it seems to get, because I nothing has a set place.

[00:07:05] There’s nothing. There’s no set routines and systems. We don’t have our, our people, our, our tribe, our schedule, we, we don’t have that full support system. We’re not in a routine. And so when there are. No anchor points. It’s hard to build those healthy rhythms and routines that really are about having that baseline foundation.

[00:07:33] Having things in your home, have a spot so that you know where to go, to get what you need so that you know what you need to do and how to build in those core commitments, those rhythms into your weekly schedule. But when your weekly schedule change, All the time. You’re not building in those healthy routines and those rhythms, and the longer you go without that, the more it affects us.

[00:07:58] It affects our relationship with those around us. It affects how we show up for our spouse, for our kids. For those we are coming in contact with, it affects everybody around us. Um, when we don’t have those healthy systems and structures and core commitments built into our lives. So because we’ve been without 90% of our stuff for four ish months, we’ve, we’ve had a lot more struggle and, and the longer that that’s gone on, the more I can see how it’s affecting me and how I need to get back to having those healthy rhythms and routines and structures in my life for myself and for my family and for everything that I’m involved in so that I can even show.

[00:08:48] Better for you and for our community. And here’s the biggest challenge. I feel like for a lot of people, Building a life you love and becoming the person that you are meant to be is creating foundational blocks. One block at a time, you work on this area and you get this system, this routine, this area of life dialed in, and then you add on another piece.

[00:09:16] And then you add on another piece. And as you are building these blocks, you are taking steps closer to the person that you wanna be to how you want to be showing up. But those are all built on these structures. These systems, these foundations and military life is like taking all of those foundational elements and just pulling the rug out from underneath you.

[00:09:39] And all you’re left with is the sense of chaos. And it’s like, okay, start over. Build that foundation back completely from scratch, and then start growing towards doing the things. Developing the habits that you want in your life. So it’s not just the normal rhythm of add on layer on this good habit and layer on this healthy relationship and layer on all of these things that are moving the needle towards where you wanna be.

[00:10:07] It’s like you took 10 giant steps backward because of a PCS because of a deployment or whatever, external circumstance that just throws something your way that completely. N forces you to rebuild that whole foundation. When you have to build, bring a new foundation. Every time we move, okay, who are my emergency contacts gonna be?

[00:10:34] Where am I gonna get my groceries? Where is everything in my house gonna go? When the teacher’s asking me to bring in this piece of paper that they need for the class. And I’m like, I have boxes all over my house. I have no idea where this one piece of paper is because I don’t. Have a drop zone set up yet.

[00:10:54] I I’m trying to figure out, okay, where is the dentist’s office? And, and don’t even get me started about, okay, where are we gonna go to church? And how are we gonna build this community? And so instead of these small tweaks that are moving us towards who we wanna be, we take these giant leaps backwards sometimes.

[00:11:11] And really that process can feel frustrating and overwhelming and discouraging. And that’s normal. I don’t want to pretend like I have it all figured out. And then there’s a shortcut that we can avoid the heart, but it’s really about sitting in the season of hard and realizing that this is the opportunity to really grow and to change these moments, these difficult moments.

[00:11:43] Can shape us into who we are becoming. If we can embrace them as learning opportunities, growth comes most frequently, most easily in times of challenge and change. So I want you to hold onto that thought, as we unpack this month. Now I mentioned this a little bit in my June recap. I’m really leaning into this theme in the month of.

[00:12:15] Because it’s really just an entire month of sitting in the messy middle. The longer that this PCs has gone on, the more difficult this season has become and the more I’m ready to be done and move on. I kind of equate it to, um, so I find there’s like three really hard parts of a deployment, and I promise there’s a, there I’m getting somewhere.

[00:12:40] Um, but the first part of. Is really hard is before your loved one deploys, when you’re trying to get ready to, when you know that you’re gonna be leaving each other, but you haven’t done it yet. There’s just hard. There’s extra tension. Um, usually you tend to snap at each other and it’s just part of this journey.

[00:13:03] Part of the. Separation. And then when your loved one deploys, you get into this routine, your new rhythm and yes, things go wrong and yes, Murphy’s law always happens and something will break, but you find your rhythm, you find your routine. But then the second part that’s really tough in a deployment is right before they return.

[00:13:30] It’s like, you’ve come all this way. You’ve done so well. And the end is so close, but it’s not here yet. And you just want it to be over. And I guess I should say the third really hard part in my opinion of a deployment is the post-deployment when you’ve come back together and it’s supposed to be great and that reunion was great, but then it there’s this reintegration component and, and that’s the unexpected part.

[00:13:58] The part that is harder than. Most people, especially if it’s your first deployment. Um, there’s just the sense of, okay, we’re back together. Life is gonna be great and it takes, it’s a process of reintegration. So those are kind of the three hard parts, but I really wanted to talk about this piece of right before the end of the end of the.

[00:14:21] It feels really hard because you’ve come so far, but you’re not quite there yet. And that’s what it feels like in this PCS season. Hey, it’s been four months. We’re almost to, to the end, but we’re not quite there yet. And, and I’m just so ready to be done. I’m ready to be settled. And I just have to sit in the discomfort a little.

[00:14:46] Longer. So let’s talk about what actually happened for real in the month of July. But before we get into what actually happened, what I did well or I struggled, and what I learned through this process, I want to offer you a free get unstuck coaching call. Now that we are moving into August school is starting.

[00:15:09] I’m going to. A little bit more time in my schedule. And while I did this before PCSing six months ago, I’m now carving out time again, to be able to offer a few free, good unstuck sessions. So if you are in a season of hard, you’re trying to figure out how do I make progress on my goals? How do I figure out what my dream is?

[00:15:34] How do I get on stock and actually start making progress in the right direction? How do I do this thing in the middle of military life, then I would love to sit down and be able to talk that through with you. So all you have to do to schedule a free get unstuck session with me is to send me an email Christine at.

[00:16:00] Mill spouse, mastermind.com. Um, put free coaching in the subject line. And I would love to be able to sit down and figure out a plan with you. So we can go through where you’re getting stuck. What’s holding you back and how to take. Action towards the things that really matter to you. Now, the one caveat to that is I only have a few spots available.

[00:16:26] I have about five spots for August and five spots for September right now. So if you are listening to this and you’re like, yes, I need somebody to talk this through with me. I’m not sure how to take that. Step or what that next step should be. I feel like I’m spinning my wheels. I feel stuck right now.

[00:16:50] Please do yourself a favor and talk about it with somebody else’s schedule that get unstuck session. It’s my gift to you, but there’s only five spots available each month. So don’t delay take action today because I would love. To help you to see you start to live and into your purpose and become the amazing military spouse.

[00:17:15] I know you truly are. All right. So let’s talk about what happened actually in my July and, and what my big goals were. And, and really when I think back about what I was hoping for the month of July, it’s like, okay, I want to get my stuff. I want us to get settled. I wanna get unpacked. I’m gonna get some clarity.

[00:17:39] I’m gonna plan out the next six months of my life. Um, and we’re gonna get ready to get the. Back to school so that when August comes, we are ready to go with an organized home, with a great schedule in place. I’ve got my groove back and it’s gonna be great. Um, but then real life happens, right? So what actually happened in July?

[00:18:03] Well, it was a lot of waiting and doing things that are just the unsexy part of moving somewhere. Getting those doctor’s appointments in getting the kids registered for school, buying school supplies and lots and lots of waiting for word on our household goods. I think our R D D our required delivery date was July 18th or 19th.

[00:18:29] So that’s the date when the moving company says, Hey, we’ll have your goods to you by this. Or before else, um, you qualify for extra payments or I don’t even know what, what happens if they bust the R D D I, I think something’s supposed to happen, but I was just counting on hopefully having our stuff by that R D D it was R D.

[00:18:53] Going to be a lot longer than our last move OCONUS. Um, this has been about four ish months. Um, and I was counting down those days and then that day came and went and they couldn’t actually deliver our stuff until almost two weeks later. So we did get our belongings by the end of July. It was July 28th.

[00:19:17] So. Last part of the month, they showed up as I am at the school, trying to do the, meet the teacher session, because I didn’t realize that school starts really early here. Um, and so not only are we. Combining all of this into happening at the same time, my husband has to go on a trip. So he was actually here the day our stuff was delivered and then he had to leave.

[00:19:48] So I’m getting the kids off to start school and trying to. Find things in a seat of boxes. Um, so it was not the July that I wanted, but, um, as we get into the highlights of the month, what my wins were, when I’m thankful for it’s that we actually did get our belongings in the month of July. And there were no signs of visible mold.

[00:20:17] So that was one of my big questions because our car, which arrived last. Did have mold in it. And I know our household goods have been sitting in the Pacific ocean for four-ish months. And so I wasn’t sure, um, what our stuff was gonna show up, looking like. Um, so while the timing of our delivery was terrible, um, and I’m not happy about being without my stuff for that long, um, it actually arrived in, in pretty good shape.

[00:20:44] And, um, but now I have this challenge of, I just. Piles of stuff everywhere. And we’re starting school, not organized, not with a schedule in place, but UN still unable. Uh, I don’t know where the lunch boxes are and all of that. Um, so when I think about my big ones for this month, Besides the actually getting our stuff, um, and not having mold and actually getting to sleep in my own bed for the first time in almost four and a half months now.

[00:21:19] Um, so that felt really good. Um, but my wins were really just choosing to keep showing up every day, even when it was hard, even when I was frustrated, even when I was discouraged and really choosing. That act of gratitude, practicing that every single morning, um, is such an important skill to cultivate, especially in seasons of heart.

[00:21:43] It helps us build that foundation that we really need to thrive. It transforms the way that we look at life. I will link in the show notes below the episode that I did. Um, several months ago now, just on the importance of cultivating gratitude in your life. Um, but my other big one for the month was getting to see some friends we haven’t seen in a long time.

[00:22:07] Um, it’s so great being stationed somewhere. That’s closer to home. So we have people that are actually coming to visit and we get to see them, um, which didn’t happen when we were living all the way on the other side of the world, in the middle of nowhere. So that was really. All right. Let’s talk about some of the challenges, my biggest struggles.

[00:22:27] I mean, you’ve, you’ve heard a lot so far just that it was a month of struggle and there was the frustration of missing that R D D date. I was, um, I don’t know why I had my hopes set on that. Um, but it was okay, this is not what is happening and what am I gonna do? And how am I going? Deal with that challenge.

[00:22:50] Um, we had some family issues. I, it was just a month of feeling pulled in so many directions and not having the support that I’m used to having and not having those. Care routines that I really need to thrive and to show up well for everybody in my life and, and just the challenge of wanting to be done with this season and it not being over yet.

[00:23:15] There are still things for me to learn in this season. I’m hard, I’m still growing, I’m still learning. Um, but it’s just not a fun season. So. Which means there’s a lot of opportunities for the future. Um, and one of the big takeaways that I have realized this month is just the importance of sharing the messy middle.

[00:23:39] This was something that I talked about even 10 years ago, as I was dealing with infertility and. Not really wanting to talk about it because I figured everybody just wants to hear that happy ending, like, oh, you finally got what you’ve been praying for for years, but I think there’s not enough people really sharing the hard sharing the seasons of the messy middle.

[00:24:02] And, um, I think it’s important to speak truth into that as military spouses. I think there’s so many people out there that you can find willing to complain about. What’s going. Willing to just, it’s easy to start to vent, to find other people that can commiserate with you, but it’s really not what leads us to thriving, to living a life of purpose of joy, of impact.

[00:24:31] So I, I acknowledge that sometimes there is. A catharsis and being able to share our thoughts and feelings. We can’t just sit in what we don’t like, or we become jaded. That’s where we start to get frustrated and let that negative feelings and emotions win. That’s where we start to resent the way that life looks rather than leaning into how we.

[00:24:59] Live with purpose as a military spouse. So I, I just want to be that voice of, yes, it’s hard and no, I don’t have the end of this hard season yet, but I’m still leaning into it and still looking for opportunities to grow through it. And yes, I am frustrated and yes, I still have to make. For those feelings.

[00:25:24] Um, and then the other thing that I’m just reminded of this month is the longer that we stay in quote unquote survival mode, where we are not having our healthy rhythms and routines and core commitments. The more, we will struggle. And the easier it is to want to give up, to stop doing the things that we know are going to lead us to the life that we want.

[00:25:47] And the more that we will want to retreat into our comfort zone and to get to this place of complaining about the struggle rather than leaning into it. Um, but we, we need those healthy rhythms and routines so that we have. The ability to keep showing up for ourselves, showing up for those in our lives and for living a life of purpose.

[00:26:14] So that’s where I am in July. I’m still there leaning into the hard. and being okay with talking about the hard seasons of life. It’s not fun. It’s not gonna last forever. Um, but we wanna be honest about where we’re at and share these stories, not to complain about the way life looks and in a way that where you wind up stuck and focused on the negative.

[00:26:41] Um, but in a way that can. Help us grow. I hope that something that I said today encouraged you not only to try to just focus on the positive or to ignore what you feel, but to really lean into all of it and to say it’s okay to make space for the whole range of human emotions, whatever it is that you are walking through.

[00:27:10] Right. It’s a season it’s probably not going to last forever. Um, and that’s the benefit of the longer than I’ve been a military spouse. The more moves that I’ve done, I’ve done. You know, lived in six houses now in the last seven years. So I know that PCs season will eventually come to an end and I will be settled and I will be into my new routine.

[00:27:35] Um, but that doesn’t make each PCS good. Easier. But that’s why this podcast exists because we are here to support each other. We’re here to spur each other on, to be a sounding board, but also a reminder that we have purpose that we can live filled, fueled, and full of joy in every. Season of life. So again, if you are struggling with setting goals, um, if you are struggling on how to make progress on your goals, if you are struggling with feeling stuck and not being able to move beyond your external circumstance, then I just want to let you know that those.

[00:28:16] Free get unstuck sessions are available. Now I would love to sit down and talk to you about what your life looks like today and how we can get you making progress towards the things that matter. Get you unstuck and get you living a life with purpose. Just go to your email, send me an email. Christine at milspouse mastermind.com.

[00:28:41] And I would. To talk with you. I hope you have an amazing week. And until next time now you live filled, fueled, and full of joy.