Do you find yourself struggling to balance pursuing your own dreams and passions with the demands of military? Do you sometimes feel like you were pulled in all directions and you find yourself questioning if you should just put yourself on the back burner because life feels overwhelming? If that’s you, then this episode is for you.

[00:00:23] Hey, I’m Christine. I’m the host of the milspouse mastermind show. And I am so excited that you are joining us today. This is the podcast for military spouses who want to get unstuck, who want to thrive and learn how to craft a life of purpose today. I’m so glad that you’ve joined us for my April real life recap, where I show you what it actually looks like to pursue goals and live with purpose as a military spouse, the good, the bad, and the downright ugly.

[00:00:58] If you listened to last month episode, you got a sneak peek at the very beginning of my April and how I had less than a 24 hours notice that our movers were coming. So, if you are curious to hear the rest of the story and hear how the rest of the month went well, buckle up and let’s get started.

If you are new to the show, I’m so glad that you’re here. At the beginning of 2022, I decided I was going to do a monthly recap series of what it looks like to pursue goals as a military spouse. I think sometimes we just look at Instagram or Facebook. We see someone’s highlight reel and we think it’s so easy or that it should be easier.

[00:02:35] And when we find ourselves struggling to balance it all, we feel like there’s something wrong with us and we’re tempted to just give up and quit or to not set goals for ourselves in the first place. And so I wanted to give you a picture of what this actually looks like in real life.

[00:02:56] Yes, we want to set realistic goals and yes, we want to still make progress on those goals, even when life gets crazy. But we have to understand that it’s not going to be easy. And if you think that pursuing goals as a military spouse is supposed to be easy, then spoiler alert. It’s not. But here’s why you want to do it anyways.

[00:03:23] It’s not going to make your life easier. It’s not going to make you feel more relaxed, but it’s going to be a whole heck of a lot more fulfilling then trying to do something that is just easy. It’s going to be more fulfilling than giving up and throwing in the towel and starting to lose yourself in the process.

[00:03:47] I want to encourage you to pursue your own journey, to pursue your own dreams and passions. The thing that’s on your heart, that lights you up. And this is a journey for you. Not based on anybody else’s path, anyone else’s goal. Not based on what you think you should be doing, or could be doing, or what someone else is doing, but this is your journey.

[00:04:14] And I just want to shed some light on what this actually looks like in real life. And so I went into this saying, okay, I’m going to do a monthly real life recap. And I went into this knowing that this was going to be a crazy year for me. And so we are moving, in the middle of a PCS. That means we’re moving overseas this summer.

[00:04:37] And I knew that going into this, but I figured what better opportunity than to showcase what this looks like to pursue goals as we are embarking on a crazy year of military life.

Now, before I dive into what my goals were for April and what actually happened, what I learned, and how I pivoted throughout the month, I want to say, if you don’t know the first thing about setting goals, then I want to give you two quick resources to help you get started.

And number one, I did a goal setting training back in January. It’s about how to set goals for your best year yet. I will link that below in the show notes and I would highly recommend that you go back and listen to that episode where we talk through how to set goals for your whole year, and then how we break that down into quarters, into monthly and into weekly action steps that we can take to make progress towards who we want to be and how we want to show up. The second thing, if you have no idea where to get started or what even a goal should be, the easiest place to start is by taking my whole life assessment. This has you analyze 10 key areas of your life.

[00:05:57] You can see where you’re doing really well and where you’re struggling. And start to set some goals for your life to help move you towards who you want to be. To help you start crafting a life with purpose. You can get that free assessment by going to a milspousemastermind.com/growthwheel.

[00:06:18] And those are two free resources to help give you the foundation for what we’re talking about today, which is how I pursued my goals in April. Now let’s quickly recap what happened in March. Let’s pick up from there.

My family and I went on a three-week trip back to the states. I knew at the beginning of the year that this was going to be a trip. So I planned ahead to take three weeks off of doing any work, and tried to prepare everything in advance.

The curve ball was that we were supposed to have our household goods picked up and shipped off before we went on that trip. But we did not have orders as of the day that we left on that trip. And so we did not move any of our stuff.

[00:07:07] That was all up in the air the whole time that we were on our trip. So we come back Sunday night, all the jet lag. I’m trying to get the kids back in the right time zone and back to school that very next morning. And then we found out that Monday that our movers and packers were coming the very next day, on Tuesday.

[00:07:28] And we shifted into PCS mode right away. I have never prepared a house for the movers in less than 24 hours. So that was a new experience. Um, and we didn’t quite get it all done by the time the packers showed up, but we kept at it. And, I mean, we did the best that we could do with the timeframe that we had. In some ways it was easier because it was like, okay, I can’t control this timeline. I can’t control how much I’m going to get done. All I can do is what I can do right now. And I can’t worry about the outcome.

[00:07:59] And so we did that and that whole week ended up being devoted to just PCS prep and getting everything ready, getting the household goods picked up and then re-sorting and reorganizing the house with what we had left.

[00:08:22] So that was four solid weeks without doing really any work towards my podcast, towards my goals. I’m just putting all of that on hold for the time being. Now that’s a big break in schedule. I don’t know. You know, if you have had a job where you’ve been gone for four weeks before, but when you take that much time off, it feels a little overwhelming when you open up and get back to it.

[00:08:51] So. While we’re going to talk about today is kind of the rest of my April. I still had three weeks. So what actually happened in the three weeks that I had to really buckle down to get back focused. And how did I do with navigating life without the majority of our household goods? So we’re going to talk about, what my goals were for the month, what happened, and then what my big wins were, where I struggled, and what I learned in the proess.

[00:09:24] That’s kind of the gist of what we do on a monthly basis. So you already know kind of what happened for the first part of the month, but let’s talk about my goals for April, because when I set out my goals for the entire year, these are what I think is going to happen with the knowledge that I have as of January.

[00:09:48] At the beginning of January. And I don’t say that you have to figure this all out by January 1st. If you go back and listen to some of my episodes from January, I will tell you that, whether you plan out your year in January or in February, just taking time to set some goals for your year is going to help you make progress towards living a life that matters, a life that both lights you up and influences the world around you for good. That makes a difference in someone else’s life. So whether you’ve done this already or whether you’re listening to this in May, and you’re like, I never set goals for my year, then I would encourage you to just take a few minutes to start thinking about goals for your year.

[00:10:35] Go back and listen to that episode at the, uh, I think it was at the end of January where I talked about your best year yet. And you can go ahead and start setting some goals now. When I was doing my planning for the year, I knew that we were going to be taking a big trip in March. I knew that we were going to be moving in the May, June timeframe.

[00:10:56] So I kind of said, okay, April is my last real month to get things done before we move. So what did I want to do in April? Well, I wanted to make progress on the podcast to prep for. Some another big season, another big chunk of time being away and not being able to make progress on my goals. But then I also had other goals.

[00:11:21] I wanted to continue to focus on my physical health, which if you listen to a couple of the other monthly recaps, you know, that’s been a big challenge point for me this year. Um, I wanted to do what I could to prep for. As smooth, a move as possible. You know, PCS season is always full of unexpected things that happen.

[00:11:47] Nothing ever seems to go completely smoothly, but I want to do the best that I can to set our family up for success. And then I had a couple of books that were still on my list that I wanted to hit my book goal for the year, so that those were kind of my big picture goals for April. And then. My weekly and monthly core commitments.

[00:12:10] These are the things that we commit to on a weekly or monthly basis that help fill us up that help fuel us. That help us live with purpose in our daily life. These are the things that need to happen for myself, for my relationships, so that I can sustain them. Pursue purpose in my current season. Now I talked that in March because we were traveling and our schedule was all over the place and we were not in one location very long.

[00:12:42] And so I didn’t feel like I had control of my schedule. And so a lot of my core commitments got put on the back burner. And as a result, I didn’t do the things that really fill me up. I didn’t take the time to invest in relationships and, you know, I really didn’t make a whole lot of progress on my purpose schools.

[00:13:03] It was kind of, you know, a season of living in survival mode and every month I sit down and I do. Assessment to say, okay, how am I doing each of the 10 core areas of my life? And as a result at the end of the March, that score was the lowest it’s been in a very long time. And that was primarily because I hadn’t been sticking to my court commitments.

[00:13:33] And so in April, my schedule was still a little crazy because there’s just a lot of things that change as you’re preparing to move and things that. More one-time things that I need to get done, that I need to focus more of my time and energy on preparing for this move. And so my schedule is shifting, I don’t have all of my normal stuff because we’ve already sent a lot of that off with our household goods.

[00:14:04] And so it just felt a little more unsettled. And so, I didn’t stick to my habits and routines as much as I would have liked. But when I did my assessment at the end of this month, then I realized that it definitely improved over my March score. I did better at my core commitments. Um, so overall it was a much better month for me and for living filled, fueled, and full of joy.

[00:14:36] I, barely made it happen, but one of my goals for 2022 was to at least go to the beach twice a month, which sounds kind of funny when you live on a very small island, but like I said, life gets crazy. And so I was like, okay, I just need to put my feet on the sand, see the beach at least twice a month.

[00:14:57] And. True to form. This was a crazy month, but I still made it happen at least twice. And you’ll hear that. That was a really fulfilling moment for me. So what actually happened in this month, like I said, I had three weeks to make progress on my goals. Um, and when you were gone for four weeks prior to that, you lose a lot of momentum.

[00:15:23] Um, and so it required me to say, okay, This was not the progress that I wanted to make, but the true thing that matters is that I am still making progress. I am still moving in the right direction and I just need to breathe. Reset and say, okay, where do I go from here? What are the most important things that need to move the needle in my business, in my life.

[00:15:52] And, to help us prepare for the next couple months and everything that I know that’s coming now, I will say I definitely felt pulled in more directions this month, because I’m also trying to think ahead of where we’re going to live when we move, and how we’re going to structure our life there, as well as what do I need to do to leave well, to say goodbye?

[00:16:16] Well, what are the things that I still want to do or experience, or who do I want to make? I see before we leave. And, um, how are we preparing for, we’re going to take a vacation in the middle of our move. And so trying to plan all of those pieces, take time and resources and energy. In addition to understanding that life is going to get crazy again for a couple of months.

[00:16:41] And what do I need to do to prepare for it? And I’m happy to say I still made progress on the things that matter. I still was able to schedule and do several interviews and, solo episodes getting that recorded for you so I can keep showing up even in the craziness. Now, definitely not having all of our household goods made life a little crazier when you are a work from home mom or spouse.

[00:17:12] Uh, because I don’t have my desk anymore. I don’t have all of them. Um, and because they took all of the furniture out of our house, it is extremely echoey and trying to find a way that I could stay consistent and keep recording episodes, um, was a little more challenging. We don’t have a walk-in closet. So I have spent a lot of time sitting on the floor of my tiny closet.

[00:17:36] I say that this is my tiny closet series because I’d been recording. Um, I can’t even shut the door really while I’m recording. Um, but it seemed like the best place with the least amount of echo. I’ve spent a lot of time sitting in the floor of the closet, trying to record and prep episodes.

[00:17:57] I’ve also taken full advantage of the fact that we have a USO on base, and they have much more comfortable places to work. Um, thankfully, uh, because we live on base, we can get temporary furniture at this location. But it’s like hard wooden chairs, which are not comfortable for sitting and working all day.

[00:18:19] So I’ve been able to spend a fair amount of time at the USO doing stuff for the podcast and for my job. I’m grateful for that, but when you don’t have your own workspace, when you don’t have all of this stuff that you’re used to having, it does make it more interesting. And it required me to get really creative over the last month.

[00:18:42] How do I keep recording episodes? How do I keep doing interviews? How do I keep showing up for you and showing you what this looks like as a military spouse pursuing goals? So some of my big wins for this month were, the fact that I just still made progress that I’m still looking ahead at. Okay, what’s going to happen.

[00:19:05] How much time am I going to have to take away from my goals and what do I do to prepare for that? Um, so the thing I keep asking myself, am I making progress? Not what specific am I hitting the metrics I want to hit? Or am I moving at the pace I want to move? This is about flexible goal setting. It’s about asking ourselves.

[00:19:29] Whether we’re still making progress on what matters. And when I asked myself that question, the answer was, yes. It may not be the speed at which I want to move, but I am moving in the right direction. So there are things that I feel like I did really well.

[00:19:54] Just not being as stressed. I think back to two years ago, when we were a PCSing and how much stress I felt. I physically got ill because of the amount of stress that I was carrying. And I really learned a lot from that experience about having healthy inputs. What am I doing to offset the stress coming in from the PCs and all of the additional stressors that are just a part of moving?

[00:20:20] I feel like I’ve done a much better job I’m sure. Yes. My body is still carrying additional stress, but I’m doing a much better job of offsetting that stress and finding healthy outlets to relieve my stress. And then the third thing I would say is just doing well in navigating the emotions when you are PCSing.

[00:20:47] If you are engaging in a big move or another life change, if you are preparing for a deployment or in the midst of reintegration after deployment, any major life change is going to bring up a lot of emotions. For everyone in the family. And so my kids are having a lot more big feelings and emotions because they realize that we’re going to move.

[00:21:14] And my oldest for the first time is really understanding what that means, what it means to have to say goodbye to friends. And to know that she’s not going to see them probably again for a long time. And, um, just walking through. That with my youngest, that really doesn’t understand exactly what’s going on to just that her stuff has disappeared.

[00:21:40] Um, and that the house looks different. So there’s lots of big feelings and emotions for everyone in the family. And so trying to. Hope them process that, talk through it, understand that this is a part of the process and really navigate that season. Um, that’s something that we are learning after several PCSes is how you expect that.

[00:22:05] And, um, how you work with that. No challenges this month. Some of my biggest struggles were just trying to be consistent. When you feel pulled in all directions, I call the month of April a balancing act, because this is really what it looks like to try to balance it. One of the reason that so many military spouses just put their own dreams, their plans, their goals on the back burner is because it is a balancing act.

[00:22:36] It isn’t always straightforward. You can’t just say, okay, I’m gonna really put my mind to it. And I’m going to go out and achieve my goals because there’s so many things that are outside of our control, that we have no control over the situation. Um, and it makes it more challenging. To do the thing on your heart when, when there’s so many other pieces that you’re also trying to manage.

[00:23:01] So it was still a balancing act, a challenge to be consistent after having such a long break and not having my own space, my own, uh, routines and schedules and everything, the way. Then for the last year and a half. Um, so it makes it, um, more of a challenge to really. Keep moving the needle first. And so honestly my biggest struggle has still been my physical health and fitness.

[00:23:37] If you’ve listened to the last few months episode, you know, that I had some really big goals back in January, but then I spent the month of February with pneumonia in March. I injured my foot and I had to wait for that to heal. And so now I have like this big, long break of no. Pursuing my running goal and trying to get back into that, and I’ve lost so much momentum.

[00:24:01] Um, and it’s just frustrating. And then I’m not making the healthiest nutritional choices because, because we’re in the middle of PCS and I’m like trying to eat up the rest of the food in our pantry and make some creative meals around what we have so that we’re not wasting food. And part of that was we had.

[00:24:22] Whole typhoon prep kit. Um, because we have to be prepared if there’s a typhoon that comes and we’re out of electricity for a week, then we need to have canned goods that we can eat. Um, things that don’t require electricity to cook and stuff. We had a whole bunch of canned goods. And so I’m trying to use that in some of my meals, but canned vegetables are not quite the same as fresh vegetables or frozen vegetables.

[00:24:51] Well, it’s hard to get fresh vegetables here, but we do usually do a lot of frozen vegetables. Um, but so all of that has just not been, um, Helping my health and fitness goals. So that continues to be probably my biggest struggle. And I have to keep reminding myself like, okay, this is a season and I’m going to keep trying to move the needle forward, even though I’m facing all of these obstacles.

[00:25:17] So that were some of the biggest challenges for me this month. So one, am I taking away? What have I learned? What have I gained? And what do I want to take with me into the month of May. The number one thing for me is really understanding that I know. To have time to process everything that’s going on in my head.

[00:25:40] The more that I try to juggle, the more I need that space to just think and process and unwind and journal and have that quiet space in my life. And so last week I was able to take about 45 minutes, go to my favorite beach thinking spot. There’s nobody around during the week if I can get away and just go there.

[00:26:05] And it’s one of my favorite places over the last year and a half to go and just journal, to dream, to think, and just having 45 minutes, I almost didn’t go because I was like, I don’t even have a full hour to spend down there. Like, is it really worth it? And I only had 45 minutes. I did that and it was such a game changer, such a de-stressor such, um, it brought so much life to my soul, but I did just taking that 45 minutes to do a brain dump, to write in my journal, to just get out of my head, everything that was going on, that I hadn’t had time to think about.

[00:26:44] Um, and just to have that space to reflect and process. That was huge for me. So just having opportunities like that, I don’t know what kind of space I’m going to find to have that quiet reflection time once we move. Um, but that is going to be on my list of places that I need to find, because that makes such a difference.

[00:27:09] Um, the second thing is that I really want this next season to be about leaving well and starting, well, I don’t want to get so caught up in trying to make everything happen. For getting to be present. I want to say goodbye well, and I want to start well. And so that means some of my goals, some of the things I’m trying to get done are not going to get done because I’m in a particular season and that’s not going to be my number one goal for the season.

[00:27:45] And so I have to be okay with those trade-offs. I’m going to still keep moving in the right direction, but there’s going to be some trade-offs and I need to be aware of that, but I don’t want to miss the moments. I don’t want to not be present because I’m so focused on hitting the goals and accomplishing everything on my to-do list.

[00:28:07] The third thing that is my big takeaway is really making each day matter. Now this is a core foundational principle of Milspouse mastermind, but it really comes to play. When I think about the fact that. There are so many things in this season that I cannot control things that I need to get done and where I feel pulled in a bunch of different directions.

[00:28:36] And when I try to think about all of that at once, it is overwhelming, but it really comes down to waking each day saying, okay, what can I be grateful for today? What needs to happen today? And how do I want to show up today? One day at a time, that’s all I can manage sometimes. And that’s okay. It’s really about making each day matter.

[00:29:07] Not looking at the big picture and getting overwhelmed and giving up, but saying, okay. Let’s break this down today. What needs to happen? How do I want to show up and how can I prioritize the things that really matter? And then my last big takeaway is just remembering that this is a balancing act.

[00:29:30] Oftentimes we think of balance in terms of either it being easy or having enough time for all of the things, but this is an act of balancing. It’s an action. So sometimes you’re going to have to devote more time to one thing, and sometimes you’re going to have to devote more time to something else. And so we’re not having the perfect amount of time.

[00:30:03] We still only have 24 hours in a day. And in the middle of a major life change like a PCS, there’s going to be lots of additional demands on your time. Things that you can’t control. If you have a new baby at home, there’s going to be lots of demands on your time. Things that you. Control, but a balancing act is an action.

[00:30:27] It’s understanding that I’m going to give a little more over here and some of this stuff is going to have to go on the back burner, or I’m not going to make as much progress on this right now, but this is a season and it doesn’t. I just give up and say, this is not possible. It’s really just understanding that life is going to shift and change.

[00:30:50] And it’s not about one thing or the other. It’s about continuing to move the needle and understanding that there’s give and take, and it takes flexibility, but it is possible. To pursue your dreams to not have to wait for some future season to chase your dreams, to not wait until the perfect time, because there’s never going to be.

[00:31:16] A perfect time. There’s never going to be a perfect situation. Everything’s not going to be perfect pretty much ever, but it’s all about the baby steps. The tiny steps of action that are going to lead you to that life of impact that life, where you are living a life. You love a life that fills you up and fuels you so that you can impact.

[00:31:44] Others’ lives so that you can make a difference in someone else’s life and share your gifts with those around you. And ultimately it comes down to getting clear on who you are and what you want so that you can set some goals around who you want to be in, how you want to show up and start moving the needle towards living a life.

[00:32:10] Of purpose of joy, of impact. And meaningful and fulfilling life. And that is available to you regardless of what season of life you’re in. If you are struggling and you don’t know where to get started with any of that, the mil spouse purpose playbook is a course, your step-by-step guide to help you do that, to get clear on who you are, what you really want, what your purpose is and how to start crafting.

[00:32:45] With purpose, how to start practicing. Sustainable self-care, how to set your goals, how you keep making progress in the midst of the craziness of life, how you establish those routines, those habits that will truly matter for the long-term. This is how we do it. In the midst of the craziness of military life.

[00:33:08] If you want to find out more information about that, just go to more thanamilspouse.com and you will find everything you need to know there. If you want to just hear what this looks like day in and day out as a military spouse pursuing goals, make sure you come back next month because this ride is about to get a whole lot crazier.

[00:33:28] If you listen to my May real life recap, I’m losing my support system, my childcare, probably my internet access for a while. So, we’re just gonna keep adding layers of complexity and see what this PCS ends up looking like. So you’ll find out more next month on my May recap. In the meantime, I’ll be back with episodes every week to help you thrive as a military spouse, find purpose, get unstuck and learn to live filled, fueled and full of joy.