Welcome back to the mil spouse mastermind show. I’m so excited to be with you today, whether you are joining us for the very first time or you are an avid listener of the show. I’m so excited to be with you drinking my coffee from behind my mic and having a conversation about how we thrive as military spouses.

[00:00:19] Now, this is a really big day that I am so excited to share with you because number one, it is November. Oh my gosh. How are we in the last two months of the year. Halloween is over, hallelujah. We had a crazy night last night with the whole community coming out to our street. Now, just to try to give you a picture of this, we live on a tropical island.

[00:00:48] Basically anybody that has base access wants to come onto base and come trick or treat on our street. It’s a huge deal. Every house has decorations, lights. The whole street is completely lit up. We give out roughly 2,500 pieces of candy. There are people coming throughout the evening, and it was a school night.

[00:01:11] Craziness, lots of fun, lots of sugar. But I’m thankful that it’s over and hopefully have a little bit, I think, calmer week this week, if I can figure out how to hide all of the candy for my kiddos. The other reason that I am so excited about this week is because today is the launch of the milspouse purpose playbook.

[00:01:33] This course I have been working on for months. When I sat down to say, what does it look like to thrive as a military spouse? How do I help people find purpose, craft a life with purpose, without the overwhelm and burnout? How do I help you live as your best self and find meaning and purpose in your life today, without waiting for some future season to chase your dreams? All of the pieces, how we do this, what we need clarity on, how we need to craft our schedules? All of that is in this course.

[00:02:13] So to celebrate, what I am doing is launch week. I have episodes dropping every single day this week, and I thought the best way for us to kick off launch week is by really talking about this concept of how you are more than a milspouse. Five ways that you can take control and began to transform your life today.

[00:02:38] Today. Not some future season. No matter where you are today, you can take action. Now I know that can feel overwhelming, especially if you’ve gotten to this place where you feel like you’ve lost yourself and you have nothing to give. You’re burnt out and you don’t know what to do about it. I’ve been there.

[00:02:58] It’s easy to do, especially if you’re trying to manage home and work in business, when your spouse is gone or deployed. Sometimes we just get wrapped up in simply surviving. We stop thriving because we’ve lost sight of who we are and what we have to offer. We know that we can’t do it all. And we end up not in the greatest space.

[00:03:26] What do we do about it? How do we get out of that hole? How do we start climbing out and transforming our life? Today we’re going to discuss five simple things you can do to start taking control of your life and dreams again.

Let’s start here. You are more than a milspouse. What do we mean by that? Well, going back to my conversation with Lizann Lightfoot, we talked about how so much of life is out of our control. And so often we let our own dreams, our passions, what we do, take a back seat to military life.

[00:04:57] Our lives get wrapped up in the PCSing and the spouse clubs and everything around military life. We have this identity that we find in life as a military spouse, so much so, that as Lizann talked about, when people get to the point where they’re getting out of the military, whether it’s retirement or whether they’re just stepping into a new season of life and trying to do something different, there’s almost a sense of loss. Because people have spent so much of their time wrapped up in what it looks like to be a military spouse.

[00:05:34] What we really want to do is talk about all the other elements that make up who you are. Either we have this identity that’s wrapped up in what we do, or we let our identity get wrapped up in our life as military spouses. But the truth is that you are more than what you do, and you are more than a military spouse.

[00:05:57] There are so many things that are unique to you. Your gifts. Your skills. Your passions. What makes you. Your uniqueness.

What do we do to get ourselves out of just getting stuck in this idea that we are just a military spouse? I know it can be hard to think about our future and what we want, when so many things seem outside of our control, when the present seems so cloudy.

[00:06:25] We long to feel like we are living with and for a purpose. We long to feel like we love our life, that we’re happy to show up. We want to live life with meaning and intentionality. But instead, we feel like we’re just putting one foot in front of the other and making it through the day.

[00:06:52] I know what it feels like to not know what you need to do to thrive as a military spouse. To want to make your own contribution, but then to struggle with stress and overwhelm. Trying to figure out how to balance pursuing your own dreams and passions with the demands of military life, with the mental load of caring for your kids and making sure school projects are done on time and they have costumes for spirit week and there’s the parent teach conference you need to attend.

[00:07:22] There are the appointments that need to get scheduled. All of the things. Not to mention, we have Christmas coming up. We need to put together Christmas lists and order things, because the supply chain is out of whack this year. These things are taking up so much space in our brain.

[00:07:46] How do we start this journey that will lead us to purpose, to greater alignment, more joy, and to discovering who we are meant to be? And how can we show up and move towards becoming that person we want to be, regardless of our circumstances, our background, and our education.

If you want to figure out how to practically live with purpose in your everyday life, that is why I created the Milspouse purpose playbook. And all of this week, during launch week, the Milspouse purpose playbook is available for 20% off.

[00:08:27] Now through end of the day,Friday, you can jump inside Milspouse purpose playbook for 20% Off. If you are ready to start trading frustration for fulfillment and isolation for a new identity and a life of greater peace and purpose and impact. If you are ready to figure out how to do this, then let’s do it together. Jump inside milspouse purpose playbook. You can do that by going to morethanamilspouse.com. And I would love to walk this journey with you.

[00:08:53] Now. I realize not everyone is in a position to be able to jump inside the course today. And that’s perfectly okay. That’s why this podcast exists.

[00:09:13] We’re going to talk every week about how we get unstuck and thrive as military spouses, how we craft lives with purpose. So today, I just want to talk about five things you can do to take back control of your life and start transforming your life today. Even when you don’t control your circumstances.

[00:09:43] So much about life has led us to believe that our circumstances control our response. But they don’t. I know it’s easy to blame everything around us for the way our life looks, but the truth is we cannot control our circumstances, but we can control what we do, our response to our circumstance.

[00:10:12] Big picture how that happens is you have a circumstance. It is simply an event that happens. Let’s just say most circumstances are neutral. And then your brain has a thought about that event. And depending on what your thought about the event is, that determined your response. So you can have a negative thought about the event, and then a negative emotional response, or you can have a positive thought about the event.

[00:10:49] And that leads to a positive response. It’s our thought about what happens that actually determines our response. So when we want to start transforming our lives and reframing the way that we see what happens to us, there are five simple things that we can do to get started today. The first thing is starting each day with gratitude.

[00:11:19] I know this seems simple, but it really is transformative because it’s reframing the way that our brain thinks, it’s helping us reimagine the grooves in our brain and focus on gratitude. And when we start intentionally taking time to be thankful for what we have, we find more peace, more contentment in our lives today.

[00:11:46] Not waiting for our circumstances to change, not waiting for anything about our lives to change, other than how we view things, how we think about what happens, how we respond. It’s all up to us to choose, to start each day with gratitude. Now I’ve shared before then I start every morning by focusing on three things that I am thankful for.

[00:12:14] Choosing to start my day from a place of gratitude for what I have. It doesn’t have to be anything big. It can just be the fact that the sun came out or that I got a chance to read a few pages in my book or that I got a hot cup of coffee.

[00:12:37] It’s really looking at my life and say, what can I be grateful for today? In my current season, in my current situation, even if so much feels out of my control, what can I be thankful for today?

The second thing we can do is begin reframing our thoughts. So as we just talked about, you have an event that happens, you have a thought about the event, and then you have a response that comes out of your thought.

[00:13:07] So let’s say that, for example, you get PCS orders to a place that you are not really excited about. And you can have a negative thought about that, which leads you to start crying, and start getting frustrated with your spouse, with your kids, with everyone around you, because you don’t want that assignment.

[00:13:33] You don’t want to move to that location. You start focusing on everything that is wrong about that event and about what’s happening to you or. You can get that same event that happens. You get that assignment. You’re not excited about it, but you reframe the thought. Instead of saying, this is going to be awful.

[00:13:55] Huh. I wonder what there is to do in this area. And you start looking and saying how can we make this work for our family? What are some trips that we could go on? What are some fun things to do in the local area? What can I be excited about? Even if this isn’t the assignment that I wanted.

[00:14:18] And over time, you’re going to have a much more positive experience. A positive response. You’re going to enjoy it so much more, because it is what you make of it. It’s all about reframing. It’s not that this is necessarily going to be bad. What can I do? How can I make this better? How can I enjoy what I do have?

[00:14:47] How can I reframe my thinking about the event? Not only does it come down to how we think about the event or the circumstance itself, it’s what we focus on. Whether we focus on the parts of the experience that we don’t like, what will frustrate us and irritate us. Or whether we focus on things that we can actually enjoy.

[00:15:13] Are we focusing on the negative or are we choosing to put our focus on what’s good? And can we celebrate the little joys? In my life I have a very small commissary that is almost always out of things that we need, normal staples that you expect to have. You know, sometimes the produce is all about to go bad.

[00:15:39] It’s not going to last a day. It’s super frustrating to not be able to go buy fresh meat because everything comes in frozen, or to be out of applesauce pouches for the fourth week in a row, or to have the third carton of milk that you bought that cost $6 a gallon be bad. It’s just frustrating trying to buy healthy food for our family here.

[00:16:00] I can focus all of my energy on all of the things that I don’t love about my commissary, or I can focus on all of the parts of living here that do bring me joy, that are fun. And then I can celebrate when I go to the commissary, and they have the things that I need. That can be an exciting.

[00:16:25] I went to the commissary last week. And for the first time in the year and a few months change that we’ve been here, they had sundried tomatoes on the shelf.  I was so excited. I came home and I was telling everybody, oh my gosh, they had sun dried tomatoes at the commissary today. This is so much fun, because it’s been so long since I’ve been able to just go to the grocery store on base and find sun dried tomatoes

[00:16:49] I used to make a lot of things that had to and dried tomatoes in them. And I rarely do. You can get sun dried tomatoes if you go to one of the grocery stores off base, but it’s not on my regular drive. I have to go out of my way to do that. And so I don’t go to those grocery stores very often.

[00:17:08] It’s very expensive. If you are not buying the food at the commissary. So this is the circumstance. The question is, what am I thinking about mycircumstances? Am I focusing on the negative? Am I really framing my thoughts? My focusing on what is good at my celebrating the small wins. How am I thinking about my circumstances?

[00:17:33] So number one, start each day with gratitude. Number two, reframe your thinking. The third thing we can do to start taking back control of our lives is to determine our values. Now I know that this is kind of a theoretical. It’s really hard to say, why does this matter? It seems like it’s not something that’s really valuable.

[00:18:05] It’s not a tangible thing. But knowing our values can influence and impact so much of how we live our life. We talk a lot on here about prioritizing what matters most, and the only way that we can really prioritize what matters most is, if we know what matters most, how we determine what goes into our schedule, how we spend our time.

[00:18:34] We do all comes down to what matters most, and the easiest and best way to get started on knowing what matters most, is by getting clear on our values. When we are clear on what our core values. That helps us determine our purpose. That helps us figure out how we want to show up and who we want to be.

[00:18:58] That helps us figure out what kind of contribution we want to make. That helps us figure out how we want to set up our weekly and monthly commitments. Because when we don’t know what it is that we value, we let everyone else tell us what’s important. They tell us what we should value rather than getting clear on what we actually value.

[00:19:23] What actually matters to us, what actually lights us up and helps us thrive. Back in episode 25, we talked about how knowing your values is the number one tool you need to prioritize your time and your schedule. And I have a free worksheet to help you get clear on what your values actually are. I’ll link that below in the show notes.

[00:19:50] So if you have not yet figured out what your core values are, you can go download that worksheet. Start on that today. Now, as we talk about reclaiming our life and dreams, taking back control, and beginning to transform our life, we need to start each day with gratitude. We practice reframing our thinking. We get clear on what our values are.

[00:20:14] And then we pursue clarity of purpose because each of us has something to offer. We have a purpose. And it is up to us to figure out what that is and how we live that out. And the easiest way to get started is by asking these three questions and getting curious about ourselves and our life.

[00:20:43] Number one, what lights me up? Number two, what problem do I want to solve? And number three, how do I want to show up? Now, again, this takes time to set aside and get rid of all the distractions and start getting clear on these three concepts. But this will give you so much more clarity on what you should be doing with your time, how you should be spending your time, so that you’re actually living in alignment with you you are created to be.

[00:21:15] So that you stop feeling like life is passing you by, and that you start finding fulfillment in what you do. Pursue clarity of purpose. You don’t have to get a clear picture of what you’re supposed to be doing. You just need to understand what lights you up and how you can use your uniqueness to serve those around you.

[00:21:42] And then the last piece that will help you take back control of your life as a military spouse is in setting growth goals and moving towards that person. You want to be helping you grow in the areas that will lead you to a life of purpose, joy, and impact. Setting growth goals has been foundational and so important in my own life.

[00:22:14] And I want to help you do that. That’s why Wednesday on the show is going to be focused on this idea of how we set growth goals, because I find that there are two camps that most military spouses fall into, especially when you have kids at home. Before you have kids. If you are listening to this podcast right now, and you do not already have kids just take advantage of the time, you do have to get clear on what you want to do and start pursuing that now, because.

[00:22:51] You have more time than you will ever have, if you end up having young kids at home. So use that to get clarity on what you want and start pursuing a life of purpose today. As I said, what I find most often is once people have kids, they fall into one of two camps. Either. You just put all of your dreams, all of your goals, all of your plans, what lights you up, all of that.

[00:23:23] Goes to the backseat. You just start caring for your family, taking care of things around the home, and you lose sight of yourself. That’s why this episode is all about taking back control over your life and giving you this concept for, I am more than a milspouse. Let me live into my unit. Preface, how do we do that?

[00:23:48] The other camp that I see military spouses fall into is this camp of, I’m going to pursue my own thing. I’m still going to pursue my dreams. And yet we wind up exhausted, overwhelmed, and burned out because we are trying to work a full-time job, and carry the mental load, and take care of all of the kids’ needs and the school needs and everything around us.

[00:24:13] And we try to do it all. And I want to take you back, if that is you, to this concept of our growth wheel and how we realize where our time and energy is going, how we have healthy inputs that lead to healthy outputs, in how we set goals, growth goals that help us become who we’re meant to be and pray or ties the things that really.

[00:24:41] So we’re going to talk more about growth goals on Wednesday’s episode, but for now, I just want to encourage you no matter where in this military spouse life, you find yourself.

I want to encourage you to take a few minutes today to just think through what is it that lights you up. Not what anybody else wants you to do, not what you feel like is a good thing to do, but just think through what is it that lights me up and.

[00:25:13] You, my friend are more than a milspouse. If you are ready to jump inside the milspouse purpose playbook, then I want to cheer you on. I am so excited for you to start this journey and to get greater clarity and to live into becoming who you are meant to be. If you go to morethanamilspouse.com this week you’ll get 20% off the course.

[00:25:36] Please head over to our free Facebook community. Let us know what’s going on in your life, how you’re doing, how we can encourage you. You can find that at milspousemastermind.com forward slash community, or just do a search for it on Facebook. I’ll link that below in the show notes.

[00:25:59] Go jump in there. Tell us what it is that lights you up inside? I would love to hear about it. Until next time, may you live filled, fueled and full of joy.