[00:00:00] Christine: Hey friends. Welcome back to another bonus episode of the milspouse mastermind show. If you are new to the show, I’m so glad you’re here. At the beginning of 2022, I decided to do a monthly recap series about what it looks like to pursue goals as a military spouse, because I want to encourage you to pursue your own journey and to set goals and to move towards them.

[00:00:26] Despite all the obstacles that get in our way, despite the craziness of military life. I want you to stop waiting for some future season to chase your dreams and to start today. Now, I know life can feel chaotic and overwhelming, and we can get to this place where we don’t know how to set goals or how to pursue those goals.

[00:00:50] In the midst of moving in the midst of a deployment in the midst of all of the crazy things that we deal with on a regular basis. , but I recently read the book Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown. And one of the things she talks about in that book is the sense of hopelessness, an emotion that stems from not being able to set realistic goals or not being able to figure out how to achieve them.

[00:01:18] I saw so many military spouses, playing small and not choosing to pursue their dreams, the things that are on their heart, because it feels so difficult. And so I wanted to give you this idea of what does this really look like to pursue goals as a military spouse in the middle. Of an OCONUS an overseas PCS.

[00:01:40] So I have been coming to you every month, talking about what happened each month, what challenges I faced, what pivots I made and what I learned through the process. So if you are ready to hear what happened in our life in June, how I. Set goals, how I pursued those goals, what got in the way and how, and what I learned through the process, then let’s dive into the show.

Friends, if you are new to the show, let me just quickly catch you up on what I have gone through thus far. We are now halfway through the year in January. I set my goals for the year. Then in February, I came down with walking pneumonia. Um, in March I injured my foot.

[00:03:12] We went on this three-week road trip thinking that we would already have our orders. We would already have our house…Household, I can’t talk this morning. Our household goods picked up and already be on a boat, but that didn’t happen. We got our orders at the end of March, came back beginning of April, had 24-hour notice that our packers were showing up.

[00:03:33] We went through this whirlwind shipped off our household goods and our car the next week. Then at the beginning of May, we shipped out our unaccompanied. Because if you are moving from an OCONUS location or to an OCONUS location, typically now this doesn’t happen for everybody, but usually you would get your household goods.

[00:03:54] That’s your big shipment. That’s gonna go on a boat and then you have your unaccompanied that gets to fly to your next destination. We sorted all of this out in 24 hours. And then in May we shipped off our unaccompanied. Um, and then we actually moved in May. Here we are at the end of June. And, I can say that we did receive our unaccompanied shipment this month.

[00:04:19] We did receive our car, which is a whole other story. We still do not have our household goods. So we will be almost, we are almost two, uh, two  months by the time this episode comes out of living in a new house without our household goods. And over three months of not having our household goods. Now, before we get into the details of how I pursued my goals in June.

[00:04:44] I want to make you aware of two things. If you are curious about how to set goals for your life, I wanna give you two quick resources to help you get started. The first one is my growth wheel assessment. This is going to help you get clear on where you are struggling in life so that you can begin setting some growth goals for your.

[00:05:08] Season of life. If you don’t know anything about where to begin setting goals, really just reflecting on where you are in life and where you wanna be, where you wanna go, who you wanna be, how you wanna show up. This is the free tool that is going to help you get started moving in the right direction.

[00:05:28] Because what I don’t want is for you to feel this sense of hopelessness. Like you don’t know how to set goals for your life. You don’t know how to make progress on those goals. This whole episode, this series is designed to help you see that this is not an easy process, but it is totally do.

[00:05:51] And it’s possible for you to set goals, to pursue goals, to craft a life with purpose as a military spouse in your current season of life today, the second resource that I wanna make sure that you know is back in January, I did a full goal setting. Masterclass where I talked about how I plan out my entire year, how I set goals for the year, how I break those goals down.

[00:06:18] And I will link that training, um, in the show notes below. And that talks about my flexible goal setting method as a military spouse and how to set yourself up for your best year yet. So, yes, I set goals for my year, despite the fact that I knew this year was going to be crazy and has so far fully lived up.

[00:06:39] To that challenge. So let’s talk about goal setting in June. So my big goals in June. Here we are in at a new duty station where I don’t have the social support networks that I had at our last space. I’m trying to meet people. We’re living in this empty house. Thankfully we have loaner furniture that we can use.

[00:07:01] So we have beds to sleep on. We have a table and chairs, but it’s not comfortable. Um, most of my work has been done at the dining room table or sitting on the floor of a closet. I wanted to figure out what is realistic and achievable for this month. And a lot of wonderful things happened in June and some not so wonderful things happened.

[00:07:25] And so I wanna talk about what my goals were, then what actually happened, and what I learned through the process. So really when I go back to the goals that I set for June, the first thing I did was say, Hey, we are almost halfway through the year. And a lot has happened since January. So let me sit down.

[00:07:46] We are entering into a new season we’re in summer, and then we’re gonna be transitioning into a new season in a new location. Let me go back and look at those goals that I set six months ago and say, do those same things still matter. And if so, what do I want to prioritize in the next six months?

[00:08:08] And especially in the 90 days so that I can say what matters this month and what is going to help me move towards who I wanna be and how I want to show. And when I did that, I got some greater clarity on what I needed to prioritize in this season. And a lot of it was really finishing the goals that I had set to complete in May.

[00:08:32] Now, if you go back and listen to last month’s episode, I had some goals that I was hoping to complete in May and because PCS and, and all of the craziness that just PCSing entails. I was unable to do the things that I wanted to get done that month. So it was really like, okay, let me just keep working on that goal, those goals that I was hoping to complete in may.

[00:09:01] I did a full brain dump about everything that I’m the goals that I’m setting for my podcast, for my consulting work for, um, getting established here. Um, the people that I wanna meet, how I wanna show up, getting our family settled here, um, how I want to pursue my personal growth, all of the volunteer work that I’m doing and said, okay, here’s everything going on in my life right now?

[00:09:28] and how do I prioritize what matters most in this season? Now, if you’ve, if you have listened to any of my goal setting episodes, I talk about how I prioritize this flexible goal setting method. So if I don’t achieve it, it doesn’t mean that I failed at reaching that goal. It just means it needs to shift a little and that I need to reevaluate my priorities and my core commitments.

[00:09:55] And that’s really focusing on what I can do to practice sustainable self care so that I can show up for the people in my life and sustainably pursue purpose in my season. And a lot of that goes back to working on my schedule. What does my schedule look like right now? How can I carve out the time blocks that I need to actually do the things that matter most in this season?

[00:10:22] So let’s talk about what actually happened for me in June. I like to describe it as an emotional rollercoaster. And it was truly an exercise in celebrating wins, and leaning into the hard seasons, the obstacles in the way, and looking at them as learning points. So some amazing things and some not so amazing things happened.

[00:10:50] We took our first real family vacation since 2019. In 2019, we were able to take a family trip to Disney world, which was absolutely amazing. But then COVID happened and we’ve been on an island for the last couple of years, without any real ability to travel. And we did some staycations, some nights in a hotel.

[00:11:16] But when you’re on an island that small, it’s not truly, truly getting away as a family. And we really wanted to have that time away. So we were able to island hop. Now that we’re on a much bigger island, with islands around us, we were able to hop to another island and it gave us all a chance to spend some time together as a family and truly unplug from everything.

[00:11:42] Going on around us, the stress of the move and, and really that chance to unplug together as a family, that was amazing. My husband also reached a major milestone in his career. He started a new position, that is definitely a change for our family, and I am super excited for him and for the opportunity that he has for the next couple of years.

[00:12:06] Um, but that was big for our family. Then I started a normal work from home routine. After a few weeks of setting aside my normal routine, just to help focus on the move and the transition and everything that was going on. And some extra time that we had together as a family. And so I didn’t make a whole lot of progress in those few weeks.

[00:12:32] And so it was stepping back into, okay, how do I. A weekly routine and schedule without having any quiet in my house because the kids are there 24 -7, and figuring out how to make that work. We did get our unaccompanied shipment. Um, so that was, we were without that stuff for about a month. Total, the kids were really excited because they had more of their toys and more things to do.

[00:12:58] Um, more ways to keep them entertained. We got our kitchen stuff. Um, that was the biggest thing that we learned from the first time that we went overseas two years ago, that we needed more stuff in our unaccompanied to be for the kitchen. So we have a basic working setup for our kitchen now, which makes cookie meals much easier.

[00:13:19] We have enough plates, enough silverware, a basic pot, pan, instant pot. So we can actually function in our kitchen and have a somewhat normal routine. We don’t have all of our kitchen gadgets, but enough to make things manageable. And we, the one thing I really learned from last time is packing all of my spices.

[00:13:41] And putting that in my unaccompanied shipment, because last time I was cooking Bowland food for about three months, because I didn’t wanna buy all new spices because I knew I had them, but, I didn’t wanna re-purchase more than I had to. So we got that in our unaccompanied shipment. We were only without our spices from month.

[00:14:00] So that was a helpful tip that I learned from our last move. And then finally we got our car back after 10 weeks, and that ended up being a major reminder that all of this resiliency, these mindset tools that we talk about in the show, why this matters, because it wasn’t the reunion that I wanted. And we’ll get into that more in a minute.

[00:14:24] Um, but I wanna focus first on what my wins were, what I’m thankful for, what I can celebrate and what I did well this month. We want to always start when we do a time of reflection to start with gratitude. Um, so the first thing was going on vacation as a family was amazing and getting that extended time away from all of the pressures and routines of normal life.

[00:14:52] That was amazing. Um, I am really proud of myself that I kept podcast episodes releasing each week, even though my personal life was super chaotic. And honestly, I hit all of the goals that I set to complete in May that never happened. I got all of them done in June. So it didn’t happen in the original timeline I was hoping for. It just was a little bit delayed.

[00:15:19] So it’s not a matter of, Hey, I didn’t hit this goal in the original timeframe that I was hoping. So I’m a failure. It just shifts a little. Um, so that I’m still making progress. I’m still moving in the right direction. I completed a life coaching training certification that I’ve been working through for the last several months.

[00:15:39] It’s based on the principles of acceptance and commitment therapy. Um, it’s and it’s a modality that aligns with much of what I already teach on the show about resilience, about the importance of our core values, how we get unstuck and do what matters with our life. Um, I also completed this project that I’m super excited about because I’ve been working on it for about eight months now, but every single episode on the show now has a corresponding blog post with a full transcript.

[00:16:14] Of each episode. So if you go to milspouse mastermind.com/blog or / podcast, you will find all of those episodes back episodes. You can read the transcript, you can look at the blog post, or you can listen to the audio there or in your favorite podcast player. But that’s a project that I’ve been working on for about eight months to put together and.

[00:16:37] Finally got completed. Yes. In the middle of a PCS. Um, and I also just started sending out weekly emails. This is still a work in progress to make it a part of my regular routine, because life has been crazy. And I haven’t had the time I needed to remember to send out that email each week, but my goal. Is do send out a weekly email to you to let you know what episode is on this show.

[00:17:03] Um, so that you can make sure to not miss an episode that has some real benefit to you. And then the other big win for this month was not something that I really pushed, but it was something that I really wanted to happen this month. And that was hitting 10,000 downloads on the podcast. And the reason I say I didn’t want to really push this goal is because I knew I couldn’t influence the outcome.

[00:17:30] My life had too much going on for me to be able to pull any levers, to push the podcast, to encourage you to share it with other people in order for us to hit that point this month. But it was something that I was hoping would happen and it did. And so I know that can feel depending on where you’re at, that can feel like a really big number or, or a really small number.

[00:17:54] Um, some people hit it much faster. Some people never hit it. In fact, the majority of podcasts never reach that 10,000 download mark. So this is a win that I want to celebrate and it really truly all belongs to you. So I’m celebrating with you because it means that this message is reaching more people and that you are sharing this podcast with others in your life.

[00:18:19] And so I just wanna say thank you for that. Um, it’s a win for me. It’s a win for our community and it’s a win for. Military spouses. So those were my big wins this month. The things that I want to celebrate and be grateful for. Um, but then I also had a lot of challenges this month. I think. If I was to try to boil the month of June down to one word, it would be this word, patience, and really learning to live in the messy middle.

[00:18:51] Now I’ve had lots of practice with this, but it’s really a choice that we make to say, this is a season of refinement. It’s a season of challenge and difficulty and hard. And are we willing to lean into that? Are we willing to choose to grow through these seasons where we, we want to be to the other side and we’re not there yet.

[00:19:14] And are we going to be content when life doesn’t look the way we want it to. I think when you first ship off your stuff, um, especially for a, an OCONUS PCS, it’s this sense of, okay. You know, we can live without our stuff for a while. You know, it’s something different and we’re, we’re excited about the future.

[00:19:37] Now that we’ve reached this, like I’ve been living without my stuff for three months and I’m so over it. And I just want my own bed and my own couch and some more comfortable chairs to sit. Um, it’s much harder to have that positive mindset. I want to be established. I want to have those friendships already built.

[00:19:59] I want to have time when I can get work done, where the kids are not running around and having to break my concentration to answer questions every five minutes. I just want to be settled. Um, but that, that’s the challenge of this season where I don’t have that. I don’t have, I’m not in the place that I want to be.

[00:20:22] And this is where I have this choice of am I going to let myself get to that place where I feel frustrated? Where I resent the place that I’m in, because it’s not what I wanted and I can’t control the outcome, or am I going to choose to be content and say, I can lean into this hard season because there’s something for me to learn through it.

[00:20:47] When we grow, when we change. That change comes so much more easily in times of struggle. Hope is a function of struggle. Growth comes primarily through times of challenge and when life isn’t going the way that we want it to, but that is where the true growth and change and becoming who we’re meant to be.

[00:21:12] Yes, we can go seek it out, but this is where the rubber meets the road and we choose which path we’re going to walk down. Are we gonna be the victim or are we going to choose to be the Victor? To choose to learn and grow through the process? And so I had to keep reminding myself that the most growth often comes in seasons of challenge.

[00:21:37] If we can just lean into it, if we can embrace it, accept it, make room for it. And that was particularly true when it came to getting our car back. So we were without our minivan for 10 weeks, which felt like an insanely long period of time. And I was so excited to go. I had all of these expectations that I was gonna get my car back and it was be going to be great.

[00:22:00] And then we went to pick it up. The car wouldn’t start. Instead of bringing it home, we had to have it towed to the shop, had to have two new batteries put in, found out there was mold inside. So as soon as we paid to replace the batteries, we had to go get molder mediation done on the car. Somebody had also backed into it, or something happened, but the bumper is now cracked and I have to go get, estimates for a new bumper. And there was corrosion on the wheels. And all of the excitement that I had about getting my car back was totally destroyed in that moment.

When I realized that the car did not run, there were not great options. It was going to cost me more money to be able to drive this car that I’ve been waiting 10 weeks for. And really that initial moment of we’re not getting our car back today. We’re going to have our car towed to a place where it can get worked on, and nobody seemed to have time to work on it.

[00:23:01] That was a really big moment of having this expectation, having that expectation, dashed, and saying, how am I going to respond in this moment? And, and that’s where all of these resiliency tools that I talk about. Really came into play and being able to, um, focus on taking some deep breaths, focus on awareness and making room for all of those feelings and knowing that this was not what I wanted, but this was temporary.

[00:23:35] So now I’ve still gotta get the bumper fixed, but at least I have a functional vehicle again. The mold remediation is done and I am backed to having a vehicle to get around. So that feels really good, even if it wasn’t the way I wanted to get my car back. Um, so let’s talk about what I learned this month.

[00:23:58] What, what did I learn in June? And what do I wanna take with me as we move into July? I think the, the number one thing is just this reminder that we can’t control the outcomes. And the only question that really matters is am I putting in the work? Am I showing up how I want to show up? Am I doing the things that matter?

[00:24:22] Did I prioritize what needed to be prioritized? The I can’t control any outcomes. The only thing I can control is my response and how I am showing up. So as we move into July, I am looking forward to hopefully getting our household goods. Now I’m aware that I don’t know the status of how, how our household goods are gonna arrive.

[00:24:48] Am I gonna be dealing with mold? How many things are gonna get broken? You know, there’s, there’s the potential that I could have a lot more feelings to work through. And. Just the logistical thing of once all of those boxes and all of that furniture comes, then I have to unpack it, figure out how to set things up.

[00:25:06] And so, hopefully all of that happens in the next few weeks and I can kind of help us move towards getting settled, but that, that is something that I know is coming up and, and. What I want out of July is to get greater clarity on the next six to 12 months. Summer always feels chaotic. Um, and I’m hopeful that when we receive our staff, when we get unpacked, when the kids start going back to school, we’ll get into more of a routine because I think that’s.

[00:25:43] One of the hardest parts of the last several months is not having a real routine and trying to create a routine when there are so many unknowns about our schedule. Um, but I really want to take advantage of the next month before my kids go back to school and really be able to still prioritize time with them, build those relationships.

[00:26:03] Um, they have done an amazing job at being resilient. In all of the changes and moving to a whole new island, a whole new state, trying to live without their stuff for this long, not have those relationships saying goodbye to good friends. And, and I mean, it’s hard on all of us, but the more that we are intentional and we’re having those conversations with our kids, um, I think the better off we all will be.

[00:26:31] So that is kind of in a nutshell where I’m at with June. I’m celebrating the wins. I’m sitting in the messy middle, I’m leaning into the challenge and I’m trying to do the best I can with the circumstances that I have today. So as we close out this episode, I really think what I wanna say. And what I want you to walk away with today is first of all, If you were in the middle of a chaotic PCS, and I know a lot of people are, I totally see you.

[00:27:01] Um, if you have littles at home and you’re not getting time away to get stuff done, if you’re not getting the breaks you need, um, if your spouse is gone and they’re off at training or they’re deployed. If you are feeling lonely because you’re in a new place and you haven’t found your people yet, or if you have people, but they all moved away or you had several friends that went home to be with family for an extended time this summer.

[00:27:29] And you’re feeling lonely because of that. There’s all sorts of things. But I want you to know that you’re not alone. I see you. I see the effort that you’re putting in. I see your tiredness. I see your desire for this season to pass. I want you to know that what you are doing today matters. If you are trying to pursue your goals and it just feels like you’re not making much progress.

[00:27:56] That’s okay. What matters is if you are making today, matter the effort that you put in today, whether it feels like it makes a difference or not, that’s going to pay off in the long run. Don’t try to do it all. Don’t try to be the super parent. Don’t get discouraged when you didn’t hit that goal that you set for yourself this month.

[00:28:22] Just do what you can. You can’t control your circumstances. You can’t control the outcomes. All you can control is yourself. And at the end of the day, I want you to thrive as a military spouse, not hustle and grind your way to feeling overwhelmed, to being more stressed, to being more anxious. I want you to live.

[00:28:49] Filled fueled and full of joy and yes, you need a direction that you’re heading in. You need to set goals, but it’s less important whether you ever accomplish that goal. What matters is, if you are becoming the person you are meant to be. I want you to prioritize sustainable self care so that you can show up for the people that matter to you and pursue the purpose and dreams on your heart.

[00:29:19] We are better together, friend and together. We can make the world a better. Place you have something valuable to offer. Just keep showing up and keep becoming the healthiest version of yourself. As we wrap up, don’t forget. The 30 day clarity challenge is going on inside the milspouse mastermind community.

[00:29:43] Over on Facebook, come pop inside. Join us. Start getting clarity on who you are becoming. Make some friends build some relationships and let’s encourage each other in this journey. I hope that you have an amazing day and that you are able to take some time set some goals for the next six months of your life, so that we can end 2022 on a high note, despite all of the obstacles and challenges in our way. Until next time may you live filled, fueled and full of joy.