Hi friend, welcome back to another episode of the milspouse mastermind show. On a scale from one to 10, with one being totally awful and 10 being absolutely amazing, how would you rate your life right now? A

nd specifically, how would you rate your satisfaction with your life? Do you feel filled, fueled and full of joy? Or do you find yourself feeling stressed, overwhelmed and pulled in too many directions?

[00:00:35] I would guess that most of us are somewhere in the middle, but we are much more likely to be closer to the side of feeling stressed and overwhelmed and exhausted, more than we are to feeling that sense of purpose. Of being in control and full of joy.

It takes a lot of intentionality to get us from this place of stress and overwhelm to this place of peace and purpose and fulfillment and joy.

[00:01:08] While there will always be demands on our time and our energy that lead us to feeling pulled in all directions. We don’t have to stay there because when we stay in that place of exhaustion and overwhelm, we will continue to struggle and no one will get the best version of us. So today we’re going to talk about three things you need in your life to pull yourself out of this cycle of stress, exhaustion, and overwhelm, so that you can start showing up and doing your best work in every area of your life.

[00:01:41] So if you are ready to start taking ownership of your life and start feeling filled, fueled and full of joy, then let’s dive in to the show.

[00:02:44] So today I want to talk about this concept of how we show up as the version of ourselves that we want to be, because I know that so many of us, we have great intentions. We want to show up as the best version of ourselves. We want to love and serve and give and pour out to others, but we feel empty. And when we feel, when we’re in this place where we feel like we’re on that hamster wheel and we’re just trying to run faster and do all the things.

[00:03:19] We’re feeling pulled in so many directions. We know that nobody’s getting the best version of us, and we find ourselves getting emptier and emptier, and really feeling like we have nothing to give. And so let’s talk about how we step out of that cycle, how we stop feeling exhausted and overwhelmed and pulled in so many directions.

[00:03:44] Now, what do we usually think of as the solution to this problem? I think the most common solution is we just need to manage our time better. There’s, you know, if we restructure our calendar better, then we’ll be able to fit more in. Or if we, you know, subscribe to the latest productivity hack, okay. If I do this, I can get these items done in a particular period of time and I have more time in my schedule.

[00:04:12] But all we’re really doing is just trying to cram more in and we’re continuing to feed the cycle of, I have to be all these places. All these people need things from me and I am just not loving my life. And what happens next is that we know something needs to give.

[00:04:41] We know that we can no longer do all the things and do them well, especially if we have a spouse who is working long hours, or off training, or on a deployment. We’re trying to do everything for our families and our communities and prepare for that PCS or whatever is going on. We feel like we’re obligated to go volunteer for the event on base.

[00:05:09] And we just feel stretched really, really thin. So while scheduling our calendars is great and using productivity hacks will help us. My guess is they aren’t the full solution. They haven’t really made a dent in how you feel.

Why? Because we have to start with the right foundation. The right foundation is creating a life with purpose, and there are three things that absolutely must be present in our lives if we want to live lives that are filled, fueled and full of joy.

[00:05:51] I call these three things our buckets of balance. So let’s talk about what in the world buckets of balance are, what these three things are, and then how we can start implementing these things, adding them into our lives today. So that we can walk with a sense of peace and purpose, so that we can still live filled, fueled, and full of joy.

[00:06:23] Now, the reason I call them buckets of balance is because it goes back to this idea of living a balanced life. And as we’ve talked about on the show before, there’s so many different ideas about what balance is and what balance is not. The idea of work-life balance came from the idea that you need to do some kind of work, and then you have the rest of your life.

[00:06:50] And if you can create this equilibrium between the two things, life will feel better, but that is not really practical. And there are too many demands on our time and intention for us to really find balance if we’re trying to do all the things. We’ve talked about how we have to learn how to prioritize, what matters most, and that sometimes it’s about doing less, but better.

[00:07:21] Rather than just saying yes to all the things. When we say yes to something that by default means, we are saying no to something else. And usually what we end up saying no to is investing in what matters most to us time with our spouse or with our family, or with doing the things that really light us up and impact the world.

[00:07:46] But these buckets of balance are three elements in our life. And if one of these elements is lacking, I guarantee you, life will feel off. We will realize that we’re not thriving. So what are these three elements? They are self, relationships, and our gifts or purpose. A balanced life involves stewarding ourself, stewarding our relationships, and stewarding our purpose.

[00:08:20] Another way to remember it is using the term, the three Cs. Care, connect, contribute. If one of these elements is missing in our life, life will feel out of balance. For example, life will feel out of balance if we don’t feel like we are contributing in some way, if we don’t feel like our life has meaning.

[00:08:46] Now contribution doesn’t necessarily mean something we’re doing to make money, but it means that we have purpose. We are using our gifts and what lights us up to bless others. We’re using our uniqueness to serve the world. And that can be through just showing up for your neighbors. That can be through a formal volunteer arrangement. That can be through your job.

[00:09:15] That can be through your site. But there is something that is using what lights us up, using our sweet spot and contributing to the needs of others. If that element of our life is missing, life will feel out of balance.

[00:09:39] Life will also feel out of balance if we’re trying to serve, but we’re not caring for our self. It also means our impact is not going to be sustainable. We’re going to eventually burn out and we’ll have to stop serving because we have nothing left to give because we’re not caring for ourselves. We’re not practicing self care techniques so that we have something to give them. When we don’t have healthy inputs, we won’t have healthy outputs, but when we have healthy inputs, when we care for ourselves, then we have something to give others.

[00:10:15] Then we can show up and serve in a sustainable way. But even if we are caring for ourselves and we are contributing in some way, life is still going to feel out of balance if we are not connected to others.

We are better together. It’s funny that we are designed for relationship, and if we do not have meaningful relationships in our life, we can be doing something great.

[00:10:49] And making sure that we are caring for ourselves so that we can show up and do that. But life is still going to feel us. So we need three elements in our life. If we want to live a life of balance, if we want to show up as the best version of ourselves, if we want to live filled, fueled, and full of joy, if we want to find satisfaction and fulfillment in our lives, these three elements must be present.

[00:11:23] So let’s talk through these three elements and some tactical ways that we can care for ourselves, for our relationships and for our purpose. First caring for yourself. Now we could probably do an entire episode just on self care, but for today, I just want to talk about this at a very high level. And what I want you to do is go all the way back.

[00:11:53] To episode 15, where we talked about how we need to start from a place of rest. If we don’t start from this place of rest, it’s so easy to get caught up in all the things. And we feel pulled in all directions. We feel stretched too thin. We have to have healthy rhythms of rest in our weekly schedule. So, if you are not currently incorporating rest into your rhythms and routines, then go back to episode 15 and listen to why rest is so important and how to incorporate it in your daily life.

[00:12:39] I know that most of us know that rest is important. We need proper health and sleep. And opportunities to refresh and reflect and refuel. But knowing that it is important and prioritizing that in our schedule are two different things.

[00:13:07] If you are not currently finding times in your weekly rhythm to rest, to do the things that fuel you with life. Go back to that episode, listen to that and find one small way that you can start resting on a weekly. The second thing I will say. When we talk about caring for ourselves is focus on the rhythms and routines that care for your mind, your body and your spirit.

[00:13:29] If you just focus on one of these areas, you probably are still going to feel like life is off you. We need rhythms and routines that help us steward our physical health, our mental and emotional health and our spiritual health. Like I said a minute ago, healthy inputs lead to healthy outputs and it takes intentionality in each of these areas.

[00:13:55] If we aren’t doing things that help us show up as our best stuff, self physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually life is going to feel out of balance. We will not throw. So just take a moment to reflect on how you’re doing with your physical health, your mental and emotional health and your spiritual health.

[00:14:22] What are some practical ways that you could improve each of these areas of your life? I think so often we think of self-care in terms of bubble bath or girls’ night out. And there’s nothing bad about any of those things. Those can be nice things to do, but really it comes down to practical and tangible ways that we can improve our physical health, our mental and emotional health and our spiritual health.

[00:14:54] So we need to care for ourself. We also need to care for our relationships. And as much as I sometimes wish that we could survive without healthy, close relationships, that’s not how we were created. And it’s not that I don’t want healthy relationships because I love people. I love spending time with them.

[00:15:18] But as we’ve talked about before, it takes time and intentionality to build and cultivate these relationships. And when we move quite frequently, sometimes those relationships take more time and effort to maintain, and it takes time and intentionality to create new ones in our new location. And so we have to constantly.

[00:15:42] Continually be investing in this area of our life and that takes time and energy away from doing other things. And so I think sometimes this is an area where it’s easy to say, okay, well I have my family relationships, but I’m not going to cultivate. Relationships with those in my community because I just don’t have time right now.

[00:16:08] I am running kids to all the activities or I’m, you know, spending a lot of time homeschooling and we have so much going on. I just need to buckle down and survive and focus on doing the things that have to get done. I find that some of us are more relationally oriented and some of us are more purpose oriented.

[00:16:30] And so if you are someone who is more purpose oriented, and really loves to pour into pursuing your purpose, then this might be the area where you are lacking. And this is why it’s so important to understand that if we do not have healthy relationships, life is going to fill out of balance. If you are struggling with relationships, with friendships, with finding your tribe.

[00:16:58] In episode 21, we talked about one practical thing we can do to strengthen all relationships in our life. Episode 31 is all about friendship and finding your tribe. I will link all of these episodes in the show notes. So if you don’t want to have to go search for them, you can just click on the link below and go directly to those things.

[00:17:20] So we’ve talked about caring for ourselves. We talked about caring for relationships, and the third piece of the puzzle is caring for and stewarding our gifts and purpose. If we are not using what we’ve been given to serve others, we will feel out of balance. And, you know, we talked about how, if you are someone who is very purpose driven, then maybe your relationships are your area.

[00:17:50] On the flip side. If you are someone who’s very relational and you really value caring for the people in your life, and you really want to put your relationship with your spouse first, your family first build those healthy community relationships. Build those deep friendship. Then the thing that tends to go to the back burner is pursuing a purpose, something outside of yourself.

[00:18:20] And I think this is a big problem for many military spouses, because we tend to put our dreams, our goals. Power plans on the back burner, right? So we have committed to a life as a military spouse. We moved frequently and we are tired of trying to find a way to contribute, to finding a job that works for us.

[00:18:46] That gives us the flexibility. We need to really try to pursue our own dreams and career goals. If that’s something that’s important to us. We say, Hey, especially for this season, as we’re moving around, as we have young kids at home, I’m just going to not work. I’m not going to contribute in some way.

[00:19:09] Eventually things are going to feel off. And this is not to say that everybody should work or make a financial contribution. It’s simply to say that each of us were designed and created with and for a unique purpose. And when we are not making a contribution out of our gifts, paid or not, then life feels out of balance.

[00:19:34] I think this is why so many stay at home mom or dad military spouses get involved in MLMs or are looking for some kind of side hustle. Because we understand that life feels off and we’re just trying to figure out what to do about it.

We think making a financial contribution is the answer, but really having that sense of purpose is not about how we financially bring in income.

[00:20:05] It’s about making a contribution that aligns with who we are and what lights us up, whether that be paid or not. It’s a contribution that matters. And if that is not present in our life, life will feel out of balance. It’s not about having a job. It’s about living with purpose. It’s about doing something that doesn’t actually drain our energy, but fuels and fills us as we serve it because it aligns with what lights us up.

[00:20:38] And if we really want to steward our purpose, then we need to get clear on who we are, what we actually want, what lights us up and how we can use our gifts and our story to serve others. That’s why I created milspouse, purpose playbook to help us get clarity on our purpose and how to make actions and decisions that align with.

[00:21:05] What lights us up and how we can move towards living a life of purpose and finding balance and doing the things that help us live filled, fueled, and full of joy. It’s about living into who we are created to be. Now, this doesn’t mean that every day is going to be a great day, that we’re going to wake up every morning, excited and feeling full of joy.

[00:21:34] Life happens. Some days are good days and some days are not so good days. But when we look at the overall feeling of our life, our life as a whole, do we feel like we are living with purpose? Do we feel like our life has meaning? Do we feel filled, fueled and full of joy? Do we have a direction that we’re headed that doesn’t depend on our circumstances?

[00:22:06] What I would like you to do right now is to just take a few minutes and evaluate your life today. Are you caring for yourself? Are you stewarding your physical, emotional, and spiritual? Are you cultivating relationships? Are you pouring i to your spouse and your family? Are you developing friendships and finding your tribe?

[00:22:38] And are you making a contribution that matters? Doing something out of your sweet spot to serve others? and then ask yourself if one of these elements is missing. What needs to change because here’s what I truly believe that if you will start thinking of your life in terms of these three buckets of balance and seeing that you are doing something to pour into each of these buckets, you will find greater purpose, greater fulfillment, greater joy in your life.

[00:23:21] And even greater happiness, you will be on the path to learning how to thrive, regardless of your circumstances, you will be on the path to finding who you are meant to be. So here’s the challenge for you today. If you are ready to stop feeling pulled in all directions, if you’re ready to stop wasting your life and start living into who you are meant to be.

[00:23:54] Then make the decision to make a change. If you are still feeling confused about what you need to do, how to get clarity. If you want a framework that walks you through, getting clear on what it is that you want. What lights you up, how to create a vision for your life, how to find your sweet spot, create your personal purpose statement, how to evaluate opportunities and make a contribution that matters.

[00:24:28] So that you can show up as the person you want to be and let others experience your best self so that you can make the impact that you were created to make and become the world. Changing middle spouse. I know you are meant to be then head over to the link in the show notes and access Milspouse Purpose Playbook.

[00:24:56] The final thing is if you found value in today’s episode, please go share this episode with a friend, post it in your stories. Leave us a review on iTunes, or simply talk about it at your next spouse. But here’s what I so desperately want is for every military spouse to know that they don’t have to stay stuck, that it is possible to live filled, fueled, and full of joy.

[00:25:25] And when we are pouring into the buckets of balance, when we are doing the things that move the needle forward in our life and make sure that these elements are present in our life, we, you will live with more satisfaction. With more fulfillment, more meaning and more joy. So until next week, may you do just that.