[00:00:00] Christine: Welcome back to the MilSpouse Mastermind Show, My real life recap series where each month I show you what it looks like to actually find purpose and chase a dream as a military spouse, the good, the bad, and the unexpected. What does it really look like to balance it all? This is my September recap.

[00:00:21] I’m pulling back the curtain to show. What actually happened for me this month, whether I achieved my goals and what I learned in the process. This month we’re really digging into this concept of what is normal, What does normal look like as a military spouse and for a military family? And I have three takeaways for you that I think are really going to help you.

[00:00:49] As you seek to live with purpose and intentionality in your everyday life, in the midst of the unpredictability of military life. So what do you say? Let’s dive into the show.

[00:01:56] If you are brand new to our community, I am so happy that you’re. I started doing these monthly recaps because I know how many military spouses feel stuck in a life they don’t necessarily love. And there’s this sense that living with purpose means being able to go all in and chase your dreams, that you have to hustle and grind your way to success.

[00:02:18] And if you’re trying to. Make time for your priorities for your family when you’re trying to make sure that your spouse can do their job and your kids have what they need. Sometimes there’s the sense that you need to put your dreams on the back burner or you need to go all in. And if you’re not doing everything for yourself, then you are not really living up to your potential and there is a happy medium in there I want to show.

[00:02:48] That it is possible for you to pursue your dreams, to find purpose, and to be able to live your life as a military spouse without burning yourself out in the process. My entire goal for this show, and for you and for every military spouse is that we can truly learn to embrace the life we have. And live with purpose so that we can stop feeling frustrated and start living, feeling filled, fueled, and full of joy.

[00:03:26] Part of being able to love our lives and craft a life with purpose is really being able to set goals for ourself and then make progress on those goals. So how do we actually do that? What kinds of goals should we be setting and how do we set ourselves up for success when so much of our environment and our external circumstances are outside of our.

[00:03:54] Well, that’s why I really started this real life recap series because I thought it was so important that you have other military spouses to look at their lives and say, Hey, this is normal. It is normal that I’m going to have to. Move slower than I thought I would, that I’m not going to have all of these support structures in place.

[00:04:19] Every time I move. I’m not going to be close to family and I can’t rely on them for help. So what does this look like to chase our goals to live with purpose as military spouse? So if you’ve been following along, I’ve been sharing my journey since January and how we went through this OCONUS PCS. We moved from one overseas location to another.

[00:04:45] We were without our household goods for about four months. And it’s been this long process and a really exhausting process. If I’m being completely honest, and I’ve taken you along for that ride, and so here we are in September. This is the first month that I call my quote unquote new normal. We have finally unpacked all the boxes where mostly settled in.

[00:05:13] I still have a few pictures to hang on the wall, but we are in the groove of our new routine and we are still. Figuring out how to make it work in our daily life. So what we’re going to do today is we’re going to talk about what actually happened in the month of September, what my goals actually were, what I accomplished, what my wins were.

[00:05:38] Where I struggled and what I learned in the process. And I love bringing these recaps to you because I think it’s so important that as I am learning from my own life and in my journey, there are lessons that are not only good for me, they’re good for all of us, and the more that I can. Completely honest about my STR struggles.

[00:06:01] I hope you understand that I am doing this to show you that it is normal to struggle, but it is possible to live with purpose as a military spouse. So if you are in this place where you are feeling stuck, if you feel frustrated, If you are questioning whether it’s possible for you to love your life as a military spouse, or you’re just going to put your life on hold and wait till that next duty station or until your spouse gets out, you don’t have to do that.

[00:06:33] I would encourage you to keep listening as we talk about what happened for me in September. Now the number one takeaway that I want you to get out of this episode, and really everything that we talk about together on the show is this idea that our progress is not a linear journey, and sometimes life does go smoothly and sometimes it is all over the place.

[00:07:01] We think that this journey should be this linear path from. Point A to point B, and we’re just making steps forward, but that’s not really how life works, whether you are a military spouse or not. Obstacles are going to happen, challenges are going to happen. That is just a part of being human. And so sometimes our journey to purpose, to finding meaning and fulfillment to loving our life means that it’s going to be a journey of twist and turns and what feels like we’re taking steps backwards.

[00:07:39] Because we are. Because we are under. A lot of extra stress and overwhelm because life has handed us something that does not feel like a gift in the moment. It feels like something that we don’t want and we don’t feel like there’s change. Like we are, We have evidence that we are moving past the thing that we’re struggling with, but that is a part of our journey and our story, and so that’s what I want you to remember and to take away.

[00:08:11] From this episode today. So what were my goals for September? I really wanted to start making progress on getting ahead on the podcast for so many months this summer. I was just trying to do what I could to stay consistent and you can go back, You’ll listen to last week’s episode, episode. 1 0 5. I’ll link that below in the show notes.

[00:08:34] But that’s really an episode all about consistency and how we prepare for seasons of chaos and change, and how we can continue to show up. And we can’t do all the things, but we can choose to do what matters most and do it consistently. And so finally, for me, in September, The kids are back in school, we’re mostly unpacked, and I actually have a chance to start getting ahead to work on more projects than just doing the bare minimum.

[00:09:04] And so while I didn’t make as much progress as I wanted, it was really, it was a great feeling to be able to start making progress on some of these goals and projects that I’ve just had to put on hold for the last. Several months. So I was able to work ahead on the podcast. So that was a big goal for the month, obviously.

[00:09:25] I was excited about reaching this milestone on the podcast, which we’ll talk about in a moment. And then I really wanted to start revisiting, number one, my schedule. Now that we are hitting our new normal, our new routine, what does that look like? What does my schedule need to look like? How should I be spending my time so that.

[00:09:48] I am prioritizing the things that matter most in this season. And then finally, digging deeper into the concept of mindset. If you listen to last month’s recap, I talked about how mindset is the skill, the area that I am focused on really understanding right now and figuring out how do we utilize this, How much.

[00:10:13] Does our mindset matter? And how do we begin to practically change our mindset and set ourselves up for success? We know mindset is important, but understanding how these pieces work together and how what we believe truly affects our ability to change ourselves, our habits, our beliefs, and our future.

[00:10:38] It’s a foundational component, and so this month was a continuation of all of the research that I did last month and putting together some really practical tools to help me and to in turn help you learn to thrive. And so, . That meant there was a lot of unpacking some of the beliefs that have been ingrained in me and really bringing those to the surface and starting to figure out how to address them, to reframe them.

[00:11:11] The stories I’ve been telling myself and what I do with that going forward. So big goals for the month. I usually try to have a skill that I am working. I try to have progress that I am making in my purpose, and then I’m trying to work on my growth goals, which are the areas that really help me show up as the person that I want to be.

[00:11:35] If you are around this podcast for very long, I am huge on setting growth goals, that our success cannot be measured by the outcomes because we can’t control the outcomes. We cannot control a lot of our external circumstances. The only thing within our control is what we choose to do and how we choose to show up, and it’s a game changer.

[00:12:00] When we take our mindset and we shift, shift it off of what am I going to do? What should I be doing, what should I be accomplishing? And we place it on, Who do I want to be? Who do I want to become, and how do I show up as the best version of myself, for myself, for those around me and for the greater good.

[00:12:27] How do I live as the person that God truly created me to be? How do I utilize the skills, the gifts, the things that really light me up inside and use it to serve those around me? Because when we can tap into that, when we can give. Get clarity on that and live into that, that is going to lead us to the life we truly want.

[00:12:54] A life full of joy and fulfillment and meaning and purpose and that. Is something that you can love your life regardless of where you live and what you do on a daily basis. It’s all about how we show up with intention in our daily lives, and that is available to each and every one of us. So if you are new to the show, this is something that I am truly, truly passionate about.

[00:13:23] I believe it is possible for you to thrive and find purpose as a military spouse right where you are today. So that’s kind of my goals for the month of September, figuring out. What our new normal was going to look like and really starting to get more traction and have a little more opportunity to make progress on the things that I’ve had to put on the back burner for the last several months.

[00:13:48] So what actually happened for me in September? What were my wins and what can I celebrate? Now? Just another pause at this point because I want to let you know that this is why I am also really passionate about having a plan to reflect and review how you’re doing. I sit down on a weekly, monthly, and quarterly basis to assess how I’m.

[00:14:17] Whether I’m making progress and really what I want my life to look like moving forward in a part of that process that really helps us, that refocuses us is by starting by looking at our wins, the good things that happened, and what we can celebrate what brought us. So what were my wins this month? Now, obviously one of my big wins for this month was hitting 100 episodes on the MilSpouse Mastermind show.

[00:14:48] I known this date was coming for a little while, but it was excited to finally hit the milestone and realize that we have been together a hundred episodes of us showing up together to talk about what it looks like to thrive as a military spouse and how we. Learn to embrace this journey that we’re on, whether we chose it or.

[00:15:12] Another win for me this month was getting to have show up and have a live training with you inside of our Facebook group. It is been one of my goals for this year to actually have time to kind of connect with you in a different way, to be able to have that connection, that face to face interaction. So I went live.

[00:15:33] We talked about how we began this journey of alignment, of learning how to set up our schedule so that we are not trying to pursue something and burn out in the process. Another win for me this month was celebrating my 13th anniversary with my husband. We’ve been together for almost 15 years now, so I guess I can officially say that I am a seasoned military.

[00:15:59] But it was fun to be able to celebrate that milestone with him, to have him here this year to be able to actually celebrate on our actual anniversary and be able to spend some quality time together. So those were all wins for me this month. Now the other piece that was both a win and a challenge piece for this month was sitting down and doing my quarterly review.

[00:16:28] It was a win for a couple of reasons because like I said, I try to sit down on a weekly, monthly, and quarterly basis, and sometimes I have more time to do that than others. But I was able to really sit down and assess my pro progress. Every time I do a quarterly assessment, I have the 10 core life areas and I rate from one to 10 how I’m doing in each core area of my life.

[00:16:54] And at the beginning in January, I did. Assessment and I was like, Okay, here’s how I’m doing. Here’s how I want to grow this year. Here are the areas that I want to make progress on. And then six months later, when I did my mid-year progress report, I had actually taken huge steps backwards. Now I was under a lot of stress, and even though I was attempting to deal with the stress as it was happening, There was still a lot of things outside of my control.

[00:17:30] We were living without our 90% of our household goods. We were trying to make it work. There was a lot of added stress and pressure that was not helping me show up as the best version of myself, and it was a little bit discouraging to actually look at that, those numbers and say, Yeah, I’m really not doing as well as I was in January.

[00:17:56] but I was in a season of transition, a season of chaos and change a season where I could not do all of the things that I had been doing to care for myself, to care for those I am in relationship with and pursue purpose like I had been able to do back in January. So I actually took a big. Backwards. And then in September when I did my third quarter review, I figured out that, you know, I’m roughly back to the place that I was in January.

[00:18:29] So, you know, it’s still a little discouraging that I didn’t make progress. Forward, it feels like this year, but I know that the work that I am doing is paint off because I’ve come a long way in the last three months. And yes, I took this step backwards as we have this extended PCS, but now I’m getting back to where I was and no, I’m not stepping forwards.

[00:18:56] But I’m learning how to care for myself so that I don’t stay stuck so that I can start making progress on the things that really matter again. So it was a win in the sense that I am moving forward compared to where I was three months ago, and it still feels frustrating and it’s still a story I had to work through with my mindset.

[00:19:21] When I say, Hey, in nine months, it doesn’t feel like I’ve made any progress, but I am continuing to put in the work because I truly believe it is going to pay off in the. But that’s why I say we think the journey should be a journey of progress, but our journey is a journey of twist and turns in dealing with all of the stuff that life gives us that just happens.

[00:19:49] And what truly matters is how we show up on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. So what did I struggle with this? Well, besides realizing that I’m not making progress as fast as I would love to, one of my struggles was just figuring out our new normal. And I put together a plan, a schedule that I thought was going to work for us.

[00:20:13] And the longer that we get into our. Normal, quote unquote rhythms what life looks like for us today with my husband in a new job with my kids at a new school, in a new schedule, and making all of these pieces work, trying to put the right amounts. Of time and effort and energy into the things that matter most.

[00:20:38] It hasn’t gone as smoothly as I wanted it to. I thought that certain things were going to take a certain amount of time to do and I find I need more time and effort in certain places, and that means there’s not as much time for other things that I want to do. And. Going back to the drawing board and saying, Okay, like this is an adjustment and I need to adjust my time accordingly so that I’m still not.

[00:21:13] Stretching myself too thin, and I’m not leading myself towards a place of burnout. I have realized that I am spending roughly two hours a day dropping kids off at school, picking them up, doing all of that. And I love spending that time. With my kids. But it is a big allotment of time that when all my kids were on base I didn’t have to spend that same amount of time.

[00:21:40] So it’s an adjustment right? I was hoping to spend more time on certain things and less time on other things, and I’ve realized that some of my commitments are more involved than I thought they would be. And so now I’m going back to the drawing board and saying, Okay. How do I shift things around so that I’m making sure I’m prioritizing the things that matter most, and I’m choosing to spend my time on the things that align with who I want to be, how I want to show up, and who I want to serve.

[00:22:16] So I think there’s just that frustration of this is how I wanted it to go. This is how it’s actually going, and I’m gonna have to continue to make some adjustments. And that’s completely normal. And that’s just part of my process and one thing that I am working through this month. The other things that I have struggled with and am working on is this concept of mindset, because the more that I dig in and the more that I unpack the stories that I have accepted as true.

[00:22:49] The first step to being able to change is awareness. So it’s kind of this idea of peeling back the layers of an onion and becoming aware of these things that are limiting beliefs in my life that are holding me back and developing and taking the time to work through them, to reframe them and to break free from these stories that I held onto.

[00:23:14] That are not necessarily true about myself, and that is a process, and it brings up more stuff that you have to work through. It’s really good and it’s going to help me in the long run, but it’s not always fun in the middle of it, and it’s not necessarily a sexy outcome that comes out of it. It’s going to help me long term, but in the short term, there’s.

[00:23:40] A whole lot of tangible wins to show for it. So what were my big takeaways from this month? What did I learn from going through this process? From figuring out our new normal, from diving into some of these areas of my mindset and personal growth in my own life that I. Take with me into the next few months and that will, I truly believe, will help you as well.

[00:24:11] Number one is to accept that so much of the work we truly need to do is internal. It’s not sexy, it’s not outcome based. It’s about getting in touch with ourselves and working through the layers of things that are holding us. Back. And when you put in that work, you’ll see long term results, but it’s not something that is fun or sexy to talk about so much of the time.

[00:24:42] We want results. We want outcomes. We want to feel like we are successful in our journey. We want to feel. We are the epitome of a successful military spouse that others will look at us and say they have an awesome life because they are successfully running a profitable side hustle, and they’re volunteering for all the things and they’re going back to school and their kids are involved in all the activities.

[00:25:14] and that sounds great on the surface, but that leads to burnout instead, when we focus on ourselves and becoming who we’re meant to. We’re gonna struggle to say, I don’t have all of those successful outcomes that other people value, but you’re going to feel a lot better about yourself when you are living in alignment with who you were created to be and living into the purpose that you were created to live.

[00:25:48] You have something special inside of you, a gift. That is yours to give to the world, and I want you to focus on that, not doing all the things so that you look like you are accomplished. The hard work. The good work, the work that is worth doing is not always visible, but it truly matters. The second big takeaway is that we have so much need for grace and for self-compassion.

[00:26:19] We cannot do the work. We cannot live with purpose if we are not willing to give ourself grace to practice. Self-compassion to understand that we are not perfect. We are human, we are limited, and that there is only so much that we can do in a day. We’re going to mess up. We’re going to fall short of our goals.

[00:26:43] We’re not going to show up as the mom or the dad or the spouse We wanted to. We’re gonna have those times when we find ourselves yelling at our kids, even when we don’t wanna do that, or we get short tempered or any of these other things. Hey, I didn’t show up. I, I know I have the clarity on who I want to become, and I’m not actually living into that.

[00:27:06] I’m not making the choice to eat the healthy foods, or, I didn’t work out today, or I didn’t do the thing that I knew I needed to. And now I’m beating myself up. That’s not going to get us the outcome that we actually truly need. We can’t continue to beat ourself up. This journey needs so much self-compassion, so much grace, and the good news is that God sees us.

[00:27:31] He is always willing to give us that grace and we have to be willing to give that grace to ourselves as well. When we do, this is one of the foundational elements, a key to living a life of joy, and this is one of the things I’ve been studying a lot lately and this concept of joy and how we cultivate joy in our lives.

[00:27:54] How do we actually. Live filled, fueled, and full of joy. And I have an episode coming out in a few weeks that’s going to talk about these characteristics that help make room for cultivating joy in our life. But self-compassion is one of those keys, and so important to give ourselves grace into practice.

[00:28:16] Self-compassion when we fall short of who we wanna be and how we wanna show up on a daily. The third thing that is the big takeaway for this month is to just trust the process when you cannot see results. The journey to living with purpose, to becoming who we’re meant to be is a journey. A process. It takes time.

[00:28:41] It doesn’t happen overnight. And we have to be able to trust the process that what truly matters is how we show up on a daily basis and whether we lived with intentionality today. And that’s why it ties into the self-compassion and understanding that we mess up and tomorrow is a new day and we start over and we say, Okay, how can I.

[00:29:04] The most of today. How can I live with intention? How can I find joy? How can I live as the person that I want to be? What are the things that I need to do to care for myself, to build relationships that will help me thrive? And to be able to pursue that purpose, to find a way to contribute to, to the world, to give back, to do use something that lights me.

[00:29:31] To positively impact the life of someone else. I was so struck in my research about mindset with the idea that as we are reframing the thoughts, we are retraining our brain and our mind, and, and we’re changing our thought patterns, which will ultimately change our beliefs, our actions, our attitudes, and our life.

[00:29:58] Before we actually see those results, before we see the behavior and the habit change before our life changes and gives us the results we want. It has to change in our brain. In the unconscious part, we don’t see the outcome, but we have to trust the process because we have to change our mindset before we can begin to change our actions and our behaviors.

[00:30:26] And so we have to be able to be in this place where we’re trusting the process. We don’t see the results. It’s like, Wanting to lose weight. If you work out for one day, you’re not going to see overnight results. You’re not going to get that six pack abs by working out one time. You’re not going to lose 10 pounds by eating right for one day.

[00:30:48] What truly matters is that you’re showing up day after day after day, making those healthy choices. You’re showing up time after time, after time. Pushing play on that workout video or hitting the pavement, going for that run. It’s that intention and that effort over time that will truly pay off before we see the results that we went before we see the outcome that we want.

[00:31:15] Those are the things that matter. Those are the things that are going to help us show up and live a life with purpose as a military spouse. So I hope that you got value out of this. This is what is going on in my own life, how I’m learning to adjust to or new normal, to be able to give myself tons of grace as I mess up on this journey to be able to work through.

[00:31:42] Some of those foundational mindset pieces that are truly holding me back and how I began to change those habits that will lead me to the life I truly want. It is possible for you to thrive as a military spouse to begin to. live as the person you are meant to be, to find fulfillment and meaning and purpose regardless of where you are stationed.

[00:32:09] I would love to partner with you if you are feeling stuck in life, if you know that. You don’t love the weight that your life looks and you’re not sure how to get started, what, what’s actually holding you back what you should be doing? You need clarity or you just are feeling discouraged. Sometimes we just need accountability and some guidance and somebody outside of us to be able to help us through this process, and I would.

[00:32:39] To offer that to you. If you do not have a coach, then consider booking a get unstuck session or a free 15 minute mindset audit where we talk through some of those thought patterns that are holding you back. We can figure out where you’re getting stuck and what we need to do moving forward. You can book a session just by going.

[00:33:02] Milspouse mastermind.com/unstuck. I would love to partner with you in this. I will see you again back here next week. Until then, may you live filled, fueled, and full of joy.