[00:00:00] Christine: Welcome to my August real life recap where each month I show you what it actually looks like to find purpose and chase a dream as a military spouse, the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. What does it look like to balance it all? I started doing these monthly recaps because I know how many military spouses struggle to find their own thing, pursue their own dreams and passions with the demands of military life.

[00:00:29] We end up. Feeling pulled in too many directions. We get overwhelmed. We find ourselves stuck and struggling with stress and anxiety. And too often, it leads us to tell ourselves that it’s not worth it or possible for us in this season. I wanna change that narrative. I wanna show you that while this journey is not easy, there is a sustainable way to pursue purpose.

[00:00:58] And when we do, it’s absolutely worth it. So, what did living a purpose fueled life look like for me in the month of August? Well, let’s dive into the show and find out

[00:02:02] If you are new to the milspouse mastermind show, I’m so happy that you’re here and I want to invite you to. A part of this community, not only do we come together each week on the podcast, I give you a discussion on a topic related to learning how to thrive as a military spouse, whether it be about how to get unstuck, how we navigate military life, how we get clarity around the things that light us up and how we step into and craft a life with purpose today.

[00:02:35] And then we also gather each week inside our free Facebook community to talk about our takeaways, to share tips into, just connect with one another, because we were never meant to do this life alone. We are better together and together we can change the way that military spouses look at life. So if you are not already a part of our Facebook group, we would love to have you in there.

[00:03:00] You can access. Just by going to milspousemastermind.com/community that will take you there. Um, and we would love to have you inside. Come introduce yourself to the group. We are excited to have you all right. Let’s get into my August recap and the way I usually do this is go over what my goals were for the month.

[00:03:24] Then what actually happened in my life. Um, what. What I did well, where I struggled and what my big takeaways or learning points from the month were I started doing this at the beginning of 2022, because I wanted to show you what it looks like to pursue goals. As, as a military spouse, I wanted to encourage you to pursue your own journey, not a journey based on anyone else’s goals or.

[00:03:54] Instagram highlight reel or anything other than the thing that is on your heart. And this is why I think this is so important. I recently read Brene Brown’s new book Atlas of the heart. And she describes the feeling of hopelessness as an emotion that stems from not being able to set realistic goals or not being able to figure out how to achieve the goals.

[00:04:24] In other words, when we don’t feel like we’re able to set realistic goals, these small disappointments in our life can actually grow into hopelessness and despair. And I think that that’s where a lot of spouses find themselves in that place of feeling hopeless, to feeling like they don’t have a sense of purpose.

[00:04:50] Maybe you’ve had a dream on your. But it doesn’t seem possible in your current season of life, maybe you’re sure not sure what your thing is, you know, that you’re lacking purpose and direction, but you’re not sure what to do about it. I’ve been there. And I know how that can lead to these feelings of hopelessness and.

[00:05:16] When you feel like you’re spinning your wheels and it seems like there’s no way out of where you’re at. You just feel stuck and you look around and you see these highlight reels of other people and you think, oh, that’s what my life should look like. And when it doesn’t. You feel less than you feel like you are not enough, you feel like there’s something wrong with you.

[00:05:40] And so I wanted to set an example to show you that it’s possible to pursue goals. It’s not easy, but you can step into a meaningful story and live with purpose as a military spouse. The best way I could think of to show you. Is possible is by walking this out in my own life and sharing this journey with you.

[00:06:05] So if you have been following me for several months, you’ve gotten to see some of the hives and lows of walking this out as a military spouse, not the highlight reel, not the, I, I made it to the other side. I already accomplished. It’s in the past, I did this and now I want to share what I’ve learned with you.

[00:06:26] It’s this is what it looks like in the messy middle. This is what it looks like in the daily grind. So, and the funny thing about this was I set this goal that, okay, I’m gonna show up every month and I’m gonna tell you what’s going on, how I did at pursuing my goals in a given month. And I did this, knowing that we were walking.

[00:06:49] A year where I knew we would be PCS. And I knew how much I struggled two years ago. The last time we PCSed, but I decided to do this anyways. And if you’ve been following me, you know, that this was also a difficult PCs season for me. We started prepping in February for pack-out in March. Our orders got delayed.

[00:07:12] We went on this three-week trip back to the states. So we packed out late, which made our whole. Getting our stuff that much later, um, we finally got the orders. We packed out, we shipped the car, um, that we were waiting around a month to move. And somewhere in there, I got walking pneumonia, which didn’t really help.

[00:07:34] We finally moved, but then we ended up having to live in a house without our stuff for a couple of months because of the delay in orders. And we finally got our car again, it was had mold inside. It had the bumper cracked all these other issues with the car. and then our getting our household goods instead of getting it in the middle of summer and having this chance to get settled before starting school and launching into the new school year with this great plan.

[00:08:04] We got our stuff delivered literally days before school started as I was at the school with my kids, for teacher orientation. So when we last chatted at the end of July, I had just received my household goods after about four ish months. So it’s been about a six month process of the month before having our household goods packed out four months without our stuff.

[00:08:35] And then this last month that we’re gonna talk about today is kind of the unpacking process. So this is like a six month PCS, as I’m trying to show you what it looks like to pursue goals as a military spouse. So let’s talk about my goals for August and my goals shifted because of this whole process and all of the things that I had momentum behind that I was focused on before the PCs have all continued to get push back.

[00:09:10] And the longer that we’ve gone on, and I talked about this last month, the more D. It has been to really make big strides in any of my goals for the year. But so my big goals for August really became about our family, about getting unpacked, getting settled, getting caught up in life, all the things that I’ve gotten behind on because of not having any childcare help from having the kids home all summer.

[00:09:41] The PCS from all of the things that come all of the extra pieces that you’ve got to spend time putting together, researching, trying to figure out when you move to a new location, there’s so much of that that has gotten built up. And so it is really saying, okay, my summer did not go the way that I wanted to, but how can I continue to set ourself up for the future?

[00:10:07] What do I need to prioritize in this month that will help us in the long run? So that’s really what my goals became about. Like, if I can focus on getting us settled in August, then we’re gonna have a much easier rest of this year. That we’re going to have a much easier school year and that we will be able to enjoy the rest of our time here so much more.

[00:10:31] Once we feel like we are settle. So what actually happened for me in August? Well, you know, that we received our household goods. At the end of July, the kids started school, they had a staggered start date. So each of my kids started on a different date. And then I finally had a chance. To get caught up, get some of those appointments scheduled that I’ve been putting off because I didn’t have anybody to watch the kids.

[00:10:58] I got my teeth cleaned. I got a haircut, all that fun stuff. Um, and I finally started to feel like I was getting caught up on some stuff, which was a good feeling because up until this point, I’ve just felt like this to-do list keeps growing longer and longer. Without anything meaningful, actually getting checked off the list.

[00:11:19] And so it felt really good to actually make a little progress and get some stuff checked off that list. Um, and then the last piece of the puzzle of what I was trying to. Do for the month of August is to really start to plan out the next few months for the podcast episodes. We wanna cover. Now that my kids are back in school, I have some time with quiet in the house, which makes it a little easier to sit down and record episodes than trying to get the kids to be quiet while I’m actually recording.

[00:11:52] Let’s talk about my wins for the month. What am I thankful for? What happened? What can I celebrate? What did I do? Well, and the number one thing that I’m celebrating is that I made progress on the house. We got every single box unpacked. We have most of the room set up our. We have a guest bedroom in this house, and that’s still kind of the junk pile that I need to, um, go through and throw out some stuff, donate some stuff.

[00:12:20] That’ll be kind of the last piece of the puzzle, but I made a ton of progress in getting us settled in the house. And really this house was a unique challenge. I, I say that every. Because every house that we live in has such a different layout and this house had more square footage than our last house, but it did not have any built in storage.

[00:12:45] So it took a lot more creativity and figuring out, okay, what do I really need to hold onto? And what do I need to let go of it ma forced me really to. Really put my hands on touch. Every single thing that we have in the house with us and say, is this something that we really will need? Now, if you go back and listen to some of my other episodes about organization, about taking care of packing, unpacking for your PCs, then we’ve talked a little bit about Marie condo’s method of figuring out what to keep and what to let go of.

[00:13:27] And, you know, what’s the interesting part for me as a military spouse, because it’s not just about, am I currently using this thing or have I used this thing in the last year or does this thing. Really bring me joy. It’s about whether I think I’m going to have need of it again in the future. And if it’s worth holding onto, or if it’s something that I feel like, Hey, I’m not gonna love this.

[00:13:56] I’d rather just replace this on later on down the road, if I feel like we needed again. And so trying to find that piece, that balance between, Hey, I haven’t used this in a while, but that house over there that we lived in for a. I used it there. And, um, two houses ago, I used that thing, but now I need that thing now and I didn’t use it in the last house.

[00:14:19] And so it just becomes a little more complicated when you’re trying to figure. What do you have? What do you want to hold onto? And what do you want to let go of? And do you have a place to hold onto that to store that, for example, in this house, we do not have any kind of garage or outdoor. Storage area really.

[00:14:42] And we didn’t want to spend a lot of money on a shed if we could get away without having to purchase a shed here. So literally half of the area under my bed is just the storage of our TV box, which we use once, every time we move and then we will not touch it again for another two or three years, or I guess one or two years at this point.

[00:15:06] Um, but. Is literally the only place I could figure out to store it was underneath my bed. So everything just takes a little more thinking, a little more creativity and, um, really assessing whether it was worth keeping or holding onto or not. Um, and the kitchen I was worried about because it has less storage space, less, um, cabinet space.

[00:15:32] Specifically lower cabinets because I cannot reach the really high shelves. Um, and I was worried about how that was all going to work out and whether we were gonna be able to fit everything in the kitchen, but I did make it work. It’s not perfect. It’s not my dream kitchen, but it is a kitchen. And, um, I actually prefer it to the triangle kitchen we had in our last house.

[00:15:58] I guess I should clarify and say, I did love the counter space that I had in our last house, but the triangle layout made it feel closed in and we only had a small window. So I didn’t love that aspect versus here. I don’t love the amount of counter space. I don’t love the layout. Of the kitchen per se, but you have a lot of space in there and there’s a giant window.

[00:16:23] So it feels open even though I, um, do not like the dishwasher and we actually got a new stove yesterday. Um, because one of the things I took for granted was having a stove that lets you know, when the oven is preheated and allows you to set a timer on it, those were things. Thought came with all stoves and apparently they do not.

[00:16:46] Um, so these have all been learning points for me this month, but it’s learning to say, what can I love about the space that I’m in? How do I make this space work for me? And how can we set this up? So that. Everything we own has a place. And if something that doesn’t have a place, then do we really need to hold onto it so that we have a way to feel like we’re not living in a cluttered house.

[00:17:14] So I feel like I may have rambled a little bit there, but all of that to say, I made a lot of progress on our house. It’s slowly but surely starting to feel like a home and not just a house that I’m living in. Somebody else’s. And when I think about my wins for this month, it was really nice to have all the kids back at school.

[00:17:35] It’s, it’s an adjustment for sure, but it’s nice to have some quiet space to actually think and work and record and get some stuff done that just was not getting done this summer. So. That has felt really good. So those were kind of my big wins for the month. The things that I’m celebrating in the month of August.

[00:17:56] Um, now we talk about my challenges, where I struggled and the things I didn’t, uh, necessarily handle with as much grace as I could. Um, but I think one of my challenges this month is just realizing how much is still on my plate and still trying to figure out what that balance looks like in this season.

[00:18:19] Because anytime you make a big change, you make a move, we PCs and then things change. And then. School starting is its own big change. Not just because kids are going back to school, but also because there’s so many activities that kind of go on, pause on hold for the summer. And as the school year starts, all of those activities start back up and for us trying to figure out, okay, what.

[00:18:45] Do we have the capacity to be involved in what do we not have the capacity to be involved in? How should I be allocating my time? Do I have enough time to do all these things that are currently on my plate? Do I need to shift anything what’s working? What’s not working. That is a process, but I haven’t landed on that happy medium yet.

[00:19:07] And I’m so ready to be back at that place. I. You know, six, seven months ago where I felt like we had our rhythms and our routines down, everything was going well. I had momentum in the things that I was doing. And to not be in that place is somewhat frustrating. I think because we have this idea that we should always be making progress, that we’re always gonna be on this upward trajectory that we’re gonna be moving, um, from a to B and it’s gonna be this smooth straight path or that we’re always going to be moving forward.

[00:19:48] When so much of the time we’re all over the place we’re, we’re taking what feels. 5 6, 7 steps backwards. And, you know, I was thinking about this and it really made me, um, reflect on, let me see, episode 94, the episode with Hannah Hinsley we talked about when you feel like. You’ve fallen off the wagon. And we were specifically talking about health and fitness goals, but I think that this statement she made is so applicable to all areas of our life.

[00:20:23] And, and what she said is maybe you think you fell off the wagon, but really it’s just a part of your journey, your story. And so learning to look at things through the lens. This is part of the journey. Not that there’s something wrong with me, that I am not continuing to make progress and move forward in this season.

[00:20:47] Um, but that was something that I definitely struggled with this month. And then I think the other piece that was hard for me this month was just expectations. I had specific expectations and when those expectations were not met, um, then I got really frustrated by the situation and it really took me stepping back and saying, okay, I am feeling this sense of frustration.

[00:21:16] What is it that is behind this frustration? And really it’s the sense that I was going to have. Particular outcome and not getting that outcome is what led me to that sense of frustration. So one of the big things that I was doing this month is really working on my own mindset, as well as doing a lot of thinking and research and reading about the importa.

[00:21:46] Of mindset and our thoughts and the ways in which we think and how, what we think and what we think about how that influences our actions and our behaviors. And I’ll talk more about that in a minute, but I wanna just tell you and let you know, these are the areas where I personally struggled this month.

[00:22:09] And so the piece that I want to land on. At the end of each of these monthly recaps is my big takeaways from the month and things that we can all take away and that will all help us as we seek to live with purpose as military spouses. So what did I learn in August? What do I want to take? With me into the future.

[00:22:32] I think it boils down to three main things. And the first one and where the title of this episode came from is this idea of things they don’t tell you about military life. And one of those things that I don’t think I fully realize that nobody ever told me when I was a young spouse, is that the challenges that you have, the things that you struggle with.

[00:22:58] Don’t magically resolve themselves because you live in the perfect location or that you have the perfect set of circumstances or that you have exactly what you want in life. Life is going to be full of blessings and challenges, no matter where you lived, we. To Hawaii, which would be an ideal duty station.

[00:23:24] Honestly, it would be an ideal place to live for a lot of people. It’s this idea that you are living in paradise. And we think that if we lived in the perfect location in the right location, then we would not have our problems, but the truth is problems are gonna follow you wherever you live. The things that you struggle with wherever you are right now are going to be things that you struggle with wherever you move.

[00:23:50] And the reason I was thinking about this was because our air conditioning went out for, we were without it for about five days. Um, in addition to a couple weeks before, it was kind of just on the fence of not working and, and they were like, well, we’re trying to figure out what the problem is. And they put some more, uh, refrigerant coolant in it and it kind of worked.

[00:24:11] And then it went like completely out and it got really hot in our house and I’m like, well, on the one hand we do live in Hawaii. So it’s not like unbearably. It’s not like triple digits, but at the same time, it was still around 90 degrees outside, um, which is warm for Hawaii. And it was in the mid eighties inside the house when you’re trying to live and work there, it’s just kind of very uncomfortable.

[00:24:36] And so I was having this day where. I was really warm all day. And I was like, I’m gonna go get in the car, get some air conditioning. As I go pick up the kids from school and I get in the car and pull out and the tire in the car goes completely flat. And of course my husband was not deployed. So I, it wasn’t like, you know, he wasn’t around, but he wasn in meetings and he couldn’t get out to help me.

[00:25:01] And so I’m trying to figure out we don’t have a spare and what am I gonna do? And how am I gonna pick up the kids? And. Pull pull all these pieces together and, um, I didn’t come up with a solution. So I’m sitting there that night, still not knowing how I’m gonna get the tire repaired, not knowing when we’re gonna get our AC fixed and just sitting in that uncomfortable warmth and just being like, you know, No matter where you live, you can live in the place.

[00:25:31] That is the ideal location for some people, and you’re still gonna have challenges. You’re still gonna have everyday life that happens the blessings and the challenges and the things that you struggle with as a person you’re gonna struggle with no matter where you are and the things that I struggle with, I’m going to face no matter where I live.

[00:25:53] And so we have to figure out. How to thrive where we’re at today. And so that’s the first big takeaway that life is gonna be full of blessings and challenges, no matter where we live. You can live in your ideal location, you could live on the beautiful island of Bali or whatever the ideal location for you is, and you will still have challenges.

[00:26:19] The second thing is just a reminder to give ourselves lots and lots of grace. And going back to what I was talking about with this challenges is that, you know, six, seven months ago, I had these systems that were working for me. Building momentum. Things were working out really well. And then we went into this PCs season where I took step after step backwards and I didn’t have the time and the resources and the systems, and I didn’t have my stuff.

[00:26:47] And it has been challenging in so many ways. And. I realized how easy it is to mentally get discouraged because you feel like you’re moving backwards. But like I said, it’s not that you fell off the wagon. It’s a part of the journey. And to be able to look at military life, not. As, Hey, look at all the stuff that I lost and my life was so great before we moved or before my spouse deployed or before, whatever the thing is changed.

[00:27:25] And now I’m struggling and life is harder, but to be able to say, Give yourself grace and say, this is a part of the journey for me in this season. And that’s okay that it’s not this great progression, this I’m increasing, I’m growing. I’m I’m doing the more things. It’s more, it’s better that, that we think of.

[00:27:49] That is the only thing that can be good. It’s okay. If you feel like you’re in a difficult season and part of your journey feels like a step backwards, give yourself grace in that moment. And then the third thing is to remember that growth comes through the hard, through the challenge through the change.

[00:28:14] Will we choose to grow through the challenging circumstances that we. Will we choose to look for the learning points. Will we choose to step into our story, even when we’re not achieving the big goals when we’re not taking these big steps towards our dreams, when it’s just about the daily choices that we make and about our overall attitude and mindset.

[00:28:46] This is the true, real work, the challenge and the opportunity are you choosing to embrace the journey to choose the path of growth, or are you choosing to let your circumstances win the day to let life pass you by to blame your circumstances, to see yourself as a victim, to let frustration and bitter.

[00:29:15] Take root. We’re all going to face challenges, but it’s all in our mindset and how we see those challenges. Do we see it as an opportunity for growth or do we see it as something that is happening to us? What we think, what we think about deep down, it influences our actions, our beliefs, our attitudes, and our behavior, what we think.

[00:29:44] Leads to who we eventually become. So who are you becoming? So I think those are the takeaways for all of us this month. These things that they don’t tell you about military life. What you struggle with, won’t change based on where you live, or if you’re living in the right location, you have to choose time and time again to give your SC, to give yourself grace.

[00:30:14] Because the journey of living with purpose, isn’t a straight line from a to B it’s full of obstacles, challenges, and setbacks. And ultimately it comes down to the mindset that we. What we choose to think about and dwell on, and whether we choose to view obstacles as opportunities, whether we choose to see ourselves as victims of circumstances or a hero on a mission, what view are you choosing for yourself?

[00:30:48] So I told you so much of this comes back to mindset and I’ve been spending a lot of time reading and researching this concept this month. And just how important that our thoughts are. And I really think we need to spend time examining the thoughts and beliefs behind the choices that we make. If you are feeling stuck, frustrated.

[00:31:14] Unfulfilled spend some time with your thoughts what’s really going on. And what is contributing to those feeling? If, if you are feeling stuck this month, I am offering free 15 minute mindset audits to help you unpack some of those mindset blockers you might be facing and help you decide if you are ready to book an unstuck session or a package with me, because I want all of us to break free, get unstuck and show up as the amazing mill spouses that I know you.

[00:31:52] Now, like I said, this is a community and I’ve shared my thoughts on the month of August with you. And I would love some feedback. If you come join us in the Facebook community, let me know what your big takeaways were, what you loved, what helped you in this episode? Um, I went, can’t wait to get to know you a little bit better.

[00:32:13] I hope this episode has blessed you. I will see you again here next week on the show until then, may you. Filled fueled and full of joy.