\Welcome back to the last episode of 2021 for the MilSpouse mastermind show. I hope that you had an amazing Christmas and that you got to spend it with people that you care deeply about today. We are diving into my 2021 year in review when I was thinking about how the best way to close out this year.

I decided to just get real with you and share some of the challenges and struggles and things that I have learned in reflecting on this last year in hopes that it gives you a framework for you to begin thinking about your year, reflecting and assessing what you’ve walked through, how far you’ve come, what you have to be grateful for and how you can use what you’ve learned to have an even better 2022. So what do you say let’s dive into my 2021 year in review.

Okay, friends before we dive in. I just want to remind you if you are not already a part of the MilSpouse mastermind community, our free group on Facebook, I would love to have you join in our conversation where we can talk about what’s going on in our lives, how we’re learning and growing, how we can encourage and equip one another to be even better, to grow, to help us become who we are meant to be over this next year. 

So you can head over to milspousemastermind.com forward slash community to join that free group today. So we’re going to be talking all about over the next few weeks, how we can begin to set intentions for 2022, for how we want to grow, what we want to accomplish, and who [00:02:00] we want to become.

But before we can really start looking ahead, it’s important to take time and reflect on. How far we’ve come, how we’ve grown in the last year and, and what we can take away, what kind of lessons we can take with us into our next year. And so I thought the best way to close out this year was, is just to have a conversation with you about my 2021 and what I have learned over the last year.

Now for me, 2021 was really a year of personal growth. When I sat down to assess how far I’ve come, and what I’ve learned throughout this year it was not exactly the year that I wanted. I can say that about a lot of years. I had, well, if we go all the way back to 2020, I had all of these grand plans for what I was going [00:03:00] to accomplish, and what I was going to do, and what my 2020 was going to look like.

And I think most of us can probably say 2020 was not the year that we anticipated or wanted. And it was a challenging year for many of us. But coming out of 2020, I had, again, these ideas that 2021 was going to be my year of redemption. My year of just becoming who I want to be. To accomplish those things that never happened in 2020. To have the year that I had been wanting.

And that didn’t happen. So when I reflect back on 2021, what was it that really didn’t turn out the way I wanted. And, and really when I assess it, it comes down to this idea of. Change that [00:04:00]chooses us versus change that we choose. 

Usually change chooses me. Usually I have circumstances outside of my control and I am forced to respond to those uncomfortable situations, to those circumstances outside of my control.

When I think back seven or eight years, how I’ve lived in six different houses. We’ve moved a lot. I’ve had three babies and one miscarriage and, I don’t know, four or five different jobs. There’s been a lot of things outside of my control. It’s been change that has chosen me. 

And this year was a year where I chose the change. I put myself into uncomfortable situations and it brought all of these impurities and [00:05:00] limiting beliefs and, um, all of the areas of my life, all of my weaknesses seemed to rise to the surface. All of my coping mechanisms, my fears, my doubts, my limiting beliefs, all the areas where I still have so much growth and learning to do.

And it’s frustrating when you look and you can see all of your weaknesses and flaws on display. But it’s really choosing that growth mindset to say, if I am going to step into my story, into who I want to become, into who I know deep down I was created to be, then I have to walk into situations that are outside of my comfort zone. Areas where I am not yet competent so that I can grow into who I am becoming and who I am meant to be. 

It’s about [00:06:00] this growth journey and despite all of the evidence to the contrary, despite having read so many books about how we navigate difficult seasons, about the path of choosing courage over comfort. I still had this idea in my head that 2021 was going to be my year. That I was going to crush all my goals and really make progress on this journey because for the first time I’m not moving, I don’t have a baby. I have a year that I can make what I want it to. 

And yet I still struggled so much internally this year. So I want to kind of unpack why that happened and what I learned about myself. About growth and change and stepping out into the unknown so that we can pursue a deep, rich, [00:07:00] meaningful life.

So let’s talk about this idea of change that chooses us and change that we choose. I really like this phrasing and it comes from this book I read about a month or so ago, from Dave Hollis called built through courage. It centers on a lot of the same themes that I talk about in the MilSpouse purpose playbook, the idea that we’re all made with, and for a purpose. 

And that we need to understand, first, who we are, and have a vision for where we want to go. And then we establish the goals, habits, and routines that are going to get us there. But as we step out of the safe Harbor into the unknown, into this place of discomfort, into the unfamiliar, fear will be right there with us. 

Hollis writes, “Courage, then, is the single most important tool in [00:08:00] allowing us to move forward through this.”

Now, I’ve read a lot on the concept of growth and fear and how we let our fears and limiting beliefs hold us back. I’ve experienced this firsthand many times, and we’ve talked about this on this show. We had the episode on resistance, which I’ll link below in the show notes, where I talked about all of these things that hold us back and how we choose to keep going, despite our fears and resistance. 

But one of my favorite things about built through courage is this phrase that he uses to discuss change, change that chooses us and change that we choose. Now as military spouses, a lot of our life revolves around circumstances outside of our control. Change that chooses us. But for me, 2021 was different.

There was no [00:09:00] big change. There was no PCS, there were no babies. It was just lots of little changes. You know, friends that moved away and new grades for my kids. But it was a year that I chose change. And so it did not make it the easy year I wanted it to be. 

Now, before I had the podcast, I was blogging about my journey as a military spouse. And one of the blog posts that I wrote was about this concept of choosing courage over comfort. I’ll link the post below in the show notes. But really I was talking about how I realized how much I am still drawn to this idea of what’s comfortable, even though I know that I want to grow, that I want to live a meaningful life.

There is a large body of scientific research that [00:10:00] demonstrates that a truly fulfilling life requires us to move towards discomfort, change and uncertainty. It requires us to take risks, but that there is great reward in doing so. And in the post, I talked about how there is this hidden cost to choosing a life of comfort.

We are drawn to comfort. We like the idea of comfort, but there’s a hidden cost to it because you and I were meant to live a life of greater purpose, joy and impact. Something inside of us longs to contribute in some way to building a flourishing world. 

As Jessica Honegger writes, “There’s a whole world out there begging for us to use the opportunity we’ve been given to create opportunity for others so that all of us can flourish. So while comfort may beckon us, [00:11:00] choosing courage will always be the route to impact.”

So this year, it was the year that I chose courage over comfort. I chose that path of change. And let me tell you, it was a doozy I’m just going in, launching the podcast, create 18 episodes for you. Stepping into what I felt called to do.

Creating this brand that I feel so strongly is going to help so many military spouses thrive, but it isn’t easy. And so what I want to talk about today is some of the things that I have learned through the last year and the first one is that fear and self- doubt are fierce enemies. I know I’ve said it over and over again, but really. Fear and self-doubt resistance will rear their ugly heads when you choose to step outside your comfort [00:12:00] zone, when you step into the thing that you feel called to do. It was one thing to be aware of it, but knowing something and experiencing it firsthand, our. Dreaming a dream is different than living a dream, because you are going to deal with fear and self-doubt and resistance.

You will see your own flaws on display. Yes. There are some areas where things come easy to us where we are. Walking in our natural giftings, but there are also areas that stepping into that thing that we are called to do means we are stepping into circumstances, into doing things that we are not already competent in.

And this is where a growth mindset is so important because we have to understand that where we are today [00:13:00] is not where we’re going to be. It is possible for all of us to grow, to develop new skills, but we have to be okay with first knowing and not being gifted in a particular area. Of not already having that skill. And as a recovering perfectionist and Enneagram one that is so hard because I want to do this the right way. I want to show up and absolutely kill it. 

But that’s not how learning a new skill works. It takes time to develop a new skill. And I have to remind myself often that every expert was once a beginner. I can feel behind because I haven’t already developed a certain skillset, but I know that I have the potential to grow. And it starts when I show [00:14:00] up not being great at a particular thing and learning and growing through that process. 

And so I just want to normalize this idea that we have to start, and we don’t already have to have all of the skills that we need to do the thing that we feel called to do. We just have to know that this is our next step, that this is what we feel like we are supposed to step into, so that we can grow into who we want to be, into doing the things that we are called to do. 

I absolutely wanted to crush it this year. I wanted to experience all of the accolades and success. And even though I know those aren’t the metrics that matter, there was still a part of me that wants to compare myself to those around me and say, oh, I’m doing just as great or even better than other people are doing. But [00:15:00] that just didn’t happen. 

I know these things in my head. That the measure of success is not found in our accolades or in specific numbers. It’s in doing the thing that we feel called to do that. John Maxwell says, “Success is knowing your purpose in life, growing to reach your maximum potential and sowing seeds that benefit others.”

And so when I take that measure of success, my year was a success. But when I take the measure of how fast I grew in comparison to someone else’s podcast, then I find myself discouraged. So it’s really knowing these truths, but then continuing to remind myself of what truly matters and what I need to stay focused on.

So when you look back on your year and you [00:16:00] analyze all of the things that you did, how you grew and what you stepped into, I want you to remember this as well, that we cannot compare ourselves to someone else’s story. We don’t know all the details. We don’t know how much time and energy they devoted to their project.

We don’t know how far along.they already are on their growth journey. All we know is whether we are doing the thing that we are supposed to be doing right now. And if we are spending the intentional time that we have to pursue our purposes in life. We can’t get caught up in culture’s definition of success and achievement. Are we finding our purpose? Are we stepping into it? And are we taking steps towards discovering who we’re meant to be? 

So as you [00:17:00] think about your year, I just want you to reflect on what you have to be thankful for this year, all of the ways that you have grown and what you’ve learned through the process.

So let me really quickly share with you five things that have been really apparent to me as I’ve done my own reflections. The first one, which we’ve already kind of talked about is that living the dream is different than dreaming the dream. It’s one thing to know that resistance will rear its ugly head.

It’s one thing to know that you’re going to face even more fear. And self-doubt when you step into the unknown, when you do the things that are on. It’s another thing to experience it and to combat it on a regular basis. The second thing is that this is why [00:18:00] staying connected to our why is so important.

If we don’t understand why we’re doing something, if we don’t have that reason that we continue to show up, when the going gets hard, then we’re going to quit. And so it takes that continual reminder. What am I doing? Why does this matter? And why am I showing up again? And again? It’s about pursuing the purpose, the dreams in your heart.

What was put there for you to do? There is something unique that you have that no one else can offer. And it’s so important to live into that story, to step into your calling, even when it doesn’t make sense, even when we don’t see the results, we have to stay connected to our why. 

The third thing that really was, really apparent to me this year was the [00:19:00] importance of starting with rest. We’ve talked before, and I’ll link that episode below in the show notes as well, about the importance of rest. When you download the growth wheel, you see that we start from this place of rest. And this really came out of rest being my word of the year, this year, and really for the first time, prioritizing rest in my weekly schedule. 

So many times I’ve talked about how rest is important, but it’s the first thing to go and the last thing that gets added back in. But I think I’ve started to fully grasp this year. If I do not have time for rest, time for reflection, time for the things that fuel and fill me with life, I cannot show up and be the person that I am called to be. Rest is non-negotiable.

So, if you have been putting rest on the back burner, [00:20:00] start from the place of rest, add it in to your weekly schedule so that you can show up for yourself so that you can show up for the people that you care about. And so that you can show up and do the things that you were meant to do. The fourth thing is input before output.

And this continues this idea of rest and of the growth wheel, where we talk about, if we are not caring for ourselves, for our physical health, our mental and emotional health and our spiritual health, then we have nothing to offer others. We need healthy inputs so that we can have healthy outputs. 

And the last thing that really has been apparent to me this year is that we are better together. We need people who will speak life into us as we pursue our journey. Trying to go it alone just makes us feel more discouraged and defeated. We need voices that can combat [00:21:00] those voices of the enemy, those voices of fear and doubt and resistance, speaking into us saying, you’re not enough or you’re too much, or you can’t do this right. Yeah. Who do you think you are? We need those voices of truth speaking into our hearts. We are better together. 

So I’ll recap really quickly as we wrap this up, what I’ve learned, and then I would love for you to just take a few minutes to reflect on your year and think about how you’ve grown, what you’ve learned and what lessons you can take with you in to 2020.

So number one, living a dream is different from dreaming a dream. You will face, fear and doubt and resistance, and it will be difficult. It won’t be easy. Number two, it is vital to stay connected [00:22:00]to our why. To remind ourselves of why we’re doing what we’re doing, of why we’re stepping outside of our comfort zone and becoming who we’re created to be. Number three, it’s so important to start from a place of rest and to prioritize rest in our weekly schedule. Number four, we have to have healthy inputs so that we can have healthy outputs. And number five, we are better together. 

Now I know when I talk about the challenge of pursuing a dream of stepping into this place of discomfort, of choosing courage over comfort, of choosing change, when change doesn’t choose us, I know it’s hard to think about. And sometimes it makes us want to stay where we are, because we know it’s easier. But I want to tell you that it [00:23:00] is worth it. The battles that I fought, the challenges that I have I faced this year have made me stronger, have helped me grow, and are leading me closer to my purpose and to who I’m meant to be.

So wherever you find yourself today, whether you are feeling comfortable and you’re not wanting to step outside to do the thing that’s been on your heart. If that’s you, then know that there is a hidden cost to comfort. That you will never experience the true deep and meaningful and fulfilling life if you stay where you are today. If there is something on your heart, it was put there for a reason. Each of us have a purpose and you are called to start stepping into yours today.

 And if you are feeling discouraged from the way that your life looks, that you’re not feeling the success or [00:24:00] achievement or accolades, because you’re in the messy middle, where it’s hard. I understand. I know what it’s like to be in that place of messy middle, to not be where you want to be. And to know that you’re on a long journey. I just want to say that I see you and I understand that it isn’t easy, but you are doing a great job. You are right where you need to be. Just keep your eyes fixed on the journey ahead.

Keep going, keep leaning into knowing and growing and ask God for help. Make time for rest, do the things that will fuel your soul, so that you keep going. So that you make this a sustainable journey. So that you become who it is that you were created to be and do the things that you are called to do and make 2021 your best year yet.

I hope [00:25:00] that the things that we have talked about together on this show this year has been meaningful to you. If any episode this year has impacted you in some way, I would absolutely love it if you would just go hop onto iTunes and leave us a quick rating and review. Just give us one sentence of how this podcast has been meaningful in your life , and then share this podcast with a friend.

I hope you have a great end to 2021, and that you step into 2022, feeling filled, fueled, and full of joy. I’ll see you next year.