[00:00:00] Christine: Why does life have to be so hard? This was the question that led Dr. Janelle McCulley on a quest to better understand how she could go from overwhelmed and burn out and simply surviving to actually thriving, and how she could help other active-duty service members and military spouses do the. If you have questioned how to actually thrive as a military spouse, if you have wondered if there is a better way to live, then you are going to want to listen to this episode.

[00:00:39] Because we are talking all about mindfulness. This is a term that gets thrown around a lot, but so many of us don’t even know what the term means, why it actually matters, and how we can apply it to. Our lives today. So we’re going to break down what mindfulness is, why this is the foundational mindset skill to learn and how to do it in an easy way that works for your busy life.

[00:01:10] You do not want to miss this conversation, so let’s go ahead and dive into the.

[00:02:08] Friends. Have you gone and watched the Identity Workshop yet? I announced last week on the podcast that it is now a. For download and if you have felt a little bit lost in your life, this training is for you. If you’ve lost touch with a version of yourself that you loved, maybe you’re not sure what you bring to the table anymore.

[00:02:33] Maybe you feel like you don’t know who you are outside of being a military spouse and or a parent. Right now, this free workshop is going to give you five tactical things you can do to get in touch with yourself again so that you can start doing things that actually light you up so that you can begin showing.

[00:02:57] As the version of yourself that you want to be so that you can start reclaiming your life and your story. You are more than a milspouse. That free workshop is available for download just by going to milspouse mastermind.com/workshop. I know so many military spouses struggle with this concept of who am I anymore?

[00:03:23] I’ve said goodbye to. Family, I’ve said goodbye to my career. I’ve done all of these things to support everyone around me, and I don’t know who I am anymore. Go watch the training if you haven’t already, and then go share it with a friend. You can have a discussion about what you are learning, how you are implementing what we talk about in the training, or you can come join us inside our free Facebook community for military spouses that is available if you are not already a part of it by going to milspouse mastermind.com/community.

[00:04:00] You can just answer the questions there. Let us know that you are a military spouse. We will get you added to the group. Then I would love for you to come share with us what you are learning. Introduce yourself and let’s all support one another. Too many people just spend their life just existing instead of fully living.

[00:04:22] And that’s what this training will help you to do, and that is what we are going to talk about on today’s episode. If you have ever heard this term mindfulness, but you’re not sure exactly what it is, if it’s a little woo. What is this term that people are throwing around? How do you actually apply it to your life?

[00:04:42] Why is this a big deal? What can it do for you? That is what we are diving into today. I am so excited to share this conversation with you. I sit down with Dr. Jenelle McCulley. She is at Air Force Veteran. And former military spouse, a TEDx speaker, and a mother of two who is on a mission to help leaders, organizations, and will all of us excel in high stress and rugged environments.

[00:05:10] Hello. Does this sound familiar to anyone showing us how to lean into each moment? You’re gonna get a lot as she shares her story and how she. From burnt out and overwhelmed to really making this her mission. So without further ado, here’s my conversation with Dr. Janelle McCulley. Well, I’m so excited to introduce Dr.

[00:05:36] Janelle McCulley. Welcome to the MilSpouse Mastermind Show. Now, I’ve already kind of introduced you to my community, but I would love for you to just introduce yourself. Tell us a little bit about your background and what led you to what you do.

[00:05:51] Dr. MacAulay: Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me. I’m excited to have this conversation.

[00:05:55] So I grew up in Southern California in a family of public servants. My dad was a police officer. My mom was a nurse. I had two grandfathers in the Marine Corps, and my uncle was a helicopter pilot in the Marine Corps. He happened to fly. President Reagan and Marine One. So I have always been around aviation and people who served their country in a, in different capacity.

[00:06:18] So I had a calling to public service, which led me to the Air Force Academy. And then becoming a pilot in the Air Force. I also spent most of my military time as a military. My husband was a fellow 1998 grad with me, so I kind of have always had that, you know, dual life of being the support and the military spouse.

[00:06:44] And then also the one who is out there commanding, leading, flying, the line, deploying. And then we have two children. Right now they’re 10 and 15. But I have been retired for four years now, so I spent most of the second half of my military career as a, you know, mother of two young children trying to manage the chaos of the military life and separations.

[00:07:07] You know, my husband and I did spend probably, I think we calculated. About six of our 20 years not living in the same place. And you know, the challenges that were associated with that. But now on the other side of it, I have retired. I don’t fly airplanes anymore. I just use the PhD the military gave me as well while I was there.

[00:07:28] And I think this’ll resonate with a lot of your listeners. I studied why does life have to be so hard? Honestly, my dissertation topic was how can. Thrive through adversity as human beings. That’s really what I wanted to figure out for myself. It was very selfish from the beginning. I was like, I need an answer to this question and the Air Force is giving me time and money to think through a big problem, and that’s the one I wanna solve.

[00:07:56] And I realized once I figured it out for myself, there were so many other people in need of similar. Solutions. So now I’ve built a second career in helping others manage their stress, optimize their performance, and find joy in the hard things they do.

[00:08:14] Christine: Well, that’s exactly what we talk about on this show because, you know, my, my own experience of at being a military spouse and giving up my career to follow my husband around and, and saying, Okay, this is not the life that I wanted and how do I thrive?

[00:08:30] And the more that I was looking into this, the more I was like, Okay, so many other military spouses are struggling with this. Same question, so you know, Awesome. That you were able to get paid to go study this question. So talk about, before we kind of get into that, just your career as an active duty person.

[00:08:51] Like what were some of the biggest struggles that you faced and, and what were you really looking for? An answer.

[00:08:59] Dr. MacAulay: There were a few major struggles I had. You know, there’s probably one space where just being a female in a male dominated career field was a struggle. You know, I was the only female in my pilot training class.

[00:09:14] I think looking back at most of the flying units I was in, especially even culminating, you know, almost 16 years later, I was the only female. In my entire wing command team, and that was, you know, the wing commander, group commanders, squadron commanders, chiefs. Like there were no other females at the time.

[00:09:33] So I’ve kind of been that lone woman in a lot of spaces in my life. But what I have really found to be, you know, super helpful in my journey in that space was to not be the kind of woman that felt like other women took away my uniqueness. Because I, I’ve noticed that in a. Women in the military or women in, I think career fields where you are one of only, you get this specialness kind of assigned to you and when another woman comes to the table, it’s almost like a threat.

[00:10:03] And I’ve just never seen it that way. I’ve had other women treat me that way, and I remember thinking, we’re better together, right? Like we are way better if we work together instead of work against each other. So I’ve always tried to build more women into my teams to collaborate with them, to the. Bring them to the table with me because I realize the struggles we have.

[00:10:24] And then that’s also in the military spouse space. I started a non-profit about 10 years ago called Healthy Body, Healthy Life, and it started with this. Need and gap I saw in the military spouse space because I felt like there were a lot of ways that we could all wallow in our misery, Like have a glass of wine and just say, This life sucks.

[00:10:47] But there weren’t very many ways that we could come together in a positive way to like help and support each other as women. And so the whole idea of our nonprofit was, Create this space for us to do healthy things together. You know, we did yoga classes and, you know, shared healthy recipes and, you know, shared healthcare or, or sorry, childcare.

[00:11:09] So that we can enable each other to do these types of things that would make us more healthy and get the right mindset to say, Why am I focusing on the negative when there’s all this other positive that I could shift my mindset toward? So that’s probably one space that was a c. Kind of being the sole female and just working in that space of like women and how do we support each other, not break each other down.

[00:11:30] And then the second challenge I would say is managing like dual careers with children and trying to find what I call harmony. In your life. I used to try to find balance, and I’ve realized that that’s an unrealistic expectation, that I constantly was angry at myself over because I was never going to find balance.

[00:11:53] So I was constantly disappointing myself. But as soon as I let go of that idea and just said, How do I integrate my work in my life in a way that. Is harmonious with the type of person I wanna be. And so that really was so freeing once I got rid of the word balance from my vocabulary and just shifted my mindset toward this idea.

[00:12:14] Of harmony and I’ll just sum that up with my Ted talk if it’s, if anyone it’s 12 minutes if everyone wants to watch it. I kind of allude to this idea that I’ve started to live my life by these four L’s. I now have five L’s cuz I added one. But it’s really about labor, laugh, love, learn and lead.

[00:12:36] And what I mean by those L’S is that I do each one of those L’s every. Like I lead myself or others, I labor, meaning I work hard at something. I learn, meaning I’m constantly growing and failing and making mistakes. I love, meaning I open up my eyes and I see the love in front of me, and. I learn, Oh, what, what was my, like laugh.

[00:13:00] I laugh. See, I’m even laughing. Yeah. Think, laugh. I have to laugh. So I make sure I see the joy and the laughter and the things that I do. So I focus on those Ls. Not that I balance them in equal parts, but just every day I do each one of ’em. And that to me has been life changing for how I see the world around me, how I integrate my work and my home.

[00:13:22] And has really helped me be more present in the things that I do.

[00:13:27] Christine: So talk to us about how you got started on this journey to mindset and thriving and, and really what opened your eyes to that and how did you start to pursue that?

[00:13:40] Dr. MacAulay: Well, it all started, gosh, like 15 years ago when I was burn out , and I remember I had just gotten to AC s c, Air Command and Staff College at Montgomery and Alabama, and I remember sitting there thinking, I’m gonna take this course, and then I just signed on for three more years of the Air Force and.

[00:14:03] I was so exhausted mentally, emotionally, physically. But what I noticed is that as I was looking around at my peers, everyone else was too, right? Like this was not unique to me. And I think most of us just sat with the fact that we’re like mid thirties. We’ve been doing a lot of hard things where we’ve been in this constant global war on terror with no end, end game or end sight.

[00:14:29] This is just life, right? You’re fatigued, you’re a parent, and you work hard and you’re a leader. And that’s just what life is about. And I just didn’t, that didn’t sit well with me. I was like, this cannot be the answer to how performance and thriving is supposed to be lockstep together. So I, that’s where I started like researching and really diving into the concepts as well as starting my own journey.

[00:14:52] Like that’s where I started yoga. And I really found that like my time on the yoga mat was just me and my mat. There was no judgment, there were no expectations. There was nobody else needing anything from me at that moment. And I used to treat that as a luxury in my life. Like, Oh, it’d be so great if I got.

[00:15:13] To do yoga for an hour and instead flipped the narrative in my head and said, This is a necessity so that I can be better in all other aspects of my life. And so that’s really where that, that journey started. And when I noticed it was not unique to me, that’s when I started studying the concepts for the active duty military to help us in these deployed environments and the work we do.

[00:15:36] And that’s also when I started the non-profit because I. Military spouses need this as well, and they’re not getting, like I was creating programs for the active duty military, and then I’m like, But that’s not fair because it’s half the time it’s the spouse that needs these things too. Or the other thing I realized, If I helped spouses learn how to eat healthier, like not stress as much, that also influenced their active duty member.

[00:16:02] Absolutely. Right. Like once I started, right? Like when she, Hey, here’s some recipes for Yummy green Smoothies, and have you ever heard of like Meatless Monday? And when I was teaching the spouses this, then I’d noticed the guys I was working with, they’re like, Hey, we’re doing this thing called Meatless Monday.

[00:16:17] Anyone heard of it? ? Or, My wife has me on these like green smoothies. Like, I don’t know, I’m, I’m giving it a try, but I’m not sure. Right. And so the conversations would change. Well,

[00:16:28] Christine: and I love how you just started flipping the script and saying, Okay, this is not just a nice to have. Because so often we put ourselves on the back burner and we say, Okay, if everything else is taken care, Then I will do the thing for myself, but really making those practices that really allow us to show up and lead from a healthy place.

[00:16:49] Putting that. As the priority so that we can show up for our spouse, our kids, for everybody in our lives, and just how valuable that is. So talk about starting the nonprofit. How did you get that started? Well,

[00:17:05] Dr. MacAulay: it was an, an inspiration from the spouse group I had. When I first started, I was a student, so I was like, Okay, I’m gonna teach like a 6:00 AM yoga class on.

[00:17:15] You know I got certified in yoga cuz I found it so powerful in my own life and I just wanna share it. I wanted to do teach for yoga classes and I remember my husband saying, Who’s gonna come to a yoga class at six o’clock in the morning when everybody has like, busy stuff to do and all this stuff.

[00:17:31] And I’m like, I don’t know. Even if I get like two people, I’m just gonna do it because I, I need it. For me. There were like 40 people that were coming to my yoga class. I even had to do Tuesdays and Thursday mornings, and then it kept building like more and more people wanted to come. So then we started doing like Wednesday morning workout.

[00:17:48] And I started getting other military spouses trained to do what I was doing. Cuz I was like, I can’t teach like a nine o’clock class. Right? But, you know, one of the military spouses I work with can. And so we just, it started this movement and I really realized how many people needed this And one of the spouses came to me and said, Hey, have you ever thought about starting a nonprofit and really creating a movement around this concept and this idea.

[00:18:13] So the, it. The team that really inspired me to take a chance and build it. And so we ran it for a good like six years. We had to the, this is just sidebar, like I don’t mean to sound negative cuz I really try not to be a negative person, but running a nonprofit when you’re an active duty member and inside the military is very challenging.

[00:18:34] Like there’s so many rules and it got to be very difficult to keep it moving forward while I was still in uniform and also, Providing an a non-profit service for the active duty military was also challenging. So we, I now work on the board of Team Red, White, and Blue, which is a veteran like a phy physical and mental fitness focused veterans organization.

[00:19:01] And so I’ve kind of like channeled my non-profit work into their

[00:19:05] Christine: mission. So at what point did you go down the path of getting that doctorate and, and what led to that point?

[00:19:15] Dr. MacAulay: So that’s also a really interesting story. My PhD is in strategy, and when you think about strategy, there is. Especially military strategy, right?

[00:19:27] The military is paying for my PhD. So you can look about, look at the idea of like how do you develop a force to do a certain difficult mission. You can also look at strategy as how do you employ tactics and. Like weapons systems and stuff to execute the mission objectives. And I wanted to even like kind of step back across both of those and say, well, the person behind, you know, how we develop our force and how we develop our strategies and employment of force, like it’s the human being.

[00:20:03] And I didn’t think there was a lot of research on are we creating the right types of human beings in the military? And are we creating the right types of human beings that can execute the military mission and then still be good stewards in society? Right? We ask people to do very hard things and so are we properly equipping them for both those roles?

[00:20:22] Cause I didn’t think we were. And so that’s where I started diving into the research and I was a little bit of a unicorn in that most of my other peers and my professors were like, What the heck is she doing? And what is she studying? Like they didn’t get it. Especially when my aha moment came around, this idea that as human beings, we can train three things to be our best.

[00:20:46] We can train our bodies, we can train our craft or our jobs, you know, specific specialties and we can train our mind. And it was this moment where I sat back and thought, I’ve been in the military for 13 years. I know how to train my body. I know how to train my craft. No one has ever talked about training my.

[00:21:05] Like, how do I prepare my mind for these challenging circumstances? The only way we do it in the military is by repetitively doing hard things. I mean, I would say military spouses build mental strength by repetitively doing hard things as well. But I’m talking about a deliberate focused and intentional way of training my brain for challenge.

[00:21:26] And that was something that I noticed. We had this huge gap but I became kind of, Crazy lady talking about mental pushups, , when this was like 15 years ago when, you know, meditation was for people who like to hug trees, not for military operators. So like, it’s been a, a battle to change the narrative and get military folks to understand the value in slowing down the value in deliberately training our minds and the value in doing the mental push.

[00:21:58] Christine: I love that because, you know, we’ve seen in just the last couple of years really everybody talking about mindfulness, but the fact that you were studying this, you know, 10, 15 years ago before this was something that was commonly talked about, that’s, that’s pretty incredible. So for somebody who’s listening and really has no idea of what we mean by training the mind, can you just kind of give a brief overview of what, what we mean?

[00:22:27] Dr. MacAulay: Yeah. So the foundational skill I want to really impart on your listeners is mindfulness. There’s a lot of different ways to train your mind. In fact the course I teach has 16 principles of mindset. We train, right? You can train confidence, you can train grit, you can train optimism, and control and trust and recovery.

[00:22:46] But the core skill set really is mindfulness. Because what mindfulness provides us is, A blank slate. , right? Instead of having this voice in our head that says things like, Well, as soon as I’m done with this degree I’m working on, I will finally take care of myself. Or as soon as I’m done with this big project or this, I, I get it all the time from leaders.

[00:23:11] When I’m done with this command position, I will finally pay attention to my family. Right? I’m sure lots of military spouses out there are like, Oh, yeah, I’ve heard that one before. Right? Soon as I’m done with this job, as soon as I’m like, like the spouse

[00:23:23] Christine: is gonna, Well, it’s the same. It’s the same way on the military spouse side.

[00:23:26] You know, when we get to that next duty station, when my spouse finally gets out, then I can live the life that I. Yes,

[00:23:34] Dr. MacAulay: absolutely. And so you’re always like thinking in this way of dialogue inside your head where you make deals with yourself, and then what happens is like you hit the milestone and then there’s always another one right behind it.

[00:23:46] So then you say, Well, as soon as this next one, and it’s a never ending cycle. And in the meantime, I call it your mind wandering, right? You end up mind wandering through all the best parts of your life because you’re constantly looking for this end state where you can finally do the things you wanna do instead of just taking charge of it now.

[00:24:05] And that’s a, that’s a huge struggle for people. So if you are inside your head like that, no matter if I teach you how to build confidence or how to be more optimistic, or how to, you know, focus on the important things, it’s gonna get caught up in the noise. So that’s why mindfulness is the first skill I always teach, and what I think is the most important skill because mindfulness helps you.

[00:24:31] Quiet your mind because it allows you the awareness to disconnect from thoughts. Now people just say, Well, mindfulness is just breathing. Now, that’s level one, right? Mindfulness anchors on our breath. But you could literally focus all your attention cuz it’s, it’s really mindfulness is attention system training, right?

[00:24:51] And if you think of your attention system like a flashlight, it can be laser focused at whatever is in front of you. It can also be laser focused internally at your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. So what mindfulness does is it trains your attention system to focus more outward, to be on what I saw, say as the play button of your mind instead of fast forward and rewind all the time.

[00:25:15] So we’re training our attention system with mindfulness to be in the moment and to stop paying attention to all the thoughts that are in your head. We use our breath to to train mindfulness because your breath literally happens moment by moment, right? So it brings you to the moment, but you could just as easily focus all your attention on like your right.

[00:25:38] Big to. And all the sensations of your right big toe, everything that your right big toe is feeling, sensing, providing to you. Like do you feel your sock? Do you feel your shoe? Do you feel the ground? Do you feel it tight? Do you feel it loose? Like focusing like that is also being very mindful and present, but our breath makes it, you know, a little easier for something to kind of anchor on.

[00:26:01] So that’s just phase one, right? Is connecting with your breath. And then phase two of mindfulness is really disconnecting from. And the more you pay attention to the breath, the less you’re paying attention to the thoughts. And so we call it mindfulness training because it’s something that you can build and work on, right?

[00:26:19] And eventually train to live more of your attention system. Keeping it on that play button. And like the idea is that you’re training and building that awareness for when you start chasing. Because half the time it’s like you read a page in a book and you get to the bottom and you think, I don’t even remember what I read.

[00:26:38] And it’s because you have an unintentional. Use of your brain going into mental time travel, right? Like, I’m not asking myself to go inside my mind, but my brain does it anyway, and then I do it without awareness to the point where I was trying to breathe, I was trying to drive my car, and then I don’t even remember how I got to my destination.

[00:26:55] So what ultimately mindfulness does is it trains and builds awareness so that you catch yourself when you’re not in the moment a lot quicker, and then you can use different skill. To keep yourself in the moment. And so once you learn how to do that, you start or you stop letting the thoughts drive your emotions and behaviors.

[00:27:17] And instead you get what I call, you start commanding your thoughts, right? It’s getting command of your mindset instead of allowing your mind to command you. And then that’s been, I think for most people, when they learn that skill, skill, it is transformational in their. You realize how many times, you know you have built up a catastrophe in your head.

[00:27:42] That never really happens, but it’s gonna feel very real. It’s gonna sour your mood, it’s gonna change your tra daily trajectory. It’s gonna affect your relationships, It’s going to ruin communication, and, and you’re not even aware that that’s what’s happen. Yes.

[00:27:59] Christine: So we talked about focusing on the breath, but what basic advice would you give to people who are like, Okay, I realize that I am getting stuck in these negative thoughts and I don’t know what to do to break free.

[00:28:14] Like, how do, how at a very basic level do you recommend getting started?

[00:28:19] Dr. MacAulay: Okay, I’m gonna teach you the technique of doing mental pushups for one minute. Ideally the science and research really describes 10 minutes to be about the, the right spot to do so. You wanna do 10 minutes a day, and really where 10 minutes comes from is if I charted.

[00:28:38] What’s an effective dose of how many minutes of mindfulness you need to do a day compared to what people will actually do? , right? It’s gonna hit right around 10 minutes, so that’s gonna be the most effective. So you can do that two ways. You can do 10 minutes all in one sitting. Or my personal favorite technique is to do the mindful minute.

[00:28:57] So I’ll do ten one minute sessions throughout my day. And for me, I tend to be a highly anxious person. I don’t know if we have any of those on listening today, but like if I did 10 minutes in the morning by about two o’clock, I’m like, I’m out. I’m out. Like I am losing it again. Like I’m right about the time when I’m picking up my kids from school and like the littlest thing is gonna set me off.

[00:29:17] Yeah. To what I found. Right. You’re like, I can relate . Yeah. So what I’ve found is if I do like a couple minutes in the morning and then I just do these mindful minutes, like. Literally before I pick up my kids, I do a mindful minute. The commute back home from picking up my kids can sometimes be cra, you know, kind of chaotic and crazy.

[00:29:35] So I pull into the garage, I let them go inside and I do a mindful minute in the car before I go inside. I have found that that then helps me stay out of my thoughts and in, you know, keep more in the moment. So the way you would do a mindful minute, Is we were, we’re gonna focus on a particular sensation of our breath for an entire minute.

[00:29:53] That might seem like a long time, but it’s something that’s really doable. We can do this while we’re waiting in line, while we’re you know, sitting at a red light. It’s just about like what you’re doing with your mind and your breath. So we are going to do or pick one particular sensation of the breathing mechanism.

[00:30:12] So I suggest maybe focusing on the way the air goes in and out of your nostrils or the rise or fall of your belly or chest, but you’re gonna focus intently on that sensation for the entire minute. In the span of the minute, your mind will start to wander, right? Like a thought will pop into your head.

[00:30:28] And that attention system, right? Remember, it’s like a flashlight will start to chase. So the idea is first step is awareness that you have a thought popping into your head. The second step is letting go of the thought, whatever it is, good, bad, and different. Like you just let it go for right now, and then you redirect your focus back, right?

[00:30:47] The attention system, back to the breath, which is back to the moment. And every time you lose focus, become aware of it and refocus back. You’re doing a mental pushup. You’re basically training your attention system to release a. And redirect and refocus. Back to your breath. And so the more we do this, the more we’re going to train the attention system to live in the moment.

[00:31:11] So do you wanna try a mindful minute together? Yeah, let’s do it. Let’s do it. Okay. If anyone’s driving a car, I would suggest like, not closing your eyes when you do this exercise. If you happen to be listening to it while you’re doing something active, cuz you can use, you know, keep your eyes open or closed completely or choice.

[00:31:25] But we’ll set up kind of like in a upright position. This is not like, Oh, I’m meditating and breathing and I’m just gonna lay down and relax. No, we are actively doing mental pushups and training our brains, so we’ll sit up straight. It helps if you keep your arms in a symmetrical position, so maybe like hands clasped or palms up.

[00:31:42] Or palms down. And what we’re gonna do is we’re gonna take a nice deep inhale and then exhale, kind of feel like you’re relaxing through your shoulders, but lifting through your head. And we’re gonna do this for one minute. Ready and begin.

[00:32:57] And stop. All right, so that was our mindful minute. Sometimes I ask, you know, how many mental pushups did you do? Sometimes people are like, Oh my gosh, my mind was all over the place. I suck at mindful minutes, and that should not be the talking point. The talking point should be like, Oh my gosh, my, no, my head is very noisy.

[00:33:16] I should practice this more to see if I could get it to quiet down. And you know, for some people it may be uncomfortable to sit for a minute in silence. Other people might be just grateful for like the opportunity to pause. I know that I lived a life of go, go, go for so long That pausing was uncomfortable for me.

[00:33:34] But once I just forced myself to like continuously practice it, I started to see like the other side of the value in it. You know, slowing down really is. A purposeful way to actually accelerate your professional success and not finding burnout and struggle inside of.

[00:33:55] Christine: Well, and what I love about this is sometimes when we think, Oh, I have to have like 10, 15 minutes to devote to the thing, and you’re like, I can’t figure out how to carve out that much time in the chaos of the day, but really being able to break this into, okay, we all can find one minute, You know, it’s, it’s like.

[00:34:15] Just breaking it down to something that is absolutely doable. It’s a part of your day rather than something that it’s kind of like working out, you know, like, Well, I didn’t have 30, 45 minutes today, so I didn’t get my workout in, but breaking it down to what’s absolutely doable. No matter how crazy life feels.

[00:34:34] Dr. MacAulay: Absolutely. That’s, and that’s the key, like if you can just start small and find these manageable spaces. You know, one tip I’ll give, I think, I’m guessing a lot of your listeners might be parents. One moment in my life that used to be. Really crazy was like the morning commute, right? It’s like you wake up and normally you check your phone and something gets you frustrated and then you maybe have a teenager doesn’t wanna wake up and so you’re already yelling and it’s like six o’clock in the morning.

[00:35:00] And I was like, Why am I already anxious? And a lot of it was because I was going to my phone first instead of like just doing some mindful minutes before I engaged with my family in the mornings. And then, you know, like, Son. My son can’t find his shoes and my daughter can’t find her homework. And then we’re getting in the car and I hit every red light right on the way to school.

[00:35:20] And then I was like pulling up to the school saying, Get outta the car, right? Like stop pick Jess, get out. And then I’d be like, But have a good day, right? Love you, . And I’m like, Ah, this is not how they need to be starting school. I would be then going into work already 10 tense and anxious and it’s seven 30 in the morning.

[00:35:37] So what we started as a family, we call it a mindset. And we found a trigger point in our commute. So there’s this blue house right before we pull up to the school and it’s almost like the first in the car to say mindset reset, right? When we see the blue house. And it doesn’t matter if we were running late, if we got, the kids were bickering, if I was anxious, like whatever it was, it’s an opportunity to like kind of like restart the day.

[00:36:01] And so we always take two deep breaths in that mindset reset. If we have enough time, like we’re not running late to school, we’ll do like a mindful minute. But it also, it helps me. Stay more calm in the morning. It helps me like let go of like any tension for that commute. And then it also, I, it ensures that my children walk into school like with a better, like in a better head space for themselves.

[00:36:25] And I’m also training them and, and teaching them positive examples to how to use our breath and train our minds to just be more in the. So

[00:36:38] Christine: hopefully I love that so much because you’re making it not just something that you’re doing but teaching your kids to do and, and the more that they learn these skills early, the better they are set up for the rest of their life.

[00:36:51] Things that we didn’t necessarily have growing up. Like I didn’t understand any of this stuff as a kid, and I think. If I’d had these tools as a kid and as a teenager, like how much better that sets us up for life and for the future. Can you talk for just a minute just about being on the other side, living in this place where you are able to experience life in the present moment, and what are some of the biggest blessings and benefits of making this part of a normal practice?

[00:37:25] Dr. MacAulay: You know, I look back at pictures of myself with my kids, you know, when I was younger and like there’s one in particular where I wish I could go back. I was a major and my daughter was two at the time. She was my first child and. I had just gotten back from my deployment. I’m holding her and hugging her and like I just wanna go back and tell myself, like, to stop wishing your life away.

[00:37:54] Right? Like, I spent a lot of time in those years just so in the grind and in the hustle, and I could only, I lived my life literally stressful moment to stressful moment that I missed. Like the joy and I miss the opportunities for love and laughter and just connecting, you know, with my family. And I wish I could go back and tell her like, everything’s gonna be okay.

[00:38:21] Right? Like, all these things that I would spend so much time at, like, what is our next assignment? What you know is my next job, What is my plan? Where, what am I doing with my life? Where, where am I gonna be in the future? If I. Like took all the time I spent inside my head and like what a gift that would’ve been to have spent outside my head right?

[00:38:42] With the people that were most important to me. And one moment I remember my son, you know, cuz I was still trying to perfect this. And you know, the coming years having a second child child. I remember when it really hit me hard was when I was giving him his bath, which I think most parents have like a monotonous, it’s like a monotonous routine that we have a love hate relationship with, right?

[00:39:03] It’s like, you must do this, but like, I do love my kid and I wanna spend this time together, but like, I, I was in that moment with him thinking, you know, I’m busy, mom. I’m a busy commander. I’m doing all these things, but I’m gonna be there for bath time with him and one mo one night I’m giving him his bath.

[00:39:21] He told, He just paused and he stops me, puts his tiny little hands on my cheeks and he said, Mommy, why are you so sad? I love you so much, Mommy. And it was right then and there, I realized like my physical presence isn’t enough, right? Like I was physically there and mentally checked out, and I was actually miserable inside my head in those moments.

[00:39:41] Like he could see that, right? He was like, Why are you so sad? And I didn’t want my kids to just think that I was always so sad because I was always inside my head thinking about my worries and stressors. So that was like a real big wake up moment where I was like, No, I really need to fix this. This needs to, I need to get to the other side of it.

[00:39:58] And once I did, It’s just, it’s like freedom, , freedom to actually have more control over my emotions, my thoughts, my behaviors, like, and I just have more quality thoughts now. Not to say that the, the, the ones that are not productive don’t still sneak inside my head. Like they’re, I’m a human being, right? So that’s the other thing, like everybody who’s like, I could never get to the other side of like my, my.

[00:40:28] My self doubt and my inner critic, right? I still have one. Her voice just isn’t as strong anymore, right? Like I, I know how to be like, Thanks. Noted next instead of dwelling on it, if that makes sense.

[00:40:44] Christine: No, I think that’s so good because it’s so easy to miss those moments and our kids pick up on so much, you know, like my kids can know if I’m having a great day and that rubs off on them, and if I am having a really bad day, that rubs off on them as well.

[00:41:01] So they, they really are good mirrors for us. But I mean, I think that’s just something that, so. Military spouses struggle with, and I think this is going to be a huge encouragement about, you know, how this is doable and what is possible if you take these small steps of action. I know we are running short on time, but I would love for you to just to talk for a couple minutes as we wrap up just about that decision.

[00:41:34] Leave active duty to go start your own business life as an entrepreneur. Talk about what led you down that road and what that’s been like. Yeah.

[00:41:45] Dr. MacAulay: I will say when, you know, your time has come to separate from the military, whether that’s, you know, just separating earlier, retiring, I feel like you really will know, but I, I, I.

[00:42:00] I love the Air Force. I still obviously care greatly about the people inside the Air Force, which is why a lot of the work I do is still in the military. I will always feel like it’s my tribe that I wanna help but. . I honestly like when you talk about like transitioning to an entrepreneur, like I feel like I’m making more of an impact on the other side of it than I was when I was inside of it, if that makes sense.

[00:42:25] And when I teach workshops, one of the biggest things I ask everyone to kind of explore is answering three questions. What do you value? Where do you find purpose? And how do you define success? And I think many of us spend time, whether it’s in the military career or a different career, doing what we think other people expect of us staying in the military longer than maybe we we need to, or making certain choices in our life because other people tell us this is what we should do.

[00:42:59] And absent. Answering those three questions for yourself, that is what you’re gonna do because you don’t know what you want. So you let other people say, Oh, if I were you, I would do this. Like if they’re a mentor or a boss, or we let the Air Force say, You know, a career means that you need to get X, Y, or Z accomplished.

[00:43:17] But if you step back, answer those three questions for yourself, I think it’s like an aha moment for people. You actually realize, wait, I get to determine what’s important to me in my life. I get to determine what success looks. And that way you’ll know when it’s time right to make those transitions. But if you haven’t figured those things out, then the Air Force is gonna tell you you never should transition.

[00:43:40] You wanna be a general someday, or you wanna be a chief master sergeant. You need to stay in for 30 years and give all you’ve got until there’s no more to give. And many spouses will be like, Oh my God. How much longer are we gonna do this? And people can also be very fearful of the other side. And one thing that my husband and I have learned we’re both retirees now, is that the other side is, Amazing.

[00:44:04] And it can be whatever you want it to be, right? I have friends who have retired that are stay at home moms and love every minute of it. My husband, I would say is more of like a stay at home dad. He was the retired oh six, loves it. , he coaches. And so I think, you know, if you reflect on those three questions when your time comes, you’ll.

[00:44:25] Christine: I love that because that applies to everyone, regardless of where you’re at in life. Just having those checkpoints to say, Okay, what is it that I value and what’s my purpose, and how do I want to define success for myself? And to be able to step into that right where you are today and to start taking those steps.

[00:44:47] What really lights us up and leads us to the path that we are meant to go down. So thank you so much for coming on today, for sharing with us. Let everybody know what you have available, how they can get in touch and learn more about you and what you do.

[00:45:05] Dr. MacAulay: Yeah, absolutely. I have a website, janelle mccauley.com, where you can learn more about the work that I do.

[00:45:11] Some of the other, you know, things I’ve written and podcasts I’ve been involved in, and programming I have via my website as well as all my, I’m on all the social media. Channels. I like to post, you know, information in the space of human performance and, you know, work life integration, that kind of thing.

[00:45:31] So I’d love to connect with any of your listeners on this, on social media. And then if anyone is interested, I do work at a lot of military bases. So for those that are, you know, interconnected in those careers, you know, a lot of this work, I hate to say, The active duty still is not getting right, like we’re still not having these conversations in a lot of places.

[00:45:53] I like to say the tide is shifting because I think we’re getting a lot of leaders who really understand the importance of thriving through doing, you know, through adversity, and that we need more resources and skill sets to do that. So yeah, thank you so much for this opportunity. It’s just been a pleasure to speak with you and your listeners.

[00:46:13] And Christine, thank you for what you’re doing to like start these conversations in this community.

[00:46:18] Christine: Guys, I don’t know about you, but that was a really great conversation and I took so many notes in the process and there’s a lot to unpack there. So I would just encourage you, you may wanna go back and listen to this one, one or two more times just to make sure that you are getting.

[00:46:35] It all, but the thing that I want to leave you with today is this sense of mindfulness. That it’s not just something that these gurus practice or that you need 10, 20, 30 minutes to be able to fit into your day. It’s really about finding ways to connect with your breath and to learn how to disconnect from your thoughts so that you can show.

[00:47:02] Better for yourself and for those around you. It’s about slowing down so that you can accelerate and it’s something that is available to all of us and something that allows us to be more present. In our lives and to fully embrace the present moment. Not to just be there physically, but to be able to be there emotionally and mentally and be a part of this life that we are living.

[00:47:33] We only get this one life, so let’s make the most of it and really fully live into it. There are so many benefits that come from really engaging in mindfulness and. Setting this foundation for a life that allows us to be more present. So I hope you got a lot of value out of today’s episode. I hope you have an amazing week friends. Until next time, may you live filled. Fueled and full of joy.