[00:00:00] Christine: Have you ever felt like getting enough quality sleep was just not an option for you? You know, it’s important to get enough sleep, and yet it’s the easiest thing to let slide when life gets chaotic. Perhaps your spouse is gone and your kids seem to need you. All day. And the only time you have to yourself is those precious hours after the kids have gone to bed.

[00:00:24] And so you stay up a little too late, but then the kids wake up in the middle of the night and they need you, and the cycle continues. And what’s happening is that your sleep is being disrupted. But oftentimes we tend to think, oh, I’ll catch up on sleep later, and we don’t understand. What the lack of sleep is truly doing to us.

[00:00:47] If you are ready to wake up, rested, to think more clearly and to feel happy with the energy to show up every day exactly how you want to, then this episode is for you. We’re gonna talk about how to optimize your sleep, your energy, and build stress, resilience so that you can live your most vibrant life and show up exactly the way you want to as a military. And beat burnout.

[00:02:10] Today we are talking. All about the subject of sleep, and I wanted to let you know about a free resource that is available to you. It’s a free life assessment for you that teaches you about the three non-negotiables to a filling life and how to assess the 10 major areas of your life so you can pinpoint where you are struggling the most and what to do about it.

[00:02:34] And the reason I bring this up is because the first major area of. Is the area of play and rest and sleep falls squarely in this category because it is vital to our health and wellbeing and ability to thrive as military spouses. Today’s conversation is with sleep expert Renee Kindler. She is a retired military spouse, a nurse practitioner.

[00:03:02] Functional Health consultant and the founder of Anani Functional Medicine, which is a virtual practice where she helps clients restore their vibrant energy and restful sleep. She earned her MSN from Gonzaga University and has had the privilege of practicing in rural family health, pediatrics, sleep. And neurology.

[00:03:24] In addition to functional medicine, she is passionate about helping you optimize your brain and body so you can show up. In your life every day, exactly how you want. Renee Kinler, welcome to the MilSpouse Mastermind Show. I would love for you to introduce yourself, tell us about you, and a little bit about what you do.

[00:03:45] Renee: Hi, thanks for having me. I am a nurse practitioner and most importantly I think have been a, was a military spouse for over 20. And I have found my way into focusing on, and I specialize in energy and sleep in particular for women. And I have a special interest in helping. When I saw recently some recent deployments in the area I’m at and recalled one of the biggest struggles for me was around sleep during those times.

[00:04:15] And I think it applies for people whose maybe husbands maybe just travel more or are in the military. And sleep under allows underlies so much of our foundation. So I really like to just help women optimize their brain and body in general. And that Starts with sleep for a lot of people a lot of the time.

[00:04:34] And there’s a lot of different aspects that can go into that

[00:04:37] Christine: for sure. I know a lot of us would love to get better sleep at night. I would love, before we get into, because we’re gonna talk about how we can support our bodies and sleep better, but I would love for you to just tell a little bit about your story, your, your life at and what becoming a military spouse was like, what that journey was like.

[00:04:58] Renee: Well, I’ve been married for over 30 years, so and initially my husband was in the service. And so we’ve lived in multiple different places. I have, and he traveled a lot in his career. or Ways was away from home a lot. And I did had an undergraduate degree where I think I shared, I went to multiple schools to achieve that.

[00:05:22] Took me a little bit longer cuz of changing and transferring but was able to stick with that. Got my g graduate degree at Gonzaga University and and then have like, Many others have had many different positions that were supportive where I love, always loved what I did and was able to interact with patients, but always focused on, you know, being the only person there really who could, I know a lot of you can probably relate, like the only person who.

[00:05:51] Could was gonna be there if the kid was homesick from school or needed a ride someplace or those kinds of things. And so just being in that community in different ways, and if you can imagine just kind of what the last 30 year time period has been. There’s been a lot of changes in what being a military spouse looked like 30 years ago compared to.

[00:06:12] You know, after nine 11 and the changes that came in that time between being in multiple different places and multiple different roles. So, and I think too, sometimes some of the things that might develop during your, during deployment times, and I’m sure everybody who has experienced the separation, you know, what can change in your life and your lifestyle.

[00:06:36] And sometimes those things can be positive and sometimes they can not be as positive and then continue later on in your life. Like if you develop poor sleep habits, .

[00:06:46] Christine: I mean, I think that is one of those things that I remember. My husband went well, yeah. Went off on his first deployment and I was like, I am living in a big house alone by myself.

[00:06:58] And I feel weird and it’s hard to fall asleep and I’ve never lived alone before. And, and all of these things that can impact our sleep. Did you find as you were. Doing this military spouse life, did you find that you were able to kind of pursue your own thing at each location? Or were there times when you really struggled to say, okay, how do I do this at this duty station because I’m the primary parent right now?

[00:07:28] Renee: Yes. I would say for a long time when we were married we didn’t have, I didn’t, we didn’t have children, so, , that was obviously a different kind of role. But even looking at things, you know, when you think about how your vacation time is and your travel back home. So yes, I do think you look at work career choices that you’re gonna make based on that.

[00:07:53] And then also, . Yeah. You know, having different times in your resume where I’m a nurse practitioner, people want somebody who’s gonna stay alo around a while. Right. But some people do value. The military community kind of depended on where you were and how close you were. I had some great opportunities to do rural healthcare because of it.

[00:08:14] And so I always try to focus on what you could find that was more positive. To be able to make those changes. And I have was fortunate that I was able, as a nurse to work in a lot of different areas, you know, pediatrics, sleep in neurology geriatrics, Rural health. So kind of a wide variety of things.

[00:08:38] I am fortunate now being in the retirement phase of military life to be able to be establishing a functional medicine practice that I really enjoy. I think it’s easy when you’re different places. To kind of try to see where you fit, where your fit is and so basing your career sometime choices on you know, what fits your life.

[00:09:00] I think there are different seasons of life, and I think that’s a good way always to look at it. You have a season of life when this fits really well for you. and a season of life where this might fit really well for you. And so not always just looking at it as like, this is what I’m gonna do this way forever.

[00:09:16] If it wasn’t your most favorite thing to do, or you knew this was gonna be a temporary situation, I find a lot of people just being very upfront with them initially is helpful for that. I think.

[00:09:28] Christine: I mean, I’ve found that. Every location that we’ve been at, every, there are so many different seasons of life and what my life looks like and how I live out and find purpose in each of those seasons changes and.

[00:09:45] it’s a journey that we’re constantly on and, and kind of growing and evolving and figuring out what that’s supposed to look like for each particular season. So what was it that was really drawing you to study energy and sleep? What was it that was the catalyst for going into this functional medicine path?

[00:10:05] Renee: Well, I think that when you think about it, everything really comes base back to sleep and, and I about. . I, so three, five, about five years ago I started working in sleep and neurology and had a lot of people like who would do all the things they were supposed to. They got their sleep apnea, treat treated, did all these things, but they were still tired and I believed them.

[00:10:27] They were still tired. And sometimes that can be a mindset issue, which kind of you know, what you alluded to some, the bloom where you’re planted but also looking at when you’re under chronic stress, a. , even if it’s a low grade. . You’re supposed to have episodic stress where things get better and worse, and that’s good for your body.

[00:10:46] You have this eustress where your body responds, and then if you’re under chronic low-grade stress, which sometimes I think for military spouses happens because you may have multiple deployments, you may be responsible for other things. You don’t have the family network necessarily around, and so that can happen to other people too.

[00:11:03] But when I was seeing that and these people were like, I’m still tired. All their numbers looked good, but people are still tired, made me learn more. And want to learn more and learn more about some nutrient deficiencies. Yes, there are some basic sleep hygiene we all have to remember that can cause those things too.

[00:11:21] But sometimes just even the chronic underlying stress that needs to be addressed and the nutrient depletions that happen from that stress. And then kind of the bad cycle of when I’m tired. , it’s easier to just go grab something to eat that might not be the best choice. And helping people to figure out what those root causes of those sleep issues are.

[00:11:43] Is there a spike in cortisol at night that’s interfering with your blood sugar and seeing people change their lives? based on that is pretty amazing. And then trying to, and then trying to think about, well, how could we prevent some of these things from happening? And I think in the military community, that’s one of the things I think about is like what kind of recognition things could happen that might be contributing to why you’re not sleeping or why you developed the poor sleep habit earlier in life that now is plaguing you.

[00:12:11] And it’s a lot harder to deal with everything. I mean, think about when you wake up rest. How your day looks compared to when you haven’t slept well. And depending on your age, it may take more than one night of poor sleep. But as time goes on, sleep is when we rest and recover. When our body rejuvenates, when it takes care of some of those rogue cells and different things that happen.

[00:12:34] Also, it’s one of the times when our brain. Has a lymphatic system. It’s called the glymphatic drainage system. And if you don’t sleep, your brain doesn’t get the time to clean out the trash. And we all need to take out the trash from our cells, including our brain cells, in order for our bodies to be healthy now and in the future.

[00:12:53] So those are some of the things that really led me to like, what is going on. We tend to not value sleep. Like, oh, we can sleep when we’re dead. You hear people say a lot . And what kind of different things would be supportive of that and how much, even skin conditions stomach conditions, memory issues that people have.

[00:13:14] And then of course your energy in general are affected by not sleeping well.

[00:13:19] Christine: I mean, I think we, we say we want sleep, right? We, we know that it. Good for us, but when it comes to actually making it a priority in our lives, sometimes that’s really hard to do. And I loved what you bring to the table of saying, Hey, I’ve studied sleep and I understand that military spouses can benefit from this because I think there is that underlying.

[00:13:48] Stress that we’re under, whether it’s dealing with your spouse being gone and not having the support systems nearby and frequent. Pcse and I, I know I’ve moved every two years and there’s just like all of that additional stress that comes into play when we’re moving that frequently. And so I love that you are wanting to help support us.

[00:14:11] So where do we get started? Maybe let’s start here. How do we know if we’re getting enough?

[00:14:19] Renee: That’s a great question. So if you could wake up without an alarm clock, kind of tells you how long of sleep you need, cuz most people need between seven and nine and it can vary. So that’s one thing. Are you waking when you wake up, do you feel rested or are you hitting that snooze button a whole bunch of times?

[00:14:37] When you wake up. , do you make it through your day well, or do you have that afternoon slump, which can come from not enough sleep or some other things. But most commonly, if you’re not getting enough sleep, they’re never going to not be tired throughout the day or you’re you may feel like you are, but your productivity may go down if you’re finding yourself.

[00:14:58] more less patient with people during the day, that’s a sign that you might not be getting enough sleep. Your body, our bodies regulate our blood sugar based on our cortisol levels too. And the cortisol is a stress hormone. And so if you feel like you’re hangry a lot, like people are hungry and feel they’re angry or if you feel like, like I said, that impatience, those are things that.

[00:15:22] Are saying, and you have low energy through the day that maybe sleep. Maybe you need some more sleep than you are getting.

[00:15:30] Christine: So how can we start supporting our sleep, setting ourselves up for success when it comes to sleep?

[00:15:40] Renee: Sure. And the other thing too, I would say is that you should be able to fall.

[00:15:45] within usually five to 30 minutes and up to 30 minutes can be longer, and you should be sleeping through the night. So if you’re waking up through the night, you might be having some problems with. your sleep too. So just to remember those things. One thing I always tell people the environment when your environment’s changing a lot, sometimes that can contribute to sleep issues.

[00:16:05] I think for military spouses, if you’re looking specifically towards like, what could I do if I know a deployment’s coming up? I think recognizing it is the first thing. For some people, maybe sleep’s not an issue. Myself, I often found that I would miss my sleep bus initially. , I just didn’t wanna go to bed.

[00:16:24] That was a quiet time of the day. You know, normally when you’re busy and doing things, there might be lots of times when your spouse isn’t around or your mind is busy doing things or you’re doing activities, but it’s really quiet and you’re alone when it’s time to go to bed. And so frequently putting yourself in positions where you’re not gonna get it as good a sleep where you miss that sleep bus cuz sometimes you get past where that, okay, your melatonin’s getting in a good spot.

[00:16:49] you’re getting tired, you’re getting sleepy, and maybe you pick up the phone or maybe you do one last thing or you don’t go to bed, and then all of a sudden now you’re kind of that wired and tired person. And you’ll see that through the next day too, when your stress levels, your cortisol hormones are going up and down the way they shouldn’t either.

[00:17:08] Or maybe you fall asleep on the sofa instead of going. And then that sets you up for poor sleep. So setting an alarm so that you know, okay, it’s time for me to start going, getting ready to bed. Maybe you have a deal with yourself. The first two nights I’m gonna sleep. on the sofa or I’m gonna do this because that feels better for me, but I know I need to ease myself and get back into bed by this time.

[00:17:32] Sometimes, you know, by this number of days, sometimes that can be helpful for people too. But even just sitting in your room and like, I think a lot of times with I generally recommend people don’t keep their cell phones in their rooms. Just because it’s easy if you wake up in the middle of the night if you’re going to bed at night.

[00:17:48] Our brain and the way our sleep and the melatonin, which helps with sleep works. light exposure changes that turning on and off. So your phone can cause you to have issues with that stimulation and the cortisol to go up. So we all like to know like if the phone rings, we wanna be able to hear it, right?

[00:18:08] If our spouse might be calling us. And so then having the phone so that you can turn it off. Most all of ’em have, you can turn it off. So do not disturb. But you can put in people who would come. So your child or your husband or your parents maybe, so that you’re not getting the ding of every Instagram or every email that comes in if you have those notifications on to bother you at night because that’s very disruptive and can cause you to have trouble with sleep.

[00:18:36] The other thing is just looking in your room and looking around what’s there, how much light exposure is there? Can you turn the alarm clock around the other? , you can put your phone across the room so that it’s not as easy to just pick up and look and see what’s going on there too. Even things like setting the sleep timer on the tv if you have a TV in your room so it will shut off cuz lots of us.

[00:18:57] like to have the noise. I think people do when you’re alone a lot. So, but that constant noise all night is not going to let you generally get into the deep sleep you need, cuz you also need the quality and the quantity of sleep. So really looking at that and setting that timer so it would shut off.

[00:19:14] That’s gonna benefit you too when you’re looking for those kinds of things to be.

[00:19:19] Christine: So is there a window where your body is ready to sleep? Because I notice if I go to bed on time, then I generally am able to fall asleep quickly. But what happens is my husband will go on a trip and he’s gone, and then I am like, oh, it’s quiet, it’s, I have the house to myself.

[00:19:40] And then I end up staying up longer than I would if he were home. , is there a point where you reach that, okay, now I’m too wired to go to sleep?

[00:19:51] Renee: There definitely is. That’s the sleep bus I was talking about, and that’s different for everybody, and that’s one of those things that’s always important is to listen to your body, hear what it’s saying.

[00:19:59] When you start feeling those. , my eyes are getting sleepy, I’m tired, I’m yawning. Or you also know, like count back from when you have to get up, you know, it’s time that you need to be about getting to sleep. Really paying attention to that is important for most people. Limiting caffeine. A noon is supportive of that.

[00:20:17] You know, not thinking, oh, I’m gonna have an extra cup of coffee cuz I’m staying up. That, those kinds of things. That is the other thing too. So if you do watch TV in. , your body gets to signal that and some, and sometimes maybe, you know, normally you’d turn off the TV or you’d turn off your lights because there’s somebody else home that sends a single to your body that the bed is, it’s time I’m supposed to go to sleep here.

[00:20:41] So if we do a lot of other things in bed, then we can sometimes. Get our brain thinking that it’s not necessarily to go to sleep in, and that can interfere with issues too. So really just listening to your body, trying to maintain, you know, going to bed at the same time, getting up at the same time in general, within about a half an hour, hour at the most of each other is often helpful.

[00:21:02] Not doing things in bed that are going to keep you awake, like watching your favorite crime show or the news, if that’s stressful for you or the news where your spouse is at. Those kinds of things. Our body wake up with the cortisol and that stress response, and when cortisol goes. generally melatonin, that sleep hormone goes down.

[00:21:21] So you want those things to be matching as your cortisol goes down at night, your melatonin is going up, it’s making you sleepy, it’s letting you know it’s time to be sleepy, provided you aren’t constantly stimulating it with other things.

[00:21:34] Christine: So what happens if we’re able to go to sleep, but we’re having trouble staying asleep?

[00:21:41] Renee: So a lot of different things can cause that. Some of it can have to do, even if you have a easy time falling asleep, it still can have to do with what, what you were watching or intaking on your phone in the hour or two before bed. Also, a lot of times nighttime awakenings can be associated with changes in blood sugar.

[00:22:02] and blood sugar regulation, which people don’t realize a lot of the time. So making sure you’re eating to nourish your body. And there’s kind of some different things with that that can cause that to have some, have some changes too. So there can be different causes of waking up and the, the time.

[00:22:19] you wake up can be a different cause sometimes too, usually more like three and four in the morning is more based on liver function. There’s different body repair and different cycles that are usually going on at night. So sometimes there can be different clues depending on the, the time it is too.

[00:22:36] But that’s definitely something if it’s ongoing. Oh, and I should say I am a nurse practitioner, but I’m not your nurse practitioner. So if you are having any issues, you wanna check with your provider. There can be different things that can cause that. And using this information just for information and education is important.

[00:22:54] But then checking out, cuz there can be a lot of different things, including sleep apnea can wake you up in the middle of the night and a lot of times that can change. Different altitudes can be contributed to baby different environmental allergies. Things in your home where you move frequently, that can cause that.

[00:23:13] Also if your mind is not shutting down, doing mindfulness during the day or meditation exercising earlier in the day, those kinds of things actually affect our sleep later in the day or later at night too. So that can be. , those kinds of things can be part of what’s contributing to those nighttime awakenings.

[00:23:32] And you always want to, you know, if you’re snorer, you wake up not feeling rested, but you’re getting seven, eight hours of sleep, you’re waking up with a dry mouth, you’re waking up kind of trying to catch your breath. Those are things but even getting up to go to the bathroom at night, having restless legs, there’s a lot of things that can actually be attributed to poor oxygenation at night when you’re sleeping.

[00:23:55] And so you always wanna check in with. Healthcare provider too, to see if there is something else that could be going on in that regard. So what

[00:24:03] Christine: if you are getting enough sleep, but you’re still. Feeling tired? Are there different, how do you measure the quality of your sleep and it, are there ways to impact the quality of the sleep that you’re getting?

[00:24:18] For sure.

[00:24:19] Renee: Wanting your brain to shut down like it should is important. Some people use alcohol to help them fall asleep or relax, especially if they’re in a stressful situation. And what happens is a lot of times that helps people sleep, but then they have a rebound reaction and that can be something that wakes people.

[00:24:36] You can have nutrient deficiencies that can impact your quality of sleep. You can have noise if you’re having noise a lot can impact your sleep. There are some ways to measure that. I don’t know if you’ve heard of the aura ring. There’s different devices that measure your oxygen or your heart rate at night.

[00:24:55] You can measure heart rate variability, which is a measure of sleep. There are actually also some apps that people. Had luck with before that will record, like if you’re snoring or noise, those kinds of things. If people have a question about whether or not that their quality of sleep is impacted from some of those things also can be measured with a sleep test.

[00:25:18] If somebody feels like maybe your spouse has told you your thrash a lot at night and moving your arms and legs and those kinds of things can be good indicators to the quality of your sleep too. And if you’re waking up not rested and you’ve slept. , you know, multiple nights in a row, seven to eight hours, and you’re still tired.

[00:25:38] That’s a good sign to say I should look for what else that is. And it’s frequently, obviously stress can impact that. But I would encourage everybody too to kind of look like what’s my natural light exposure? Because your light exposure in the morning is important, but also, The answer shouldn’t always be while your spouse is gone all the time or you just moved.

[00:26:02] Yes, those can impact things, but there are other things too, like nutrient deficiencies, other things you can do so to to support yourself or to look by, because I think that is one thing when people move multiple times. . I think it’s very easy for, oh, well my sleep’s off because I’ve moved a lot. Yeah.

[00:26:23] But if you move, like you said, every two years, you don’t want your sleep to be off for six months or two. So there are some other things you can do. Some of these things we’ve talked about or other things that, can help improve that because it shouldn’t just be accepted as normal. And that’s one of the things that really brought me to functional medicine too.

[00:26:43] There’s lots of optimal things, and just because something’s normal doesn’t mean. Is just cause it’s happening to a lot of people, doesn’t mean it’s normal. You know, there are different things that can be done and just and that’s, we should do better. We can do better, and so we should do better.

[00:26:58] Christine: I mean, I think a lot of times we, we feel overwhelmed because we’re not sure what’s going on or.

[00:27:05] Where we get started figuring out where do I go to get the answers? Especially when you’re in, in the system and if you go through your primary care provider and they say, oh, well this is just, this is what happens to people. And so what are some resources that we can use to start to support ourselves and our.

[00:27:28] Renee: Well, it depends on, in particular if you’re looking more for sleep type things. I do have a sleep handout. If anybody’s interested, you can go to it. R e n e e k i n d l e r, so renee kinler.com/sleep. And there is a handout available there. I do think depending on what your particular, if you feel like it’s more mindset focused, looking at that, if you feel like it’s more insomnia, I have trouble falling asleep and staying asleep, which of course can be tied to mindset, but can be there.

[00:28:04] Other things to think about is could it be nutritional choices? A lot of times if we’re not eating protein or getting enough carbohydrates, it’s very common for us to think about limiting calories. If we have had a stressful time, and really sleep is more important in supporting that sleep.

[00:28:24] So I think that looking for resources in those particular areas, especially to hormones when we move, like there can be different things and a lot of times just really kind of thinking back to. What was going on? Reflecting with somebody so that you can see what might be causing the underlying issue is important.

[00:28:45] And of course that’s gonna change. Your sleep needs change throughout life, so it’s not something you should just look at one time compared to, you know, as things change in life, oh, well I looked at that five years ago and that wasn’t the issue. It might be something worth revisiting if things have changed a lot.

[00:29:03] Christine: So let me ask you some common sleep questions. Okay? I know a lot of my audience are young parents, and so when you have littles that are waking you up during the night, you’re not necessarily getting that quality sleep. So what can you do to take care of yourself when you’re in that season of getting woken up at night by

[00:29:28] Renee: somebody?

[00:29:29] So it’s really important to take advantage of the time and I think that’s one of the things that is tricky too because that nighttime might be the first time when you’re, if you’re a parent who doesn’t have someone else there with them that might be the first time you get your five minutes to yourself.

[00:29:44] So kind of really setting a timer literally so that you can have that five or 10 minutes but then you don’t end up getting absorbed into something for a longer period of time can be helpful. Looking. how late in the day you drink caffeine, cuz that can make a big impact on your ability to fall asleep or to fall back asleep.

[00:30:04] And you know, same thing with the phone. Like when you get, you know, you, you wake up with your kids and then you get them back to sleep, but then you grab your phone. That’s a way that you’re stimulating your brain. So kind of trying to set yourself up for success as far as that goes. Don’t flip on lights.

[00:30:20] Most of us know, you know, you don’t wanna wake up the kids so you won’t, but even in your room, use night lights. That and some, there’s motion detected ones. That’s usually what I recommend. And then also there’s our amber colored light bulbs. So you can have those in your bedroom or in your nightlights to help keep things lower down low key.

[00:30:38] So hopefully you’re gonna get to go back to sleep, taking advantage of making sure you are eating to nourish your body nutritionally because having those nutrients there so that you can make all the great neurotransmitters we want to and have the best backup for those nights. You can’t. get good sleep is important.

[00:30:58] And I always encourage people, if you really have a child who is waking up, that should happen. You know, when they’re sick or they have a nightmare o on occasion. Once they get past a year, you really shouldn’t be getting up, have to get up as often with them. So you really wanna see if there’s something that they need to have.

[00:31:18] Two. And then the old adage, which I know sometimes is really hard, but sleep, when they sleep, especially when they’re really little, if there’s any way you can, even if that’s five or 10 minutes. And in general, people shouldn’t need to nap all the time. The exception to that, I would say for a lot is if you are not getting the amount of sleep at night that you need to stay rested, then setting up that nap and.

[00:31:44] Aware of, again, setting a timer, because if you sleep too long, then you’re probably gonna have trouble going to sleep at night. So when the kiddos are in bed, now you’re kind of jazzed up and ready to go and excited. You have a few minutes to yourself, right? And so you might pull your phone out or get involved in a good book, which is good, but you have to balance that sometimes.

[00:32:04] Trading. . So if you’ve had several nights where you’re not getting good sleep, being able to maybe say, Hey, can, can I take, could you take my kids for. Half an hour today, I’m gonna take a nap and you, I’ll take yours. Kind of having those things in mind so that you can get that support in that way and reaching out can be helpful.

[00:32:25] A helpful option. Or even sometimes, maybe if it’s an option for you I know this can be a challenge for military spouses, dad, mommies or daddies who are the ones who are helping, but the. To hire a babysitter even for that time, making sure if it’s at all possible, just doing things to help with your mindset, cuz that’s gonna help your sleep.

[00:32:45] You can involve the kids sometimes in some gentle stretching. Some people, you know, do little workouts and have something right there for the kiddos. And some kiddos are, you know, doing the workouts right along with. Those kinds of things so that they’re getting that involvement too. And you can still do some of those things so that then you’re likely when you fall asleep, to get into a deep sleep more quickly, hopefully, or more restorative sleep at least more quickly.

[00:33:13] Those would be some things that you could try to combat. those less hours and the broken sleep that sometimes is part of being parent ,

[00:33:24] Christine: do you have any tips for falling back to sleep? So if your kid is woken you up and then they go back down and then all of a sudden your brain has already turned on and it’s like thinking, and even if you don’t pick up your phone, sometimes it can be challenging to fall back asleep.

[00:33:42] Do you have any tips for how to help.

[00:33:45] Renee: So keeping the lights down. Then also for a lot of people, some targeted breathing is helpful. If you are thinking about your breath and breathing, a lot of times it’s harder for those thoughts to come back in that would keep you skipping to the next thing of what you need to do tomorrow or how you’re not getting any sleep.

[00:34:04] So there’s multiple different kinds of deep breath. Techniques. Some are just maybe in general, you know, taking a deep breath. You want your exhale to be longer than your inhale. In general, there’s something called box breathing that some people find helpful. So think of a box and you’re, you’re breathing in and actually it’ll be a little bit skewed box because you’re gonna exhale more for a longer period of time.

[00:34:28] So maybe just counting to four, holding your breath for three or. Then exhaling for six to eight and then taking a break there for a minute or a second or two. Count one, two. And then again, deep breath. Also if anybody has like the Headspace calm apps, those are two options. The Aura Ring actually has an Explorer portion on it, and actually it is getting your phone out.

[00:34:53] So I always tell people, you have to be careful. , but you can pop that button and you can maybe leave it up at night. So all you’re doing is popping that and have your phone on the, you know, the night shift screen so there’s not as much blue light. Then it takes you through a quick little sleep meditation where you don’t even have to think about it.

[00:35:11] Sometimes that’s helpful, but if you do find yourself in bed for more than generally 10, 15 minutes and you can’t fall back to sleep, it’s often helpful to. Walk around the house, maybe get a drink of water. Don’t get involved in something that’s gonna stimulate your brain. But sometimes to break that cycle and be like, okay, stop.

[00:35:29] I’m gonna do this now helps if you just get out of bed for a second and then come back to bed and lay down. Sometimes that can be helpful too.

[00:35:37] Christine: I think those are really good because I have definitely used the Headspace go back to sleep app before and that that has helped. Definitely. I would love your thoughts on shift work because I know that several.

[00:35:53] Families have somebody that is either on a night shift or they’re on a rotating shift or their schedule is changing. And so two part question. Number one, if you are the active duty member and your sleep, is having to continually shift. How can you support your sleep? And then part two of that question would be if you are the spouse, I know there’s the tendency, well my, my spouse had to change their shifts, so then I kind of like stay up later so I can spend time with them.

[00:36:24] And how can both parties really give themselves the best sleep

[00:36:31] Renee: possible? Yeah. And so that’s always, shift work is always a tricky situation. We. People to do shift work. Our bodies have a natural circadian rhythm and retraining that circadian rhythm is tricky, and doing it all the time is definitely problematic in general.

[00:36:51] for people who do shift work where they can just stay, you know, they might do five nights and then they have two days off. Honestly, it’s better to just stay in that night shift. Now that doesn’t necessarily work for life very well. And then a lot of people, and I think in the military, sh for sure have where they will rotate, you know, morning, evening nights.

[00:37:12] And that’s actually one of the hardest things for your body than just working a night shift. Same things. Trying to get light exposure when you can is helpful, like natural light exposure. A lot of people find help from like nightlight boxes or night lights that have a, a lumen to them of at least 10,000 where they’re getting that light exposure if their day.

[00:37:41] Is switched with night. The other thing some people find helpful, and I find this to be an individual thing, so people always wanna try it out, is there are some studies showing that eating at night is. Challenging for your body, whether or not that’s your daytime or your nighttime. So sometimes limiting the amounts or making sure maybe you eat right first when you get up, and then maybe before you’re going to bed when you’re spacing your meals instead of.

[00:38:11] Having your lunch at lunchtime. Now, of course, you have to have a body that’s able to regulate its blood sugars that way, so that’s an individual thing. You wanna be careful and make sure you don’t have other issues going on, but that’s something some people find helpful, especially if they’re doing rotating shifts.

[00:38:27] Trying to actually eat around the same times. It can help with your digestion for some people too, cuz your body is set to like put out enzymes at certain times so that it can break down your food and absorb the nutrients and it’s very Challenging and confusing to our bodies if that’s different all the time.

[00:38:46] So trying to you know, that’d be one thing if you can keep your meals about the same time and especially your caffeine intake. And sometimes that can happen or not to the same times or at least trying to say, okay, I’m always gonna try to stop my last caffeine eight to 10 hours before I would be going to.

[00:39:06] Kind of putting that in the habit. Some people are able to metabolize caffeine more quickly than others and it’s very common if some people can drink. . Now I can drink coffee and write to bed and it doesn’t bother me. Usually people are falling asleep, but it’s usually affecting their quality of their sleep.

[00:39:24] Even if it’s not keeping them awake. But that also does depend on the individualization of, like I said, some people metabolize caffeine more quickly. I always tell if, if it’s a spouse shifting one of the things you can do, because I think that it is important, the time and, you know, having joy in our.

[00:39:41] And time to spend with each other is important. Usually I say like, make a deal. So, you know, maybe I’ll I stay up two nights a week or, and then I keep my sleep so that I can keep my health and I can, my deal is I’ll have food. prepared for you so that you have this easy for you on those days. And then my trade off is I get to sleep well these other nights so that I have the energy to do those things.

[00:40:10] And the nights I am there, I have the energy to do these extra things for you. Kind of making a trade off in a negotiation that way. So everybody’s happy and somebody’s not grumbling well, I wish you would stay up more because then we don’t get to see each other. And why wouldn’t you do that? And of course that’s gonna be different based on if.

[00:40:28] working another job outside the home or those kinds of things to balance there too. Also, if you have little kids and you stay up and then you don’t get to sleep at all or you sleep very few because you stayed up, you can see where that needs to be negotiated too. And really thinking about sleep is something that is as important too, because it’s important for your relationship because if you are on edge, cuz you’re not sleep.

[00:40:53] You’re not going to maybe be the nicest person to be around all the time or be the most patient with

[00:40:58] somebody.

[00:41:00] Christine: and I think it’s just so important that we want to be a good spouse and a good parent. But that’s really hard to do if we are not taking care of ourselves. And so just understanding how we can support ourselves so that we’re able to show up for those that we care about is really important.

[00:41:20] If people want to learn more about what you do, , what’s the best way to connect with you?

[00:41:27] Renee: Well, if you’re use Instagram Renee Kindler. One is my Instagram handle, and then two, just the renee kindler.com. There’s you can message me with a, apply with me or work with me buttons there. If you wanted to learn more about working with me and looking at those things individually too, but even if you’re interested, like you can message me on Instagram at that Renee Kendler.

[00:41:50] If you’re interested in some mindful breathing handout, I do have a mindful breathing handout, so that would be something, or also a handout that talks about our vagus nerve, which that’s one of the things that can keep us more stimulated. And some activities just like that some of us think, oh, really, that’s gonna make me more relaxed.

[00:42:09] But just activating that nerve that IVs everything in our vo lots of organs in our body. Things like si singing and hum. Even gargling can be helpful and those things will help improve sleep when we can calm our nervous system, cuz it’s all about trading off that nervous system, keeping it in the parasympathetic state where it rests and digests and repairs instead of always in that sympathetic fight and flight state that

[00:42:37] Christine: you think.

[00:42:39] That is such good information. I will link all of that information in the show notes below so you can check that out. Last question for you. I would love to know, as you were looking back on your life as a military spouse, what is one thing that you wish you would have known as a young spouse or that you wish you would have done differently to support yourself on

[00:43:03] Renee: this?

[00:43:05] Well, I think for sure that making time for self-care, like you have talked about I think it’s easy. You get what you say, maybe mission focused, right? Kind of same thing. It’s easy I think for all spouses, but I think as a military spouse, when you really feel like, and like I said, not to discount anybody else, but I think it becomes the focus that there’s.

[00:43:29] One main person and one main job in your family. And it is, and like I said, it’s a season in your life, but just remembering it’s okay to take some time for yourself. It’s okay to go get a massage if that’s something that feels good for you. It’s okay to go sit in the infrared sauna if that’s something that feels good to you, it’s okay to prioritize your.

[00:43:51] When you can. Those would be the things. And then asking, and I actually have just started to get better at this in the last couple years, and that is you don’t have to do everything yourself. It is okay to ask other people to help you, and it is okay to accept their help if they offer, you know, as long as it’s in a, a safe place, I think you get so used to, you don’t know people and you just, you’re gonna do it yourself and you’re self-reliant.

[00:44:20] I don’t know if that’s for everybody, but that’s how I felt. And part of that’s, you know, how you’re raised and stuff too, but you know, you just never ask anybody for help or if they offer help, you’re like, no, no, I’m okay. , but it’s okay. There’s nothing wrong and it creates a community and you’re inviting that community together, and that’s really important to help you with your overall health and wellbeing and your sleep, I think, too.

[00:44:46] So, you know, making sure you’re just in a safe place when somebody’s offering the help. But usually there’s lots of places in a military community where you could get that help if you ask or look for it. And you don’t have to be an island.

[00:44:59] Christine: I think that’s so important, and I know somebody needed to hear that right now because I have talked to so many other military spouses and it’s the hardest thing to ask for help.

[00:45:10] We’re all willing to go help other people until we need it, and then we’re like, oh, surely I can, I can do this myself. I can figure this out. I’ll, I’ll do it. And really, it’s a blessing to you and the other person when you just say, Hey. I do need help and, and to be willing to accept help from others because we are better together.

[00:45:32] And I just think that is such an important thing for us to be able. To give and receive help and to support each other on this journey. Renee, thank you so much for coming on the show today and for reaching out and sharing all of this information with us. I know it is something that we all need is that quality sleep to support ourselves, and so I really appreciate you taking the time out to talk with us today.

[00:45:59] Renee: Great. Thank you so much for having me.

[00:46:02] Christine: I don’t know about you, but I am 100% guilty of staying up a little too late, getting into a project when my husband is gone, and then realizing that it is already past my bedtime, and then I go to bed extra late. I wake up the next morning and I definitely do not feel rested.

[00:46:24] It is a bad habit that I am working to try to break and sometimes. I do really good about recognizing. . I need the sleep so that I can function and be at my best the next day. And sometimes I give into what feels like I’m accomplishing something or enjoying something in the present moment, and then I regret it the next day.

[00:46:48] So I think we have. All been there at one time or another, but I hope you got some really practical nuggets from today’s conversation that you will take with you. And the number one thing I want you to take away from this conversation is that your sleep matters and that there are so many things that we can do to set ourselves up.

[00:47:09] Four success when it comes to getting a proper night’s sleep so that we can show. As the person that we want to be. And it’s easy, especially if we are in that season of life where it feels like sleep is outside of our control. If we have kids that are waking us up at night or any other thing, like a shifting sleep schedule that feels like it’s in control and we’re not in control of the quality of sleep that we’re getting.

[00:47:38] I want you to be able to reframe that thought and to understand that there are things that you can do to set yourself up for success. There are extenuating circumstances that may make sleep more challenging in certain seasons, but all of us have the ability to set ourselves up for success, so, We can live a more energetic and vibrant life and show up as the person that we wanna be and do the things that we feel called to do.

[00:48:08] So I hope that you will just take a few moments to examine your sleep what you think about sleep, how your thoughts towards sleep, how you set up your schedule, and make sure that sleep is a priority. I know. , all of us are gonna have a different amount of sleep that we need. But it starts with that awareness of what sleep am I currently getting?

[00:48:32] Is it good sleep? Are there things I can do to support my sleep? Because we have to take that time for rest. We have to take that time to restore our souls so that we can live the life we were intended to live. If you have not yet downloaded that growth wheel life assessment. Please go do that because that is a good visual repat representation of how our lives function and, and what we have to do to fuel and fill ourselves so that we are able to pour out and care for those in our lives so that we are able to live a life, a purpose.

[00:49:13] Because if we are completely burned, if our cup is empty, we will have nothing to give and we will. Be happy with the way that our life looks, the way that we feel, the way that we interact with others, the way that we wake up in the morning. So, so let this just be an encouragement to you to make sure that you get some sleep and take care of yourself so that you are fueling and filling yourself.

[00:49:38] All right, friends, have an amazing week. I will see you back here next week on The MilSpouse Mastermind Show. Until then, may you live. Fueled and full of joy.