Welcome back to another episode of the MilSpouse Mastermind Show! I’m so excited to be back with you today. Not only because we are diving into another episode together, but because I am coming to you for the very first time from my own office. No, we haven’t moved locations yet, but we moved the girls’ beds around, and they are now all sharing a room.

[00:00:24] So I have my desk moved out of my bedroom and into an actual office, and I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to not be working out of my bedroom. I’ve spent the last year and a half working from home out of my bedroom. And while we made it work, because that’s what this season called for, and we did not even have a walk-in closet in our home that I could go work out of, there’s just a challenge when you are living and working and sleeping all basically in the same room.

And I just wanted to celebrate and share the good news with you. To say that it feels really, really great to have a space that is not my bedroom, that I’m getting to do work from this year.

[00:01:13] And I know it’s only gonna last for a few months because we’ll be boxing up all of our stuff to prepare for another overseas move. And this will probably become our storage and staging area. But for the weeks and months that I get to do this, I am going to enjoy it. And, really just, sit in that moment and find joy in doing that. So thank you for letting me share that personal note with you.

[00:01:37] I am so excited to dig into this episode. This is part two of our series of how we live and find our best year yet. And today we’re going to dive deeper into how we actually set and achieve meaningful goals for our year.

Even if you think you are not a goal setter, even if you think that is for people who are on top of their lives and have everything planned out and ready to go before January 1st, I am here to bust this myth. So let’s not waste any more time. Let’s get started with today’s episode.

This episode, and really this entire month on the podcast is for you if you believe that goal setting is too difficult to do. If you don’t like to set goals, because you are afraid that you don’t have the willpower. If you are afraid of failure. If you think it’s just too big of a task to worry about because you have too much on your plate. If you think it’s going to make your brain hurt. But more than anything, this is for you if you believe that you are not a goal-setter because you think in order to be someone who sets goals, you have to have this all figured out.

[00:04:04] In December the week between Christmas and new years, when I went online and looked at my podcast feed, it was full of podcast episodes about goal-setting for the new year. Everybody is trying to hurry up and pour all of this information about how to set your goals, and how to set your new year’s resolutions.

[00:04:27] It’s easy to get wrapped up in this idea that we have to have this all figured out by January 1st or it’s just not meant to be, it wasn’t for us. We think we’ve missed the boat and we’ll just try again next year. As we talked about last week, you may feel like you’ve tried something in the past and it didn’t work. And so what’s the point in worrying about goal-setting?

[00:04:54] Well, we are busting some myths here, because I am all about setting up growth goals for your life. Who you want to be, setting the right goals for you, and giving you systems that will help you make progress on your goals. And I say, make progress, because this is my flexible goal setting method.

[00:05:18] It’s not about accomplishing, it’s not about the end state. It’s about the journey and how we take this journey together. If you felt overwhelmed by December, if you had so much going on, so many commitments, and no matter what you did, you just felt like December flew by and now you have taken time to unwind a little bit, to prepare, to get back into a new year.

[00:05:51] And you’re wondering, is there something about goal-setting that works for me and for my life, even though I missed the boat, I missed the memo when everybody was doing their goal setting, their planning, their new year’s resolutions, their word of the year, their vision boards, whatever. Am I too late? And the answer is absolutely not!

[00:06:13] This is the place for you. This is the podcast for you. This is the month for you. A few episodes ago, I talked about how one of my best years, I didn’t even sit down to set goals and plan a course of action until February. When we look at the whole 365 days of the year, 12 months, or a whole year of possibility, of growth, of the opportunity to be intentional with our life, we can go through this year saying, Hey, I missed the boat on January 1st and I’ll just wait until next year to make a change in my life.

[00:07:03] Or you can look at your life and say, Where do I want to be at the end of the year? Do I want to be where I am today? Do I want to have the exact same life that I have today? Or do I want to make progress? Do I want to grow? Do I want to live a more fulfilling and meaningful life? Do I want to craft a life with purpose and grow in to who I am meant to be?

[00:07:32] Do I want to make progress and make today matter and tomorrow matter and the next day matter? Do I want to incorporate new and healthy rhythms in my life? And am I willing to do the work to get there? Not figuring it all out right now, but putting those healthy rhythms, those routines, developing habits.

What we really want are habits that will last for a lifetime, not something we pour all our time and energy into for a couple of months. And then we fall off the wagon and say, this is too hard.

[00:08:07] This is how we pursue realistic, achievable, flexible goals that last for your life and that help you move towards who you are becoming.

Last week we looked at goal-setting and new year’s resolutions at a very high level. We, we looked at how we look at how we set goals. And we said, we need to set the right goals for us, AND have a plan to make progress on those goal. Because if we are not setting the right goals, and if we are thinking that we can just use our willpower to make those goals happen, then we’re going to set ourselves up for failure.

[00:09:01] There is a process to how we set up our lives. And it starts with making sure that we are setting the right goals for us. So that’s really what we’re going to hone in on today: How to know what goals you should be setting, what the right goals are for you. Because before we can make our plan and set up our schedule to support those goals, we need to make sure we’re setting the right goals.

[00:09:30] Before we dive into the nitty-gritty, I want to let you know that I am going to do a more in-depth training on pursuing goals. I’ll be going in the MilSpouse Mastermind Facebook community on Monday, January 24. That evening, I’m going to go live and take you through the exact process that I use to do my annual goal setting.

[00:10:02] We’re going to talk through how to reflect on our previous year, how to assess where we’re at, how to dream big, how to set goals and reverse engineer those big dreams and actually make progress on our goals. I’m so excited about this opportunity to sit down and talk through this whole process with you in one setting.

[00:10:27] And to help you do this for 2022, to help you set yourself up for success and for your best year yet. I’m going to have a workbook for those of you who join me live. It will take you through the process that I go through every year.

Here’s what I want for you. I want 2022 to be a great year for you. No matter what your circumstances are. I want you to be able to start dreaming big, to make progress on your goals. I want to see you step into your story, into crafting a life with purpose. I am believing that there are so many incredible breakthroughs that are for you this year, and it starts with each of us sitting down and dreaming big and being intentional about our year.

[00:11:26] It will be Monday night, if you are in the states, on January 24th, 8:00 PM EST. I hope that you are able to either get your kids into bed or have somebody else watch them so that you can get some focus time. And we can walk through this process together. If you are in Guam like me, it’s going to be Tuesday midday.

[00:11:49] But I think for most of you, it will be Monday night. I’m hopeful that you can get some quiet space and sneak away, and we can talk through this together. If you’re not able to be there live, I will have the replay available for you to listen to, but this is really for those of us who want to set up our year for success and for living a life of more meaning and purpose and figuring out how we can actually set and pursue goals for 2022..

[00:12:17] I think this is so, so important because most of the goal setting gurus, I follow don’t live a mobile lifestyle. They don’t pack up and move across the country or the world on a regular basis. They’re not struggling to find a reliable sitter or be able to carve out the time to learn the local area and start investing in building new friendships.

[00:12:46] They’re not volunteering at squadron events and trying to re-order their lives every 24 months, 36 months, whatever it is for you. There is so much of life that is outside of our control. If you are in a place where you have a set pattern, where you have all of these elements of your life that are more or less reliable, you can build on that.

[00:13:13] You can grow, you can tweak, and really build this almost linear life. Yes, life is going to happen. There’s always going to be curve balls thrown our way, no matter where we are in life, but as a military family, there are so many more things outside of our control.

[00:13:39] This is about setting goals that work for a mobile lifestyle. I am setting goals this year for myself with the knowledge that we are going to be unsettled for several months. We have another overseas move coming up, and we’re going to be without the majority of our belongings for 3, 4, 5 months. We’ll be living out of suitcases, trying to plan a family trip back to the states somewhere in there to see family.

[00:14:06] And that means we will be living on the road. I’m going to be without my car for a couple of months, so it’s not like I can just go sneak away to my car and record an episode. It takes a lot more intentionality and thought to be committed to pursuing goals. And then we’ll get to our next duty station, and I will have a lot of work to do unpacking, familiarizing myself with the local area, and trying to get our family settled, get our kids into their activities, help them make friendships.

[00:14:39] There’s just a lot to do living life, while also pursuing my goals and chasing my big dreams. That’s my life. And I know that’s your life too. There’s so much that we can’t control. And that’s why it is so important for us to set the right goals, goals that are realistic and use a flexible goal setting method that works for our lives.

[00:15:06] And so we’re going to go through this whole system together, and I really, really hope that you can join us for that, because I want us to pursue the things on our heart to step into our story and to move towards who we are becoming and to living a life that feels filled, fueled, and full of joy.

[00:15:32] You and I, and all of us, have a choice. We have the choice to stay where we are today or make a change. And my hope for you is that you will choose to grow this year. To move towards who you are becoming. To step out in faith, to step out and craft a life with purpose.

[00:16:00] Because when you and I join together to pursue the things that light our hearts on fire, not only do we move towards who we are becoming, we move towards that cycle of feeling filled, fueled and full of joy. And perhaps even more importantly, we move towards using what we have to bless others, to make a difference, to impact the world for good.

[00:16:28] There is something that is on each of our hearts. We’re made for more, we have a purpose. And when we step into our story, we make an impact and together we impact the world for good. This is available to each and every one of us if we’re willing to let go of the thoughts that aren’t serving us. That’s not me. That won’t work for me. That doesn’t work for my life. And instead embrace what is and say, How can I? Why not me? So mark your calendars for that training. I am excited to share my full process with you!

HOW DO I CHOOSE THE RIGHT GOALS FOR ME?

For now, let’s drill down and talk about how to set the right goals for us. Goals that will fill us and fuel us with life, that lead us towards who we want to be. Not goals based on popular metrics or goals that someone else sets as desirable.

[00:17:30] We want goals that reflect our own values. So today we’re diving into this topic of growth goals, and I want to quickly remind you of why goal setting actually matters.

WHY GOAL SETTING MATTERS

Those that actually set and assess their goals on a regular basis are much more likely to achieve them. So. So while I am less concerned with whether we actually achieved the goal we set out, we know from research that if we don’t set goals, then we’re much less likely to achieve them.

[00:18:08] So if we want to move in a particular direction, if we want to make progress in a particular area, Then the best way to do that is by setting a goal, and coming up with a plan, with developing the habits that are going to get us there. If we don’t have a direction that we want to go in, we’re not actually planning for the future and living with intentionality. And we’re probably not going to get where we want to go.

We will do more, become more, achieve more, step into who we’re meant to be, when we actually take the time to assess where we are and come up with a plan, a goal and direction that we are moving towards. Why goal-setting matters is because we need to know where we are going.

HOW TO KNOW WHICH GOALS ARE RIGHT FOR ME?

[00:18:52] Now, the second thing, how do I know what the right goals are for me? And, you know, there are so many people with different goal setting methods out there. They’re going to tell you all sorts of ways to go about setting goals. How to set a goal. What a good goal should be. But here are three things that I want you to keep in mind.

1. 1. YOUR GOAL SHOULD ALIGN WITH YOUR VALUES

Number one, the goals that you set should be in alignment with your values. And we’ve talked before on the show, how each of us has a different set of core values. And if your goals are not in alignment with that, then they’re not going to be a priority.

[00:19:42] So you need to know why you want a goal, and it needs to align with one of your core values. It goes hand in hand with this. Sometimes we get so caught up in a goal because somebody else has that goal. Or we think that culture says, Hey, this is a good goal to have. We want success. We want achievement.

[00:20:11] We want to travel. We want to get a new car, a new home, or we get focused on all of these outside elements that may or may not be in alignment with who we are, with who we want to be, and with what we value. So the first part of this is that it needs to be in alignment with what your core values are.

1. 2. YOUR GOAL SHOULD ALIGN WITH WHO YOU WANT TO BE

[00:20:39] The second part of this is it needs to reflect who you want to be. This is not about what we are achieving or accomplishing or obtaining. These goals reflect who we want to be and how we want to show up.

1. 3. YOUR GOALS SHOULD ENCOMPASS ALL AREAS OF LIFE

And the third part of setting the right goals for us is setting goals that encompass all areas of your life. And I’ll go into this in more detail in a second, but it’s this idea that we get so focused on specific goals.

[00:21:15] One specific area of our life. Um, maybe you are growing a business and it’s really easy for you to set goals for your business, or you work for a company and you are doing really well in your job. And you’re getting lots of awards and accolades, and it’s easy to set metrics and goals that you want to hit because you’re doing well in that area.

[00:21:38] But the thing is we weren’t meant to be one-dimensional people. We weren’t meant to do really well in one thing, and then have the rest of our life falling apart. If we want to live a life that is fulfilling, a life of meaning and purpose, then we need to realize that we are whole people, and we need to set goals for all different facets of our life.

[00:22:04] We need to yes, set goals for how we’re going to pursue our purpose, but that’s only one piece of the puzzle. We also need to know how we’re showing up in how we’re caring for our mind, our body and our spirit. We need to set goals about our relationships. And so the easiest way for me to show you how to do this is the growth wheel.

THE GROWTH WHEEL

[00:22:29] The growth wheel is a tool I developed to help us assess where we were, where we are and how we want to grow. How we set growth goals for ourselves. This is so much easier to do when you have a visual. It’s one thing for me to explain this over my microphone to you, but it’s something else when you have something that you can look at and hold in your hands and see what I am talking about.

[00:23:01] If you haven’t done so yet, head over to milspousemastermind.com/ growthwheel. And you’re going to be able to download a growth wheel assessment. And we’re going to talk about how to do this and how this is going to help you on your journey to setting growth goals.

[00:23:23] But you, if you’re driving, just make note of that. I will have that linked below in the show notes, but I really want you to take tangible action on this and to be able to see a visual of what we’re talking about. Okay. So let’s just pretend that you have this downloaded and it’s sitting in front of you.

[00:23:43] And so I’m going to try to explain it. But if I’m not totally clear, go ahead, download that and you’ll be able to get the visual. The growth wheel is simply a tool for us to assess our lives. When we talk about, on this show, how we get unstuck and craft a life with purpose. This is where we start. And it starts from assessing where we are today, what our life looks like, and what kind of changes we want to make.

[00:24:13] And so when we talk about life, we want to start with this question. How does life feel today? That’s a really big question. That’s why we break it down into 10 specific life areas to assess yourself on. Now, when you download the growth wheel, you will see that there is a big question in the center of the wheel.

WHO DO I WANT TO BE?

[00:24:41] And the question is who do I want to be? And so this is the question that we go back to over and over again, because all of the goals that we’re going to set are not based on what we’re achieving. They’re based on who we want to be, who we want to be as a whole, how we want to grow. And in each area of our life.

INPUTS & OUTPUTS

[00:25:07] The core is who do you want to be. And then you will see arrows that point clockwise. It’s set up like a clock and on the right hand side, you will see the inputs. And on the left-hand side, you will see all of the output categories. And this idea really came from reading Rebecca Lyon’s book, Rhythms of Renewal. She talks about how we have to have healthy inputs in order to have healthy outputs.

[00:25:41] So on the right-hand side, we talk about healthy inputs. Those categories are rest, mind, body, spirit, and home. And then on the left-hand side, you will see the five output categories, which are spouse, family, friends, finances, and purpose.

BUCKETS OF BALANCE

All of these 10 areas can basically be boiled down into three buckets that I call our buckets of balance or our fundamental needs: care, connect, and contribute. Because what I have found is that if one of these buckets is not present in our life, life will feel out of balance. We will feel like something is missing. Life will not feel fulfilling. So we need these three buckets to be healthy, whole people.

[00:26:46] When you break that down further, it means we need to care for ourselves. We need to be in healthy relationships with others, and we need to have something that we’re contributing a contribution outside of ourself. It can’t be just about ourselves. It’s about using what we have to bless and to serve others. And so if we are not using something to serve others, then life will not feel fulfilling.

[00:27:14] And the order is so important in this wheel because this is what pulls us out of the cycle of feeling stressed and exhausted and overwhelmed and burned out. If we are killing it in our business or our job and we are doing great, but we are not caring for ourselves. We’re gonna burn ourselves out.

[00:27:40] And so we have to engage in this cycle of healthy inputs and healthy outputs, because that is what’s going to pull us into the cycle of living filled, fueled, and full of joy. And that’s why the very first category we talk about in the growth wheel is the category of rest. And I’ve talked about rest on the show before I will link that episode in the show notes, but this is the foundation for everything we do.

10 MAJOR LIFE AREAS

[00:28:10] We work from a place of rest, not from a place of hustle. We can try to hustle our way to success, but we will wind up in this place of exhaustion and burnout. If we want to live in a healthy rhythm, feeling filled, fueled, and full of joy. We start from this place of rest and incorporate regular rhythms of rest and play in our lives.

[00:28:37] So let me walk you through the 10 categories very quickly. And then I’m going to talk about how we, number one, assess where we’re at. And then we set our growth goals based on this. So the first category is play and rest. And the question we ask is, did I take time to rest, reflect and enjoy things that fuel and fill me with life? Now, I don’t want you to get caught up in the exact wording.

[00:29:05] This is just an idea to get you started to think about this area of your life. And especially when we talked about annual goal-setting, I want you to reflect on the whole last year. What you’ve walked through, and where you are today, and how you feel in each of these areas. If you were to rate that on a scale of one to 10, what number would you give that?

SUSTAINABLE SELF CARE

[00:29:30] So we’ve talked about rest and play, and then we’re going to talk about our self-care what I like to call sustainable self care, because it’s really comes down to how we’re caring for our mind, body and spirit. So the first question is our mental and emotional health. Are we staying curious? Are we nourishing our emotional wellbeing?

[00:29:56] Are we choosing gratitude? And then our physical health, are we caring for our physical health and wellbeing? Are we regularly moving our bodies? Are we feeding ourselves foods that are nourishing to our body? How are we doing physically? And then our spiritual health. Did I connect with God or a higher power this year? Did I prioritize my faith and values in my daily life? How am I doing spiritually?

And then this last piece of the inputs is here because it is part input and part output category. And this is our home environment. How we are engaging with our home, because what I have found is that our home is a place of rest and renewal, and it is also a way that we give and serve those we are in relationship with.

[00:30:56] So how does my home make me feel? Am I taking care of and cultivating a life giving home? Where does it feel good about my home? Where do I feel like I definitely have some work to d?. I’m not staying on top of all of the tasks. Because I know for me, if my home is crazy, than the rest of my life feels crazy too. So caring for our home and how we are using our home to support ourselves, to support our family and to serve others.

RELATIONSHIPS

And then we move into that connect bucket, and specifically for our spouse or significant other, how has our relationship with our spouse? Are we demonstrating love and affection? And are we affirming them in what they do?

[00:31:49] And our family. If you have kids, this is really primarily focused on your kids, but are you being present with your family? Are you being a role model for them? Are you helping them grow and helping them become the people that they are meant? And then friendships. I think we, especially, if you are a work from home military spouse, it can be really hard to build relationships.

[00:32:18] Sometimes if you are moving to a new place, it just takes so much time and effort to build healthy relationships, but it is such an important part of our ability to thrive. The question for you is, did you cultivate mutually beneficial relationships with others this year? How are you doing in the friendship bucket?

PURPOSE

[00:32:44] And then we move into our contribute bucket, which has two categories. Financial. Was I responsible and generous with my resources and my planning for the future? And then our purpose or mission. Now notice, I didn’t say vocation because this may or may not be tied directly to how you are bringing in income.

[00:33:09] So you may have a job just for the sake of bringing an income, but what you really feel passionate and called to do is something that’s not really bringing you income right now. Or it might be income generating activity. It might be just where you volunteer or serve. It might be homeschooling your kids.

[00:33:30] And that is what you are pouring into in this season. It is how you are choosing to contribute to something outside of yourself. Did you spend this year contributing value and pursuing your purpose? And these are the 10 areas and the three buckets that make up our whole life. And so first we need to assess where we’re at.

HOW DOES LIFE FEEL TODAY?

[00:33:54] And I went through and I gave myself a number for each particular area on a scale of one to 10. And then I sat down and said, Why? What was it that I did or did not do that contributed to my score in this area? Sit with eacharea of life for a few minutes and just they, what is it that is making me feel this way.

HOW DO I WANT TO GROW?

[00:34:23] And then what do I want to change for the next year now based on the score that I have and what contributed to that score, then I go through each area and specific actions or habits or goals based on how I want to grow in each category. Now probably, for most of us, we may not achieve everything that we write down, but we’re just doing a big brainstorm and getting all of these ideas out on paper.

SET SOME GROWTH GOALS

[00:34:59] But this is where our growth goals for the year are going to come. I now do this assessment on a quarterly basis with my husband, and I try to do it on a monthly basis myself, so that I am continually assessing my progress, how I’m doing in each of these areas? But one thing you will know is that none of us are great in every area all the time.

[00:35:32] There’s going to be a give and tug. And so when we talk about living a balanced life, it’s not about being a hundred percent in each area all the time. It’s about making sure these core buckets of balance are being poured into on a regular basis. The second thing that we’ll see when we take the time to assess where we’re at in each area is that we can start to see patterns.

[00:36:00] What’s holding me back because each of these areas affects all of the other areas of our life. So when we start to look at, okay, where am I killing it right now? And where am I really struggling? And then we got to figure out what we’re going to prioritize in this. Season, and it can be easy to focus on what we’re already doing well, but I also want you to think about areas that not necessarily your worst area, but the area that if you change that one area, it will have the biggest impact in the other.

PRIORITIZE YOUR GROWTH

[00:36:37] And that’s how we begin to prioritize. Okay. What am I going to focus on in this season? And in this year, this is the foundation of my goal setting method. It’s not about where you’re going to travel or what you’re going to accomplish. It’s about who you want to be, and setting yourself up for success, and learning how to thrive and to live with more joy and less overwhelmed in our daily life.

[00:37:10] So if you have listened to people set goals, and you’re like, I don’t know what goals are, the right goals to set. I hope that you will give this method a chance. I hope that you will go to milspousemastermind.com/growthwheel and  download the guide, which will talk you through how you do the assessment, how you think through what areas are possibilities and then prioritize what you want to grow.

NEXT STEPS

[00:37:40] And then we’re going to go do what we talked about last week. We’re going to reverse engineer those. We’re going to prioritize what matters most. We’re going to set habits that will support our progress. And we’re going to craft a schedule that helps us move the needle on accomplishing our growth goals, or at least making progress towards who we want to be now.

[00:38:12] There’s a lot that I’ve said, this is a much longer episode than I usually like to put out. But I really felt like it was important that you get the meat, the understanding of how it’s actually possible to set and achieve meaningful goals this year. That you can do this.

[00:38:39] And I am here to support you in your journey. I would just love it if you would hop into the Facebook group, let us know if you have set goals. For the year. I would love to hear about your goal setting process. What you’ve tried, what’s worked for you, what hasn’t worked for you.

[00:39:01] Um, or if you just want to connect on a more personal level, then feel free to send me an email, christine@milspousemastermind.com and I will connect with you there. I’m going to try to wrap this up as quickly as possible and send you on your way. And so I hope that you have an amazing week and that you live filled, fueled and full of joy.