[00:00:00] Christine: Hi friend, are you overthinking? Overscheduling overdoing, overreacting, all the things. Well, I can guarantee you. You are not alone, but what have I told you that you could reduce your stress and anxiety simply by adopting five mindset shifts? I know it can sound a little. Woo woo. When we talk about mindset, but please hear me out because the truth is our thoughts.

[00:00:28] They determine our attitudes and beliefs. They inform our actions and behaviors and over time, those thoughts, those actions, they become habits and ultimately our identity. And if we will simply change the way that we look at our circumstances, we can dramatically improve our. So today we’re gonna talk about five shifts to make in your thinking, five ways of reframing your thinking that will set you up for success for the rest of your life.

[00:01:06] So, what do you say let’s grow together?

[00:02:01] Hey, amazing milspouse. Welcome back to the milspouse mastermind show. I’m so excited to be back with you today. This is the personal development podcast. For military spouses each week, we talk about how to get unstuck and craft a life with purpose. Whether that be how to get unstuck, how to reframe your thinking, how to develop resilience.

[00:02:27] How to get clear on your unique purpose, how to pursue your purpose as a military spouse and find balance in the process, because we all know life isn’t easy, but I want you to understand that a life of meaning and purpose, a life that makes you go from frustrated to fulfilled is possible for you today.

[00:02:54] You are more than a milspouse. You have something to offer the world and it’s possible for you to step into your story and craft a life with purpose. So today we’re talking about these five mindset shifts to help you reduce the stress and anxiety you feel in life. And I wanna have this conversation today because tomorrow I’m actually going live inside our Facebook group to do a free.

[00:03:19] Training about managing our stress and anxiety as military spouses, I try to do these more in depth trainings inside our group three to four times a year, just to mix things up and do some face to face interaction. I want to have you engaged in the process and not just hear me talking at you from my microphone.

[00:03:41] I wanna actually let you see my face and develop that connection. That’s gonna be tomorrow 3:00 PM. Eastern standard time, 2:00 PM central standard time. I realize that might be when several of you have to pick up kids from school. I’m sorry. Trying to make all of the time zone. Work is kind of tricky, but I figured, you know, let’s just pick a time.

[00:04:06] I will have a replay available if you’re unable to join us live, but I really want to get this in the hands of as many military spouses as possible, because I know that this is something that so many of us struggle with. We have all of this stress. We have all of this anxiety that comes from this life of uncertainty that we lead.

[00:04:28] But there are strategies to help us manage our stress and our anxiety. So I wanna have this conversation with you tomorrow. So I figured let’s start today just by talking about these five mindset shifts that we can make, because I know. That you’re probably dwelling on some of these things, because these are all things that I have faced and struggled with and, and really had to work to overcome in my own life.

[00:04:55] And so I know that this is gonna be true for so many of you as well. And I think part of this is just because these are all things that are common in, in our upbringing. So many of these things are things that I just adopted as truth from the time that I was a kid and it’s taken me a learning process to be able to reframe these thoughts and how to take these thoughts, that really weren’t serving me and replace them with thoughts that are helping me thrive.

[00:05:29] And I want to offer this to you today. So let’s quickly go through what these five shifts that you can make are. Number one think progress, not perfection. I like to call myself a recovering perfectionist because. I would love to make everything look perfect, to go perfectly the way that it looks to my mind that there’s not mistakes, that this is exactly how I want it to be, but it’s really, really easy to get.

[00:06:04] Stuck there and it’s not serving me. It doesn’t help me show up and serve you if it were up to me, if it were a perfect world, I would record this episode five times until I was exactly happy with the way that it sounded. And I was like, okay, this is how I want it to be. But if that were true, I would never get a podcast episode out because I would keep trying to fi finesse it until I was completely happy with it.

[00:06:31] And then I would never be doing the thing that I feel called to do. And so it’s really embracing this idea of progress. Not perfection. Am I doing the thing? Am I moving forward? Does it not necessarily look the way exactly that I would want it to look or that I have gone as far as I would want to go, but am I showing up and am I taking steps forward steps in the right direction?

[00:06:59] Yes, I’m gonna take some backward steps. That’s part of our journey. It’s not a straight linear path to success. But it’s really about progress, not perfection. And the questions that we need to be asking ourselves about our journey is am I making progress? Part of being human means sometimes we get hurt.

[00:07:23] We fail, we get stressed out. We make mistakes. It doesn’t turn out the way that we want it to look or we didn’t accomplish the goal that we wanted to accomplish. And the question is, did I make progress? Did I learn something? Am I moving in the right direction? So number one is think progress, not perfection.

[00:07:45] Number two is think process, not outcome. And this is similar to number one. But it’s, it’s so much of what we grew up with is this focus on the, uh, end results. Did you get the grade that you were supposed to get? Did you accomplish the thing you were supposed to accomplish? It’s all about outcomes, all about results, but it’s really what we need to focus on is the process.

[00:08:15] It’s taking our focus away from what the result is gonna be and what, and turning it towards what we can actually control. And that is our process, the skills that we are learning, the small steps that we are taking, and those are things that we can work on so much of the time we can’t control the outcome.

[00:08:37] We can’t control where we live. We can’t control the job that we get, but what we can control. Is the process, the skills we are developing, the ways that we are showing up the actions that we are taking the process, not the. And the third shift that I think is so important. And this was really the pivotal shift for me in my own life, because I spent so much time and energy focused on what I should be doing.

[00:09:10] And I’ve talked about this before in the show, because I think this is something that so many of us struggle with because from the time that we were little kids, people ask. What do you want to do when you grow up? It was all focused on the doing. Do you want to make money as a veterinarian? Do you want to become a counselor?

[00:09:32] Do you want to become a teacher? What do you want to do? And when you become a military spouse, and all of these opportunities feel like they are taken away from you and you don’t have the career options that you once did. And you don’t know how to do the path that you thought was going to be the path for you.

[00:09:54] It’s easy to get stuck in this place of what do I do? What should I be doing? What is the right job? That’s gonna solve all of my problems. And the question that we need to ask is who not, what, who do you want to be? Not what do you want to do with your life, but who do you want to become? What do you want people to say about you as a whole being as a whole person, as an integrated, healthy human being.

[00:10:29] And it’s not about. You do or how much money you make it’s about who you are. And if you feel aligned, are you feeling alignment with who you’re supposed to be? Or are you feeling like something is off in your life? And if something feels off it’s often because we’re focused on the what rather than who, so think who, not what.

[00:10:57] The fourth shift that we can take is to really focus on doing what matters, not what everybody says we should be doing, not what is expected of us, not what you know, so, and so next door did, they threw the big birthday party for their kids. And so now I feel obligated to throw the big birthday party for my kids or to.

[00:11:23] Volunteer at this school event or at the squadron event, it’s really focusing on what matters for you and for your family. It’s identifying your values and taking action based on those values. Not on what everybody says is the thing to. So do what matters to you. And then the fifth shift that I think is so important for all of us to make is to choose courage over comfort.

[00:11:59] So much of our lives has been about you want to do what makes you happy? What makes you feel comfortable? What puts you in your comfort zone? But that is not where. Happens. That is not where we grow into becoming who we’re meant to be growth comes through challenge. And, and the thing that is the most interesting to me about this is we think that being comfortable is going to make us happy.

[00:12:30] And the more that we try to pursue happiness, the farther it feels from. And there’s plenty of books and studies out there that really speak to this. I just finished the book. Think again by Adam Grant. And he is talking about this challenge of why pursuing happiness doesn’t work. And he actually quotes John Stewart mill and says, those only are happy that have their minds fixed on some object.

[00:13:02] Other than their own happiness on the happiness of others, on the improvement of mankind, aiming thus at something else, they find happiness along the way. When we focus when we make happiness or comfort our goal, we’re not going to find that. But when we put our focus on something else on serving others on using our uniqueness to make a difference in the lives of others, that’s where we find happiness and fulfillment.

[00:13:35] So really it’s about reframing the way that we think about things and not choosing comfort or happiness is our. We choose courage over comfort, because it’s gonna make us uncomfortable to step into our story, to choose a life that is not about what’s easy or what is, um, What everybody else is doing to choose the path of stepping into your purpose into a life that impacts the world for good.

[00:14:09] And that leads you to the person that you wanna be. It’s gonna make you uncomfortable, but that’s actually going to give you what you really want. It’s actually going to help you craft a life that really lights you. That you love that’s possible for you today. It’s about finding fulfillment trading that isolation and that frustration for a fulfilling life as a military spouse is possible for you today, but it does require some shifts in the way that we look at life.

[00:14:44] Number one. Think progress, not perfection. Number two, think process, not outcome. Number three. Think who not what? Number four choose to do what matters, not what’s expected of you. And number five, choose courage over comfort. I hope that these five mindset shifts are ones that you choose to adopt for your own life and that you will remind yourself.

[00:15:16] Of them often. And the more that you remind yourself, the more that you will believe that this is true, that you will take actions in alignment with these beliefs and that. They will ultimately change your life and show you what’s really possible for you and help you step into your story into becoming the amazing meal spouse.

[00:15:43] I know you are. So I hope you found these tips valuable. Just remember tomorrow I am going live inside of our Facebook group together to talk about managing stress and anxiety. As military spouses, I would love to see you in there. Again, that is gonna be at 3:00 PM Eastern standard time, 2:00 PM central.

[00:16:08] Um, there will be a replay available if you are not already a part of our free Facebook community, you can jump inside just by going to. Milspouse, mastermind.com/community. Join us in there. Invite a friend. I will see you over inside the group tomorrow until then may you live filled, fueled, and full of joy.