[00:00:00] Christine: Hi friends. Welcome back to the milspouse mastermind show. Today, we are diving into the question of whether your spouse should get out or reenlist. Now, when your spouse signed up for the military, maybe you knew what you were getting into and maybe you didn’t, maybe you weren’t even in the picture yet.

[00:00:20] But at some point, every single military family will face this question. Is it time to say goodbye to the military lifestyle? So let’s talk about it. How do you know what the right answer should be for your family?

[00:01:29] Oh, my gosh, you guys, can you believe it? We are just a few short episodes away from releasing our official 100th episode of the milspouse mastermind show. I, this was something I could not have even fathom when I started the show. Last year, but here we are, we actually have over a hundred episodes, but based on the ones that are numbered, we are almost to that hundred episode mark.

[00:01:58] So thank you. Thank you. Thank you for listening for sharing this podcast with other military spouses, because this is truly how we learn to thrive. As military spouses, we don’t stay stuck alone and. In our own bubbles, we have to reach out to know that other people are walking through difficult seasons as well, and that we are better together.

[00:02:23] So thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing. And one of the most important and biggest ways that you can help support this show is by leaving a rating and review on apple iTunes. If you go to apple podcast, you leave that reading review. If you ask your friends to leave a reading and review, this is how the algorithm works.

[00:02:48] It’s how our podcast gets found. Um, and by you sharing this with others, so it would mean the world to me. If you would share this podcast with, uh, with others in your life, if you would just leave a rating and review on apple, if you haven’t already done. That helps us so much. And it lights me up every time I see somebody has left a rating and review.

[00:03:12] So thank you for doing that. I am excited to celebrate the, a hundredth episode with you. I have episodes and ideas planned for ES to celebrate all through the month of September. So I’m excited to walk through that with you. I also wanna let you know that there are still a few spots available. If you want to book one of the free clarity call sessions with me, if you are struggling to figure out who you are, what you have to offer, how to build a life with purpose, then I would love to sit down with you in a clarity session, let me know where you’re struggling and we will help you.

[00:03:54] Unstuck. And all you have to do is go to milspouse, mastermind.com/clarity call. And there’s a form for you to fill out, to get on the list and get that free call scheduled. So I just wanna let you know that that is available and an option for you. So today we are talking. About the question of whether your spouse should get out or reenlist.

[00:04:20] Now I got this question the other day. How do I know if my spouse should reenlist or if we should go guard? So I started thinking about this question, like how, how do we talk about this? Should we talk about specifically guard versus active duty? And, um, how do we structure this? But the more that I thought about it, the.

[00:04:42] That I thought, you know, that is a particular option for some people, but all of us are going to face this question of, should our family keep doing what we’re doing right now? Or is it time for something different? And if so, what does that different thing look like for us? And the particulars are gonna look different for each family.

[00:05:07] The right choice is gonna be different for each of us. The truth is I have friends who have gotten out and gone the civilian route and they absolutely love the way that their life looks. And I have friends that have done that and, and found out that they’re just as unhappy outside of military life as they are inside of it.

[00:05:32] So how do you know if you’re really going to be happy? And if the answer for your family is getting out of military life, Well, I don’t know, but I do know that there are core questions that all of us can ask to help us determine what the right answer is for ourselves and for our families. So I came up with four questions for you and your spouse to talk through, as you began to think about the next season of your life and what that should look like for your.

[00:06:09] Now, before we get into what those four questions are. I want to say that the choice that you are going to make should not be based on hypotheticals or assumptions, what you think is going to make your lives better. We, we can think that living in one spot for a long period of time is going to make our lives better.

[00:06:33] Or we can think that being able to have it. Predictable work schedule is gonna make our lives better or living in a certain location will make our lives better. It might make our lives better, but that that’s not necessarily a guarantee. And, and the struggles that you have where you’re at right now are still going to be struggles and things that you wrestle with.

[00:07:03] In a different location or in a different, um, life circumstance situation. So really the core questions that we need to ask are true, whether the military is determining where you live or whether you are determining where you live, because I truly believe it’s less about our external circumstances and more about who we are and what we do with what we.

[00:07:32] And that’s what leads us to a rich and meaningful life. And that’s why I say often that we can find a purpose in each and every season of life. And sometimes it’s hard when we feel like we can’t control our external circumstances and we have to figure out what are the core elements of our life? Who do we wanna be?

[00:07:56] What matters most to us and how do we live that out when we can’t control our circumstances? While that’s true when we can’t control our circumstances, it’s even more true when we do have more control over our external circumstances, it’s still so important to be clear on what we want and what matters most to us.

[00:08:22] So you can probably guess what my first question is going to be, but number one question that you and your spouse need to sit down and discuss together is what matters most to us. Get clear on what’s important to you, both as individuals and as a family unit, because we’re all unique. We’re all going to have things.

[00:08:45] We’re all going to have our core values. These are the things that really. Speak to us that light us up that are important to us. But then as a family unit, you’re gonna have things that are important to your family and, and being able to figure out what your individual values are and what your values are as family unit.

[00:09:07] Are so important. And that’s why I have the free values worksheet available for download from the website. Just go to mill spouse, mastermind.com/values to download that worksheet. And that will help you get clear on what those core values are. And that’s how you start to say, okay, what matters to us? The second question to discuss is what are our dreams for the future and why?

[00:09:38] So you really want to start dreaming together about your future. What are those long terms, dreams, not just in terms of, you know, where you live or what kind of house you live in, but how you want your. To feel what is important and why? Because I think so much. Of the time. It’s easy to say, well, I want to have a big house or I, I want to have lots of money, but what we really wanna get clear on is why those things matter to you.

[00:10:12] What do you hope to do with the big house? What will the big house give you? What will having money, give you? What is it that is really important to you and what you want your future to look. Do you want to have a strong family unit? Do you want to have the ability to impact others’ lives? Do you want the freedom to be able to travel and see the world?

[00:10:39] What dreams do you have for the future and why? Just spend some time together as a family dreaming about what you would like your life to look and feel. The third thing to ask yourself as a couple with your partner, do each of you have a sense of what your purpose is? Do you know what your sweet spot is?

[00:11:05] When we talk about crafting a life with purpose, it’s really getting, it’s really getting clear on what our sweet spot is, because there’s a lot of ways that we can. Out of our purpose, but we need to get clear on our sweet spot in terms of what are your skills and experiences? What lights you up, who do you wanna be?

[00:11:27] How do you want to show up what causes matter to you? So you need to know what lights you up, what utilizes your strengths? What are your strengths? What are your values? How do you wanna make an impact? And if you know that about yourself and you know that about your spouse, then you can begin to have that discussion about how each of you is able to live out your purpose, both in your current season of life and in the next.

[00:11:59] Season of life purpose can be described as using your uniqueness to serve others. So there’s a lot of ways that you can serve others, but you need to understand what your uniqueness is because all of that is going to play a role in what the best decision for your family. The fourth question that you need to ask is does our family have any specific needs or requirements?

[00:12:31] Perhaps you have a kid with special needs and they need to be in a place where they can receive. The care that they need. So there are specific situations for each family. Perhaps you have an aging parent and you really need to be close to that parent because they have no one else to rely on for support.

[00:12:51] There’s all sorts of situations and circumstances, but you need to figure out. Are there anything specific for our family that we need to take into consideration. And after you have sat down with these four questions, then it’s time to start looking at what all the options are. How can you prioritize what matters most and pursue purpose now.

[00:13:21] And is that the best option for the next season of life or is something else going to meet the needs and desires and dreams of your family better? What makes the most sense for your. So I’ll tell you what this looked like. The last time I sat down with my spouse to have this conversation, we looked at what was important to us, what each of our dreams were, what each of our sweet spot was and our ability to pursue purpose and what the needs of our family were at the time.

[00:14:00] And honestly, at the time we last made the decision, our kids were so little. They, they didn’t really play into that equation much. They were just coming along with the ride, but the biggest influence in our decision at the time was really getting clear on, you know, what my spouse, what his strengths are, um, and how, what the options were available and what would allow him.

[00:14:27] To best utilize his strengths and allow him to pursue his dreams and as well as my ability to pursue purpose and find fulfillment. And, and I told him at the time I feel like your strengths. And skills are best utilized, staying in more than they are trying to carve out another path based on the options available to us at this time.

[00:14:52] And staying in is going to set us up well for the future. And so that’s where we are today. And we’ll probably have this discussion again in another couple years and figure out what the right answer for us is at that time. But. But the key is not assuming that an external change of circumstance is going to solve.

[00:15:18] All of your problems where you struggle today, you’re probably gonna struggle in the next season. So what really matters is getting clear on the internal things that matter to you, to your spouse and to your family. So four questions to sit down and talk with your spouse about to figure out what the best.

[00:15:41] Situation and circumstance, what decision you need to make for the future is number one, what matters most to you? Both as individuals and as a family unit, what are your long term dreams and why? Again, both as individual people and as a family unit, what is your sweet spot? What is your partner’s sweet spot?

[00:16:08] Do you know what that is and what options are available to you? And then number four, this specific needs of your. Then look at the available options and ask yourself, is it possible to prioritize what matters most and pursue purpose now and what makes the most sense for our family moving forward? I hope this helps you.

[00:16:38] Guide a conversation that all of us are going to have eventually. Is it time to get out or should we reenlist? I would love to hear if this has helps you please pop over in our Facebook group, share with us what you’re thinking. If you are clear on who you are and what you want. And if your spouse is clear on that as well, if you are struggling to find answers to these questions, if you struggle with knowing who you are or, or what your unique purpose is, what your skills are, what you have to offer or how to craft a life with purpose, just remember that free clarity call is available for a limited time, by going to milspouse mastermind dot com forward slash clarity call. All right, guys. I hope you have an amazing week until next time may you live filled, fueled, and full of joy.