Christine: Hey friends! Welcome back to the Milspouse Mastermind Show. Today we are talking about PCSing (permanent change of station). So many of my friends are getting ready to PCS. And so I felt like it was really important for us to dive into this topic of how major life events can knock us off our game, but only if we let them.

[00:00:23] We’re going to talk about five things that you can do today to prevent a major life event, be it a PCS, a deployment, or whatever, from knocking you off your game. You can still pursue goals and prioritize the things that matter. It’s just going to be looking at it from a different perspective. So let’s talk about how we do that in today’s show.

Now, before we dig into the episode, I want to remind you if you have not already done soto head over to iTunes, to subscribe to the show and leave a review. If you’ve listened to more than a couple of episodes, it’s definitely time to subscribe and to share this information with other military spouses, especially leaving reviews for the show. That’s how we can get found in podcast players and get this message of encouragement, of personal development, of helping military spouses learn to thrive and pursue lives of purpose in each and every season, regardless of your circumstances.

So if you have found any value in this show, please share this with others, go over to iTunes and leave a review. I so appreciate all of your efforts and your impact on the lives of other spouses. So I was thinking I really wanted to do an episode all about PCSing because I have so many friends that are in the process of doing that right now.

[00:02:40] I’ve lived in six houses in the last seven or eight years. So I’m very familiar with the process of PCSing and it is not for the faint of heart. But when I was thinking about PCSing, there are numerous resources out there that can give you a specific checklist to follow, guides to follow of how to pack up your stuff and move it.

[00:03:05] But, nobody really talks about is the whole mental aspect of PCSing and how much it affects us mentally, emotionally, physically. So I wanted to give you some tools today to really help you prevent a PCS, or any major life event, from really knocking you off your game, from keeping you from hitting your goals.

[00:03:32] When I first started researching personal development in both settings, I would listen to and read all of these groups talk about how you set these goals, set these metrics. Then you put all the action steps so that you hit these metrics and you move forward and accomplish your goals. And I was like, great.

[00:03:52] But I’m a military spouse and there are so many things that come out of the blue. My spouse could walk home today and say, I’m deploying next week. I don’t have a way to predict what’s coming, but that’s going to affect the way that I set goals. The way that I actually move towards my goals, the way that I accomplish the things that I am trying to accomplish.

[00:04:16] So, what does this look like as a military spouse and how do we practically keep this from throwing us off our game? Okay. So the first thing that’s going to help you not get thrown off by a major life event is by focusing on growth over goals. Then what do I mean by this? So a lot of times when we think of a goal, we think of something measurable or specific.

[00:04:40] I want to have X number of this happen. Or I want to reach this specific number on the scale, or I want to hit this many downloads, or I want to get this many likes on my social media posts. Whatever that specific metric that you’re tracking is. We get so focused on reaching a particular number that we kind of let our lives get off balance.

[00:05:10] When we shift to focusing on growth goals, this is all about who you want to be and having a healthy relationship and a healthy balance of healthy inputs that lead to healthy outputs in our lives. So when something comes, that takes up a lot of our time and energy, we’re still making sure that we are having healthy inputs that lead to healthy outputs.

[00:05:40] Now to give you a really good visual of this, I’ve created this chart called the growth wheel. The growth wheel is all these elements of our lives that lead us to a sense of wholeness. On the right side of the wheel you will see the inputs. This is all about starting with that foundation of rest and then having sustainable self.

[00:06:09] So that we can engage in the outputs of relationships and impact. If you look at the chart, your inputs are there things that give you life that fill you up and fuel you so that you can pour out. So that you can connect with others, so that you can do the thing that you were put here to do, so that you can pour into your spouse, to your kids, to your friendships, to your family.

[00:06:43] All of those things come when we have healthy inputs. So instead of focusing on a specific growth number, it’s all about, am I keeping healthy inputs so that I can have outputs? Yes. My mission, my purpose, my vocation might take a back seat in a particular season and that’s okay. Because what really matters is that we are becoming who we are meant to be.

[00:07:16] Am I still taking time to rest, to reflect, to work on my physical, mental, emotional health? Am I still taking care of the things that matter to me? Our lives are most fulfilling when all areas of our life are healthy. And so if something is taking up more of our time, energy, and effort, then we need to make sure that we are aware of how it is affecting all other areas of our life.

[00:07:48] And rather than get frustrated by the fact that we may not be hitting specific productivity or accomplishment metrics, we can focus back on who we want to be and how we show up on a daily basis. And make sure that we are not comparing ourselves to anyone else because they may or may not be going through something in their life.

[00:08:16] Me, as someone who is PCSing, I cannot compare myself to somebody who has family that lives close by and full-time childcare and a nanny and a house cleaner. It’s just not a fair comparison. What they are called to do, the life that they have created that they’re living is not mine. And that’s okay. Because there is specific things on my heart that I have been called to do.

[00:08:43] And I have to be faithful to those. There are things on your heart that you have been called to do how you are called to show up. And that is all that matters. Not what anybody else is doing. Not what anybody else is achieving. Not what anybody else is becoming. Who you are meant to be. So we have to be able to push all those other things out of the way, stop comparing ourselves and focus back on who we’re meant to be.

[00:09:13] Do we have healthy inputs so that we can have healthy? Now I have linked in the show notes below and on the website, the download. So if you want to go get a copy of the growth wheel and you can see all of the elements, the inputs are sustainable self care metrics that we use to evaluate our inputs. And then look at the outputs, how we connect with others, the relationships that we build and the creation component, how we’re living a life of purpose.

[00:09:47] And all of that is available for your download. You can assess how you’re doing and then start setting goals based on that. So if step one is to focus on our growth goals, step two is to ask the right questions. Now these questions are things that I ask myself every year when I’m doing my annual planning, but they are also questions that if we find ourselves out of balance or having a major life event that shifts how our schedule looks. Then it’s another time to revisit these questions.

These seven questions are number one. What brings me joy? You need to know what it is that lights you up and what restores your soul. What are the things that bring you less?

[00:10:43] So that you can tap into those when life gets out of balance. Number two, what are my distractions now? Sometimes when life gets overwhelming, distractions can be held. Well, last year we were in the middle of a PCS and it was the most intense PCS I’ve ever been through. Basically an entire year of PCSing. I, we had to sell our home and so I started getting our home ready to sell in January of 2020.

[00:11:15] We put it on the market March of 2020, right before the world shut down. We ended up not selling it until I guess we closed that. 1st of July moved did not that we were doing an overseas PCS. So we did not get our belongings until October of 2020. So it literally feels like I spent the entire 2020 moving.

[00:11:40] And so I am so thankful. Barring any crazy thing out of the blue, we do not have to move this summer. Because I, even though we’ve been here, what, eight or nine months now, I still feel like we just finished PCSing. All of that story to say in the middle of last summer is when I was so super stressed out. We didn’t get orders until the last minute, which is hard you’re PCSing with three small children to the other side of the world.

 And I was just under a lot of stress and a lot of my normal stress relief outlets were not available to me because the world was shut down. And I reached this point where I just needed something to distract me from the stress of moving.

[00:12:28] There wasn’t a lot in my life that was bringing me joy. And I needed a little bit of distraction for me that was watching a show that just brought me joy and made me laugh. I spent a lot of last summer watching Parks and Rec. So all of that to say, sometimes distractions are a good thing because it pulls us out of the stress.

[00:12:53] But sometimes distractions can be detrimental to our growth. And so we have to be aware of what are those things that distract us from our goals. Do we turn to scrolling social media on our phone? Do we turn to going out with friends, or I guess we don’t thought to you as much anymore, but you know, is it food?

[00:13:18] That’s a distraction. Is it social media? That’s a distraction. Is it watching shows on Netflix or Apple TV or whatever, a distraction? Be aware of what those things are that take your time and energy without you even really being aware of it, then look at what commitments you currently have. What things are consistently on your schedule that you need to be spending time and energy on each week?

[00:13:49] Now the fourth question is what upcoming demands, events or projects are on the horizon. In this instance, a PCS is a major event on their horizon, and it’s going to shift almost everything about your life. So, because of those things, knowing what brings you joy, knowing what your distractions are, knowing what commitments you currently have, and what’s coming up now, it’s time to make some decisions, questions of what do you need to eliminate?

[00:14:25] What do you need to do more of? And what do you need to change about your schedule, your commitments, or your goals? So it could be, Hey, I do this thing for my church every week, but because we are preparing to PCS, I need more time to spend getting our stuff organized and sorted and getting rid of stuff we don’t need anymore.

[00:14:52] So I need to step back from some of my ongoing commitments or maybe it’s I set these specific goals that I was hoping to hit in my business or at work. But I need to readjust what those goals are based on what’s going on right now, or it can also be, Hey, I have this thing coming up and it’s going to be very stressful.

[00:15:17] So I need to figure out how I can really hone in on my health and fitness goals, or I really need to add additional stress relief options. For me, this was one thing that I really learned last summer was all of the things that I typically relied on as stress. I didn’t do because we’re in the middle of a pandemic, but because I had so much more acute stress inputs coming in, preparing for another PCS, I needed to have more stress relief options, helping.

[00:15:54] Process and release the stress in my body. And because I did not do that, that stress built up and I actually ended up getting really sick. Ultimately I developed shingles, which by the way, it is extremely painful and I don’t recommend it for anyone also often caused by stress. So be aware, take care of your body, take care of yourself, healthy and putz leads to healthy output.

[00:16:21] The third thing to think. Is that you have to understand your limitations and give yourself grace. We are all humans, which means we all have strengths and weaknesses. We have things that we are very skilled at, and we all have limitations on what those limitations are. Looks different for each of us. But the question.

[00:16:50] Do you know what your limitations are? Again, going back to my earlier point of how comparison always kills us, we look at somebody else who’s super organized and how they’re preparing for a PCs. And we think, oh, I’m not on top of things. And we make ourselves feel bad and we feel worse because we’re looking at how somebody else is managing.

[00:17:18] Be aware of your limitations and give yourself grace. If things don’t go according to plan, maybe talk to your super-organized BFF and ask her if she has a checklist you can borrow, or there’s lots of checklists out there on the internet. But the key is understanding what our weaknesses and our limitations are and working within them, rather than trying to fight them.

[00:17:47] all going to have hard days. We’re going to have bad days. We’re going to feel discouraged by our circumstances. There is, in my opinion, never been a PCS where something hasn’t gone wrong. Right. There’s going to be things that just don’t go according to plan. That timing might not line up or you might have to rent a vehicle and then somebody comes and backs into your vehicle and drives off.

[00:18:15] And you’ve got to deal with the insurance company. Deal with all of that stuff. And there’s always going to be something that goes wrong with the PCS. I’m sure you could all, if you’ve ever done a PCS before you could share your stories. But what I also love about military spouses is that we rise to the challenge.

[00:18:35] We rise to the occasion life. Hey, you need to do this. And so we do it even if we don’t think we can, we do it anyway. You can read story after story, as military spouses who have done things that none of us would think is even possible, but where there’s a will, there’s a way. So understand your limitations and give yourself grace.

[00:19:00] Especially on the hard days. My fourth tip is to create a PCS list. For us that has always looked like three components. Number one, things we want to see and do before we leave. There’s only so much time that we can spend in one spot unless you’ve been stationed in the same place for. In which case it’s different, but there’s usually places we want to visit before we leave people.

[00:19:31] We want to make sure that we can have dinner with, or, do something with, to spend that quality time. And so that only happens if it gets on our calendar. So we, we make that list of things we want to see and do, before we leave, then we make the list of all of the things we need to do in our current home.

[00:19:54] Is going to be different based on where you are and whether you own your home and you’re trying to sell it, or whether you’re going to own a home and rent it out, or whether you are renting the home. So it’s going to look different for each person in each family, but you need to understand all of the things that go into your current home and getting ready to leave that.

[00:20:14] And then the third list is the things you need to do to prepare. For where you’re going. So that may mean depending on what your family situation looks like, looking for schools or kids, activities, or churches or play groups or whatever it is in addition to do, we have that place to live. Do we know our stuff’s getting there?

[00:20:36] Do we know how we’re getting? Just create yourself a plan and knowing that plan and moving forward on your plan, checking those things off your list is gonna give you that reassurance that you are moving forward in the right timing so that you don’t allow. All of the stress to overwhelm you. The last thing I will say is to make self-care a priority.

[00:21:02] I know I started by saying focus on your growth goals, but I just want to reiterate that with the added stress, with the pressure, with the the heartache of having to say goodbye to people that you love, to watching your kids have to say goodbye to people that they love. There’s so much mental and emotional and physical challenges to PCSing or for that matter, any major life change.

[00:21:33] And that’s where it’s even more important to prioritize self-care. It’s not selfish. It’s what allows you to show up and be the person that you’re meant to be. You cannot pour into others if you are pouring from an empty cup. So make sure, as hard as this seems, as counter intuitive as it is, to create space for rest.

[00:21:58] Yes. Rest for reflection and for sustainable self-care. Take the nap go out and have a massage or go to the chiropractor, get an adjustment, whatever it is that really helps you show up as the best version of yourself to pour into others and to survive stressful seasons of life, you need that physical, spiritual, mental, emotional care.

[00:22:33] So those are my five main tips for helping you avoid a major life event, knocking you off your game. Focus, not on accomplishment, but on your growth goals, on who you’re becoming. Make sure you’re asking the right questions and adjusting your schedule and your expectations accordingly. Understand your limitations and give yourself.

[00:23:03] And for that matter, gives those around you grace, because they are going through a difficult time as well. We all struggle in different ways and we have to give ourselves grace and others, grace. And I always find when I assume that others are doing the best that they can, I have a much more empathetic outlook than.

[00:23:27] When I am just focused on myself. So give yourself grace and give others grace. Number four, create your plan for whatever that event is. Create a plan. Put it on paper and then you’ll be less stressed about what you’re missing, what you’re forgetting, because it’s all written down in one spot. You can go look at that.

[00:23:50] If you are not a detailed person, find somebody that can help you with this, but I guarantee you, you will feel much better after you know, that the things that need to be taken care of are being taken care of so that you can live your life. And. As hard as it seems. Don’t neglect, self-care, put the extra time and effort into healthy inputs so that you can show up with healthy.

[00:24:20] For those around you. I hope that these tips will help you. If you are PCs in the summer. I think we have at least one more year until we have to do it again. It is definitely an adventure. I know there’s going to be great people and great opportunities for you wherever you’re going. If you are not PCSing, I’m sure that you probably know someone who is, so share this episode with them. And just let’s encourage one another, that we can do the hard things.

[00:24:56] No major event has to knock you off your game. You can pursue your dreams and goals, regardless of your circumstances. Sometimes things are going to take a back seat. It’s all about finding balance and realizing that there are seasons for everything, but baby steps day by day can move you closer toward a life of joy, of purpose and impact of a life that you love to show up for a life that lights you up and in turn lights, others up.

[00:25:34] We are in this together. We are better together and together we can change the way. Okay, one last reminder. If you have not downloaded your growth wheel, this is going to help you start to set your growth goals, evaluate where you currently are, and what areas you need to make adjustments. And that guide right there is a link below in the show notes, or you can find it over on our website.

[00:26:05] Until next time, friend, may you live filled, fueled, and full of joy.