[00:00:00] Christine: Hey, amazing milspouse. Welcome back to the milspouse mastermind show. On Monday, we talked about how to dream big as a military spouse and how we so often believe that something isn’t possible for us or that it will be too hard because of the military life. And we let that keep us. , but what happens when we do dream big, when we start to believe that change is possible, when we embrace what the life that we have today, when we start to get clear on who we are, who we wanna be, who we want to serve, what we want our life to be, we create this vision, this understanding of our purpose.

[00:00:49] But then there are these two big dream killers that can get in the way. Sometimes even before we ever start to take action on a dream. And sometimes after we’ve taken action, these two dream killers will rear their ugly heads and try to halt our progress to make us lose momentum, to tempt us, to give up.

[00:01:15] But if we do. We will, once again, find ourselves feeling stuck, frustrated, and unfulfilled. And so my goal today is to help you anticipate these two dream killers and have a plan of action to deal with them. Before they sabotage your dreams and Des destroy the impact you are meant to make in this world.

[00:01:40] So what do you say let’s dive into the show.

[00:02:39] Now I’m hoping if you are listening to this episode today, you have already gone and listened to Monday’s episode, where we talked about how to dream big as a military spouse, we are celebrating the 100. Episode of the mill spouse mastermind show. And I decided that the best way for us to celebrate together this week is by talking about this concept of dreaming big.

[00:03:03] Because for me, launching the mill spouse mastermind show was a big dream and being consistent and showing up each and every week for the last year and a half. For releasing 100 episodes. That was a really big dream and a really big deal to be able to continue to show up despite the obstacles and all of the resistance that I have felt along the way.

[00:03:29] And I will say it’s challenging. It’s not always easy. There are some days when I wake up and I’m super excited to get to work. To come share with you what I am learning and how I believe I can help us all grow as military spouses. And then some days I just feel discouraged and these two dream killers are trying to get in my way.

[00:03:52] And so I felt like, okay, let’s talk about. That it’s possible for you to dream big, but then let’s also be honest about, what’s gonna try to stop you so that you can take action anyways, so that you can move forward now. If you listen to Monday’s episode and you are in this place of feeling, I’m frustrated, I’m unfulfilled.

[00:04:14] I know I don’t love the way my life looks today. I want it to look different. Now is the time to jump inside milspouse purpose playbook. This is the course to help you reclaim Your life and your dreams to discover who you are meant to be. What is your purpose and how can you start to craft a life with purpose today?

[00:04:38] If you are looking for a life that feels fulfilling, if you are tired of feeling like you don’t control anything in your life, if you feel like you are serving everybody else and you don’t know how to take care of yourself anymore, if you. Feeling like you are existing in life and you want it to look different.

[00:04:59] This is the course for you. It is $100 off this week, only in celebration of our 100th episode. So just put in code 100, when you go to. More than a mill spouse.com to get started because friend, you are more than a mill spouse. And I want to see you stepping into your story and dreaming big, crafting a life worth purpose, and building a life that lights you up inside and impacts the world for good.

[00:05:34] That is going on. That is available through Friday night. I hope you will jump inside. Take advantage of that. Please email me or DM me. If you have any questions about the course, what it does, what you learn and how you can use it to craft a life with purpose, to start your own business, to build a personal.

[00:05:57] Whatever the next step looks like for you. I want to be there to help support you and cheer you. um, so please send me a message. If you have any questions, if you’re not sure if this is the right time for you to jump inside and I would love to help give you clarity and help you figure out what that right next step for you is.

[00:06:20] Okay. Let’s get into today’s topic, these two dream killers, and I’m sure that you’re asking. Okay. Just tell me what they are. But I wanna tell you this story because it came from this quote that I heard the other day and I was like, oh, we need to have this discussion on the show. Um, because I really think it hit the nail on the head because it’s one thing to start.

[00:06:45] Pursuing a dream and it’s something else to continue to show up when the going gets hard to actually take action. And as we’re celebrating a hundred episodes, this is something that I have really wrestled with a lot over the last year and a half, really over the last, um, two plus years, because when. Had the idea for the podcast.

[00:07:11] It was still nine months before I actually pushed publish on it. And, and that was a really big deal because it’s, it’s funny, like right before you do the thing that you’ve been working towards is when this really comes into play. But let me tell you, um, this quote, first it came from high performance coach, Brendan Bechard and he says freedom is when you can show up as your authentic self free from self doubt and social comparison.

[00:07:47] Let me say that again. Freedom is when you can show up as your authentic self free from self doubt. and social comparison. So what we are really after. Is freedom, right? We want to live a fulfilling life, but we’re not going to live a fulfilling life. If number one, we’re not our authentic selves, which can be a whole episode in and of itself, but where he really talks about this free from self.

[00:08:24] And social comparison. And so in, in the quote, he was really talking about this idea of personal growth, but it really applies to our ability to chase a dream and to pursue purpose. What really holds us back is self-doubt and comparison. Because number one, we doubt our ability to do the thing. We don’t think we have the skills or we think we’re not enough, or that we’re too much.

[00:08:55] Who am I to do this thing? Surely this other person is more qualified, surely so and so should do the thing. Who am I to do this thing? But if you feel that call on your heart, you are the one that is supposed to do that. And so it’s so easy for us. When we start to feel this sense of self doubt, then we start to look around and that’s where we step into comparison.

[00:09:21] We see the things that other people are doing. Um, and we say, oh, well, they’ve already done this, or they’re more successful than us, or that they are growing at a faster rate or they have more followers or more views on their reels or whatever the thing. Is they’re more successful, they’re more knowledgeable.

[00:09:43] They they’ve made more money, whatever it is. And so then we get sucked into the trap of comparison. And we go back to, well, who am I to do this? And we lose our own authentic voice. We lose sight of the thing that we are supposed to be doing, because we think we need to do it the way that somebody else is doing.

[00:10:05] We need to emulate somebody else or that there’s only one right way to do something. But the right way to do something is the way that you feel called the thing on your. So, what do we do with these dream killers that threaten to sabotage us that try to derail us from ever pursuing the dream or to stop us once we’ve started down that path, what do we do with the self doubt?

[00:10:32] We feel with the comparison. We feel because the truth, friends, you know, this, we’re going to have these things that happen. They are a part of the journey, a part of the process. And it’s really about learning tools and strategies to help us deal with it. When they arise, we’re never going to make that go away, but there are things that we can do to help us win the self doubt, win the comparison.

[00:11:04] When these dream killers rear their ugly heads, what are we going to do? And how are we going to stop them from derailing us and from ruining our dreams from. Us becoming the people that we are meant to be, to becoming the most authentic version of you, to you stepping into your story and doing the thing on your heart, that lights you up inside and makes a difference in the lives of those around you.

[00:11:39] As I was thinking about this, I was like, okay, well, we can go deep into each one of these things. What are the causes of self-doubt? What leads us to start to compare ourselves to others. But I think that doesn’t matter quite so much as knowing what to do. When they arise when we have these feelings, what do we do with them?

[00:12:00] And that, and the more that I thought about them, the more that I was like, you know, there’s this pattern, a simple process that works for either one of these dream killers for anything that we feel that’s trying to keep us from doing the thing. That we are supposed to do. And so I wanna talk about these five RS with you today.

[00:12:22] And I think that this will give you a tool in your toolkit so that when you start to say, okay, I’m ready to step into my story. I’m ready to stop feeling frustrated with my life today and to take action and to start moving towards a life of meaning and purpose. Okay. So what do we do when we start to doubt ourselves?

[00:12:49] When we start to look around and compare ourselves with others? The first thing that we need to do is recognize it. If we’re not paying attention to the thoughts in our head, we’re not going to be able to deal with them when they arise. So the first thing we have to do is recognize this is a thought, this is doubts I have about myself and my ability.

[00:13:15] Or this is a thought I have about how I’m doing compared to how someone else is doing. We have to be able to number one, recognize the. Number two is to reflect on that thought to spend some time with it, to not just ignore it, but to actually say, okay, let me sit with this for a minute. Where is this coming from?

[00:13:39] What is behind it? What is causing these feelings? And the more that you sit with it, the more awareness and understanding you will have about what’s really behind these thoughts. This is a great time to just go take a piece of paper, sit down with your journal, write things out and really start to reflect on what’s really going on.

[00:14:07] And then once we have recognized that we have a thought we’ve reflected on where this thought is coming from, then we have to reframe the thought in our mind because our thoughts actually determine our actions and behaviors. And while we cannot control the things that happen to us, the things that pop into our.

[00:14:29] We can control our response. We can choose to think about a situation differently. For example, I can be jealous that someone is experiencing success. When I don’t feel like I am experiencing the same success they are. And I can focus on that thought or I can reframe that thought. To say, Hey, that is amazing.

[00:14:59] What that person accomplished. Hopefully I can accomplish something like that one day. So I’m reframing the way that I’m playing that thought in my head. When we talk about comparison, really it’s taking these jealous thoughts that we have about someone else and replacing them with a joyful thought, looking at the situation from a different perspective.

[00:15:25] When we can take something that we are experiencing, that, that comparison, that jealousy we can instead practice gratitude and generosity. We are reframing the way that we’re looking at a situation when we take these thoughts of I’m not enough. I haven’t done this before. We can change that. Reframe that thought to say, I have not done this.

[00:15:51] Or this is possible for me. We are reframing the situation and not looking at what we haven’t accomplished or what we aren’t gifted in and saying what’s possible. We’re reframing the way we think about the situation. And what I would really suggest here is that you have a plan of action that you put in place.

[00:16:14] When I have the thought blank, whatever that thought that you have in your. I will do blank. So you’re going to make a plan for when I experience this thought. I will think this instead, when I think that who am I to do this, then I’m going to remind myself of what. I’m going to remind myself of the truth of with God.

[00:16:45] I am enough. And this brings me to the fourth step that we do, which kind of goes hand in hand with reframing. And that’s reminding yourself of what matters. It’s reminding yourself of your, why, your values, your purpose, why you are doing the thing that you are doing, why you are stepping into your story.

[00:17:07] It’s reminding. Of things that you have already done or already overcome in your life. It’s reminding yourself the truth of who you are and who God says you are. It’s reminding yourself of what really matters and having Bible verse or mantras or sayings, quotes, whatever it is that helps you remember what is.

[00:17:34] What really matters, what I should be focusing on. So you have those things that you can go back to when you feel those feelings, those thoughts, those things that come into your head that make you want to not keep doing the thing that you are doing that want to destroy your dream. In my own life. I have a list of, Hey, here’s my biggest fears.

[00:17:58] Here are Bible verses to combat those fears. Hey, you know, I’m feeling like, what am I doing in this situation? I’m not moving as fast as so. And so, Hey, here are the things that I have written down to remind myself up, to read, to remember why I’m doing what I’m doing, what really matters, who am I serving and how am I serving them?

[00:18:20] How am I supposed to show up and step. Who I am becoming. It’s going back to those things. When the going gets tough. When I start to have these feelings of self doubt, when I start to look around and compare myself to others. The fifth thing, the fifth R in this is replace dwelling on with doing what matters, because we can waste so much time and energy.

[00:18:50] I know I’ve done it myself and it’s a continual process to not do this, but really we can waste so much mental time and energy on these thoughts that. Serving us on these ideas and feelings in our head that come into our mind that try to derail us from pursuing a dream from stepping into our story from living with purpose it.

[00:19:15] And when we spend that time and energy on doing what matters, we care less about what other people are doing. We care less about why we’re not qualified. We’re just focused on doing the. When you spend your time focused on showing up as the person you wanna be stepping into your story, becoming who you want to be.

[00:19:39] When you focus on doing what matters, you’re going to waste a lot less time looking around and worried about why things don’t look a certain way or why you are not enough. So it’s really about keeping that focus on who you’re serving and doing what matters. Let’s quickly recap these five R’s to help you combat the dream killers of self doubt and comparison.

[00:20:07] Number one, recognize what you’re feeling, what you’re thinking, reflect on it. Where is this coming from? What’s causing this thought in my mind. Remind yourself of what truly matters. Have those mantras have those Bible verses have the thing that you can go to, to remind yourself of what you’re supposed to be doing and why?

[00:20:29] Sometimes when I’m feeling discouraged, I go back and listen to the ratings. The reviews you’ve left me for the podcast and it reminds me that I really am making a. Then reframe your thought in your head, instead of thinking I’m not enough, or I’m not moving fast enough or I’m not doing whatever, what am I going to think instead?

[00:20:54] And then replace that dwelling on. What’s not right with doing what matters and focus on showing up as a person that you want to. I think when we, when we unpack all of this, it all goes back to being able to recognize what is going on in our mind, and then choosing actions that align with our purpose and values.

[00:21:24] And that’s really why it’s so important. That’s why I talk about understanding who you are and who you wanna be and living a. Of purpose. This is the path to true peace, to true freedom fulfillment, and really having a life that you love as a military spouse. It’s something that is available to all of us.

[00:21:51] Right now, regardless of where you’re stationed, regardless of how busy life is, you can find fulfillment, you can find peace and purpose in your life today. You don’t have to just exist through life waiting for some future season to chase a. And that’s why I created the milspouse purpose playbook.

[00:22:16] You’ve heard me talk about this on this show before, but this is your step by step guide to really reclaim your life, your dreams, and step into your story and discover who you are meant to be this week only in celebration of the hundredth episode of this show. Milspouse Purpose Playbook is $100 off and you can get it by going to more than a mill spouse.com.

[00:22:44] I would love to see you inside. I want to see you stepping into your story, into finding fulfillment and ultimately discovering who you are meant to be. I hope you have an amazing week friends that you have gotten so much value. I am loving, celebrating this milestone with you. Until next time may you live filled, fueled and full of joy.