Hey guys. It’s great to be back with you on another episode of the milspouse mastermind show. Do you struggle to make progress on your goals because life keeps throwing you curve balls? Well, I got great news. You’re not alone. Now, I don’t know if that’s really great news, but it means it’s common for most of us.

[00:00:23] There are specific strategies we can use to keep moving forward, despite the obstacles that get in our way. So in today’s episode, we’re going to talk about three specific strategies that you can use to keep going when the going gets tough. So let’s dive into the show.

[00:01:33] Okay. So today we’re going to talk about this idea of resistance and I’ll get into what I mean by resistance in a minute, but I thought this was a great conversation for us to have, because it is something that is so prevalent in our lives as military spouses. I wanted to kind of unpack what happened in my August of this year and kind of take you through what I went through and the obstacles that I faced and how I continued to move forward despite the obstacles.

[00:02:07] I think sometimes when we listen to podcasts, especially when it comes to the self improvement or the business space, there’s this idea of, I’ve already overcame something or. Past something. And so now I’m here teaching you how to do something, but the thing about life as a military spouse is that there’s constantly unexpected things, curve balls that get thrown our way, and we just have to deal with them.

[00:02:40] There’s nothing about my life as a military spouse. That’s easier because I have a podcast. I just get to share with you what I am experiencing in real time. And the lessons that I’m learning and how I continue to grow and move forward and to keep making progress towards who I want to be. Despite the obstacles that stand up.

[00:03:03] So, let me take you all the way back to my July. When I put together this plan for what I wanted to do to bring this course on clarity to you. I had this vision to really get clear on what you have to offer, what your values are and all of the things that really are the foundation of us showing. As the person that we’re meant to be, to help us get unstuck and start moving forward to craft a life of purpose, to keep us living filled, fueled and full of joy.

[00:03:46] Because what happens so often is we get caught up in the everyday-ness of life. We put our dreams, our goals, our passions on the back burner. And when we do. We start to lose touch with who we really are, what makes us unique, what lights us up inside, and then we get stuck there.

[00:04:14] And, and so often we’re not sure what needs to change about our life to help us start moving in the right direction again. And so this course is going to go through these 12 aspects of our life that will help us get unstuck and start living a life with purpose, making a contribution that aligns with what lights you up and matters and how to do that in a way that.

[00:04:46] For your family and your life as a military spouse that you can build around your schedule. I can’t wait to dive into this material with you, um, because I truly believe that it can transform the way you live your life, the way you think about the way you contribute to the world around you. And we’re going to go on this journey together.

[00:05:11] A journey to find your purpose, to find alignment between what you do and who you want to be to find more joy, more fulfillment, more happiness, and ultimately to, to discover how you can began to show up as your best self today, regardless of your circumstances, your background, your education. Or your story.

[00:05:38] This is how you trade frustration for fulfillment and isolation for a life of impact. But the whole reason I’m telling you this is because I put together this plan for how I’m going to create this course for you. And I put together a whole list of specific goals that I wanted to work on in the month of August, because my husband was going to be gone training that entire month.

[00:06:05] For about five weeks. And so I had all of these plans for these are all the things that I’m going to accomplish and work on and what we’re going to do as a family. And the fun times we’re going to create while he’s gone, and then we’ll be back together in September. And you know how God always laughs at our plans.

[00:06:27] So a couple of days after my husband left, one of my kids got sick. Which turned into all of my kids and myself getting sick. And we were all stuck at home. And thankfully I had friends that would run to the grocery store for me, because I was like, we are running out of food and I have sick kids and totally got off of all of my goals and plans.

[00:06:54] And our schedule was out of whack. And at the same time, I started having some really weird things going on with my eyesight. And it was taking me like an extra second to focus. It just felt off, but I was so focused on getting my kids healthy that I kind of just put that on the back burner, but then I was kind of worrying, is my vision changing?

[00:07:20] Is there something wrong? Do I have an eye infection? But my eye doesn’t look red, you know, is it something much more serious? Am I losing my eyesight? I have all these thoughts running through the back of my head, but I’m focused on getting my kids healthy and getting them back on their normal rhythm. So after they started feeling a little better, I was like, okay, I need to figure out what is going on with my eyes, because it’s getting worse.

[00:07:46] I’m getting these like ocular migraines or like where it’s really painful, like right behind your eye. Um, and my vision just felt off. I could focus. It just seemed to take longer. So I tried scheduling an appointment with an optometrist and they were like, oh, it’s going to be like three months before we can get that scheduled.

[00:08:05] I was like, well, that’s not going to work. So thankfully I had the recommendation to just go through my PCM. And I ended up going in getting that check to getting the referral to the ophthalmologist and finally was able to get everything checked out because you know, I have all these thoughts from is my vision changing too.

[00:08:27] Do I have a brain tumor in my head? Um, so like my thoughts just kind of go all over the place when I don’t know what’s going on. I really had to focus on that time during that time period on just making sure that I was being present, that I was taking care of my kids, and that I was not letting myself dwell on worst case scenarios.

[00:08:53] In the end, it turned out my vision is fine. I just had a really strange eye infection. And the ophthalmologist was like, oh yeah, in a few weeks, your eyes should be back to normal. I had to laugh. I was like, oh good. By the time my husband actually gets back from his trip, then things will be back to normal. The deployment curse is still real, even if he was just at training and not deployed.

[00:09:14] I tell you this story because it is so indicative of much of our lives. We come in and we have this plan of action and immediately we get direct. Something comes in to knock us off our game. So despite the fact that I had taken the time to set goals for what I wanted my life to look like while he was gone, things got out of whack.

[00:09:48] And I really had that choice in that moment. Do I keep pursuing my goals? What do I prioritize in this moment? And am I going to let all of these circumstances. Completely derail me from what I’m meant to do. How do we keep moving towards our goals? When a life happens, when things, when curve balls get thrown our way, when we get that last minute change of orders or.

[00:10:23] Minute PCS. There’s always going to be something. Our husband or wife gets, you know, 24-hours’ notice that they have to go to a deployment or they get tagged for a training assignment or unaccompanied duty, whatever it is. There are so many things that are outside of our control. And as we talk about often here, we can’t control what happens.

[00:10:50] We can only control what we do and our response to what happens now, while it may feel like a lot more things happen in our lives because of the unpredictability of military life. The truth of the matter is curve balls. For all of us, it’s this term that I like to call resistance. And I started using the term resistance after I read this book by Steven Pressfield called The War of Art. He says resistance prevents us from achieving the life God intended when he endowed each of us with our own unique genius.

[00:11:39] Resistance is essentially what stands between who we are today and who we want to be. Resistance is what keeps us from living a life of purpose. Resistance is what keeps us from discovering who we’re meant to be. It’s meant to keep us where we are today. It’s meant to kill the unique gift that each of us.

[00:12:07] Now, depending on your belief system, you may call this Satan or the enemy or the universe or whatever term you want to use. The fact of the matter is this is something that is universal for all of us. It happens anytime we try to make a positive change or make progress towards something that really matters.

[00:12:34] This is why so many people dream, big dreams, but few people actually take action on those dreams. This is why so many people set big goals and new year’s resolutions, but few people actually make those resolutions a reality. Few people turn those goals into permanent habits. One of the most important things we can do is be aware.

[00:13:04] Of this fact be aware that we will face resistance and to have tools and strategies. So when the obstacles come, we know what to do. We know how to keep moving forward. Despite the obstacles that standard. And the more that we practice this, and the more that we employ these strategies when life is relatively calm and things are going relatively smoothly, the more it will be ingrained in us when the times get tough. When the going gets hard, when we face resistance.

[00:13:40] We have to learn how to face resistance. They seen resistance me. Facing our fears showing up no matter what, being committed, asking for help and going after, whatever it is that we’re going after wholeheartedly, there are so many ways that we can let resistance win.

[00:14:12] Resistance wins when we let our fears take control, resistance wins when we let the obstacles keep us from moving forward and showing up no matter what. In the purpose playbook, I have an entire module about resistance. We unpack what resistance is, some of the most common fears that we face, the ways that we let resistance have control.

[00:14:43] And what we can do to move forward despite resistance. So today I’m going to talk about three of these strategies. Number one, keep focused on what matters. The difference between staying frozen in fear and living with meaning and purpose comes down to feeling our fear and taking action anyways. That is so much easier to do when we keep the end goal in mind, when we focus on what matters and why it matters.

[00:15:23] This is why I talk about why knowing your values is so important. You have to know what matters to you, how you want to show up and what kind of contribution you want to make. We talk all about how to do that in the course. But once we know our why, we know our values, we know we’ve created our personal purpose statement.

[00:15:51] Now we get to keep that at the forefront of our mind, because it keeps us from letting our circumstances get us off. I love this quote from Rory Vaden. He says you never feel fear when the mission to serve is clear. I’ll say that again. You never feel fear when the mission to serve is clear and what he means by that is not that we don’t feel fear.

[00:16:20] But that we can keep moving forward despite our fears and despite the obstacles in our way, when we are focused on the mission, when we are focused on what matters, when we were focused on how we want to show up and how we want to serve, when we take the focus off of ourselves, off of our limitations, off of everything that’s going wrong.

[00:16:49] And put it on how we are serving others, your dreams, your goals, your plans should be bigger than you. What you are meant to do. Let me put it this way. You have something unique to offer. You have something that the world needs. You have a gift, a contribution that is yours and yours alone to make.

[00:17:19] And when you focus on you, you focus on all the reasons why your not enough or all of the reasons why it doesn’t make sense for you to make the contribution you are meant to make. But when you put the focus on the mission, when you put the focus on how you are showing up and serving. Then you get yourself out of the way, or as the common adage goes, when you lose your, why you lose your way.

[00:17:53] So stay focused on what matters. I’ve talked a lot about my experience last summer with having an anxiety attack and having this vision for serving military spouses and really what kept me out of my head and really starting to make steps of progress. Be it very tiny ones, but I kept focusing on what I wanted to do, how I wanted to show up, how I wanted to serve you, what I wanted to create for you.

[00:18:27] And it helped pull me out of that really tough spot in my own life where I was so overwhelmed with my circumstances. When we can take the focus off of ourselves and put it on what we are called to do, on what really matters, that will help us move forward despite resistance and despite the obstacles in our way.

[00:18:53] And the second thing we can do is find our true calling. So much of resistance is fueled when we focus on everyone else around us. Comparison-itis. if you spend a lot of time on social media, you will probably start to feel like your life is lacking something, because it’s easier for us to look at the highlights of other people’s life and feel less than to feel like we don’t measure.

[00:19:26] Comparison makes us small. It makes us feel frustrated and unsatisfied with our own journey. It makes us feel like we don’t have the right mix of personality or gifts or passions or experiences. We don’t have the right things or that house that it looks Instagram worthy. It makes us feel jealous of others and feel.

[00:19:55] Collaboration on the other hand, courage is ignited through connection and it is sustained when we have the encouragement and accountability of others who are spurring us on to a life of impact. When we have a supportive community, when we are engaged in a community of people who are. Encouraging us who are empowering us when we are doing the same for others.

[00:20:26] That’s when we make progress towards what matters now, the two best ways to really cultivate that connection and that collaboration in our lives are to find your tribe and to ask for help, asking for help means being honest and vulnerable. When you don’t have the answers or you need help, you know, in my August that looked like letting my neighbors go to the grocery store for me and accepting their, help them running out and going to the store.

[00:21:07] Sometimes I think that I will just figure it out myself, that I can do it without having. Hello. We live in a place that right now does not have grocery pickup that I just can’t call an order in and go pick it up. And I can’t take sick kids into a store right now, you know, being willing to give and receive help, even when it feels uncomfortable and then finding our tribe also means finding.

[00:21:39] People, a supportive community of others who are on their own journey and who are willing to inspire you to encourage you. And you do the same for them as I still have to say we are better together. And so we have to find those people in our lives, in our. Circle of relationships that will push you towards showing up as your best self, towards showing up towards the life that you are meant to live.

[00:22:14] And this is really why I created the milspouse mastermind community. I have this vision for a community of military spouses coming together to encourage and support one another on their journey. Sometimes your spouse is going to be great supporting you. There are times when my husband is so encouraging and supportive and helps push me towards my goals and dreams.

[00:22:45] Then there’s other times like back in August when I was just discouraged by everything that was going on and I texted my husband, um, just because I needed that little boost of encouragement. I was tired of being cooped up in the house with sick kids and not feeling good myself and trying to make sure everybody had all the things.

[00:23:10] And I just needed an outlet of someone to encourage me and remind me, Hey, you’re doing a great. Keep going. And at that moment I texted him and he sent me a reply back that he was out having an adult beverage with some of his fellow students. And that was not what I needed in that moment. Now, thankfully I have learned in our marriage together.

[00:23:41] That’s not something that I need to hold against him. You know, he was doing nothing wrong by going out and having a drink with some friends. But in that moment, I did not appreciate hearing that when I was trapped in a house full of sick kids. And in my past, I have been likely to get frustrated and take that out on him, even though it’s not his fault.

[00:24:08] But at that moment I knew, Hey, He can’t give me what I need right now. And I need to go find another source of support and to help encourage me on my journey. Right. So sometimes your spouse is going to be that supportive person. And sometimes they’re not able to, or they may be working or busy and we need a community of people around us to support us.

[00:24:36] Now, it’s great to have that physical connection, that physical community, but sometimes when we move a lot, we don’t have those people or. Just starting to develop new relationships. And so we feel like we don’t have our tribe and that’s really why I went in to create this online community. I know for me, I have found a lot of encouragement and support from this group of podcasters that I’m in and we’re able to.

[00:25:06] Encourage and support each other on our podcasting journeys in growing in, continuing to show up when the going gets tough. I’m not sure who first said this, but somebody said that you are most like the average of the five people you spend the most amount of time with. And so if you think about the people that are speaking into you.

[00:25:33] Are they speaking encouragement? Are they speaking life and support? Are they helping you or do you get together and complain about the way life looks? Do you get together and just talk about how you don’t like your job or what’s going on with your kids or what’s going on with your spouse’s job? Think about the people that you spend the most amount of.

[00:26:02] What are their goals and dreams? Are you encouraging and supporting them in their journeys? And are they doing the same for you? And then the last thing that I will talk about is making today matter so easy to start procrastinating when the going gets tough, I’ll do it tomorrow. Another day will be better.

[00:26:27] To be completely frank, a life of purpose comes down to making the most every day of what we have right now. It’s about setting specific daily, weekly, and monthly rhythms that support who we want to be, how we want to show up the goals we want to pursue. And it really comes down to what we do with every day.

[00:26:53] It is. The tiny changes, day after day, the baby steps of progress to choosing, to show up and do what matters, what leads us towards the life we want, regardless of what happens. That truly, truly matters. I read this quote the other day and it’s really stuck with me ever since it says every action is a vote for the type of person you wish to be.

[00:27:25] And this is true in so many different areas of our lives. I think about my decisions to move towards greater physical health and everything I put in my mouth is this action, a vote for who I want to be is my decision to work out or not work out. What is that a vote for? Every action is a vote for the type of thing you wish to be.

[00:27:51] In August I had the choice of what I was going to do with each day. Was I just going to let myself focus on surviving solo parenting, sick kids, while also not feeling great myself? Or was I going to take those moments? Of downtime or the hour between when my kids went to bed. And when I started getting ready for bed to move the needle, to keep making choices, that led me to what I wanted to do.

[00:28:29] This course that I created is coming out in November. But the choices that I made on August 1st, August 2nd, August 3rd and so on and so forth to August 31^st. Had I not made those choices, this course would not be coming out today. It’s the choices that we make day in and day out that either lead us towards who we want to be or lead us to allow.

[00:28:57] Of letting things happen of blaming our situation on our circumstances. We cannot control what happens. We can only control what we do with what we have. So my challenge to you today is to make today matter, to stop letting resistance when stop, letting everything hold you back. On knowing what matters to you finding a supportive community that will both encourage you and hold you accountable and making the choice to live each day with intentionality and vote for the type of person.

[00:29:46] You wish to become. If you have not already joined us inside our free Facebook community, please head over to milspousemastermind.com/ community that will take you directly to the Facebook page, where you can join our conversation where you can let everybody know what’s going on in your life.

[00:30:07] You can ask for support and encouragement. You can encourage and support others. I haven’t been as present in that group the last several weeks, because I’ve been so focused on what matters right now in this moment. And that is putting all the pieces of the course, getting it ready to. Have available to you.

[00:30:26] And then we will definitely start diving back in and being more present and helping build this community of supportive military spouses who are on a mission to craft lives of purpose. I hope this episode blessed you in some way. If it did, please go share that in your stories. So more people can find us and learn to thrive as military spouses get unstuck, and live lives of purpose. I hope you have an amazing week. And until next time may you live filled, fueled and full of joy.