[00:00:00] Christine: Hey friends. Welcome back to the MilSpouse Mastermind Show. I am so excited to share today’s episode with you. I know how hard it can be as a military spouse to build a healthy marriage. And I really wanted to give us some actionable tips and just have a real conversation about. A healthy marriage as a military family looks like.

[00:00:27] Today I’m sitting down with Dr. Lindsey Kavanaugh. Lindsay has her PhD in psychology. She is also a military spouse and a military marriage coach. She specializes in helping military spouses improve their marriage. She is so passionate about helping military spouses have the marriage they truly desire and feel good every single day.

[00:00:54] She is also the host of the Married to Military podcast. There is so much value in this conversation. I know it’s going to be a blessing to you. So what do you say, let’s dive into the show.

I am so excited to be back with you today. We have a special guest on today. Lindsay Cavanagh. Lindsay, thanks for joining us. Let us know where you are joining us from and a little bit about you. 

[00:03:03] Lindsay: Absolutely. So I currently am living in San Diego. We are in this very weird, um, in-between stage where we moved from Portugal. We’re only here for like eight months and then we are moving to Japan. So, um, we’re kind of in flux, but a long eight month flux.

[00:03:28] A little bit more about. I am a military marriage coach. I have been a military psychologist for the last 13 years or so, and I am just really passionate about helping military spouses have the marriage that they truly desire that they feel good in every day. Um, this lifestyle is not for the faint of heart and I just want to make it as easy on all of us as possible.

[00:03:56] My husband is active duty. He’s in the Navy and I have a three and a half year old girl and another on the way and a cat. So that is about everything you need to know about me. 

[00:04:10] Christine: Congratulations about having one on the way. That’s super exciting. Now I need to know because you’re only there for eight months. Did you even unpack your belongings? 

[00:04:19] Lindsay: We sure didn’t in fact, we are not even accepting our household goods. So we are in a furnished, a house, I guess. And we did get unaccompanied because we were coming from overseas. So we got like a small shipment of a few, you know, clothes, a few kitchen items, but no, we will see our things about a year later and it’s going to be like Christmas. I don’t even remember what’s in there. 

[00:04:54] Christine: I feel that way about the stuff we put in long-term storage. By the time we actually get that back, I have no idea what’s in there. If you have not done an OCONUS PCS before, it takes roughly three months to ship your stuff anywhere. It’s a long, long process. So I understand not wanting to unpack for that short amount of time. 

[00:05:18] Lindsay: Well, that was what was so hard as we were, it took us about three yeah, three months when we moved to Portugal and then everything just slowed down with COVID. So there were some people who had moved back and it was taking them like six months to get their things.

[00:05:35] And we’re like, we’re only there eight months, um, plus to unpacking. In, in one year, it nothing sounded worse than me. So I was like, okay, we’re going to make this easy. We’re going to find a furnished place. Um, and it’s been great. So I can’t wait to have our stuff, but this is the best option for us right now.

[00:05:59] Christine: Absolutely. Well, good luck as you prepare for yet another PCS. I want to, um, I really wanted to talk to you today because this episode is going to be coming out on Valentine’s Day. And I want to acknowledge just how many challenges there are when it comes to marriage in the military. And we have so many things going on and there’s so many challenges just to marriage.

[00:06:22] And then you add the military component on top of that. And I mean, it can just be really challenging. And I know a lot of people are really, really struggling right now, but before we kind of dive into that, I want you to unpack a little more of your story. Um, like how you met your husband and you know, where were you, how much did you know about military life before yall got married.

[00:06:45] Lindsay: Yeah, that’s a really good question. So my grandfather was actually in the army. However, he passed away before I was even born. So it wasn’t ever a lifestyle that I knew I grew up in Colorado. It wasn’t around where I was from. If you would’ve asked me, are you going to marry someone in the military? I would have adamantly said no, like no chance, not happening.

[00:07:13] And it’s really funny because my husband is from the same hometown as me. And he actually dated my best friend in high school for like three months. And so I didn’t like him. I didn’t think he was very nice to my friend. I thought that, um, you know, I was being that good girlfriend for her. 

[00:07:35] Um, and it was like eight years after we had graduated high school. We were all home for Christmas. She invited him wherever we were, and we kind of got stuck in a corner booth and had to talk to each other and hit it off and realized we had a lot in common. By that point he had just commissioned, he was starting his first crack at the military, so to speak. And so, I really started at the beginning. He says he gave me fair warning from the beginning, he was always in the military. But so here we are for almost 14 years later. 

[00:08:19] Christine: Tell me about those first few years. Just the adjustment to military life and what were you doing at the time. What were some of the biggest adjustments?

[00:08:28] Lindsay: There were a lot, and it was funny because we were long distance. We were long distance for two and a half years. He was in Florida. I was still living in Colorado. And I had gone out to visit him for a weekend. It was my spring break. I was in graduate school at that time. And he, he told me, I think I might be deploying to Iraq soon.

[00:08:58] This is when Operation Iraqi Freedom was going on. And I was like, you know, I don’t know if I can handle that. That is a little too much for what I’m looking for right now. So I think if you go, we’ll probably put a pause on this. Well, he calls me the next day and says, I’m leaving for Iraq in two days. I was shocked.

[00:09:25] If that’s not a military situation, I don’t know what it is. Last minute deployed. Here we go. And it kind of like made me think about what do I want, do I really want this? And it turns out I really did. So I stuck with it. During those two and a half years that we were apart, he did three different deployments.

[00:09:48] And I think it was just really hard to get used to this fact that your person, especially, you know, when you’re really new in a relationship and you just want to see each other all the time and you want to talk all the time. And then he was gone and he was on an aircraft carrier for, for much of that time.

[00:10:06] And couldn’t talk, we, we, he could, he send me an email. And so it was a really big adjustment and what I said, and this is what I feel like about military marriages. It would have been a thousand times easier for me to date somebody in the town I was living in, that was around, that I could call on the phone.

[00:10:27] They could come over and give me a hug. And I just kept going back to this person. And I also feel like it really had us look at how are we communicating? How are we, you know, all of those things that for some couples, it takes a lot longer to come out. I think it really sort of highlighted, you know, I actually picked this person.

[00:10:51] It may be really hard, but I, I want him. And so in some ways I think it really solidified that this was the relationship for me, despite all the challenges that was, were included with it. 

[00:11:06] Christine: It’s funny because I think deployment has just, you know, like either you’re in it or you’re not in it. I know when my husband and I were dating and he went off on his first deployment and I was the worst girlfriend ever.

[00:11:21] I was like, I don’t know if this is going to last. He was looking for some kind of commitment. And I’m like, I can’t promise you that, because I don’t know if I can handle this over the course of that time. We ended up falling in love. He was writing me letters. It’s really that time. It’s like, okay. Are you committed? Are you willing to put in the work? Is this relationship worth the extra time and effort and energy to stay connected? 

[00:11:48] Lindsay: Well, and I love that and I feel like, you know, hopefully that normalizes for other people too, that, Hey, if you have sat and thought about, can I do this? Is this a relationship that I want?

[00:11:58] You’re normal. Like we, I don’t know anyone who really hasn’t had that thought at one point or another. And if you’re still continuing to choose this person, you know, that’s a special relationship that you have. And I feel like we, as military families and military couples, we can be really proud of that because you are doing something really hard that a lot of people don’t have to do.

[00:12:22] Christine: Absolutely. So let’s, let’s veer a little bit more towards your story. Tell me how you got interested in psychology. 

[00:12:31] Lindsay: So I have just always been interested in people and I knew psychology was always kind of the natural fit for me. And I started out in health psychology and very quickly kind of morphed into the military and different aspects. 

I worked in general psychology for the military. I worked in an intensive PTSD program with military members who had, you know, received some sort of trauma during combat. And I just loved it. And I think part of the reason that I loved it, I always say, they were my people. We would speak the same language.

[00:13:22] I understood what they were saying. I understood what kind of life challenges that they were going through because we were going through them too. And, and so really that is where I kind of stuck with it. Now, obviously as a military spouse, I was quitting positions and transferring positions and changing every single time we moved. We are one of those lucky families that seem to move every two and a half years.

[00:13:50] And so finally I said, you know, I, I really want to be able to help more people, other than just where I am. And I don’t want to have to start over every single time. And this is where, my company married to military sort of came to being. I can treat people wherever they are in the world.

[00:14:16] And specifically, now I actually work just with military spouses and every now and then we’ll have their spouse come on as well. You know, it just eliminates so many of the challenges that we have, and even challenges that I was running into as a psychologist. I just wanted to make it easier and really get through some of those barriers that get in between us having the marriage that we want and getting the help we need to get there.

[00:14:48] Christine: So was it a difficult transition to branch out on your own? Or did it just naturally flow into, Hey, I really am passionate about military spouses and this just seems like the logical next step?

[00:15:01] Lindsay: I had been wanting to do a podcast for a really long time and it started out as that. It started out as a podcast for military spouses.

[00:15:14] I really felt connected to this community that I’m in and I wanted to do as much for them as possible. And COVID happened. lI was abroad during it. I couldn’t work. I’m stuck inside. And it was kind of like now or never. I’ve had this idea for so long. I have all these pieces. Let’s go.

[00:15:39] So I feel like it sort of naturally happened and has progressed. That being said, like, I can do the psychology, the helping aspect of it. I’ve never done the business aspect. So that was a whole new learning curve. And, I’ve really enjoyed it. But it’s kind of a fun thing. I love that I get to have a say.

[00:16:07] I get to choose my hours. So if I, if somebody needs me at night, if somebody needs me on a weekend, I get to choose that. I get to work with people. I’ve worked with people and stationed in Asia and in Europe and in the US and all over. And that’s what I love. And people then don’t have, when they move, they don’t have to switch every time either. So it sort of is just naturally evolved into this really great thing. 

[00:16:39] Christine: It’s fun to see. This pandemic that was worldwide and how many people were able to make that pivot to something that’s always been on their hearts. So what kind of advice would you give to military spouses that have some kind of dream on their heart and they are wondering how to make a dream a reality. There’s so much that happens in military life. That kind of, you know, puts all of these obstacles in our way. So what kind of advice or encouragement would you want to give? 

[00:17:17] Lindsay: Absolutely. So for me, it’s you just start, you just do it. I think that the best way for us to learn what we need to do or how we’re going to get over all of the hurdles is to do it and to figure it out as you go.

[00:17:34] I think the more you overthink it, the more you try to have it all planned out, or determine when is going to be the perfect time or what’s going to be the perfect one. The more, it won’t happen. And so, you know, I still don’t have my website up. I still don’t have all of these things in place, and I’m still doing it and I’m learning and I get better.

[00:17:58] And so really my advice is to start, there is never going to be a time where it feels right. It never, there’s never going to be a time where there’s not hurdles in front of you. And so start. Start and figure it out, and then get the support that you need around, whatever it is that is going on. That would be my advice.

[00:18:24] Christine: I love that. I love that so much because I think that’s just, you gotta take that, that leap of faith, to step out into the unknown and it’s not all going to go smoothly. There’s going to be plenty of things that happen. But you learn from doing and, and really just stepping into what that next right step is for you.

[00:18:45] What do you, what would you say has been the most challenging part of this journey so far?

[00:18:50] Lindsay: I think kind of what you mentioned there too. It’s it’s really trusting myself all the time, right? Like when you’re creating something new, like you said, things are gonna go wrong. You’re gonna run into some speed bumps.

[00:19:07] And I think it’s just remembering to trust myself and to trust my, my dream and to trust like that I can deal with all of this stuff. I can. I can figure this out. There will be a solution, even if I don’t see it in this exact moment. And to me, that’s been kind of the hardest thing, because our brains can really play some tricks on us.

[00:19:33] If we let them, it can start to say this isn’t a good idea. You shouldn’t do this. This is too risky. You’re going to fail. And so it’s really kind of combating that part of my brain, that it’s there for a reason. It’s there to protect me. It’s there to keep me safe. It’s there because it wants good things for me, but it also can really hold me back. And so it’s, it’s really battling just that part for sure.

[00:19:58] Christine: How did it impact your husband and your relationship? Were there elements of your marriage that came to play as you start? 

[00:20:07] Lindsay: You know what there has been, some really big positives and, you know, a couple challenges I would say. The positives are, he really never knew what I did.

[00:20:20] And I think that this comes from most military couples where the military person, they are just in their own world. They are in their military life. They are focused on their goals, and so he knew I was a psychologist. He knew I helped people, but I don’t think he really knew what that meant.

[00:20:40] I don’t think he really knew what my dream was and how I could get there. And so it’s funny because he listens to the podcast now where he’ll listen to me, you know, recording a training or something like that. And he goes, wow, I didn’t know. This was just today, even. Wow. I didn’t even know you knew all that. You know, I, I had no idea that. Such good advice. And it’s funny because it’s all things that like we have talked about as in our marriage too, but it’s like, he’s seeing me and he’s seeing it from a different side and that’s been really cool. Um, I think he also loves being able to cheer me on.

[00:21:19] He knows that I have supported him and really, you know, sacrificed a lot for him and his career. And so I think he loves that. He gets to kind of be my cheerleader as much as, you know, he can, or as much as the military allows. So that has been another positive, I think. The hard thing is, you know, like doing a PCS when there’s so much going on in there’s so much stress and I still want to do, I still want to do my calls. And he needs to go to work and you know, who’s going to take our daughter.

[00:21:58] So there’s definitely been some shuffling with that. And how are we going to prioritize and how can he support me? How can I support him? And so we’ve had to do a lot more of those conversations. Um, he probably doesn’t love all the stories that I tell about him and our marriage, um, online, but he also knows that, you know, people and it’s real. There’s been a few times he’s like, yeah, you didn’t need to tell that one. So mostly good. A few little hiccups here and there. 

[00:22:34] Christine: Had you started the podcast before y’all moved this last time ?

[00:22:40] Lindsay: While we were in Portugal. So originally it was going to be a book. I had started the book again. It’d probably been a 10-year process and my whole life people have said, you should do radio. Your voice is so unique and I was like, I don’t really love writing alone by myself. And again, the pod, literally the pandemic, we were stuck at home. I’m going to start the podcast. I’m going to turn this book idea into, so it was definitely a while we were in Portugal, why we were locked down in the pandemic. It was like my baby at that time. 

[00:23:23] Christine: So talk to me about how you did the podcast in the process of moving. Just because as we’re gearing up to move this summer and I’m like, okay, how am I going to make this work with all of the moves and being on the road for several weeks? And I’d love to hear a little bit about how you navigated that. 

[00:23:40] Lindsay: Well, and this is the really cool thing about doing something that is yours, right? I knew it was coming up. And to be honest, I found out about a month before he moved that I was pregnant and my first trimester was rough. So I was also super, super sick during our PCS. And so what I had done is prepped.

[00:24:07] I knew there’s going to be these many weeks where I really probably will not be able to record. We’re going to be living in temporary housing. I don’t even know if I’ll know where my microphone is and things like that. And so I kind of batch recorded like three or four episodes. I got to interview a few people.

[00:24:28] And so I was still putting out content, even though in those few weeks, I wasn’t actually doing anything. Um, and then that was nice as I could get online. Like if I did have a few minutes, because it was my release, it was definitely my stress reliever. It was like comfort. It was home when everything felt so up in the air and so stressful.

[00:24:56] So I actually found I wanted to work on the business. I wanted to work on, you know, content and planning. But I also was able to prep a lot of it ahead of time. So that I didn’t have to feel pressure if it, if it didn’t work out, if that makes sense.

[00:25:15] Christine: Absolutely. I love the fact that when you were working for yourself, you can kind of set your own timeline.

[00:25:21] And so I’ve, I’ve done kind of the same thing. I have this plan. Okay. Like I’m probably not going to be able to record for this many weeks. And so I’m like trying to get as much done as possible right now to set ourselves up for it this summer, but I love just hearing what other people have done and what works.

[00:25:40] Lindsay: I mean, it’s really nice for even other things other than PCSing, right? Like, so my husband is going to be deploying a lot. We are looking at three deployments over the next two and a half years. We know he’s leaving this summer. And so probably those several weeks before he goes, I’m I’m going to really try to focus on our family.

[00:26:01] I can plan ahead and have things ready to go. This is the beauty of working for yourself, or at least having a job that has this kind of flexibility, where you can, you know, make some of these, these decisions. And I can focus where I need to focus in those moments and not feel pressure otherwise.

[00:26:30] Christine: Well, and I think the same thing goes for if you’re having a baby and you want to be able to take that time off and really focus on family, anything that’s like a big major life event. You having that flexibility is so nice. 

[00:26:43] Lindsay: I’m, we’re doing them all at the exact same time. We are, um, literally my due date is the same time that we are scheduled to move to Japan and he is scheduled to deploy immediately. So all three of those things are happening within, you know, weeks potentially of each other. So absolutely like, I don’t know how I would do this otherwise. As stressed as I am about it, I know that it would be so much more stressful if this wasn’t what I was doing.

[00:27:23] Christine: Well, and that’s what is so amazing about military is process that we have developed this resiliency to understand that like these things just happen and you can just, you can’t control the circumstances, the situation, but you just make the best of what you have in, and really. Having the more that you do that, the more that you learn, like what you’re really capable of.

[00:27:51] Lindsay: Well, and this goes, I have a couple clients right now who say are like nurses, right? And so they’ve had a lot of different jobs and you come in and these are like the best prep nurses. These are the people that you want in the hospital room with you because they done so much, they have so much experience.

[00:28:11] And us as military spouses, we are used to having a think outside the box. We are used to having to make fast decisions, react quickly. Um, and sometimes we don’t even know that this is what we do, but we have to do these kinds of things to survive this lifestyle. So you don’t even always have to necessarily work a hundred percent for yourself to, to still have these benefits.

[00:28:34] But I just find it, really military spouses are the most impressive people ever. They have so much skill. They have so much resilience. They have so much creativity and I know that whatever they are doing and achieve. Even if that’s just holding their family together, that they are doing it in spite all of the challenges and hurdles and it’s, it’s amazing. It’s, it’s absolutely just the coolest thing. And that is why I really gravitate to this population because they deserve every ounce of help and ease that we can give them because it’s hard. And we all know it is hard at times. 

[00:29:22] Christine: It is so hard sometimes. And especially, you know, when you’re on a remote assignment, like we are, that doesn’t have all of the resources available.

[00:29:31] Especially, you know, we’re on this island where mental health care is not available to families. And, you know, it’s, we just got an MFLC counselor after not having one for a while. And so like, I really just want to say to every military spouse that you are amazing and that you have so many skills and so many amazing things about you, but sometimes it’s easy to kind of just get bogged down into the day-to-day grind. 

And I know that there are so many people out there that are just struggling right now, just with the way life has looked, especially for the last couple of years. I know that you can get in this place of just feeling discouraged and when you get there that also can impact your relationship with your spouse.

[00:30:22] So tell me what kinds of questions are military spouses coming to you with about mental health and about marriage and, and what are you seeing? 

[00:30:37] Lindsay: That’s a really great question. So I would say that one of the number one things that I get is this, I am not feeling fulfilled.

[00:30:47] I’m not feeling like I am a priority to my spouse. I feel that I am second fiddle. I feel that they aren’t considering. Um, I’m supporting them. I feel like I’m not getting the same support in return. Um, a lot of that kind of stuff, you also get a lot with in communication because communication is hard for every marriage, but.

[00:31:13] The military is trained in very specific ways for how they need to be at work. And some of these things do not translate at home in a marriage. For example, they are trained to be very defensive. They are trained to be very probable. Or, you know, solution-oriented. So I come to you with a problem and now they just have to fix it versus like, no, no, no.

[00:31:42] I just need you to listen to me. I just need you to be on my team. So I find that there’s a lot of these kind of communication mishaps, so to speak. You’re just couples are not speaking the same language, um, spouses that feel like they’re not getting what they need, they, and they don’t know how to do it.

[00:32:06] And this is the beauty because I’ve worked with hundreds of military couples. And so I have the benefit of seeing couples really change their dynamic in a great way. I get to see, and I’ve seen couples, you know, go from good to great. I’ve seen couples that are really divorcing go to really thriving and sustaining.

[00:32:33] So I have the benefit of all of us. These results and seeing them with my own two eyes. And I think that sometimes when you’re in it, and when you’re in the marriage, it can feel like that can’t be us or this will never happen to me. Or I don’t know how to get there. Or, you know, there’s so many barriers and this is where really having somebody can walk you through that.

[00:32:55] As someone who has seen it, who knows what’s possible, I think is such a big deal too. 

[00:33:07] Christine: So, what would you say is a good starting point if somebody is in that place where they’re like, Hey, my marriage is not where I want it to be. It’s not really healthy, we’re struggling with our communication or whatever it is. And I know that I want it to look different than it does today. Where would you suggest they start.

[00:33:21] Lindsay: Okay, great question. I have two things that I literally start with almost every single person. The first thing I say is what’s working because when, when we are upset about something, our brain becomes hyper-focused on that.

[00:33:38] So if I feel that my spouse isn’t caring about me, all of a sudden that is the only thing my brain is looking for. That is the only thing it picks up. That’s the only evidence that it sees. And now it becomes this kind of repetitive thing that, that it’s all I’m thinking about. It’s all I’m feeling and it gets really heavy.

[00:34:00] So the first thing that I ask is what is working, what is going well? What are the reasons that kind of drew you to that person to begin with? And partly I do that because there always is something there. And it’s a good reminder that there’s something there. We can build off of those things. And we want our brain to start looking at the other side, we want our brain to remember that there are positive things that are going on as well.

[00:34:29] So that is the first side of things. The other thing that I always start with. What is it that you need from your spouse and from your marriage? Like very specifically, because people will say. I want to feel like a priority to my spouse and I get that. But what does that look like for you specifically?

[00:34:54] Because what that may look like for me and what I need from my spouse may be very, very different from you and what you need from your spouse. So really thinking about what is it that you need, what is it that you want? Um, the other thing that we do with this. Assume that our spouse thinks about things the same way that we do.

[00:35:16] So if I want hugs, I assume that my spouse knows that I want hugs and is going to give me hugs. And the reality is, is that just isn’t the case. So I need to be really clear about what I want. So that I can start communicating this to my spouse because that’s really how we get our needs met. So those two things what’s working and then what do you need? And then we’ll start kind of going from there with all the specifics. 

[00:35:45] Christine: So if somebody is listening to this and they’re saying, okay, like, I’m going to try to get clear on what I actually need. And then I want to have that conversation. What are some tips for sitting down with your spouse and actually having a conversation about what you want and what you need?

[00:36:02] Lindsay: Good question. I would say. First make sure that both of you are in a mental place to have that conversation. So for me, at the very end of the day, when I’m exhausted and maybe a little grumpy, it’s probably not the best time for me to bring it up. Or the same goes with my spouse. If he isn’t feeling, you know, up to being able to have a talk, or things are really stressful at work, I’m probably also not going to see the results.

[00:36:32] So one thing that I say is, even before you start the conversation, talk about that. Say, hey, there is something I want to talk about. When is going to be the best time for you to do that? And then see if that’s going to work best for you and really check in. You want to set yourself up for success when you have these conversations.

[00:36:52] The next thing I say always is really assume the best. A lot of times, even if it’s like my feelings are getting hurt or, you know, something that my spouse is doing is making me angry. A lot of times we can go to this place of there. They’re meaning to do it. They want to hurt. And often times that isn’t the case, right.

[00:37:17] They really care. They don’t want to hurt us, but just something that they’re doing is doing that. And so if we can eliminate that, that whole aspect of he doesn’t care and really get down to something that he is doing is hurting me already. We’re at a different, right? Like I’m in a different mental space as a result of this.

[00:37:42] So really assuming the best, assuming that my spouse really cares about me, I might not feel it right now, but that’s what we need to bring out. I need to make sure that I can feel the care that I know he feels. Um, and, and already that’s going to be different and how you come to him or her, whoever your spouse is, is going to be very different as well.

[00:38:05] So if I’m coming to him and saying, you don’t care about me. He’s going to get defensive. He’s not kidding. He’s going to defend his position versus if I come and I say, look, I I’m feeling really sad right now. I’m not really loving this. What is the best way do you think that we could move around this and really enlisting them?

[00:38:29] I find that most people want to help each other. And it’s just, how do you present it to the place where that’s, where you’re starting versus already just blaming each other. So. And then kind of like what I said before, being very, very clear and very specific with what you want. So for example, when my husband and I are arguing, I get very emotional first..

[00:38:58] I need to address my emotions before I can get into logistics of whatever it is that we’re fighting about. And he doesn’t have that. He doesn’t need that emotional stuff. He wants to get into the logistics and get it solved, but I literally cannot get there. And so now what I had to ask.

[00:39:20] From him was can we address my emotions first and told him exactly how to do that? I need a hug. I just need some acknowledgement that you care about me. And then I can get into the logistics with you. So now both of our needs are met, but we just had to figure out the order that it happens in. And that only works if you are really specific.

[00:39:45] And let me tell you. Your spouse’s love that because right now they are just guessing at what will make you feel good. They’re guessing at how to make you happy. And it is way better if they just know it, they become more confident and the more confident they become, the more likely they’re going to do it.

[00:40:06] So being as specific as possible and then giving them feedback when they do it, like, yes, I love. This makes me feel good. Thank you so much. That kind of thing. And you’re going to start seeing that stuff over and over and over. 

[00:40:23] Christine: That’s so, so good. Thank you so much for coming and sharing with that information with us today.

[00:40:29] If people are like, okay, I need more of these tools. I need more of these tips. I need to talk to somebody about how to do this to make sure I am approaching it from the right perspective and, and in a way that my spouse will actually respond to, tell everybody how they can find you.

[00:40:47] Lindsay: So I have a free military marriage breakthrough call.

[00:40:54] And in this call, we get on zoom for like 30 minutes. And we really identify those top goals that you have, and you leave that call with the exact steps you need to take that you can start that day to get you there. Um, and so I, in this call, I usually work with just the military spouse because you are.

[00:41:18] The one who wants what you want in your marriage, and you can easily craft a happy marriage for both people with just one person. So I have done this for again, 14 years, hundreds of couples. I’ve really perfected how to do this with military spouses. So, um, I will give you a link that you can include in your show notes, or you can find me at Maried to Military on Instagram.

[00:41:45] And getting my schedule, or even just reach out to me and say, Hey, is this a good enough reason to schedule? Or do you think that this would be helpful? Like that is why I have these free calls. I absolutely love doing them. My goal is to actually do a hundred of them by the end of the year and I’m having a baby during it.

[00:42:07] I love them so much. Um, so I really, really would love people to take me up on them. And then they get to see all of the rewards that come from having a happier marriage. 

[00:42:22] Christine: That’s such, such a good resource. And one that I know that so many people need right now. So thank you for offering that service. It is so, so needed. As we wrap up today, is there anything you want to say or that one piece of advice that you would love to leave military spouses with? 

[00:42:42] Lindsay: I think what I would like them to hear is that yes, it seems that there are a lot of hurdles. It seems like you never get a say what’s happening.

[00:42:53] The, your life is second place that, you know, your spouse, isn’t able to give you what they need because of either who they are, or the military, or a combination of both. But what I want people to hear is that none of these things actually get in the way. And once you figure out how to maneuver around them, it really becomes easy and it makes this military life easy.

[00:43:23] My marriage wasn’t always as easy as it is. And, and even then, it’s not like every moment is easy. It’s just, now we know how to tackle everything. So what I want people to hear is these marriages that I talk about, they get better. There’s nothing special about them. They aren’t more destined to be together than anyone else. Every, every couple can have this. 

And you know, in the off chance that really you get down to, you know, where you can’t, then I also have helped couples to separate in a way that’s really respectful and, happy too. I just feel like relationships don’t have to be so complicated. They don’t have to be so hard and, = there are ways to make them better. It can happen for you and your marriage. That’s what I want everyone to know that this isn’t for them. It’s for you as wellWell, I think that’s a 

[00:44:25] Christine: Well, I think that’s a perfect way to wrap up this Valentine’s episode. Thank you so much, Lindsay, for coming on the show today, I know that so many people will be blessed by what you had to say.

[00:44:34] Lindsay:

Thank you so much for having me and thank you so much for doing what you are doing as well. 

[00:44:42] Christine: Okay, friends, I hope you found that super valuable. If you have some big takeaways, I would love for you to head over to the Facebook group and share what your big learning points from today were. 

[00:44:59] If you’re not already a part of our community, we have a free group on Facebook, which is all about getting encouragement for your military life, helping you pursue your dreams, helping you to discover who you are meant to be. So if you are not already a part of that community, just head over to milspousemastermind.com/community and that will take you directly to the Facebook group.

[00:45:19] I will also have all of the links to what Lindsay mentioned in the show notes. You can find that below this episode, or by going to our website, middle spousemastermind.com. I hope you will take advantage of that free military marriage breakthrough call.