00:00:00] Christine: Hey friends today, you are in for a treat. I sit down with my friend Lindsey Beckenhauer to talk about a cause near and dear to her heart. We talk about her journey, the doubts she faced, what motivated her to take action anyway, and the surprising things she’s learned from being willing to say, yes. The lessons from her story are applicable to so many areas of our lives.

[00:00:27] And I know you’re going to get a lot out of our conversation today. Before we get start, I want to let you know that the replay of our live training. More than a Milspouse, how to find yourself and figure out what you really want in life is still available. You can watch the video in the milspouse mastermind community, or you can listen to the audio replay in the podcast feed.

[00:00:52] If you are struggling with feeling lost in life with your identity, with what you should be doing with your life, with who you are outside of life as a military spouse, or, you know, someone who is struggling with this issue, then I highly recommend that you go listen to that training because it’s going to give you practical exercises.

[00:01:13] You can do to start reconnecting with who you are at your core and hope you find joy and start to get on stuck. I would love if you have listened to that, to hear your biggest takeaways from the training, you can share it inside the Facebook community. Or you can DM me on Instagram at milspousemastermind.

[00:01:34] I love hearing from you and hearing what breakthroughs you are experiencing and what you find most meaning. All right. What do you say? Let’s dive into my conversation with Lindsay Beckenhauer.

Welcome back to the milspouse mastermind. May is foster care awareness month. And I really had it on my heart to talk about this issue on the show. I have had the privilege to be stationed in multiple places and be a part of communities that are really leaning into serving this population.

[00:02:59] And I understand that it’s this really big need, but it’s also a need that I think so many military families, either aren’t aware of, or they don’t feel equipped to be able to help because of the craziness of deployment schedules and life, or how frequently we move. And so I started thinking about how can I help highlight this need?

[00:03:23] And I immediately knew I needed to bring my friend Lindsay onto this show because not only has she fostered many, many children at many different duty stations. She does such a great job about sharing her journey and both the hardships and the joy of pouring her whole heart into these kiddos. So, Lindsay, welcome to the show.

[00:03:46] Lindsey: Thanks so much, Christine. Glad to be here.

[00:03:48] Christine: Would you tell us a little bit about yourself and your family?

[00:03:53] Lindsey: Uh, yes. We are a family right now of not. Um, I have four biological children, uh, 10, 12, I’m sorry, 14, 12, 10, and six. And I have two adopted daughters that are both 10 as well. Um, right now we are fostering, um, a sibling set, uh, that is five and eight and a little girl who is two.

[00:04:17] Christine: Well, thank you so much for coming on. I remember one of the first times I was introduced to Lindsay and the first thing she said is, hi, I’m Lindsay. And I’m known for having lots of kids with me. So that is definitely true, but I know that foster care is something near and dear to your heart, but I would love for you to take us all the way back.

[00:04:37] To the beginning of your journey, what, what was your introduction to military life? How much did you know about that and was foster care, something that was already on your heart or was that something that happened later?

[00:04:52] Lindsey: Yeah, so it kind of takes me back for many, many decades. Um, I worked when we had our first duty station in Wichita, Kansas, I worked at an emergency temporary shelter for kids as a lead teacher.

[00:05:05] For six to 12 year olds. I did the daytime shift, um, all the schooling and, you know, all the day-to-day things that happen between the time they wake up to that. Our time was my shift. Um, Rob was deployed for most of that time. Um, and then I got just introduced to the foster care system in a very different way because I worked at the shelter and I always said, like, everyone tells me that I will never do this.

[00:05:28] I will never foster. Um, I couldn’t do it. It’s too hard. I get too attached, all the things that tend to drive me a little crazy now that I’ve been in the trenches for awhile. Um, and then we had got pregnant with our first and I, um, quit my job there, um, because it involves just too much physical things while pregnant and, um, Season kind of got put on hold while I had our first baby, we moved to Belgium and, um, had our second day, right before we moved and we moved to Belgium and it got put back on our heart again, um, for fostering, but we went into the adoption out of foster care and we found a ministry that does military families living overseas, you can adopt through foster care system.

[00:06:05]. And so we thought that was where we’re going to be called because I always said I will never foster. It is too hard. I would get too attached, all the things. And, um, we got licensed in Belgium and the day after we got our license in the most.

[00:06:21] They found out we were cutting our tour short a year. And so they moved us to Charleston. So everything got put on hold again, moved to Charleston, had another baby and, felt like we need to jump into the adoption category. We got certified to adopt out of foster care thinking that was the greatest need.

[00:06:38] And so got certified and we quickly realized right then and there that, temporary foster parents were a massive need. So, um, after a lot of prayer and my husband and I realizing this is what is actually what is needed and what was the greatest need. We jumped into foster care while we were stationed in Charleston.

[00:06:57] And, um, the day after we got our license, we got our license on the day before Christmas Eve and our first placement, we were called the day after. Um, for our first baby girl, um, newborn straight from the hospital. And from then on, I don’t think we have had an empty bed. As long as we have had our license open, um, from Charleston to, uh, to Alabama, we were, uh, fostered there to Florida in Tampa. We fostered there and now in Guam.

[00:07:25] Christine: That’s a lot. So can you take us back to when you first decided, Hey, we’re going to foster to adopt, you already have lots of littles at this point. Was it overwhelming? And how did you ever come? Some of those feelings of it’s too much. I’m not capable of this. All the things.

[00:07:43] Lindsey: Yeah, I think it is important to recognize where you’re going to have faults, you know, where the weaknesses come in. Cause you can’t go in jumping. If I just love on this kid, it’s going to be great. And we’re going to move forward past all of the trials that come along with it. Um, and I think when we jumped into it, it was this need.

[00:08:01] I saw the revolving door in our shelter. Um, and justice need of kids of needing stability and needing love and needing just routine like the kids that were never a part of routines, because it’s just chaos all the time in their lives. And just how important, just knowing what’s going to happen each day and having a mom and a dad there each day, even with my husband in and out and being deployed and being on trips, um, he’s a pilot, so he’s in not the door all the time.

[00:08:26] Um, but there was still consistency for them and recognizing. So many people are like, well, what if they have to be in daycare? What if they have to like all these things? I’m like, anything’s better than their life they have now. Um, unfortunately in the trauma that they’re in at this point. So I just recognize that as crazy as my life felt, it was better than what they were going through at this moment.

[00:08:46] So they were either going to be in my career. Which was much better, or they were going to be living in a shelter, which I knew what that life was like. And that is not a great place long-term for small children or teens, to be honest. Um, and so we kind of jumped in saying, yes, it’s not always going to look great.

[00:09:02] And yes, I’m not always going to be, um, maybe what I hope that I could be for them, but I’m going to be better than what. Yeah.

[00:09:09] Christine: So can you talk about some of those feelings you had in, in doing foster care initially and, and how you dealt with, okay. I don’t know how to deal with a kid that’s coming out of.

[00:09:21] W what did you do? Um, what were some of the feelings you faced and how did you help and learn through that process?

[00:09:28] Lindsey: Yeah, I, I just dove in to find as much wisdom as I could. I found a church nearby that had an amazing foster care minister. Um, that poured into their families. I went to Rob and I went to his many, um, trauma courses that we could, um, conferences and just started surrounding ourselves with community.

[00:09:47] I always tell all of my friends that jump into foster care besides Jesus, uh, community is what keeps foster parents going. Um, people that don’t foster people that have a heart for fostering people that just want to help serve, like people that when you’re deep in the trenches going, what to did I get myself.

[00:10:03] That they pull us out and they say, cause you were called and you’re going to be okay. And they come alongside and they don’t call you crazy. You know, think that your kids are crazy and they just come alongside and walk along with you. And I think those were Charleston was one of our hardest seasons because I got pregnant again while, um, we had a couple of foster kiddos in our home that were very, very difficult.

[00:10:23] And, um, uh, it just, it was one of those things that I just surrounded myself with people that believed of our mission. And so, um, they just came alongside and they brought meals or they, um, you know, they, they tried to understand the idea of. Loving and supporting, um, these kiddos to go back home, but also the grief and the sadness that comes along with it and to come along with my biological kids to come alongside them in their grief.

[00:10:49] Um, but yeah, there was a lot of feelings of, I can’t do this. I’m not enough. I don’t know what these kids have experience. Um, and I don’t, but, um, so we just sought to learn and we just realized that everyone’s going to fail and I’m going to fail and I have failed them on many occasions, but it’s in that failing that I’ve learned, um, how better to love the next kid that comes through my door.

[00:11:12] Christine: What were some of the things that surprised you the most when you started fostering?

[00:11:18] Lindsey: Um, what surprised me the most was. How sad I was for their biological moms. Um, I think I brought my first, the first baby home from the hospital and I looked at her and I think because I had had babies myself, I looked at this baby and I just broke thinking of this mom, leaving the hospital without a baby and going her body going through this process of that, what it goes through after we have babies and not leaving with her baby.

[00:11:42] And when. Um, you know, people will say, well, she deserves to not bring her baby home. Cause she did these things are all those things, which is true. Um, those things aren’t wrong. It doesn’t still your heart. Just, doesn’t still break that they’re in those situations, whether they’ve been caught in addiction, whether they have been through the foster care system themselves.

[00:12:00] So they can’t, they don’t have the same coping mechanisms I have, they don’t know how to deal with stress. They also, our second property, which deals with a lot of things that I will never experience. And so I think Rob and I were just so surprised at how much our heart broke for these biological families.

[00:12:15] And I think there was a purpose to it because, um, our second, um, she left about three weeks later, um, to a relative and the day after. Um, we, she laughed, we got our next call for our next newborn baby. Um, and it was him that we gained the most beautiful relationship with his biological mother. And we could stand in the corner for her and fight in court for her and say that she is worthy enough to take care of her son and she just needed more support she needed love.

[00:12:42] And so eight years later, we’re still walking alongside of her as she parents and falls and gets back up again. And. So I think there was a purpose for that braking and to see them as not these evil, awful people, but as people that have made really horrible mistakes and they sometimes just need people to say, you know, let me help.

[00:13:00] You know? And so, um, I think we went into it with this focus of these foster caters coming to our home and our eyes opened up to the bigger ministry and bigger even help of this reunification and fighting for these families. Maybe I’ve never had someone fight for them. And so, um, I think it’s just not it’s putting ourselves, we, I will never put myself in their shoes cause I will never understand, but it’s not putting myself as us versus them, but as us together as one whole cohesive unit, um, and not being scared of that.

[00:13:31] And I think that for me was a really interesting shift in understanding. And then I think I was expecting behaviors from kids. I was expecting all of that, so that wasn’t necessarily to support. Um, to me, because I knew. And that a kid was coming from a hard place. They’re going to have all of these, um, big behaviors.

[00:13:50] Um, so then on the other side of it was watching my children for the last eight years, grow up in being foster siblings and watching their characters develop in such incredible ways that I never saw coming. Like I didn’t ever go into it thinking this is going to. Allow my children to become these amazing little people that love so well, you know, like my, my six year old son, he has no, nothing different and he has no stranger.

[00:14:16] He meets no stranger. When it comes to, um, socioeconomic status, race, anything, he will walk up to anyone and want to hear their life story and talk to them questions and give them his life story. And he just doesn’t, he, he just loves to love on people. And I have no doubt it’s because we are in this. In this ministry that he feels a part of.

[00:14:35] And so he’s not scared of what, you know, these unknown places that we’ve been into. You know, we’re only in all these homes and these apartments and these places that maybe other kiddos weren’t. And so they don’t see, um, you know, the fears maybe. And so, um, those two things were an unexpected surprise that.

[00:14:51] Didn’t really expect.

[00:14:52] Christine: Can you talk a little bit, I know you talked about staying in touch with some of these families, because I think sometimes there’s this idea of like, once you don’t have the kid in your care, like that’s the end, but you’ve maintained relationships with some of these kids in their families. Can you talk a little bit about that.

[00:15:07] Lindsey: Yeah, I think that’s always my biggest advice for people starting to foster is that, um, build as many bridges as you can. Um, even if it takes you kind of being thrown under the bus a little bit, um, or being feeling like you’re kind of being the punching bag for a little while, because these parents don’t know what to do.

[00:15:27] So they’re, they’re just going to blame you, or they’re going to blame you for the reason why their kids are there. And so it’s really holding a lot of your tongue. A couple of times we’re in corridor and meetings. And Robert just kind of put my hand on his leg, like sh it’s fine. You know, cause things would be said that I just wanted to buck up to, you know, and, um, but over the years of just building these bridges with these moms, Uh, one of our moms, I mean, she’s like a, like a daughter niece to us at this point that we talk all the time and stay in touch with.

[00:15:54] And I know for her that we are a safe place for her, you know, if anything is going wrong, she can always call us. Um, if things are going wrong and, um, and the kids the same way. Um, last week, I was just on the phone with one of our now teenage daughters, um, that lived with us for a little over a year. And, um, you know, they’re excited for us to come back to the states for us to come and, um, grab them up for a couple of weeks.

[00:16:16] Um, and they, it’s just the same thing. It’s just, we want to be a safe place for their. That we’re not there to judge what is happening in their lives, but if they’re stuck in a rock and a hard place that they can call us and say, Hey, can you help? You know, I don’t want their kids to be back in the system.

[00:16:30] Um, the percentage of kids that go in not of care is so high, you know, um, something else happens, a mom loses a job again, and then the kids go back into the system. Like that’s my greatest fear is that these kids go back into the system. And so, um, our hope is that we have a relationship with them. So before that, They can at least reach out for help.

[00:16:47] Um, and then my twins, um, we did not have a great relationship with their mom. Um, and, uh, for years we just prayed and sought and sought and prayed. Build this relationship with her and I’m about four years or three years after their adoption was finalized. Um, she finally reached out via email and now we have the most beautiful relationship with their biological mom that I could not have asked for anything better.

[00:17:10] Um, and now they know who she is and we, um, she is our family to us. And so, um, I hope that for the next decades, my twins can, um, see both of their moms love them the best that they can.

[00:17:23] Christine: Do you think your perspective of foster care has changed over the years that you’ve been doing it? And what are some of the biggest lessons that you’ve learned through the process.

[00:17:36] Lindsey: Yeah, I think my perspective has changed greatly. I think I went into it the very narrow mind. Like I will bring a kid in, we will love this kid and then they will leave. Like, that’s kind of how I saw it because that’s the shelter was, I brought a kid in, they weren’t, they were only there for a little while.

[00:17:50] Some were there for a couple of months and then they would leave. They wouldn’t go to a foster home or back home or whatever. And so my, my window was so very small and my understanding to that. And, um, as I was talking to my social workers a couple of weeks ago, like foster care now to me is just an extended version of family.

[00:18:07] It is just this extended hand. And for my own children, like family has such a different meaning to it. You know, you ask my kids the question, like how many brothers and sisters do you have? And they just, their heart still is loves these siblings. Deeply pour themselves into for years, you know, and they love them.

[00:18:24] Like they’re their brothers and sisters. And, um, and so people want to like define it. Like, no, no, but your actual brother, your actual sister or your actual mom, or, you know, and I think it has. The definition of family has just gotten bigger. And I’m so thankful for that because I feel like that’s how God intended it.

[00:18:39] Like we are a community, we are people and we’re supposed to be doing life together and helping each other, um, when things get hard. Um, and so I think my view of it has just broadened, um, the idea of even social workers and lawyers and people that are just in our lives, um, to both impact me and me to impact.

[00:19:00] And my kids to understand the system as a whole, um, has just, it’s just gotten deeper over the last eight years. So that for me, um, has definitely, yeah, I think I was very narrow-minded at the beginning, um, which is understandable when you’re not don’t have your feet all in it for, so. Um, and I think just my perspective has changed in that is just, I’m not only welcoming a foster kiddo and I’m welcoming their family.

[00:19:23] Um, you know, one Christmas in Charleston, we had two of my kiddos, biological moms there at the house, and we had one of their, their other siblings that didn’t live with us. And I just looked around the kitchen table while we were eating Christmas dinner, thinking, goodness gracious. This is what Christmas is supposed to be.

[00:19:39] You know, it’s supposed to be these families, um, you know, grandmas and moms and people to know that. This is just one place that we love each other. So, um, that is my perspective of this idea of family and my, I want my kids so much to know that like our house is supposed to be a place of safety and hope and you know, so that has shifted for sure.

[00:20:00] Christine: I mean, it is an amazing example that you’re setting for your kids and that’s the model that they see. They’re already living that out every day and how they are interacting with people around them. So what I would love to know is, you know, you fostered in one location, has it been something that you always knew, every place we get stationed where immediately going to jump into this? Or have there been times where you’re not sure if you want to do it?

[00:20:27] Lindsey: All this time. Yeah. Every time we moved, we were like, Nope, we’re not going to do it next time. We’re going to take a break because we’re exhausted and we needed a break. And then, um, God was like, Nope, that’s not actually what’s going to happen.

[00:20:39] So, um, so it isn’t. And so we, uh, moved to Alabama that was before we knew our twins were going to be with us forever. We thought, okay, it’s been a really hard three years. Um, we’re going to take a break at HCSC. And, um, it didn’t happen that way. Our twins came with us, which. Very very grateful and a single mom and her two kids came with us.

[00:20:59] And so it was a year, it was a messy year, um, um, beautifully messy, but very messy and so moved to Florida. And we were like, okay, no, like it’s, this is going to be a stressful job. We’re going to take a break. Uh, the first church I walked into a licensing worker just happened to be there. And she was like, are you going to license here?

[00:21:14] I’m like, no, we have already six kids. She’s like, well, that’s fine. That’s fine. You can take more. So it just, every place we went to, then we left Alabama. I’m sorry. We left Tampa and moved to Guam and we for sure thought we weren’t going to foster here. Um, Rob was taking commands. Our house was small. We had six kids.

[00:21:31] Um, it just felt like too much. Um, we were far away from home. Everything felt hard and different. Um, but we had a heart to support foster parents. And so we said, okay, well we have all this training behind us. Um, let’s go in and just help support them. Babysit, help, support, get, offer respite, all the things.

[00:21:47] And so. Meeting. We went to, um, our, the lady that runs the amazing ministry here in Guam. Um, she said, you guys are going to foster, right? We are in desperate need. And we were like, no, our house is too small. We can’t, we can’t do classes. And she’s like, oh, you don’t need that. You don’t need that. And globs, we were like, okay, I guess we’re going to foster here.

[00:22:04] So. Um, I think every move we joke and saying, we need to not say, we’re not going to do this again, because then it does happen. So are we leave, are now leaving Guam with nine? And I am trying not to say we will not do it in DC, but I don’t want to say it again because it’s probably going to happen. So, um, yes, I think each move because I’ll be honest, I think it’s so, it’s so silly, but every time you do it, it’s like, there’s so much paperwork that you have to do.

[00:22:31] And so. Hours and hours of background checks and classes and things that is just exhausting. And it’s just another plate thing to add on to my husband’s plate with work and all these things. And we think, gosh, we’re only going to be there for two years. We’re only gonna be there for a year. We’re only going to be there.

[00:22:45] And, but then we’re reminded. A year is a huge amount of time in a kid’s life. Um, a month is a huge amount of time in a kid’s life. Some of these kids we only had in our home for a few weeks and when they left, they were in tears and all we could pray was I hope that you know what family is supposed to look like.

[00:23:01] I hope you know what a mom and dad is supposed, how their love is supposed to feel. Um, so we’re like a year still is a long time in, in our lives. Maybe not much, but in a little tiny kid’s life a year is forever.

[00:23:13] Christine: So can you speak a little bit to these hesitations that so many military families face, you know, there’s always the, Hey, I’m not qualified and I’m going to get attached to this kid.

[00:23:24] And all of the things that anybody that’s considering fostering is going to go through, but then you have that added layer of we’re only going to be here for the short amount of time, or my spouse is going to be deploying frequently. And I don’t think I can manage everything that my. But what would you say to that person?

[00:23:40] How do you speak to those, um, concerns that they have?

[00:23:44] Lindsey: Yeah. I mean, they’re valid concerns, but they’re valid concerns about even getting pregnant again or all of a sudden the surprise pregnancy or have another baby, you know, there’s things that we just, we, um, acclimate to what it is that we’ve been given.

[00:23:55] Right. Um, I thought life was crazy when we had two kids, um, and then four kids and then six kids and, you know, we’ve gotten used to, and we had 10 here and now we’re back to nine and it feels more quiet with just nine, not 10, you know, it just, you acclimate to what you’ve been given. Um, I think that’s what people, they look at me and they’re like, you have so many kids.

[00:24:13] I’m like, I felt, I remember I saw a post that I posted when I brought my three kids to the restaurant all by myself because Rob was gone and I posted that. I was so proud of myself, that I went to the restaurant with all three of my kids and it was so stressful to me. And so now, and so I know that those new moms with one kid, it feels stressful and, um, yes, nine kids.

[00:24:32] It feels crazy in three, but I just have got used to get used to the new crazy, you know? And so, um, when we’re moving all the time, it also is it’s this idea of, um, like my, my kiddos will say in my home, um, my forever. When we are moving here and we told them we weren’t going to foster because our house was too small or whatever.

[00:24:50] I remember one at my 10 year old who had been fostering since she was one, she burst into tears and, um, I, and she looked at me and she said, mom, we always have room for one. Like, we always can have room for one more. There’s kids that need a bed and we have a bed and I just thought, do you not see how crazy I look on every given day?

[00:25:08] Like, do I now look like the crazy mom, but she saw how simple it was. It was this simple task of just saying yes and trusting that it’s going to be okay. And, um, and I think for me, there are so many resources. There are so many resources, you know, we have friends here that foster that their kids get to go to CDs.

[00:25:25] Um, we have, um, people that are there so many anywhere we’ve moved, there’s been community of people that are like, let me come alongside and help. Um, what do you need? What is, you know, and so there are, there’s so many resources if you want him to find them, you know? And so it’s the same with any military stuff.

[00:25:41] I mean, there’s so many military resources for our families that we don’t even realize are there there’s so many foster care ministries that we don’t or, um, things for us that we don’t realize are there. So. Yes. Is it daunting to, to move, um, and to have this fear of I’m an, uh, you know, be with these kiddos and then I’m gonna have to move.

[00:25:59] There is all of that. Um, you know, we’re about to leave here. And our court hearing is nine days before we move and nothing’s been permanent on if we’re able to take them. So we’re right up against the wire, but it’s this trust that it has worked out every time we’ve moved. Um, and so. Um, for me, I just keep saying, if not us then who, and, um, you know, we, we were in Guam and, and you, every single place we’ve been to the system is so overworked that I end up having nine, you know, because there’s not enough room.

[00:26:28] And I think these kids are sleeping on the floor of hotels. They’re sleeping on the floor of social services offices. And I think, well, I’m better than that. You know, like, yes, my husband’s gone. Maybe they’re with the babysitter more, maybe there’s things, but it’s better than that. And so. Um, as military families, I think we also are pretty amazing at change.

[00:26:46] Um, I think we have, you know, being military spouses, we know how to change. Well, we jump into new communities. We jump into new neighborhoods. We push our kids in a new neighborhood. Friends and schools and, um, towns. And, you know, we get plopped into random areas that we didn’t even know existed on the globe sometimes.

[00:27:01] And, and so, um, with that, I think we sometimes can be the most, most effective foster parents because we are okay with change. You know, there’s some families that are so rigid and their schedules and things that when you throw a foster kiddo in there who it is gonna, it’s gonna blow up their world. It’s gonna blow up your world anyways, but we’re so much better at when our worlds do blow up.

[00:27:21] We’re good at. Diffusing it, um, a little bit easier than some, because we’ve done this life for so long. Um, and so I think we are. More prepped for that. Yeah.

[00:27:32] Christine: I mean, I think it’s definitely true on all of military life that you acclimate to what you’ve been given. So we don’t know how to PCS until we’ve PCSed.

[00:27:41] And then we just learn. And every time we PCS, we become better at it. It doesn’t make it easier, but we get better and we learn more about how to do it. So we already have this baseline of. You know, people come to us and say, well, how do you do it? And we’re like, I don’t know, we just had to do it. So we did it.

[00:27:59] And so I think that can apply to so many different aspects of our life. So if somebody is listening and they’re like, okay, I understand that there’s such a huge need. Um, where’s the first place they should go. Or what’s the first step that they should take.

[00:28:17] Lindsey: Um, definitely just getting a hold of their social services department in their town.

[00:28:22] Um, you know, whether it’s, um, you know, CPS or whatever it is, you can just Google social services in my town. And, and I would just call over and, um, and ask them to talk to a licensing worker. Um, I think that thing. When you start reaching out and start asking questions of these people and you start hearing numbers.

[00:28:41] I think people are blown away at how big the numbers are. I think people don’t want to believe it. Um, you know, I think, you know, here in Guam, I think they said we had 520 kids in foster care and we have. 64 licensed families. No, maybe 54 licensed families and a bunch of us are PCSing in the summer. I mean, that’s, that’s a lot of kids for little houses.

[00:29:02] Um, and those are people that already have kids of their own too. So, um, you know, Tampa was thousands of thousands of kids in foster care and there was like 400 foster homes. And so, um, I think just recognizing the need for it and then talking to licensing workers and just asking what the process is. A lot of times you just have to turn into initial application, but I always warn everyone.

[00:29:23] Like the paperwork is daunting. It’s like PCs season where you feel like the paperwork just never ends. Um, that’s foster care. And I always say like, it is good though, because you also want them to do their due diligence. You don’t want these kids to going over to any home, you know, so they’re just doing their due diligence.

[00:29:39] They’re going to ask all the questions and they’re gonna do all the things, but, um, it’s only for the safety of these kiddos. And so, um, yeah, I would definitely just recommend looking up the social services and asking just their first initial questions, you know, what’s the.

[00:29:52] Christine: So what’s been the most rewarding part of this whole journey for you?

[00:29:57] Lindsey: I honestly feel like it is just watching and being a part of these kids’ lives on a whole, like watching, even like the awareness of foster parenting spread, watching other parents step into the, into this world of foster parenting. Um, watching my kids just get a heart for it and want to keep saying yes.

[00:30:17] Um, and I think that’s what, um, people don’t realize is like, My kids welcome these kids in. So excitedly, like they’re never upset when we have gotten another call in Tampa. We were very much a revolving door, right before I moved, because we were going to close our house in March. Cause we moved in June and they begged us to stay open just to be a place for a kid to sleep for a night.

[00:30:36] And so we did. And so every night we had different kids in, or the same kids for a few weeks up until the last minute when they took all of our things and my kids were just so excited and they were so excited, even if it took all of our. A lot of our focus away from them and our energy away from them.

[00:30:52] And people will say you’ve put so much on their shoulders. Um, but I was like, it’s just made their shoulder so much stronger. You know, they, they are, they know how to grieve. Well, when they say goodbye and they know how to welcome in with an open heart. And, um, I think that for me has been super rewarding, um, to watch that for my kids.

[00:31:09] I think I’m always apprehensive to say yes, even though we do, and my kids are just ready and willing, you know, And we, we said yes to our first teen daughter here in Guam. And I was nervous at first thinking that this wasn’t going to be something my kids were excited about. And every single one of them just jumped in so excited and, and ready to love on an older sister.

[00:31:29] And so, um, that to me has been, um, very rewarding. Um, just even watching my kids rise to the occasion. Um, cause I don’t think if I didn’t give them that occasion to rise, they wouldn’t have. Um, so, and just for myself, I think it has shown. My faults and where I’m not great. Um, so where I need people and where I need people to step into the gaps.

[00:31:50] Um, and then just seeing community, like, I love community being in none of my house. Um, I love that aspect of it. So, um, obviously being in these kids’ lives and having them just experience love and having them experience, um, you know, a mom and a dad and a marriage that is still together and all those things that we just forget about, you know, um, I still remember one of the first days, one of my little boys came and he sat outside the oven and he stuck his nose real close to the oven as I was baking cookies.

[00:32:16] And he looked at me and he goes, I’ve never seen. Cookies made in the oven. I always just buy them in a package. Is this how they’re always made? And it was just silly things like that. Like making cookies and memories and things that are just experiences that these kids are so simple for us, that my kids take for granted.

[00:32:31] But, um, these kids never have. So it’s the little things like it doesn’t require these big extravagant. Gifts or big extravagant things. It’s, it’s just the day to day. It’s the reading books before bed. It’s the giving them a kiss every night. It’s the waking up and giving them breakfast and knowing that there’s going to be food on the table and a mom there and a dad there and, um, siblings around.

[00:32:53] And so that, that to me, that just that constant and realizing how important that is for the.

[00:32:59] Christine: I love what you’re doing, both for these kids and how good you are at sharing your journey with others and really making. I feel like it’s something that’s accessible and doable for so many people as we wrap up today.

[00:33:14] Um, you’ve been on this military spouse journey for a very long time. Now. When you look back at your journey and, and what you’ve learned just as a military spouse, what would you like to tell a new spouse, a young spouse about this journey and what would you wish you would’ve known as a young spouse?

[00:33:33] Lindsey: I think I just always look at their spouses and I say, Jump in and just start building community. Like, I just think there’s so many things that people are so alone and they’re. And they have the hardest time on this military journey. Cause it’s not easy. We know it like it’s not easy. It is not an easy road.

[00:33:53] I had never experienced military before. Um, I met Rob and, um, but you know, 20 years later I look back and I think the thing that has been the greatest joy is whole of my military community that has been around. Like, it is like nothing else. And to be able to jump in and to recognize you may not, um, Yeah.

[00:34:11] You, you don’t know if you have your closest friends right next door until you’ve tried to meet them. And so, um, I just always, when I look at young spouses or young military members, I always want to tell him like, just take that first step, like just open your heart a little bit to the idea that this could be a really beautiful journey.

[00:34:30] And I think, um, community is what makes it, you know, military community, military spouses are some of the most amazing people. And so, um, but if you have your doors closed and you’re afraid of letting people to come over, cause maybe it’s too messy or maybe your kids are cranky that day, or maybe. You’re afraid to bring your kids over to someone else’s house.

[00:34:47] Cause they might destroy it, like realize like we’re all in the same boat and that is what makes this journey beautiful. And when I look back last 20 years, the defining moments throughout the thing are the people that have walked alongside of. For sure

[00:35:00] Christine: For sure. And that’s why one of our big things here is just talking about understanding that we are better together and to never try to go through life alone in whatever you’re facing.

[00:35:11] There is somebody else that has already walked that road or is walking that road right now. And it really just takes being able to reach out and find friends and ask for help and just be open to what’s possible. If someone has additional questions for you, what’s the best way to connect.

[00:35:29] Lindsey: I am on Facebook and Instagram.

[00:35:33] I love to share my foster care journey. I think I love people to be aware of it. And my hope and prayer is that that ones and thousands of more people step up to the plate because I think that’s where it starts. People always get so frustrated at the system at the workers at the kids, and I’m like, it starts at the ground level and the ground level is us.

[00:35:52] And so the more homes we get that are loving and stable homes, um, the more, um, The more effective it’s going to be for workers and, and kids. Long-term so, um, I’m on Facebook, Lindsay Beckenhauer and I’m on Instagram at Lins01

[00:36:06] Christine: Well, thank you. We will have all of those links in the show notes below Lindsay.

[00:36:10] Thank you so much for coming on and sharing your story. It’s very meaningful and I hope that so many people find value in this and are willing to take that next step. So thanks for coming on today. Thanks for that. All right, friends. I hope you enjoyed my conversation with Lindsay. I want you to remember that fulfillment comes from contributing to something outside yourself.

[00:36:33] A life of meaning and purpose comes not from pursuing our own hands. But from making an impact and you using what we’ve been given to bless and serve those around us. Sometimes it’s something really big and sometimes it’s not, but what really matters is you leaning into that tug that’s on your heart and using what you have been given to serve those around you.

[00:36:58] And that’s different for each of us. But what I really want you to take from Lindsay story today is that we can sit there and we can think of all the reasons why we can’t or we’re not enough or why it won’t work for our life. Or we can just take a first step. As Lindsay said, the question isn’t am I enough?

[00:37:23] Do I have what it takes? It’s what’s the alternative. Is the status quo really better than you taking action and doing something about the cause on your heart and whatever that cause may be that passion that’s on your heart. Just consider taking one small step. You don’t have to dive in head first. You just need to be willing to lean into that thing that is tugging on your heart as high-performance coach brilliant recharged.

[00:37:57] No matter how small you start, start something that matters. So let me ask you, is there something that is tugging on your heart today because you feel drawn to, is there a way to use what you’ve been given to make a difference in the life of someone else? Lean into that, because that is going to lead you to a meaningful and fulfilling life.

[00:38:25] And remember, you don’t have to do this alone. We are better together. We were made to live in community and to support one another. So lean into that and whatever is on your heart. Consider taking one small. And see what happens. I hope you have an amazing week until next time may you live filled, fueled, and full of joy.