[00:00:00] Christine: Have you ever found yourself feeling resentful of your spouse’s career? Maybe because of how much it has impacted your ability to pursue your dreams, maybe because it doesn’t feel like there is equilibrium in the relationship, or maybe you’re just tired of frequent moves, TDYs. Or maybe you just feel like your spouse is having success and chasing their dreams while you are stuck in a life you don’t love.

[00:00:31] Whatever the reason is, if we don’t address the resentment, it will only build up and cause. Even more issues. So today we’re going to talk through five practical things you can do when you feel resentful of your military service member’s career.

Start Reclaiming Your Identity & Sense of Self  

[00:01:40] Do you ever feel stuck in a life you don’t really love? That life is just kind of passing you by. You envisioned a more ambitious life for yourself, and instead you find yourself shuttling kids to and from soccer practice and making sure everyone has food to eat and planning for. Forget another spirit week at school.

[00:02:01] Or maybe you’re trying to plan your day around, not massing up that all important nap schedule in your one chance to get a little peace and quiet in the. You long to feel like you’re doing something meaningful with your life to feel fulfilled and maybe make your own financial contribution. You’re just not sure what that would look like.

[00:02:25] And some days, let’s be honest, you’re not even sure who you are anymore. If you are ready to start reclaiming your life and dreams and get some clarity around who you are and what you really want out of life, then head over to milspouse mastermind.com/workshop to watch my free clarity workshop. This will give you the tools you need to start trading your frustration for fulfillment and I.

[00:02:55] For a life of impact, you don’t have to wait for some futurist season to chase your dreams and build a life you love. Go to milspouse mastermind.com/workshop to get started today.

The 2023 AFI Military Spouse of the Year Award 

Now, one quick note before we get started is that I. I am so thrilled to share with you that I have been named a base winner for the Armed Forces Insurance Military Spouse of the Year Award.

[00:03:26] What that means, essentially is that I am advancing to the next round of competition, so, If you took the time to share, to like, to comment, to vote for me and for other amazing military spouses. Thank you so, so much. When I think about this opportunity, I am overwhelmed with feelings of gratitude. With excitement for what’s to come and to really embrace this idea that we are better together and that there are so many opportunities to grow, to collaborate, and to really share this message that it is possible to thrive as a military spouse, and we can give tools and resources to help you embrace the life that you have and create a life that tru.

[00:04:20] Lights you up and helps you live with more meaning and less overwhelmed. So again, thank you for voting. Thank you for participating. I will keep you updated. The branch finalist will be announced on February 23rd, so just wanted to keep you in the loop with what is going on. And share that Good news with you.

Have you Felt Resentment Over Your Spouse’s Career?

[00:04:42] All right. Today we are talking about resentment. I can guess that you have probably felt some resentment towards your significant other at some point because I know I have many, many times. From my very first PCs, when I learned I had to give up my job to be able to follow him, and I thought, oh, I have a master’s degree.

[00:05:05] Surely I’ll be able to get a job anywhere. Not necessarily true. And I really struggled with that fact. And when I finally quote unquote made it back into my career field, Only to look around and realize that the coworkers I started out with were now way farther along in their careers than I was. And the realization that with each new job I had to start at the bottom with very little vacation time.

[00:05:38] In fact, I had one job that said I could have five days for the year, which maybe if you live close to all your family and you don’t have any kids that are ever gonna get. Maybe that might work, but you know, my husband and my families live on separate parts of the country trying to visit family, trying to be there and take care of the kids when they’re sick, and to be able to be with him if he’s deploying and going on t Y’s.

[00:06:07] And I want to be able to be present for any of those events. Well, five days off for the entire year, just wasn’t cutting. So there have been plenty of times in my life that I’ve resented my spouse for how he’s progressing in his career for the opportunities he’s had for the mentorship he’s been given for me feeling like I needed to shoulder more of the housework because I had become a stay-at-home mom.

[00:06:35] And then there have been the times when my husband was T d Y or on a deployment, and the kids are sick yet again, and Murphy’s Law is kicking in and everything that could possibly go wrong seems to go wrong when he’s gone. And to feel that resentment rise up in me. So I know that all of these situ.

[00:06:57] Actually happen. It may not be the exact same situation for you, but I can guarantee you that all of us as human beings at some point, feel resentment that things aren’t going the way that we want them to go. Especially it’s easy to feel resentment towards our spouse or just to the military in general.

What Can We Do When We Feel Resentment?

[00:07:17] So what can we do when these feelings of. Arise. Let’s talk about five practical things we can do. And the first one being just to recognize that this is a feeling of resentment. Sometimes we bury our feelings, we ignore them so much that we don’t even recognize what it is. We are simply reacting to what is going on around us.

[00:07:46] And the challenge for us is to have that awareness to say, Hey, what’s going on right now? I am feeling this feeling sometimes when our life and our schedule is so busy and sometimes we intentionally keep it busy because we don’t want to be alone with our thoughts. So, But friend, there is so much power when we can pause and take time to be able to acknowledge what is going on and to be aware of what’s going on inside of us.

1. Recognize the Feeling of Resentment

[00:08:20] So the first step is being able to recognize the feeling in us. If you are struggling to be able to recognize those feelings, there are plenty of tools out there that can specifically help us develop a. Spending time with mindfulness or some kind of meditation practice is really good for calming our minds down.

[00:08:43] The, the feeling that our mind is always going and thinking and running, and to be able to say, okay, I’m going to take back control of my thoughts and I’m going to just sit and be quiet for a few minutes. There is so much power in. There is also so much power in taking time, sitting down with a piece of paper and a pen and just journaling and not judging any of our thoughts, just letting things flow and see what is coming up.

2. Reflect on What is Contributing to the Resentment

[00:09:15] But we have to be able to take a pause, take a beat, maybe take a few deep breaths and become aware of what is going. So once we have recognized, Hey, I am feeling something, it does not feel good. It’s this feeling of resentment, then that gives us the ability to reflect, to be able to step back and observe what’s going on and what’s actually contributing to this feeling in, in some.

[00:09:47] it helps to be able to look at the feeling as separate from yourself when you can step back objectively and not say, I am doing this, but to say, I am having the feeling of, and what is contributing to this feeling so we’re not fused. With the problem, we’re able to create some space between us and the feeling to be able to analyze it and reflect on it.

3. Reframe Your Thoughts About What’s Causing Resentment

[00:10:16] Once we’ve taken the time to recognize the feeling to reflect on it, then it is time to reframe our thoughts because what’s probably happening there is a story in your head about what is going. . So to be able to say, what is the story that I am telling myself right now, and is that story actually true?

[00:10:41] And how can I think differently about this situation? So for example, I am feeling resentment and I acknowledge that I have this sense of resent. Where’s this coming from? It’s coming from the fact that my husband is t d Y right now and the kids are sick and the faucet in the sink is broken, and I feel overwhelmed with life and perhaps he has gone out to eat.

[00:11:15] He’s getting adult conversation, and I am stuck at home with littles and I haven’t even had an adult conversation in three days. Hypothetically speaking, what is my choice in the moment? , I know what I would’ve done several years ago and that is get mad at my husband and start reacting and being super passive aggressive, which is not helpful.

[00:11:40] But I have learned over time that I can recognize that I have this feeling. I am feeling frustrated because of this situation. Now is this situation my husband’s. . No. Do I like the situation? No. But what are my choices moving forward? The situation is the situation, and I have the choice right here to either continue to be frustrated with my husband or to blame military life or to let that resentment fester and.

[00:12:18] Or I have the choice to reframe my thought about the event to say, I am going to choose to make the most of the situation that I’m in. I am going to choose to act in alignment with my values. How do I want to respond moving forward? We can’t. What happens, but we can control how we respond to the events and circumstances of our life.

4. Act According to Your Values

[00:12:46] So the fourth step of this process is to choose to act. according to your values. And what I mean by this is, yes, getting clear on what your core values are and specifically getting clear on how you want to show up, who you want to become, the characteristics that you want to be a part of your life. Who do you want to be as a person?

[00:13:10] How do you want to live your life? And are you choosing actions and thoughts that align? Who you want to be, that you are not in a reactionary posture, but that you feel empowered to act in alignment with who you want to be. So when we can recognize these feelings, when we can reflect on what’s actually going on, how can I think about this situation differently, and what do I want to do about the situation moving forward?

Why Releasing Resentment Matters as a Military Spouse

[00:13:45] When I am able to do that, then number one, I have a. Better relationship with my spouse. Number two, I am able to enjoy life so much more. And number three, I find so much more peace with the situation because I know that I am acting in accordance with my values. I am showing up as the person that I wanna be instead of reacting in a way that brings both me down and those around me.

[00:14:17] so am I showing up as the person that I wanna be, which brings me to my fifth tip, which will honestly help us not get stuck in struggling with these feelings of resentment in the first place. And that is to begin crafting your own life. With purpose, because so often what causes that resentment is this feeling of life’s not fair, what’s wrong.

[00:14:44] Our focus is on the negative, on what’s not right or what’s not going well. But let me tell you what, when you begin to craft a life with purpose, when you begin to focus on how can I grow, how can I improve, how can I show up, how can I pursue this dream on my heart? Then you’re not spending your time dwelling on what’s going wrong and why things aren’t great for you, because you’re too busy living a life with.

[00:15:15] When your focus is on, how do I care for myself, how do I invest in healthy relationships? How do I best pursue my purpose in this season, you don’t have time for dwelling on the negative, and so that is why I encourage every single military spouse focus on how you can live. Purpose in your season of life today?

[00:15:40] I think all of us can go to social media especially, and we see people that are just on there trolling and bringing others down, and it’s because they are not living for something themselves. Crafting a life with purpose is our key to getting unstuck and truly thriving as military spouses. So if you are in the season where you’re, you’re feeling like, Hey, I don’t really feel like I’m walking in my purpose, I don’t really feel like my life is full of meaning.

Resources for the MilSpouse Mastermind Community

[00:16:14] That is why this podcast exists. We have so many free resources to help empower you to start crafting a life. Purpose number one, we have a free determine your core values worksheet. If you have not yet worked through those questions, that is a great place to get started, just to figure out what is it that is most important to you, what really makes you come alive, and that is available.

[00:16:43] At Milspouse mastermind.com/values. The second thing that you can do is to go watch the Free Clarity Workshop. The you are more than a Milspouse workshop that is available@milspousemastermind. com slash workshop, and that will give you some practical tools that you can do, you can implement in your life today to start getting clarity.

[00:17:10] Who you are, what lights you up and what your unique purpose is. And then the third thing that is available to you if you are feeling like you have this sense of, I want to pursue this dream on my heart. I’m just not sure. How to do it In my current season of life, I can’t find the time. I can’t figure out how to fit this in my schedule.

[00:17:33] I can’t figure out what I need to be prioritizing in this season to actually chase my dreams. Then head over to milspouse mastermind.com/. Unstuck to book a free get unstuck session where we will walk through what your life looks like today and what your next step needs to be so that you can begin crafting a life with purpose.

[00:17:59] All right, friends, that’s all I’ve got for you today, trying to keep this one short, sweet, to the point. I hope you have an amazing week, that you are able to start recognizing your thought patterns, reframing them, and truly crafting a life of purpose. Until next time, may you live filled, fueled, and full of joy.