Hey friends. Welcome back to another episode of the milspouse mastermind show. Today, we’re talking all about balance. I’m going to give you four keys to help you find balance as a military spouse. Now, when we talk about this term balance, I used to get so frustrated because I was like, how do I actually find balance as a military spouse?

[00:00:25] All of the tips and tricks that these gurus give us about what it looks like to find fulfillment, to find meaning and purpose in our lives and pursue our dreams, these practical things like relying on your friends and family, relying on your spouse for support. It doesn’t work that way for us. So we’re trying to work or go back to school.

[00:00:49] We’re raising our kids, we’re volunteering or being volun-told. All with the uncertainty of how long we’re going to be somewhere and if our spouse is actually going to be around to help out. It’s a lot juggling a career, kids, and military life. Maybe you’re trying to do it all and you’re feeling overwhelmed. Or you’ve taken a step back just to make life a little bit easier for your family.

But now you’re aware that something’s missing. You’re looking for something to give you that purpose and meaning. You’re just not sure what that is. Or maybe you’re so focused on your family, and you’re working from home, and you’ve come to realize that you really don’t have friends or a support system.

[00:01:46] You know that you can’t do it all. And so you’ve let the friendship and the community piece go. But now you’re feeling a little bit lonely and isolated. And we haven’t even talked about trying to take care of yourself. Because I know for most of us, that’s probably the first thing that goes on the back burner.

[00:02:07] And if that weren’t enough, here comes summer and whatever rhythm we’ve managed to have over the school year. Now that’s off the table. And maybe we have kids home or it’s PCS season, and it’s time to move to a new duty station. And you’re trying to pack up your life and figure out how to get settled in a new location. And there’s all of this time and energy that gets devoted to this moving and establishing and starting over. Building new relationships, which we know take time and wondering, how do I find balance in all of this?

[00:02:37] Is it possible to juggle all these things? Is this sense of balance attainable or is this just a pipe dream? Is my life just going to be chaotic and I’m just going to have to sacrifice something, some piece of myself in order for our family to thrive?

[00:03:08] Let’s dig into all the things. I’m going to give you four things you can do to live with less overwhelm in your current season of military life.

Before we dive in, I just want to give you another reminder that the milspouse mastermind Facebook community is a free group for you to help you on your journey, to connecting with other military spouses, to help you uncover your dreams, to get clarity on what lights you up and how you can use your gifts and your story to impact the world for good, and on the way, find fulfillment and meaning and more purpose in your everyday life.

We have our 30-day clarity challenge going on right now. Every day there is a journal prompt that will help you get more clarity on what lights you up. Because I know that there is a mission, a purpose, a calling on each and every one of our lives. You have something valuable that the world needs, and we’re going to help shine a light on what that is and how you can move towards the person that you are meant to be.

[00:05:13] So if you are not already in that group, head over to milspousemastermind.com /community, and that will take you to the group.

All right. Now let’s dive into talking about living a life of balance as a military. Let’s go back a few years and talk about the history of the military. While I won’t go into all the details, I think so much of life in the military is still built around this 1950s housewife mentality, right. That there was going to be someone there managing the home front, taking care of the family, making sure everything back home is taken care of, and managing all of the things so the active-duty member can focus on that mission. But that’s not the world that most of us grew up with.

[00:06:09] We were told as children, you can be anything, you can do anything, you can achieve anything. And then we meet our spouse and we get married to the military, with its needs and demands and short notice tours and an organization that’s built around this concept of dependence.

[00:06:34] And so we’re trying to do it all, right. We’re trying to chase our dreams. Get used to this world of military life, where our spouses have very little say in what they do, where they go, how long they stay. And so we start following them around and the temptation is to just place our dreams on the back burner. But eventually we start feeling frustrated.

[00:06:57] We feel like we’re missing something. We don’t have our own thing anymore, or we try to do it all. And we just feel like we’re failing. Failing at life at motherhood, at managing a home, at being the employee that we need to be, or spending enough time in growing the business. We’re trying to create, we feel like we’re failing because we can’t do all the things well.

[00:07:30] So what do we do? Can we have a balanced life? Is it possible to chase our dreams as military spouses? Well, first we need to recognize three things, and this is the foundation. If we ever want to feel a sense of balance, we have to start with this foundation.

[00:08:02] Number one, recognize you cannot do it all. There are only 24 hours in a day. Nobody gets to cheat on that. And there’s just not a way to do all the things that we need to do within 24 hours a day. But that doesn’t mean you have to choose between being a stay at home mom or dad and climbing the corporate ladder. It just means we have to think through a different lens and get a little creative. The first thing is we cannot do it all.

[00:08:29] The second thing to recognize is that there is no silver bullet. One of the myths that we can sometimes believe is if this one thing we’re different, then life would be perfect. If only this changed, then everything would work out. But I’m here to tell you there’s no one perfect situation.

[00:08:57] There’s no one thing that works for everybody. Sometimes we can go in search of trying to find this silver bullet. Trust me. I’ve tried so many things since having littles at home. I’ve tried being a stay-at-home mom. I have tried working outside the home full-time. I’ve tried working part-time from home, working as a contractor, being an entrepreneur.

[00:09:23] I’ve tried all of these different things in search of this perfect work-life balance. And there’s no silver bullet. There’s no perfect setup that works for everyone.

The third thing I want you to recognize is that life happens in seasons. And while we know this, sometimes we just need that reminder that everything happens in seasons. And just because life is really difficult right now, or you have very little free time right now. That doesn’t mean that’s the way life is going to be forever.

[00:09:51] If you are in the middle of a PCS, that is a specific season that takes a lot of focus, time and energy away from other things. If you have a newborn at home, that is a specific season that takes time and energy away from other things.

[00:10:24] If your spouse is currently deployed and you’re trying to serve both the role of mom and dad, that is a specific season that is more challenging. It’s going to take time and energy away from other things. If you are going back to school, that is a specific season, that’s going to take time and energy away from other things.

[00:10:49] And so while we know this to be true, we sometimes need that reminder that this season, this isn’t forever. If we understand, we cannot do it all. There’s no one silver bullet and life happens in seasons. Then we’re in that great starting point for what it looks like to find balance as a military spouse. So here are four keys to building a life of balance as a military spouse.

[00:11:22] Number one, define balance. This may seem simplistic, but if we don’t know what we’re talking about when we say balance, then it’s going to be impossible for us ever to achieve balance. What I want you to think about when you think about the term is that balance is not an evenly distributed quantity of hours. I think sometimes we make this mistake that says, I’m going to spend the same amount of time on this one thing as I am on something else. It’s a quantity expectation rather than a quality expectation.

[00:11:57] Instead of making the most of every opportunity we get, we think we have to spend a certain number of hours on each area of our life. In the book, High Performance Habits by Brendon Burchard., he talks about this concept of balance and how we tend to think of it in terms of number of hours, the quantity expectation, rather than quality. This is an excellent book for personal development or goal setting, btw.

[00:12:29] What if instead we looked at the quality of every area of our life instead of how much time we’re devoting to each area? The question we should be asking is, Am I working towards meaningful goals and purpose? In health, and our spirituality, in our relationships, and our finances.

[00:13:03] So the first thing is to start thinking about quality of life, all of these areas of our life, which leads me to the second thing. And that is to figure out your values and your priorities. Now I have two things that are going to help you figure this out, because we are all different. Our lives all look different. We value different things.

[00:13:31] The first thing that I have is the growth wheel. This is your whole life assessment that divides life into 10 separate areas so that you can assess what areas of life are strong for you right now. And what areas of life have a lot of room for improvement. The second thing that I will recommend is that you take the time to do a values worksheet that really helps you figure out what your core values are, and what your family’s core values are, so that you can start making decisions that reflect those values. Because you can have a set of stated values, but sometimes the decisions that we make regarding our time.

[00:14:23] Don’t align with what we say we value. And when that happens, something is going to feel off. If we say we value these five things, but our life doesn’t reflect that, then either we don’t actually value those things, or we’re not going to live a fulfilling life, because how we’ve structured our life doesn’t reflect what we value at our core..

[00:14:50] If you want to start living a more balanced life, then you need to figure out what areas of life need the most work, and whether what you do every day aligns with what you say is important to you. One caveat here, you cannot change everything all at once. If you tried to take every area of your life and start making progress on it at the same time, you’ll get overwhelmed. There is only so much that can happen at once.

[00:15:25] Going back to this idea that there’s only 24 hours in a day. So pick an area that you see is off and start tweaking. Now, one area. Then next month, next quarter, whenever you feel like you’ve made improvement in this one area, maybe it’s time to start tweaking another area. But don’t let yourself get overwhelmed if you see that life doesn’t line up with the life you want.

[00:15:51] The third key to living a life of balance is incorporating meaning in your life. In High Performance Habits, Burchard says you’ll always feel out of  balance if you’re doing work you don’t find engaging and meaningful. I sat with this idea for a little while when I read it.

[00:16:23] And I really think that there’s two elements that we can take from this idea. Number one find meaning and joy in what you already do. The things that you do as part of your daily, weekly, monthly rhythms, what does this look like? There’s always going to be things we love to do and things that we don’t love to do, but that are still part of things we have to get done.

[00:16:48] For example, my kids go through a lot of laundry. And somebody needs to wash it. While they’re learning how to help, they’re still not quite to that age where they can take care of their own laundry. So every week I do laundry for my family. You may be able to figure this out, but I don’t love doing laundry. And so the question is not whether I can stop doing laundry. Because the clothes still need to get cleaned.

[00:17:18] The question is how can I find more meaning and joy in it? Whether that is just making the activity more fun, turning on some fun music while I’m doing the laundry or listening to a podcast I want to listen to while I’m folding clothes, these elements help us enjoy the activity a little bit more.

[00:17:44] The other part is that reminder of why you’re doing something. I may not enjoy laundry or washing dishes, but I do enjoy making sure my family is taking care of. I do enjoy making sure my kids have clothes to wear Trying to connect what we do with that deeper sense of purpose and meaning. So those are the things that we already do, and we can find meaning and purpose enjoy in that.

[00:18:10] And then the second step is figuring out how to align more of what we do with what lights us up. If we find that we don’t have any elements of purpose and meaning in our lives, then we want to start making some tweaks to add that in. Now, if you’ve downloaded the growth wheel, then you know that there are three major areas that I believe are necessary for a life of balance and wholeness.

[00:18:42] The three main categories that get divided into these 10 elements of our life are caring for yourself, relationships and a mission or purpose, the impact that you want to have in the world. If one of these three elements is missing, we will not feel the sense of wholeness. It’s about having all three of these elements in our lives.

[00:19:15] If you do not have that sense of purpose and meaning, life is going to fill off. So you need to align what you do with what lights you up and create space so that you can contribute in some way, whether that’s just through volunteering, because you have three hours a week that you can give to a cause. Whether it’ a part-time job, whatever that looks like for you, that element of contributing to the greater good is important to have.

[00:19:43] And then our fourth tip the secret to a balanced life is not falling. I want you to keep going. The fact is we’re all going to keep trying things. We’re all going to keep tweaking our lives.

[00:20:13] To incorporate this element of meaning in our lives, but sometimes that’s just challenging to do, and it’s going to look different in each season. But the worst thing you can do is just stop and give up. You’re going to have to keep pivoting, trying new things and shifting with every curve ball that gets thrown your way.

[00:20:38] Sometimes you figure out that something you were doing doesn’t work and then you try something different. A couple of weeks ago, I shared my conversation with Chrissie Kenaston. She shared about how she thought being a virtual assistant was going to be the answer for her family, that was going to give them the balanced life that she could have.

[00:21:01] But what she figured out was that being a virtual assistant didn’t light her up in the way that she thought it would. It wasn’t the answer she was looking for. So she pivoted again and that led her to what she does today, which is copywriting. And that’s been a fantastic fit for her and her family.

[00:21:22] What if Chrissie had gotten so caught up in wondering whether she was making the right move? What if she never took that first step because she was so afraid of failing. and got frustrated by the fact that what she tried wasn’t working. If she had never kept tweaking she would not be where she is today.

[00:21:47] If she had never listened to her dream of being a writer, if she had never taken that step, taking that time to write out her story. Think about how many lives will be impacted because she was willing to keep pursuing the balance that her family needed and pursue her dream, in the midst of the craziness of the military lifestyle.

[00:22:16] But because she did that, the lives of so many other moms, especially moms who struggle with mom guilt and how to navigate the season of young motherhood are going to be enriched because she kept going. She didn’t give up. And she knew that for a season, there was going to be less time for her and her family, but she knew it was the right step because it lit her up and it met a need. It was a way of her making an impact.

[00:22:51] I just want to say to you that I cannot tell you what the right option is for your family in this season. But I want you to know you can’t do everything. There is no silver bullet. Life happens in seasons, but if you get clear on your values and your priorities. And then you can start working to incorporate meaning in your life on a daily basis to understand that you’re going to continue to pivot.

[00:23:34] And ultimately, as long as you keep going and keep trying new things, The secret is not falling. I just want to leave you with that sense of encouragement. Just keep going. This is a journey, but it is possible. And you can find that fulfillment, that purpose, that meaning in your life today, you do not have to wait for some future season to build a life you love, to chase your dreams. It is possible. And it just takes an understanding of what lights you up and how you can do more to incorporate these elements of taking care of yourself, of investing in your relationships, and of figuring out how to have that outlet of contribution to the good of those around you.

[00:24:34] You have something inside of you and it is possible to chase your dreams as a military spouse. It may not look like anyone else’s journey. You cannot compare yourself to someone who has a full family support system or the funds to be able to hire a housekeeper and a nanny and all of these other pieces.

[00:25:00] Your journey is your own. And what matters is if you are living a life that lights you up, if you are in alignment with the needs of your family, if you are on your own journey as a military family, it’s going to happen, you’re going to be able to chase your dreams in your own time.

[00:25:27] And the important thing is to remember to give yourself grace. I hope that you found value in today’s episode. Finding balance in wanting to chase your dreams and feeling frustrated by how quickly or slowly you’re moving or how overwhelmed you feel. Hop over into the Facebook group, let us know how we can encourage you. Sometimes, I know for myself, I just, even when I know their answer, I just need a reminder of it.

[00:25:57] I just need to hear from someone else that I’m on the right path. I need to keep going. I will face self-doubt. I will face fears. I will face obstacles. Just that reminder to keep going, because right through is coming it’s on the other side. So if that’s something you need, hop over to the Facebook group, we’d love to chat with you in there.

[00:26:24] If you found this episode meaningful, please share it with a friend. One of the most important things you can do to make an impact in the lives of other military spouses is to go to iTunes and leave us a review on the show. That’s how the podcast gets found. That’s how we can bring in more guests to share their expertise with you.

[00:26:47] There’s so much that can happen if you will just take a few minutes to pop into iTunes and leave us a review. And finally, if you want to go download your copy of the growth wheel assessment or your values worksheet, you can find those in the show notes or available on the website under milspousemastermind.com/podcast.

[00:27:10] Click on today’s episode, and you will find the links there as well. Until next week, may you live filled, fueled and full of joy.