[00:00:00] Christine: Welcome to my Real Life recap series where each month I show you what it actually looks like to pursue goals and live a life of purpose as a military spouse, the good, the bad, and the unexpected. What does it really look like to balance it all? I’m pulling back the curtain to show you what actually happened in the month of October for me, whether I achieved my goals and the biggest lessons I learned along the way.

[00:00:29] These are lessons that I think will help all of us as we seek to live with purpose and intentionality in the midst of the unpredictability of military. You ready? Let’s dive into the show.

[00:01:35] Welcome back to the MilSpouse Mastermind Show. If you are new here. I started doing these monthly recaps in January. There’s a sense in our culture today that living with purpose means going all in to chase a dream, and sometimes that’s just not possible as a military spouse, sometimes being a military spouse means you have.

[00:01:59] To shift your priorities around, rethink your goals, and remind yourself of what really matters. And I want to normalize this so that you don’t feel like you’re the only one not able to take big action steps, or you burn yourself out in the process because you feel like you should be able to keep up with what everyone.

[00:02:25] Seems to be doing. Everyone else is really seeing this many reels, so why can’t you seem to make that happen? Ever find yourself in that season of comparing yourself to what other people are doing? Well, that is a normal feeling. And so what we’re going to talk about today is my journey of pursuing purpose as a military spouse.

[00:02:48] What that looked like for me in the month of. But before we do that, I want to let you know two things. Number one, if you are new, we have a free Facebook community. It’s a group where we continue the discussion and talk about navigating military life. Getting clarity and crafting a life with meaning and purpose as a military spouse.

[00:03:14] So I would love to see you inside of that group. You can join us just by going to milspouse mastermind.com/community. And, uh, come join the group, introduce yourself and let us get to know you a little bit more. Number two, if you are in a place where you feel stuck and you’re not sure how to move forward, Move towards your dream.

[00:03:36] If you find yourself struggling with stress and anxiety and you’re not sure how to actually craft a life with purpose, come schedule a free unstuck session with me. We’re gonna figure out what the source of your stress is. What is actually holding you back and how to craft a path forward for you to get you moving in the right direction.

[00:04:02] And all you need to do is go to milspouse mastermind.com/unstuck and get that call scheduled. All right. Let’s talk about the month of October. What were my goals? What actually happened? What did I learn? This month, we are moving into the last quarter of 2022, and. I was struck by the fact that it’s a much different feeling than the beginning of the year, because at the beginning of the year, there’s all this sense of possibility of what is possible, what you can accomplish in a given year.

[00:04:43] And yes, we expect that there’s going to be setbacks that are going to be obstacles that get in our. But there’s this excitement about what’s possible as we get to the end of the year, we are now moving into what I call the holiday season where I really have to take my foot off the gas. I know not everybody has a crazy November, December, but so many of us do.

[00:05:11] and um, there are all of the cooking exchanges and donations and parties and squadron get togethers and, um, different celebrations with your unit. And if you have kids in school, there’s the kids’ Christmas parties and all the things to make the gifts for the teachers. And it can be a lot and. Really saying, Okay, I need to devote more time and energy into all of the rest of life for the remainder of the year if I want to still find balance and make sure that I am taking care of myself and our family.

[00:05:52] So where are we at and how far? Have we come this year and what’s really possible for my other goals for the rest of the year? And so it was really a month of reckoning with, Okay, here’s the goals that I was hoping to achieve this month and for this year, and. Needs to shift for the rest, excuse me, for the rest of the year.

[00:06:22] What, what is still possible and what needs to just get moved onto the schedule for 2023? What, what do I need to take off my plate for the rest of the year? So, , when it came to October, I was looking at my podcasting goals, um, and the projects that I had, um, what I wanted to get caught up on. Um, I really wanted to spend some more time on my Pinterest account because there’s been a lot of changes with Pinterest and trying to stay on top of all of those changes and how you navigate those changes and really have a presence there.

[00:07:02] Spending, uh, a lot of time there is a work in progress. I have not really announced this yet, but I am in the process of developing a book that I really want to help military spouses and so, Trying to find time for that, um, has been a challenge and then putting together this identity workshop for you that I’m really excited to put out there.

[00:07:29] Um, just to help more military spouses who feel like they’ve lost that sense of self. Um, so I had all of these big projects that I’m trying to work on. I’m still trying to get cut up on projects after our move. I, I like to say that, okay, we, we’ve, we’re past PCSing, we’re settled into our. But there’s still things that are residual effects of the move that I need to get taken care of.

[00:07:54] And, um, they’re, they are just still sitting on my plate until I find that time. . And if you listen to my September recap, you heard that I was still trying to figure out what our new normal look like and how to appropriately distribute my time. And so there was the continuation of trying to figure out.

[00:08:16] What rhythm and how to stay on top of all the things and how to appropriately distribute the hours that I do have available while continuing to work on my mindset and continuing to develop those healthy rhythms and habits that I want to be a part of my life. And so what actually happened for us in October, it was, um, Uh, a not so normal month.

[00:08:47] Um, it was, uh, a good month, but one where there wasn’t a lot of structure. Or at least not quote unquote normal structure. The first week of the month, my kids had fall breaks, so they were off, which we were able to go take a night away as a family, and that was a lot of fun. Um, but they were off school that week.

[00:09:11] And, um, following that, my husband was on a trip for a week. Following that, we had a water crisis on the base. We were on boil orders for about a week. So, That was just a little different, and then that got fixed. Then the kids had a half day schedule for the following week, and the housing office decided to paint our whole house, the exterior of our house, and so they.

[00:09:43] Covered over all of the windows. Um, and I felt like I was living in a cave and it made, um, trying to get stuff done a a little more challenging. Um, and here we are at the end of the month, so it, it felt like there was all these things happening outside of my control, which is part of being a spouse and part of military life and really part of life in general.

[00:10:10] I did make having those routines, um, a little more challenging. So let’s talk about what my wins were for the month, where I struggled, and what the big takeaways that I think will help all of us as we navigate this life and try to live with purpose. Okay, one big win for me this month was actually having time to do a freezer meal prep session.

[00:10:40] It’s the first one I’ve done since we moved, since we got settled, and it is so nice to have extra meals ready to go in the freezer that I could just pull out and cook. Um, makes planning dinner so much easier. Um, and I’m so thankful to have those meals done. Um, if you don’t know how to get started or don’t know anything about freezer meals, I will link the episode that I did, um, sometime last year.

[00:11:12] Uh, about how to start a freezer meal prep session, um, and really set yourself up to make life a little bit easier. I started doing these when my husband was deployed and I had littles and I was having trouble getting dinner on the table, and it’s something that I have continued to do on an ongoing basis just to make our life a little less crazy and a little more manage.

[00:11:37] So that happened this month. Um, like I said, we had a family vacation day. We were able to go spend a night, um, in a hotel together, go spend time by the pool and just connect as a family, um, in a very busy season. That was, uh, a lot of fun and I’m very thankful that we were able to make that happen. Um, and then the other big win for me this month was getting a night away by myself where there were no kids waking me up at night.

[00:12:09] It was amazing to get that time away. I had done this previously. Um, When we were at our last duty station, but um, I hadn’t had that chance to kind of just get some time away without the kids for a while. And so that was a big blessing. I was able to hammer out some content creation that I’d been wanting to do and just hadn’t found this time and space to do that.

[00:12:36] So it was nice to get some time away and just have that extra time to process. Um, just. Finding quiet times, finding time to rest. Finding time to journal has been more challenging in this current season. And then the other big win for me this month was keeping up with my monthly growth goals. So if you have been with me for a while, you know that I’m a big advocate of setting growth goals, setting those monthly and weekly commitments that you’re going to do to show up as the person that you want to be.

[00:13:12] And while I have still struggled with my weekly commitments, I actually did a really good job of keeping up with the things that I am trying to do to show up for the people in my life on a regular monthly basis. And so, um, that was really fun just to feel like, hey, I’m, I’m slowly able to, I. More of these activities that I want to be a part of my monthly rhythms.

[00:13:42] And that’s been a work in progress for a while. So that was a win for me. Um, okay, now let’s get into the struggles and challenges and what I learned through them in the month of October. , if I’m being honest, every area of life in October felt like a slug. I mean, there are some months where certain areas, things just seem to work out and and go smoothly in other areas are more difficult.

[00:14:12] But this was one of those months where it just felt like it felt really difficult in every single area. , and I’ll be honest that it’s, it’s discouraging when you feel like you’re putting in the effort in all these different areas, but nothing really seems to be paying off. But that is kind of part of life.

[00:14:34] Um, but it is not fun. I mean, we like it when we get to celebrate wins when. The effort that we’re putting in, we’re seeing the results of that effort when we’re seeing outcomes that match with the effort, but we really don’t get to control the outcomes. The only thing that we can control is the effort we put in.

[00:14:54] And so this month was a month of putting in effort, um, but feeling like. There was no payoff for the effort put in. It was just a matter of continuing to show up to continue to do the things that I know matter and that how I want to grow and, and having to release the control and to be okay with the fact that I’m not seeing the results of that effort.

[00:15:26] The second thing, That was really a challenge slash learning point for me. This month was really what I talked about at the top of the episode, and that was reckoning with my goals for the year, the progress I wanted to make, where I wanted to be at this point in the year, and the realization that the year’s almost over and I need to be realistic about what’s possible.

[00:15:53] in this season and still prioritize our family and what’s best for everyone. So it’s, it’s not about giving up on the goals or the dreams, but it’s about being realistic, about what can I do, what is realistic and possible in this season? Because I don’t want to burn myself out. I don’t want to ignore taking care of myself.

[00:16:19] I don’t want to ignore. Prioritizing the needs of our family. I need to be able to invest in those relationships and, and just, um, reckoning with the fact that we can’t do it all. And what is the reality of this season that I am, I am in, what is possible and, and what do I need to take off my plate in the season when it feels like so much of what is on my plate is.

[00:16:48] Of my control and, and some seasons are like that. There are some seasons where you have more time and some seasons where you have less, less time. And this has just been the real realization that I have less time than I would like to have to do the things to pursue the goals that I really care about, and just figuring out.

[00:17:12] Does something need to shift? What needs to shift? How do my priorities need to change based on the reality of this season? , but here’s what I’ve learned. On the flip side of that, there is a piece that comes with making peace, that you’re not going to make that progress that you thought you were going to make, that you’re not going to achieve the goals that you set out to achieve.

[00:17:38] Because the frustration comes when we’re. Trying and putting all this effort in, and we’re not able to make it happen, but to say, Okay, I’m trying to do five things right now, and realistically I can only do two of those five things well. and if I can move those other three things to a future date, a future season, a future month, whatever, and just focus on those two things, then it actually gives me more peace in the long run.

[00:18:14] Even though there is that sense of, But I wanted to do that this year. I wanted to accomplish that. I wanted to be able to devote this much time to my goal, and that’s not realistic. That’s not possible. So I want to say that I totally understand that feeling of frustration and discouragement that comes with realizing you’re not gonna reach those.

[00:18:41] That you need to put some stuff, you need to take some stuff off your plate. But that also, uh, when my mindset is in the right place, there is a piece to taking that stuff off my plate and not continuing to stress out and be frustrated by the fact that I’m not able to get all the things. And then the third thing, I would say that it was a challenge point or a learning point for me this month was the realization that.

[00:19:16] the effects of PCSing sometimes linger far longer than we’d like them to, and it’s not just the actual PCs and the actual getting settled in your house. There’s still, I realized in my own life, A lot of holes that have not been filled yet that I’m still struggling to figure out how to make that thing work.

[00:19:43] And so in some ways it feels like I’m taking steps backwards the time I really devoted. To rest and reflection and having that sense of renewal on a weekly basis. That changed when we moved, and I still haven’t figured out a good system for replacing that. I really wanna get involved in a community group and haven’t figured.

[00:20:12] How to make that happen in this season yet. So some things just take a long time to replace the things that we had before we move Some things, you know, we can jump in. We, we find the thing that we need and we’re able to jump right in and get back to where we are. And then there’s some effects that it just takes such a long.

[00:20:37] To find those support systems and those ways to take care of ourself that were working for us before. And so that for me is still a work in progress, even though we’ve now been here for almost five months now. We’ve only had our stuff for a couple months, but we have actually been here for a while now, and it’s just one of those places and seasons where it’s taking a long time.

[00:21:06] Replace what I had before and, and really coming to terms with that is a lengthy process. Um, and one thing that I don’t think is really talked enough about just the residual effects that last. Far longer after PCSing. It’s like when you are trying to find your people in a new place and to have those systems, who do I call if my kid is sick and I need help picking up so and so from school or whatever it is.

[00:21:42] Just finding those things that we had at a previous location, um, can sometimes take quite a. So when I think about what I have learned and what the big takeaways, I think for all of us this month, um, number one is the willingness to sit down and rethink our goals. And, and that’s why I teach flexible goal setting, that it’s not about hitting a goal by a certain date, even though we want.

[00:22:11] We want to at some point, but knowing when, hey, this needs to shift to the next month or the OR to next year, or whatever the date needs to be, and to be okay with saying, Okay, this is kind of what I’m hoping for, but that may not happen. And being willing to be honest about what’s actually going on and what is possible in your current season.

[00:22:36] Um, the second thing that kind of goes along with that is releasing the feelings, the, and processing the feelings that go along with that. Because it can feel discouraging, it can feel defeating, it can just, um, it. Create those negative emotions in us, but we have the choice to process through them to figure out what’s causing them, how do I appropriately deal with them so that it doesn’t build up and, and build that sense of resentment that I’m resentful of the way that my life looks.

[00:23:17] This is what my reality is, and I can choose to make the most of that. But it’s a process of working through. Emotions and releasing those feelings. And really it all comes back to mindset and how we are choosing to approach what happens to us, um, which I’ll come back to at the very end. But the core issue I realized for me in the month of October was the issue of routines.

[00:23:52] And my time blocks, uh, because our schedule was, uh, all over the place in the month of October. It was really a problem of wanting routines to happen a certain way. And because we were not consistent with what happened, our routines were all over the place. And so it really, when I took the time to reflect on the month and what actually happened, and um, Where my biggest struggles were, it was able to see, hey, so much of this goes back to the routines I have and really being able to focus on routines and what needs to shift about those routines so that when life gets crazy, I can still make them work for our family.

[00:24:35] And so, The ability to reflect really helped me to be able to do that. Um, and then the last thing that I think is a big takeaway for the month of October is really just the sense of leaning into what I can learn from this season. There are certain seasons of life, certain months, certain weeks that feel d.

[00:25:02] That feel discouraging. And I think the challenge is to not just say, Hey, this was hard, but to say, What can I learn from this season? How can I grow through the challenge? Because I mean, the truth is we are more likely to grow in difficult seasons. It trus us, it takes us outside of our comfort zone, and there’s so much opportu.

[00:25:31] If we can make the choice to lean into the hard to say, What can I learn from this? How can I use this and make meaning out of this, instead of just getting frustrated with what happened and so, Okay. So just to recap, um, the big takeaways for the month, Rethinking our goals and saying, Okay, what is possible for the rest of the year?

[00:25:56] What do I need to push to next year? Releasing feelings when things don’t go according to our plan. So that we don’t let resentment build up learning to identify what the main struggle or what the core issue was for me in the month of October. It was my routines, and then choosing to lean into the heart and asking the question of what can we learn when life gets.

[00:26:28] So yes, sometimes we have to rethink our goals and sometimes we don’t achieve what we set out to achieve. And so how do we do that? Well, How do we let go of the things outside of our con control without letting resentment grow? And I will tell you what has been so valuable for me is this practice of mind management and reflection.

[00:26:57] And what I mean by that is taking intentional time, setting aside, and just sitting with myself and say, What am I feeling right now? What is my body telling me? What is the cause behind that? What? What are the feelings in my body? What are they trying to tell me? What am I actually struggling with? What really matters?

[00:27:21] And then how can I move forward? And make the most of that. And really just taking time on a regular basis to process through those feelings, those thoughts and those emotions so that I can continue to show up even when days, weeks, months are hard. Um, and it’s really comes down to making today matter and reminding myself that the only thing that I can control is the.

[00:27:53] That I put in and how I show up. And I cannot control the outcome. I cannot control anything else except how I’m showing up and living with purpose. And when I say living with purpose, I don’t mean pursuing purpose at the expense of everything else in our lives. I mean, crafting a life with purpose where we are able to keep making progress.

[00:28:20] On the things that matter, that we are continuing to keep pursuing that purpose, but doing it in a way that leads us to a balanced life that leads us to still. Take care of ourself and to still invest in those we are in relationship with so that we don’t burn out, and so that we take those steps closer to who we are becoming and who we are meant to be.

[00:28:50] So if you find yourself in a season of discourage, No, that you are not alone and that you are not, uh, abnormal. It’s something that I am continually, actively working to combat, to work on my mindset and my focus to release, to grieve, to find peace, and to keep going when there’s not a lot of external validation or reward.

[00:29:20] I hope that this episode was a very honest reflection of my month, and I, I really hope it blesses you and that it reminds you that this is not something that you should feel like there’s something wrong with you if you’re not making progress, If you’re not achieving all these great things, if you’re not meeting all your goals, if you’re not able to go all in in this season.

[00:29:46] If you’re just choosing to be intentional to make the most of what you have today and to keep showing up when you’re not seeing the results of your effort, I see you. You are not alone. If you are navigating a season where it doesn’t feel. Your efforts are paying off or you don’t have the time that you wish you had.

[00:30:14] If you feel behind the curve, if you feel like you are stuck, you are not alone, but I believe. Fully that we are better together. I would love for you to pop inside the Facebook group. Let me know where you’re at, how you’re struggling, and if you found something that has helped you. If you just need to say, Hey, I’m in a discouraging season and you just need some encouragement, let me know.

[00:30:43] Let’s all be in there together, continuing to spur each other on so that we can choose collaboration over competition and choose to find joy in the rewards in the seasons where life seems to be working out for us and in the seasons of hard. I hope you have an amazing week friend. Until next time that you live filled fueled, and full of joy.