Hey friends. Welcome back to the last day of a launch week for the MilSpouse Purpose Playbook. I’m so excited to be back with you. If you have stuck with us this whole week, thank you so much! Because my heart is for you. It is for military spouses to help you learn how to thrive and live lives of purpose. Now I want to do today as we wrap up our time together this week.

[00:00:28] I know I’ve asked more of your time, because I really just wanted to us to talk more about thriving. And I thought today I would do something a little bit different and just kind of take you behind the scenes for a real-life recap of the journey to bring MilSpouse Purpose Playbook to life. And the reason I want to take you on this journey with me today is because I think that whatever it is that is on your heart, whether it be a big dream or whether you’re just trying to make.

[00:01:02] Things happen. You’re trying to pursue goals. You’re trying to live with purpose and you feel overwhelmed. You feel like you’re not making a difference. You feel like this is hard. And I want you to know that this is normal. That this is the process of stepping outside of our comfort zone and doing something that we don’t know how to do, that feels unfamiliar.

[00:01:28] It’s a journey. I think so often we look at somebody and when we see the success that they’ve had, it feels so far from where we are today. We’re not where we want to be. We just feel stuck in the muck. We need to understand this idea that it’s important to keep going when you’re in the messy middle. And when I started the podcast, I really wanted to talk to you, not as an expert, not as a military spouse who has figured this all out and no longer struggles, but as somebody who is with you on a journey. Who is seeking to live a life of purpose, who is seeking to chase the dreams that have been placed on my heart.

[00:02:13] That is seeking to live into my story, to live into who I am becoming, and who I am meant to serve, and how I’m meant to serve. To help others, to help you thrive. Some days are great days. Some days everything goes along smoothly and we make lots of progress. And some days it’s really tough. The journey to launching something new, to chasing a big dream is tough.

[00:02:40] So I want to pull back the curtain and let you see some of my journey over the last few months, in hopes that encourage you to take the next step in yours. So let’s dive in.

[00:03:45] Okay, friend, if you have been on the fence about jumping in to the MilSpouse Purpose Playbook, I get it. It’s a big investment when you’re not used to investing in yourself. But today’s the last day that you can jump into the course at 20% off the retail price.

So if you are wanting to save a little bit of money, if you want to learn how to thrive as a military spouse, how to figure out what your purpose is, how to live into your sweet spot, pursue clarity of purpose and craft a life with purpose. If you know that you are more than a dependent. You are more than a milspouse, then I would love to walk on this journey with you.

[00:04:22] So let’s start by just talking about how the MilSpouse Purpose Playbook came to life. You’ve probably figured out, if you’ve listened to more than a couple of episodes, that in the middle of 2020 is when I really got this idea to launch a podcast for military spouses about how we learn to thrive in the midst of all the chaos and uncertainty and overwhelm that comes from life as a military spouse.

[00:04:50] I launched the podcast in March of this year, but I kept going back to this question. I want to help you. And I want to help you more than just giving you a weekly encouragement, more than just pouring into our Facebook group. How?

[00:05:17] How am I going to help you? How can I really help you get a result? Is it helping you find meaningful employment? What, what do you need? And, and I kept looking at what military spouses were saying about the challenges of learning to thrive. There are specific podcasts and resources focused on helping you navigate PCSing and moving and all of the, you know, dealing with Tri-Care and like the specific nitty-gritty of military life.

[00:05:54] There are resources that are focused on helping military spouses find jobs and network. There is information about how we thrive, how we develop resiliency and really find purpose in our lives as military spouses. But what I came to as I listened to more of you talk about the areas where you were struggling.

[00:06:22] It came down to really two things. Number one figuring out what you’re supposed to do. We move a lot. We find jobs a lot. Some of us choose to be stay-at-home parents because it’s so difficult to find jobs. And so the question of contribution came up a lot. How do I know what I’m supposed to do? How do I find purpose?

[00:06:44] I want a job, a side hustle, a volunteer opportunity, something. Because here’s what I realized. Fulfillment comes from contributing to something outside of ourselves. Sometimes we find fulfillment in caring for our family, but most of us have something on our hearts. We have something inside of us and we will not feel fulfilled if we are not contributing to something outside of ourselves in some way.

[00:07:15] So how do we do that? How do we know what it is that’s on our heart? How do we live with purpose? How do we find a contribution that is fit for us? More than that, what happens when we do find that, when we decide to make a contribution? There are so many military spouses who are trying to live with purpose and make a meaningful contribution, but they just feel exhausted and overwhelmed and burned out because there’s so many other elements of military life that make this difficult

[00:07:55] How do we craft a sustainable life of purpose, so we don’t end up drained and stressed out and overwhelmed? The “what do I do?” and “how do I make this sustainable for my life?” kept coming up over and over again.

[00:08:20] If you’re going to thrive, you need to live a life with purpose. And if you’re going to live with life with purpose and you want to thrive, then it’s gotta be sustainable. And so I really wanted to give you a framework to answer these two questions because they go hand in hand.

[00:08:46] Once I had this idea for what this big problem that military spouses are facing and how I want to help solve the problem, then it was all about how do I give you that result? Based on the things I’ve tried that have worked in my own life, the things that I’ve tried that have not worked, what I’ve read, what I researched about best practices.

[00:09:08] How does this all align with our reality as military spouses? When so much of our life is outside of our control? Because there are plenty of influencers, self-help gurus who will tell you that you control your life. And so you just need to figure out what you want and go chase those things. And that sounds great on the surface.

[00:09:35] But the truth is we don’t know how long we’re going to be living somewhere. We don’t know where we’re going to be living. We don’t know how much help and support we’re going to have. There’s just so many things that make life a little more challenging. I want you to know that you don’t control what happens to you. You don’t necessarily control your circumstances and that’s okay.

[00:09:55] But you are in control of what you do, your response to what happens to you. Now, when we talk about how we thrive as military spouses, and when I came up with this framework for, here’s the steps that you need to go through to start getting unstuck and crafting a life of purpose.

[00:10:21] It’s one thing to come up with a framework, but actually turning it into an actionable course that you can take and follow is a completely different thing. And there’s a lot that goes into creating and launching a course. Now you may have taken some courses in the past. I’ve taken some as well. You realize after you get into it, that this was just something that somebody put together on the fly, that they didn’t really give a whole lot of thought into it.

[00:10:52] They were more focused on having a way to get cash, than they were helping you get a tangible result, to solve a problem for you. That’s not what I wanted to do with this course. I wanted to really create something that was going to solve a problem for you. And I wanted to give you all the tools you needed to get you to a result.

[00:11:15] And so there’s a lot that goes into figuring out how do I put all these pieces together? How do I turn this in to a course that will really help. There’s a big learning curve. It’s very similar, in one sense, to actually launching the podcast. Because before you launch, you have an idea of, Hey, here’s what I want to talk about. Here’s how I want to help people, but I don’t actually know how to start the podcast.

[00:11:37] I don’t know how this goes together and actually gets launched. And when you’re trying to do that, it takes so much more of your time, because you’re trying to do something outside of your comfort zone.

[00:11:56] You’re trying to do something that you’ve never done before, and it just takes a lot of time and energy to make it happen. And the amount of time it takes me now to launch or to record a show and get it live is so much less than when I started the show.

[00:12:19] Anytime we’re chasing a dream, doing something that we’ve never done before, it’s going to take so much of our time and energy. So in our next few minutes together, I thought it might be really helpful to you to just talk through some of the big challenges I faced and the big takeaways that I have this far out.

[00:12:41] You know, this is still launching. So I don’t have like that perspective of a whole lot of time since finishing this course, but what I have been learning, what I have walked through, what this messy middle looks like for me, so that you will be encouraged to go after that big dream. To embrace all of the craziness and to say, this is totally normal. There’s going to be challenges, things, obstacles that get in your way, and you just have to keep taking action despite the obstacles in your way.

[00:13:16] So I just want to go over a couple of the big challenges that I faced in putting this course together. Number one is my tendency to be a perfectionist. I like to call myself a recovering perfectionist, but it is so ingrained in me. Because I want to give you the best. I want what I put out there to be reflective of what my vision is, of what I value.

[00:13:44] And I love seeing something that’s really well done. I value aesthetics. I value the whole package, and it’s so hard to release something that’s not perfect. And I have had to learn. In my whole life, but especially over the last year or so that I’m going to put information and tools and resources out there. That aren’t exactly what I want them to be.

[00:14:08] But that’s the only way that I’m going to grow. I have to have a growth mindset that prioritizes doing the thing that help, and done is better than perfect, progress not perfection. And that is so, so hard when your brain is hardwired to be a perfectionist. It’s choosing to let myself take messy action. It’s a learning process.

[00:14:38] I hopefully am continuing to grow in this area, and just to combat those perfectionist tendencies. The second big challenge, I think, is that I think that it’s going to take me a specific amount of time to do something. Whatever it is in your life, whatever goal you’re setting, whatever you are trying to do, you make an estimate of the time it’s going to take.

[00:15:08] An hour to do this thing, whether that is preparing a meal for a friend, whether that is cleaning your whole house, whether that is, you know, writing an article that you’re going to submit to a blog somewhere, whatever the thing that you’re doing, you expect that it’s going to take you a certain amount of time.

[00:15:27] In my own life, I know that everything I do always takes more time than I think it will take me. I think I can get five things done in the allotted time I have, and I can only get two or three of those things done. Really trying to understand that I’ve got to set aside more time than I think because every project is going to take me longer.

[00:15:53] I think it’ll take me 10 more minutes to research this problem, or to come up with a solution or to sketch out the workbook sheet, but it takes me more time. And so learning to say, am I creating margin for when this takes a longer than I think.

[00:16:20] And a second point that kind of goes along with that is I have to do that for my calendar as a whole. One of the big aha moments for me this summer was when I was trying to figure out why I was struggling to get so much done. And I said, in my calendar, it looks like all of these things fit, right. There’s a time allotted to everything in my calendar. If this all goes perfectly and nothing happens, it’s all going to work out.

[00:16:43] The problem is something always happens. There’s always a kid that gets sick, or there’s like a day off of school, or something that breaks down. Something always happens. And so when I sketch out my calendar and schedule myself to the max, I get frustrated because it’s impossible to get everything done. Because something is going to go wrong.

[00:17:09] And it was such an aha moment for me when I said, oh, I need to allow myself time that something is going to go wrong. There’s going to be a certain number of days this month there, where I’m just not going to be able to get things done. Really having that margin and planning that margin into my schedule really, really helps

[00:17:34] Life happens. The kids get sick. Your spouse gets tasked for her last minute TDY. It’s always something, right? So life happens, military life happens, but the other big challenge is resistance. And a few episodes ago we talked about resistance and the goal of resistance is to keep us from achieving the life God intended us to live.

[00:18:02] Resistance comes when we try to make a change. When we try to reject immediate gratification in order to live a life of meaning and purpose. It’s our circumstances, our fears, our natural desire for the familiar. It’s anything that holds us back. So the moment I decide, I’m going to create a course to help military spouses, life happens.

[00:18:33] Resistance happens. My spouse leaves for a month. Then my kids get sick. Then I get sick. If you go back and listen to the episode on resistance, you’ll hear how much happened in my August. That really tried to prevent me from moving forward on the course. And I had to make the decision to keep taking action, to work nights or weekends, or whenever I had time, if I want to keep moving to.

[00:19:06] This school and that doesn’t end with the fact that my husband came back. As long as I am working on this course and trying to get it ready for you. Then more things will continue to happen. That will try to prevent me from taking action. I can only record videos in my living room because our house is pretty small, and there’s not a whole lot of other places where I could sit down and have a background that isn’t a bed or a bathroom.

But when I had kids that were sick at home over the last two weeks, we had RSV going through our house, and there was somebody either home from school or home, sick in our house all the time. And so trying to find times where I could actually have quiet space to record was really challenging.

[00:19:59] So, and the closer that we get to our goal, I talk about this in the course, the more resistance rears its head. Now whether you want to call this the enemy or just a force or a spirit, it is proven that if we want to do something. To make a change. If we want to live into our purpose, we’re going to face more resistance.

[00:20:24] And the closer we get to our goal, the more resistance we will face. True professionals who take their work seriously and want to live a life of meaning and purpose. Choose to see this as a sign of how close they are to their goal. This was something that I had to remind myself of often. If this didn’t matter, if this was meaningless, that I wouldn’t be feeling all of this resistance. I’m choosing to see this as a sign that I am getting close to my goal. But that still makes it difficult.

[00:21:02] And honestly, There’s just so much doubt. There’s the fear of not doing it right. And the longer that it takes, the more that I question, who am I to do this? What if it’s not good enough? There’s all of these doubts and fears that are constantly getting fed to us. And the choice is ours.

[00:21:23] What am I going to do with that? Am I going to fight those doubts? Or am I going to let those doubts win? Because doing things outside of our comfort zone is not easy. Now what helps me? I will say three things that were really my big takeaways from this whole project that I think will help you. Number one, prioritizing what matters most. To get really clear on this is what I value.

[00:21:54] This is what my priorities are in this season. I’m going to focus on these priorities. If I don’t keep those priorities in mind, then I’m gonna let everything else take control. And what I want my dreams, what I am trying to do, how I’m going to live, my purpose is going to take a back seat. So for example, in this season, I really prioritized two things in my business.

[00:22:21] Number one, getting the course done. And number two, releasing a podcast episode every week. Everything else took a backseat to that. Which means I wasn’t on social media that much. I wasn’t posting in our Facebook group. I wasn’t trying to get more collaborations. I wasn’t really growing the podcast because I had two big goals.

[00:22:44] Finishing the course and releasing an episode every week. Did the podcast suffer for that? Probably, you know, less people are finding out about it because I’m not doing the work of promoting the podcast. I also wasn’t as involved in activities in my local base. I wasn’t having as much time to go out with friends because I was focused on the priorities for this season.

[00:23:10] Now, does this mean, these are always my priorities? Nope. Which leads me to my second big takeaway. There’s always going to be a shift in our balance. There are going to be seasons where life is not as balanced as you would like it to be. I would like to spend more time focused on relationships with people in my life, but for a season that needs to be a less of our priority, so that I can do this big thing.

[00:23:41] Now, if I always made my purpose goals, the big thing, my priority, then my life is going to get out of balance. Doing that long-term is not sustainable! As we talked about in our episode on fundamental needs, we need to care for ourselves. We need to care for our relationships, and we need to care for our purpose.

[00:24:03] If we take out any of those three elements, long-term, it’s not going to be sustainable. You’re not going to live a fulfilling life. You’re not going to be filled, fueled, and full of joy. We have to have these elements present in our life if we want to thrive. But for certain seasons, certain things have to take a back seat because, as we all know, there are 24 hours in a day.

[00:24:27] If we want to big dream, certain things do take a back seat for a season. But we have to know that that is for a season, that it is not sustainable. That’s not a way to build a business. You can’t hustle and grind your way to sustainable success. You have to take time for rest to care for yourself, to care for your relationships, and to steward your purpose.

[00:24:55] The third thing that was really helpful. That was a really big piece of this puzzle was my goal setting method, keeping focused on what are my growth goals. What am I working on this year? What am I prioritizing and what needs to happen this quarter? This week. And if those things did not all happen this week, what gets moved to the next week?

[00:25:23] So I have my big master spreadsheet of what needs to happen each quarter, each month, each week. And then I have this list of what do I need to check off? What’s the next thing that needs to get done in this course? I started working on the course back near the end of July. And it’s going to release in November. Back in July, that sounds like you have a lot of time. Like you have months to put together this course. But when you start saying, okay, what needs to happen on a weekly basis in order to reach that goal?

[00:25:59] And what happens when things get in the way, when the kids are sick this week? And I didn’t have the time to record those videos, I was supposed to record that week, and keep moving that down. Knowing that the time slips away and life happens. So you have your big plan, but then it has to be flexible and you have to move it. And you have to know like, okay, if I really want to keep this goal, if I want to keep this deadline, then is it worth it? And really continually analyzing, what needs to shift?

[00:26:34] Do I need to take something else out of my calendar so I’m still meeting this goal? Or do I move the goal line? So really evaluating that on a monthly basis, on a weekly basis. And so that I keep making progress towards what matters. Now I could have chosen to delay the course launch date, but I didn’t want to get too close to the holidays.

[00:27:00] So it was trying to keep it to November 1st. And what actually ended up happening is that life happened, things kept getting pushed back and pushed back to where I’m like, I don’t know if this course is going to be finished on time. And thankfully my husband was very understanding. I got 24 hours away and got away to a hotel so that I had time to rest and have quiet space where I’m not being interrupted because at home I get interrupted all the time.

[00:27:32] So that I could put the finishing touches on the course. And here, as we are into launch week, I’m still putting some of the bonus pieces together, because that just wasn’t able to happen. Because life happens. We are a military family and my husband ended up not being able to be present for as much of this as I would have liked. But this is our reality and we still made it work.

[00:28:01] Now I am super proud to say that I actually reached this goal. And whether this course helps one person or a hundred people, here’s what I know about reaching this goal. That I listened to what I felt called to do. I was obedient to living my purpose. I chose to do the thing I felt like I was supposed to do.

[00:28:28] I chose to do that over spending time at the beach or taking the easy route. I chose to do the work of creating something that I truly believe will help military spouses. I chose to work on that instead of spending time in front of the TV at night. Now will this course be a huge success? I can’t say. You know, that the outcome is not up to me.

[00:28:56] It’s outside of my control. All I know is that I was faithful with what I had right now. In the messy middle. And I’m so proud of myself for doing that. I’m so incredibly grateful that I had a group of women that I’ve been able to talk to about creating this course for you and to share my progress. I am so grateful for those of you who have messaged me and let me know that the work I’m doing is helping you.

[00:29:27] I’m so grateful if you’ve left a podcast review. If you’ve participated in our group. I’m grateful because it is our small steps of messy action in a forward motion that matter. This is sometimes a really lonely road. And if you’re employed, you’re on a team, you’re used to working with other people and you’re getting that encouragement and support and feedback, you know, that’s wonderful.

[00:29:56] But for those of us who are work from home military spouses, and we feel like we’re alone, it’s hard to know. Am I doing the right thing? When the going gets tough? Do I have people who will support me and encourage me and help me continue the course? I know how hard it is to chase your dreams, to pursue purpose as a military spouse.

[00:30:24] And my hope is that as I let you see what it looks like to do that. For me to take messy steps of action to move towards the goal that is on my heart. It will encourage you in the middle of your journey. That, you know, this isn’t always straightforward. This isn’t easy. You’re going to have to make sacrifices and prioritize what matters most, but you have something to offer.

[00:30:58] I want you to be able to find fulfillment and chase your dreams. And to know that sometimes the key to getting unstuck, the key to our mental health and flourishing, is doing something outside of ourselves, outside of our comfort zone. So, if you have been on the fence, if you feel stuck, then I want to encourage you today to do something. To take action, to take ownership of your life and began to reclaim your life and dreams.

[00:31:31] I want you to reach the end of your life and say, you know, I lived true to myself. I made a difference. I used my uniqueness to serve others and I lived filled, fueled and full of joy. Hi, I am with you in the messy middle. I know sometimes it doesn’t feel like you’re making an impact, but I want you to know that you are not alone.

[00:31:57] I believe that there is a bigger story for you. And I want to see you jump inside. I know life may not look the way that you planned, that things may not have happened, that you don’t feel like you are using your skills today. But if you will take the steps of messy action, you will live into your purpose. Start today.

[00:32:21] You may just find something better than you could’ve ever imagined. And remember you are not alone. If you are not already in our free Facebook community, please come over. Join us. Talk about what you’re working on, how you’re pursuing purpose, or just say, Hey, I don’t know where to start. I just don’t love the way my life looks tight today and I’m ready to make a change.

[00:32:47] I hope something that I have said today has encouraged you. I just want to show you what it looks like to be in the messy middle to be moving towards something that matters. And to know at the end of the day, it’s not about success. It’s not about results. It’s about living true to yourself. Friends. I love you. I am cheering for you. Until next week, may you live filled, fueled and full of joy.