Defeating Perfectionism: Your Path to a More Meaningful Military Spouse Life

[00:00:00] Christine: Welcome back to the Milspouse Mastermind Show, friends. Do you ever realize that the number one thing standing in the way of your goal or dream is not actually your circumstances or something outside of you, it’s yourself. Now, there are many reasons why we stand in our own way or hold ourselves back, but today we’re going to focus in on one particular thing that often holds us back: perfectionism. As a recovering perfectionist myself, this is something that I am always mindful of as I am pursuing my goals.

Signs of Perfectionism

[00:00:54] Here are a few signs that you also might struggle with perfectionism. Do you resonate with any of them?

• • All-or-nothing thinking
  • Being highly critical of yourself or others
  • Being held back by fear
  • Unrealistic standards and unattainable goals
  • Overemphasis on results, neglecting the process
  • Feeling discouraged or depressed when goals aren’t met
  • Defensiveness, procrastination, and fear of failure
  • Low self-esteem

Hack #1 – Just Do the Dang Thing

[00:02:46] Okay, let’s just start off the show today with hack number one. Just do the dang thing. If you are someone who struggles with perfectionism, you might procrastinate or put something off because you’re afraid you won’t be able to finish it, or the end result won’t look exactly the way you envisioned and.

[00:03:18] Here’s what I absolutely want you to take from this episode. If you take nothing else, it’s that this is just a part of life, especially if you are self-employed or you are looking to go into business for yourself. So much of the entrepreneurial journey is about doing it messy. It’s about trial and error and failing and getting back up and learning from it and making more mistakes and figuring out what works and doesn’t work.

[00:03:52] There are so many iterations of. The does this get the job done? Is this just good enough? And over time you grow, you improve, your processes get better, you create better products, you get better results. And that’s exactly what this podcasting journey has been for me, because I wanted it to be perfect. I had a vision.

[00:04:18] When I first launched the show of exactly what it would look like, what it would be, all that my website would offer, all the different ways that I would be able to help you, and this whole journey over the last couple years has been just learning to say, let me do something that’s good enough. Let me do something that’s going to help you.

[00:04:41] Whether it looks. Perfect or not get over yourself and do the thing that’s going to help someone else. And you know, the number one thing that keeps me going, even when I’m not a hundred percent in love with what I’ve created. It’s knowing. That it’s helped someone, that it’s made a difference in someone’s life, and that’s the number one reason I love getting five star reviews on the podcast because I’m getting to hear directly from you.

[00:05:14] That this podcast has made a difference, that you enjoy the content that I’m creating, that it is actually making an impact in your life. I love hearing what’s helped you and what you want us to cover moving forward on the show, because this is a community that we’re building. It’s not just me. I mean, a lot of times it feels like just me talking into a microphone.

[00:05:42] But I really want to build this community and hearing from you makes such a big difference to me. So yes, it absolutely does impact the podcast algorithm when you leave a review on Apple Podcasts. But number one, I love getting those reviews because of what it means to me and to my ability to keep going and keep combating those perfectionist tendencies in my own life.

[00:06:12] So let me just pause right here and say, if you have not yet left a review of the show on Apple Podcasts, please do so. It absolutely does help the algorithm, which determines which shows get. Featured, which get suggested to other people’s, which shows rank in the charts, but ultimately it encourages me as well.

[00:06:32] So thank you for doing that. Thank you for being a part of this community, helping me build this platform to encourage more military spouses. And yes, the number one thing, the number one hack I have for you is just to do the dang thing. So if you have been sitting on the fence, With an idea, with something that you want to bring into the world that blesses others, but you are scared to do it. Just do the dang thing. That’s what’s going to help you get over those tendencies, that lean towards perfectionism.

Hack #2 – Embrace a Growth Mindset

The second hack I have for you is to really adopt and embrace growth mindset. If you go back and you listen to the tendencies that we talked about at the start of the show today, the fear of failure, the focus on the outcome rather than the process, these are all also symptoms of a fixed.

[00:07:36] Mindset one where we think that our qualities are fixed, that we don’t have the ability to learn and grow. And when we can begin to shift our thinking and adopt a growth mindset that says our abilities are not fixed. Stone and with time and effort, we can improve. And part of that process of improvement is learning to be okay with failure.

[00:08:03] I do a much deeper dive in this in episode 139. I will link that in this show notes. I encourage you to go back and listen to that episode because the ability to adopt a growth mindset to understand. What it means to have a growth versus a fixed mindset has been huge in my own life. So if this is something that you struggle with, I highly recommend that episode.

Hack #3 –  Avoid Labeling Yourself as a Perfectionist

[00:08:36] Hack number three, don’t call yourself a perfectionist. This can seem like it’s just semantics, but I have learned over time that when we put a label on something, we are much more likely to identify with that particular label. So, I like to call myself a recovering perfectionist or someone who has perfectionist tendencies rather than calling myself a perfectionist because subconsciously when we identify with a problem, we feel disempowered.

[00:09:11] Rather when we can shift our mindset to view it as something that we are actively working to overcome, our brain processes that information differently. So it’s a matter of saying, this is what, who I’m becoming, this is what I’m working towards, rather than identifying with the problem or the struggle.

Hack #4 – Set Realistic and Achievable Goals

[00:09:33] Hack number four, give yourself realistic, achievable. Goals. Sometimes it’s really nice to have a big, hairy, audacious goal, but you have to be able to break that down into bite-size, achievable action steps. If you just focus on a really big goal that you want to achieve, but you don’t actually have a plan or you aren’t able to actually get to where you wanna go.

[00:10:05] It is also disempowering and it can make you feel discouraged, defeated, even depressed. And sometimes we get these really big ideas and we have to be able to say, is this goal actually realistic for me and for my life and for the season that I am in? So really look at what your goals are and see how realistic those goals are, and if you need to make tweaks to your goals.

Hack #5 – Give Yourself a Time Limit

[00:10:34] Hack number five, and this is a super practical tip that I. Try to take advantage of, I need to take more advantage of, I’ve actually talked about this because it’s also a great productivity tip, but give yourself a time limit. If you give yourself an unlimited time to complete the project, then you’re always gonna wanna go back, make some additional tweaks.

[00:10:58] Oh, I would go back, I would change this. I would tweak this over here. I I want this to be perfect. Right. And we can keep going and we can keep wasting a lot of time. Trying to make it perfect. I am guilty of this. But when I give myself a time limit and say, this is the amount of time I have to devote to this.

[00:11:19] If I am not done, it’s gonna be good enough. Or I need to get it to the point where it is good enough, and that is all the time that I have to spend on this. So when we give ourselves a time limit, that’s a great way to help defeat those perfectionist tendencies.

Hack #6 – Create Mantras to Stay Focused on What Matters

[00:11:30] And then the last hack I have, For you today is to create mantras to remind yourself. Of what really matters because when we are so focused on the outcome, when we are focused on perfectionism, when we are focused on the result, we miss a lot in the process. And we really need to be able to shift our thinking and remind ourselves of what really matters and remind ourselves that, number one, everybody is going to fail.

[00:12:06] Everybody is going to make mistakes and every mistake. Is an opportunity to learn and grow from this is going back to that growth mindset. So to realize that, hey, this is not going to be perfect, but I can use this to grow and to learn and to improve and to get better. And, and the second piece of this is to remind yourself of why.

[00:12:34] You’re doing what you’re doing. Like I said at the start of the episode today, when I get those reviews of the show, it reminds me of why I’m doing this. Not that the outcome wasn’t perfect or that I didn’t complete the project the way I wanted it to look, but what and why, what I’m doing matters. So I thought I would just give you some of the mantras that I use.

[00:13:02] In my own life to remind myself of what really matters. You can choose to take these for your own or find some mantras that really help you, but here’s a few things that I remind myself of on a regular basis. Progress not perfection. Process, not outcome. Every expert was once a beginner with Christ. I am enough.

[00:13:32] All progress takes place outside my comfort zone, and I cannot change the world if I cannot incarnate God’s love in my most ordinary spaces and ours.

Making the Most of the Life You Have as a Military Spouse

We are all imperfect people. We are all humans. We all make mistakes and part of the process of learning and growing and becoming better. Is being okay with failure?

[00:14:01] Being okay when something doesn’t turn out the way that we expected or that we didn’t finish it in the timeline that we set for ourself? If you hold onto those perfectionist tendencies, they will hold you back. They will keep you from reaching your goals, and so what can we do about it? We can, number one, just.

[00:14:23] Do the dang thing. Do it messy. Be okay with it not being perfect. Number two, adopt a growth mindset. Number three, don’t call yourself a perfectionist. Number four. Set realistic and achievable goals. Number five, give yourself a time limit for a project. And number six, create your own mantras to remind yourself of what really matters.

[00:14:54] I hope this encourages you. I hope this blesses you. I hope this helps you as you are working to show up as the incredible milspouse that you are, that you are working to go after some really big goals in the midst of military life. Now, the last thing that I will say that is not really a hack to defeat perfectionism as much as it is a hack.

[00:15:23] For making the most of the military life that we have, and that is setting growth goals, not based on what we want to accomplish, but on who we want to become and how we want to show up in the world. That’s a lot more than we have time to unpack today. So I am just going to leave you with this. There is a free worksheet that you can download.

[00:15:51] I will have that linked in the show notes, but it is a guide to analyzing your life and how to begin to set growth goals for yourself that is accessible. As I said in the show notes or just by going to milspouse mastermind.com/growth goals. All right, friend. I’ll meet you back here again next week. Until then, and you live filled, fueled, and full of joy.