[00:00:00] Christine: Are you tired of putting your dreams on the back burner? Do you find yourself waiting for some future season to pursue your dreams and goals? Do you struggle with feeling pulled in all directions and not finding time for the things that matter most to you? You’re not alone, but also you don’t have to stay stuck.

[00:00:23] You don’t have to keep biting your time, feeling overwhelmed by the demands that everyone else places on your time. You are more than a milspouse. And in today’s episode, we’re going to dive into exactly how to design a life you love as a military. So what do you say? Let’s dive into the show.

Believing in What’s Possible

[00:01:42] Last week we dug into the question, Is it possible to manifest the life of your dreams as a military spouse? And we talked about this term manifesting and really dove into why our thoughts are so important, and how when we don’t believe something is possible, It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we don’t think something is possible, we’re not likely to take action to even try.

[00:02:14] But on the flip side, when we believe something is possible, then we open ourselves up for new possibilities. We open the door for. Opportunities to open up for us. So if you have not yet listened to that episode, go back to episode 135 and start there. I will link it below in the show notes, but that is the foundation for what we’re gonna talk about today.

Enter to Win an All-Access Pass to MilSpouse Purpose Playbook

[00:02:44] Today is part two of this discussion because we’re going to dig into what I believe are the keys to actually designing a life you love Today as a military spouse. Now, before we get into that, I want to remind you that you only have a few more days to enter our two year anniversary giveaway. Yes, two years of the MilSpouse Mastermind Show, and I am giving away one free coaching session.

[00:03:14] And an all-access pass to my course. The MilSpouse Purpose Playbook, which will help you identify what matters most to you, help you clarify your purpose, and help you begin designing a life and a schedule around that purpose. This will give you the tools you need to live with more meaning and less overwhelm.

[00:03:37] As a military spouse, there are 12 modules that will walk you step by. Through the process to begin trading your frustration with military life for a fulfilling life today, this is the key to helping you get on stock and wake up each day excited for the future and full of peace about. You are present and all you need to do to enter is to leave a review of the show on Apple iTunes.

[00:04:07] I will link in the show notes how to leave a review if you’ve never left one before, as well as the link that will take you to actually leave the review. There’s nothing complicated. Just write a few words letting me know how this podcast has impacted you, or perhaps what your favorite. Episode has been, and then let me know you left the review.

[00:04:31] Just take a screenshot of your review. Tag me on Instagram at MilSpouse Mastermind. You can post your screenshot in our Facebook group, or you can just email it to hello@milspousemastermind.com. You must do this by March 31st, and I will pick a winner to do this special giveaway my. Is to get 100 reviews on the podcast by the end of this year.

[00:05:03] So thank you for celebrating the two-year anniversary of the MilSpouse Mastermind show, and helping me make progress towards this big goal. I am so excited for what is coming, and I can’t wait to take you along for the ride. Now, last week we started this conversation about manifesting and the idea that our thoughts become our reality, and yes, we would absolutely love to manifest all of our dreams.

[00:05:39] Maybe for you it’s the career you’ve always dreamed of or the house you’ve always wanted, or the location where you’ve always wanted to live. But you have this question, okay, can I really manifest this? Is this even possible for me? Can we will something into being? Well, there’s two things that I want us to keep in mind as we talk about designing a life we love.

A Lot of Circumstances are Outside your Control

[00:06:11] The first one is to understand that yes, there are a lot of things outside of our control, and that is true for all of us as human beings, but I think it’s more noticeable for those of us who are military spouses because we. We don’t necessarily get to determine where we live, how long we stay, whether our spouses home are gone a lot.

[00:06:36] There’s so many things that we are aware of that are outside of our control. But so many times we let these obstacles, these things that are outside of our control, keep us from taking action, keep us from pursuing the things that we really want in life, and we will never get to where we wanna go. We will never reach where we wanna go or become who we wanna be or accomplish anything, achieve any.

[00:07:06] Without taking action. So action has to be a piece of the puzzle if we want to be able to have the life of our. The second thing that I want you to keep in mind is so often when we think about achieving our goals or our dreams, so much of it we tie to a specific outcome. We think the outcome is the thing that we really want, but sometimes we get, we could absolutely get what we really wanted and then find out that wasn’t really what we really.

Depending on a specific outcome will set you up for disappointment

[00:07:43] If we are dependent on a specific outcome, we might set ourselves up for disappointment or feeling like a failure, because what truly matters is not the outcome, but the journey. And as we. Pursue the things that light our soul on fire. As we do the things that fuel us and fill us, it creates new possibilities, new open doors that will maybe lead us to an outcome that is even better than what we had in mind.

[00:08:19] Or it may look very different than the thing we thought, but it ends up being the best thing for us. So it is so much better when we can tie our results not to a specific outcome. But more to the feeling, the why behind the thing that we want. And so what I want you to take away from this time together today is that it is possible for us to create a life we love as a military spouse, a fulfilling life.

[00:08:57] One where we are fueled and filled and full of. One that allows us to pursue our dreams and to celebrate the journey that we’re on. One that is not tied to a specific outcome, but to who we are becoming because I believe that you and I were made for more. We each have something to offer the world and when.

[00:09:26] Do the things that light our souls on fire. We trade that frustration for fulfillment. But fulfillment doesn’t come from just doing the things that make us happy. It comes from using that to serve others. And when we do that, we have the possibility we have the potential to create a life that truly lights us up.

[00:09:47] And that is something that is available to all of us today as military spouses. Even if. Looks very different than the way we planned it. So I want to give you 12 keys that I believe will help you create and design the life you love. So get out a piece of paper and take some notes because I want. You to walk away from this episode feeling like this is possible for you and for your life.

12 Keys to Designing a Life You Love

[00:10:20] So let’s quickly walk through these 12 keys. And the number one thing is to start by asking the question, who do I want to be? Now, if you go all the way back in the archives of the MilSpouse Mastermind Show, I did an episode early. Where I shared my story and my journey to trying to figure out what I should be doing to find purpose as a military spouse, and how the big game changer for me was ultimately understanding that I was asking the wrong question and the question that I needed to be asking was not what I should be doing.

[00:11:02] but who I wanted to become in the process. Because what we do changes from season to season, but who we want to become that is a part of our legacy of who we are becoming over the course of our life, our lifelong journey. So we start with this question of who do I wanna be and how do I wanna show up? In the world and out of that journey of unpacking who we are at our core, that that gives us the clues to start designing a life that truly lights us up.

[00:11:36] And a lot of this goes back to this identity piece. When we are not in touch with ourselves, when we don’t know who we really are, then we. Live a life that is truly in alignment with who we were created to be. So it starts by asking the question, who do I want to be? And then the, the second part of creating the life we want is getting clarity on our dreams and why those dreams matter to us.

[00:12:07] Because it’s usually not the thing itself that we’re after, but the why behind it. The feeling, the cause that we care about. We have to be able to get clear on what matters to us and. The third piece of the puzzle is tying our dreams and who we want to become with our core values. This is a great place to start when you really have no idea what is it that truly matters.

[00:12:37] To me, and that’s why I created this free worksheet to walk you through determining what your core values are. Because understanding what our core values, because they are unique to each of us, and when we can really tap into what are the things that matter. Most to me, that’s how we start creating a life and schedule around those values and understanding how all of these pieces of the puzzle comes together.

[00:13:08] So I will link that free worksheet down below in the show notes. So if you have not yet discovered what your core values are, please go do that. The fourth key to creating the life you want is really. What I like to call minding your mindset. This is where we go back to what we talked about last week, which is really understanding how powerful our thoughts are and that we have the power to direct and create.

[00:13:42] The thoughts that we want to have, that it is possible to change our thoughts, to change our belief, to change our mindset, and there are lots of pieces to how we actually change our thoughts and beliefs. But if you have not, Dug into any of this, the best place to start is just with practicing mindfulness, and I will link an episode below where we talked about what mindfulness is and how you can start your own mindfulness practice.

[00:14:15] But before we can change a thought, we just have to become aware of what thoughts are actually in our head. What is the inner dialogue that we’re telling ourselves? And then we can begin to address those thoughts, those limiting beliefs and change them. But all of that has to start with awareness and mindfulness is how we begin this.

[00:14:39] So we have to begin to mind our mindset. Once we figured out, okay, here’s the thoughts that I’m having. Here’s what I want in my life. Here’s what I want to change about my thinking. Then we’re going to step five, create an affirmation, and I think. For a long time I was kind of confused about what is an affirmation exactly, and there’s things that I know I should tell myself, but it’s really hard to make this a daily practice, and this is something that I have personally been working on a lot this year.

[00:15:14] But it’s essentially just reminding yourself. Of what thoughts you want to have, what you want to be focused on. And so if we want to be able to change our thinking, to change our beliefs, to change our mindset, we have to remind ourselves of what we want to focus on. And we have to remind ourself on a regular basis.

[00:15:38] They can’t just be something we think of occasionally, once a month even. But the more that we make this a daily practice, the more it actually begins. To change our actions, to change our feelings, to change what we believe to be true. So we have to remind ourself of what we want our thoughts to be. And then the sixth key is to practice mental.

[00:16:08] Rehearsal, and this goes back to the process of how a thought becomes a thinking pattern in our brain and becomes an automatized thought where it’s not something that we are consciously aware of, but it’s in our subconscious. It’s a. Part of who we are. And so we have to, number one, remind ourselves of what we want to think, what we want to focus on, and then we have to practice mental rehearsal.

[00:16:40] when we think about training for a sport or say for the Olympics or some big thing, we think about the physical effort involved in preparing for that event. But there is so much to mentally prepare for that event. And reading about the mental training that top athletes go through has. Really eye-opening in my life because there’s so much that we have to be able to not just physically rehearse, but to mentally rehearse, to visualize how we want to show up, the actions that we want to take, and that is beginning to change the way that our mind and our brain processes inform.

[00:17:30] So we are reminding ourselves of what we wanna think. We are being able to mentally rehearse what we’re doing. A lot of people refer to this as visualization because you’re visualizing the actions and the outcome that you wanna have. The seventh piece is to actually create a plan. Once you figure out, Hey, this is where I wanna go, these are the steps that are gonna get me there.

[00:17:58] We have to create that plan. Because if we just sit there and we dream about it, we hope about it, but we never take action. We’re never gonna get there. And until we know the right steps to take, then. We could be taking action in the wrong direction. So I’m not saying that you need to know all of the steps, but you at least need to have a generalized plan of where you’re going so that you make sure you’re taking steps in the right direction.

[00:18:29] And you may only know. The one or two next steps. And that’s okay because you take that next step and then you realize what the following step is. So you wanna kind of make a plan, but that plan, you may not have all of the pieces of the puzzle, but you’re gonna make a plan and then you’re going to take action.

[00:18:49] This is the physical rehearsal. So we have our mental rehearsal, we have our physical rehearsal, we become. Who we want to become by taking action, by practicing the thing, by taking steps towards the dream on our heart. So let’s review where we are right now. We’ve defined who we want to become, how we wanna show up.

[00:19:16] We’ve defined what our dreams are, why those dreams are important to us. We’ve defined what our core values are and how those dreams tie into our core values. We’ve defined what our thoughts are and what thoughts we need to change. To support where we wanna go. Then we have created an affirmation to remind ourselves of the thoughts we want to have, what we want to focus on.

[00:19:44] We are beginning to visualize what we want. We are practicing mental rehearsal. Then we’ve created a action plan and we. Taking action. We are doing the physical rehearsal that will lead us to where we wanna be. Now, there’s four more keys, I believe, to our success, and there are less about what we do and the order that we do it as they are reminders of things that we need to keep in mind.

[00:20:20] So number nine on this list is to focus on our habits and processes, not on the outcomes. Because when we get focused on the outcome and the outcome isn’t exactly what we wanted, then we get disappointed. But if we can focus on the habits we are developing, the processes we are establishing, then those become the measures of success.

[00:20:48] Those are the building blocks to. Which leads me to key number 10, which is to reframe success because success is not outcome. The outcome may be different than we initially thought, but it’s not the results. It’s not the outcome that matters. It’s who we are becoming in the process. And one of my absolute favorite quotes from John Maxwell is success is knowing your purpose in life.

[00:21:24] Growing to reach your maximum potential and sewing seeds that benefit others. And when we do those things, those are the true measures of success. Not whether we actually achieved the thing we were after. It’s are we. Living into our purpose. Are we growing to reach our maximum potential? Are we doing the things that support our growth?

[00:21:51] And are we sowing seeds to benefit others? The 11th key that I truly believe will set you up and help you create the life you want. And perhaps we should have started here, but it is to practice gratitude. Gratitude is such. A transformational thing. It truly does transform our life. When we approach life from this place of gratitude and being thankful for the good.

[00:22:25] When we look for the good, when we look for what we can be thankful for, that will change our entire outlook on. And I will link another episode in the show notes Below that I did just about the five minute gratitude practice that truly transformed my life and can transform yours, and it walks you through how to start your own daily gratitude practice.

[00:22:56] All right, and last but not least, If you want to create a life you love, you need to have a good support system in place. And I know this can be tough for those of us who feel like we’re constantly starting over building a support system, but we were not created to do life alone. We are better together.

[00:23:21] And if we truly want to build a. That we love, that lights us up and allows us to live into our purpose, then we need to have healthy relationships. We cannot do this well if we’re going alone. I think there’s the adage that says, if you wanna go fast, go alone. If you wanna go far, Go together or something like that.

[00:23:46] But the, the sense is that we need people to help, encourage us to help support us, to help cheer us on, and that we can intern do that for others. And that was really the foundation for creating. Our free Facebook community, and it’s really this place to go and say, here’s what I’m working on. Here’s what I am trying to do, here’s what I’m working towards, so that we can equip and encourage and resource and support one another.

[00:24:18] There are some amazing resources for military spouses, some amazing opportunities to connect with others who are also building businesses, chasing goals, chasing big dreams, but. I know this is not a replacement for physical connection and community, and that is an important piece of the puzzle, and I understand that sometimes those relationships just take time to develop, but healthy relationships, virtual or not.

[00:24:52] Are needed. And so I am so excited for how these military spouse communities have grown over the years and what resources are continuing to become available. But if you are not connected into a community of others who. Equipping you, who are encouraging you, who are supporting you, then you need to start somewhere.

[00:25:20] And I would love for you to come join us inside our free Facebook community. You can do that by going to Facebook and searching the groups for MilSpouse Mastermind, or just go to our website and it will link you to community. I will have that in the show. Below. But the whole point of this episode is to give you resources and knowledge and the access to the information that is truly going to help you get started designing a life you love as a military spouse.

[00:25:55] Is this journey going to be easy? No. Anything good? Anything worth pursuing, anything that helps you grow is probably going to take you outside of your comfort zone. It’s going to stretch you. I mean, that is the definition of how we grow. We have to move beyond what we already know to achieve the next level to become.

[00:26:21] Who were meant to be. So, no, it’s not easy, but it is doable. And are your outcomes, the, the dreams on your heart going to change along the way? Yes, they might. But what matters is not whether you manifested a specific dream and made it a reality. What truly matters is if you feel. Empowered to create a life you love and to step into it and to love the life you have today.

[00:26:55] Without waiting for some future season to feel fulfilled without feeling like your life is on hold, you can wake up today filled, fueled, and full of joy. You can wake up today feeling excited for what’s to come. You can wake up today. Appreciating the beauty that’s around you. You can wake up today feeling excited about what is possible for you and for your life.

[00:27:24] What I love most about these 12 keys is that they work for any season of your life because it’s not necessarily about taking massive action. It’s not necessarily about taking a big leap of. It’s about what we do to make the most of the time we have today, so that we can truly begin to create a life that lights us up and impacts others’ lives for good.

[00:27:57] Now if you have listened to what I’ve said and there is any step that you feel confused about or that you need some additional clarity, please pop in our Facebook group. Let me know. Or maybe you’re sitting there and saying, Hey, I really. Want to believe that this is possible for me, but I keep having these obstacles, these roadblocks in my way that make it feel like this can be true for other military spouses, but not for me.

[00:28:29] If that is you, I would love for you to book a free Get Unstuck session with me and we will walk through. What is it that is holding you back, that is keeping you stuck, that is telling you that this is not for you, so that you can start changing your life step by step and creating a life that truly lights you up today.

[00:28:53] If you are interested in that, I will link that below in the show notes as well, or just go to our website and click on the Work with me link and that will give you all of the information about how you can book your own free. Get unstuck session. All right, friends, I hope that you got so much out of this episode.

[00:29:14] I hope that you have an amazing week. I will see you back here again next week. Until then, may you live filled, fueled, and full of joy.