[00:00:00] Christine: It’s February, that time of year that we so often talk about love and relationships. But today we’re talking about a different aspect of love. Today we are talking about our ability to love ourselves and step into the most authentic version of our. Oftentimes it’s not our spouse or our kids that we struggle to love.

[00:00:31] It’s ourselves. When we look in the mirror, do we fully accept and embrace who we are, both the present version of ourselves and the person that we are becoming. Today, I am so excited to bring to you a new friend of mine, Bonna Normando. She is the host of The Happier You Podcast and a Canadian milspouse.

[00:00:58] So it was really fun to connect with and learn about our friends across our northern border in a place that is much colder than where I am today. So, Bonna is gonna encourage us to stop passively living our lives and empower us to find more happy in our daily lives. So you ready to embrace yourself and find your happy? Well, then let’s do it.

[00:02:17] Okay, friends, it is the week of Valentine’s Day, and I don’t know about. But this week in my life has become about decorating boxes for classroom parties, sending about 50 Valentine’s Day cards, and my kids bringing home way too much candy. Now I know that we’re all in different places. If you do not have kids, you may be.

[00:02:44] What in the world are you talking about? Or maybe your kids are older and you’re like, I really missed this season. But wherever you find yourself today, it can be a lot. There can be a lot of emotions associated with holidays in general. With Valentine’s Day, depending on where you are in life, maybe you are in a place where you are struggling with your spouse right now.

[00:03:13] I know it is a challenge because there’s so many additional stressors that. Play a part in military marriages. So last year on the podcast, I interviewed Dr. Lindsay Kavanaugh. She is the host of the Married to Military podcast and is a coach. For military marriages. So I’m gonna link the episode that I did with her in the show notes below.

[00:03:40] So, if you are in a place where you are struggling with your relationship with your significant other, I would encourage you to go back and listen to that episode. But today I really wanted us to focus on what it looks like to accept and love ourselves. And by the. For those of you who voted for me in the AFI Military Spouse of the Year program, thank you.

[00:04:08] Thank you. Thank you so much. If you missed last week’s episode, I shared that I had been nominated for the Armed Forces Insurance Military Spouse of the Year. The first round of voting is all based on your particular duty station, so those results closed. The winners from the round one will be announced tomorrow, and I can’t wait to share that information with you.

[00:04:39] So again, thank you to those of. That participated and for really sharing about this podcast and helping other military spouses thrive and find purpose. All right, so today’s podcast is focused on accepting ourselves and giving ourselves permission to show up as the authentic version of ourselves. So often get to this place where we start to hide who we really are because we want others to like us.

[00:05:12] We want to have healthy relationships, but we think we have to show up as a certain way to make that happen. And the more that we don’t love ourselves, the more that we don’t allow. Our true self to emerge the more we begin to lose touch with who we really are, and we really began to struggle more and more with life.

[00:05:36] And that’s really what you’re gonna hear today as I sit down with Bono and she talks about her journey to really. Realizing that she had lost touch with herself and, and what she did to start reclaiming her life and dreams and what happened as a result of that. I can’t wait for you to hear this. So here is my conversation with Bonna Normando.

[00:06:01] Bonna Normando. Welcome to the MilSpouse Mastermind Show. I would love for you just to introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about yourself and what you do. .

[00:06:12] Bona: Awesome. Well thanks for having me, Christine. I’m excited to meet you and be here to talk today. So I’m actually a military spouse and a few years ago I was at a conference on a girls’ weekend and somebody asked a question and the question was, what is the dream in your heart?

[00:06:29] And everybody else in the conference seemed to know the answer. And when the two friends I was sitting between turned to me for my answer, , I cried. There was just a big gaping hole. And so it launched me on this journey to figure out why there was this big gaping hole. And essentially I did some, I went on a personal journey trying to figure out who I was, what I wanted to be when I grew up, and really, essentially, I, I figured out I wanted to be happier.

[00:06:57] I wanted to be happy in my regular everyday life. And so part of this journey, one of my DUR journal days, Wrote down, maybe I should share this with other people. And then I said, no, no, no, no, , that’s too scary. I don’t wanna put myself out there. I don’t need to be judged. I just need to go on this journey myself.

[00:07:15] But that idea kept coming up. And so what I did is I decided that I read Brene Brown and I’m sure I’m a huge Brene Brown fan, and probably same here. It’s fine. Most of us are. She just said, she talked about being vulnerable and putting yourself out there, and I thought, well, darn it that, that’s just a universe telling me that, yeah, I need to share my voice in case anybody else feels how I felt on that day when I had that big gaping hole.

[00:07:38] And I just, . I just didn’t know what the dream in my heart was. So I launched a podcast and I, I decided to call it The Happier You because I really just wanted to encourage people to find their happier, that it’s something that’s inside of you, it’s not given to you. It’s not earned, it’s not awarded. It’s something that.

[00:07:56] You can figure out how to do yourself. And I wanted to give people that power back because I feel that the mainstream voice out there is that we need to keep up, you know? And I always say those darn Joneses, like they’re, they’re so perfect and they have everything and, but we’re just, we’re just being convinced to fit in.

[00:08:13] And I feel, I did it for so many years, I decided I was done. I was just gonna figure out who is Bon and Normando and what brings her joy and what’s her happiness look like, and. . Yeah. I made the podcast to try and bring other people along.

[00:08:27] Christine: I love so much of what you just said and I can’t wait to unpack it all together.

[00:08:33] But before we kind of dive into what you do now, I am first fascinated by the fact that you are a Canadian military spouse. So I know that most of my listeners are in the us so can you kind of just share what it’s like to be a Canadian military spouse?

[00:08:55] Bona: Well, it’s, I mean, I guess I, I would say it’s hard to compare, but I just came back from a five year stint in the us.

[00:09:03] My husband was part of a NATO project, so I’ve experienced and made many American military spouse friends. So the difference is we are much smaller. What I noticed from my experience here is that you guys are very good at creating a community. And I love you guys move a lot too. That’s something else.

[00:09:21] I don’t find we move anywhere near as much as you do. Like in one posting, I saw so many people come and go. It was, it was amazing. So yeah, I think, I think we’re just smaller and, and maybe we just don’t have as many resources as you. , but I also think we don’t have the same culture, or I haven’t experienced it, the same culture of taking care of each other or at least creating such an amazing community.

[00:09:47] That was something that I experienced when I was down in the States with you guys. So, I mean,

[00:09:50] Christine: I feel like it’s something that has definitely evolved over time and, and the, the more military spouses we have, the more we just see the need and so, Again, with it being a much larger community, but I’ve seen it grow even from when I was a first, became a military spouse and I was like, I don’t know anything about what I’m getting myself into and, and what the resources that were available.

[00:10:22] When I first started and what is available today. I mean, it’s grown leaps and bounds. So I am excited to expand this community because really I think there’s so many similarities that, you know, even if you’re not moving as frequently, there are some military families that move a lot like myself. And then I know that there are some military families that have been in the same spot almost their entire career.

[00:10:47] So I know it just depends. It, it’s more than just about the US military spouse community because we’re all military spouses together. So that’s one of the reasons I was so excited to have you on the show today. So let’s, let’s start with your journey and, and that moment when you were at that conference.

[00:11:09] Like what, what kind of conference was it? What led you to go there? Kind of take us back to that moment.

[00:11:16] Bona: Yeah, so it was a girls’ weekend. So we were down in the Washington DC area and one of my girlfriends from Ottawa and I decided enough was enough. We needed a girls’ weekend away. So we’ve, we went to the summit of greatness.

[00:11:27] Summit of Greatness, which is Louis House. He’s a, a motivational podcaster. And so we went there with zero expectations of the conference really just to get together. We had a great time. In fact, we just came back from another one this year. We were excited it was on again, so it was just, it’s about, it was a conference about personal growth and personal development.

[00:11:49] And so the, the question, you know, what is the dream in your heart? Like I said, everybody else in the. Just seemed to know. Like I turned to the friend to my right and she excitedly shared, and I turned to the friend in the left and she excitedly shared, and I just felt empty. Like I said, it, it’s just a big gaping hole.

[00:12:08] And as I talk about it, I feel it again because I was just like, what am I doing with my life? And so I, I did, I cried, I couldn’t answer. And a few hours later I said to my two girlfriends, I. , you know, I just need to learn how to love myself. I that, how can you have a dream in your heart if you don’t? You know, no, like, and trust yourself that you’re taking yourself where you’re supposed to go.

[00:12:30] And so what I decided was, I wasn’t gonna judge myself. I was gonna give myself four months to go on this personal journey. And I just, you know, I meditated, which I wasn’t a meditator, so it was something new. I was trying, I read self-help books, I journaled, I worked out, I journaled. I just, I kept trying to get to know me better because I decided that there was something inside of me that I hadn’t discovered yet.

[00:12:55] And, , that’s what it did, is that it’s, it’s incredible that it was that one moment in time, and I don’t know if it’s that for everyone, but for me it was just, it was like I said, that big gaping hole and you have to do something. You can’t, you can’t keep going like this. So

[00:13:12] Christine: I mean, I think when we had that moment, Or that season of awareness, that’s the first step, right?

[00:13:20] Because we can continue to go for a long time just feeling like something is off, but not being able to place our finger on it. And that moment allowed you to place your finger on it and. Say, this is something that is off with my life. And, and then having that awareness allowed you to start those practices to try to reconnect with yourself and get to know yourself a little more.

[00:13:46] So what happened in that time where you were really giving yourself that, that time to reconnect with yourself?

[00:13:55] Bona: Oh, what happened? So, so much. Like I said I, I’m a big fan of journaling and so like I said, I didn’t meditate before, but at this conference we had done the whim, h and I kind of, it finally clicked.

[00:14:07] I’m like, I kind of get meditation, but I came home and I started journaling and I think for me that was a big part of my transformation is because I told myself, no judgment, you’re just gonna go. Personal journey for four months. I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing. I, like, I told my friends I was gonna try and figure out how to love myself, but I never told anyone what I was doing.

[00:14:28] It was just, it was my thing and it was, I was super protective and scared kind of thing. And like I said, I just, I would write every day and I, I never went back and read what I wrote until the very end. And I kept telling myself, no judging, no judging. Just, you know, I would read something, say I would read Brene Brown or.

[00:14:46] James Clear and I would, you know, I’d read something and it would just really affect me and I’d write honestly what it made me feel and what it made me think. And so when I came to the end of it and I started reading back through, and I, you know, October 21st , that was the day where I was like, maybe you need to share this with other people.

[00:15:04] Maybe you’re not alone. And. and you know, and then the few days after that I was like, no, no, no, no. I don’t want to put myself out there. I don’t wanna be vulnerable, all this kind of stuff. But by the time January 1st rolled around, January 1st, 2020 by the way I decided I’m gonna go for this and I started researching how to put myself out there as a podcaster.

[00:15:24] Cause I did not want to write. I was like, I’m not a writer. I can talk, but I’m not a writer y so, I did all this personal growth and then I just thought, and part of the personal growth I think gave me the confidence to say, self-confidence is not walking into a room knowing that everyone’s gonna like you.

[00:15:43] Self-confidence is walking into the room knowing that you’re okay if not everyone likes you. And up until that point, I was 100% of people pleaser. Was always worried about keeping everyone happy and trying to do the right thing. And I just thought, you know, there’s people who might laugh at me and there’s people who might judge me, but you know what?

[00:16:02] There might be one person who hears my voice and hears my message and says, oh my gosh, that’s me too. And they’re gonna resonate with that whole in their heart, right? And so I, in the end, I went to launch believe it or not, I think I was supposed to launch March 19th, 2020. And then Covid. And I got scared and I thought, who am I to talk about happiness when people are losing their jobs, right?

[00:16:27] And we’re all scared. And one of my girlfriends said, now is absolutely the time to do this. People need to hear that voice and remind them that they’re in control. And so I did, you know, two weeks late, but I, I found it and I went for it. And it ended up being, you know, that four months of that personal journey was so powerful for me.

[00:16:46] But the next year of putting out a podcast, I can’t remember how many months I did it, but I did it weekly. And that was essentially the same thing as as my journaling, because every week I shared what I was reading and what I was learning, and you know what I was discovering about myself. And I grew so much as a person.

[00:17:04] And at the end of that, I realized I have all these tools and people can pick and choose which ones work for them, but they’re tools that you can take with you wherever you go. and, and use them when you need them, right? They’re, they’re there for those days when, because. life is not, you know, a steady state.

[00:17:22] We don’t hit happiness and then cruise happy for the rest of our lives. It is constantly a rollercoaster and I think we use more tools when they’re, when we’re in the dip of the rollercoaster, right, than when things are going well, it’s really easy to, to cruise along when life is going well. It’s when we’re challenged or tired or frustrated or we just PCSed to a new location.

[00:17:43] Right? That’s super stressful. . Yeah. So that, that’s really how this hall all happened for me. And now I just, I’m so happy. It doesn’t mean my life is easy. I, you know, I pcsd last year, so when you talk about moving last, you know, just this last summer, my heart goes out to you and that was the what pushed me.

[00:18:04] Then I took the summer off from the podcast. Like I’ve just learned that, you know, I, I’m not a people pleaser. I have to figure out what’s what I’m meant to do, but also how to. Myself and my happiness. Right. And do what’s right for me and my family. So, which is one of the reasons you resonated with me because I really loved your message of what works for you, right?

[00:18:25] Like it’s just so powerful.

[00:18:27] Christine: Well, I love it and I love so much of what you just shared because there are so many parts that resonate with what I care about and. , I am trying to bring to the military spouse community and really taking control of our own lives and getting in touch with our own stories because it is possible to thrive regardless of where we’re stationed or how frequently we move because it is tough.

[00:18:57] A lot of the things that we deal with are very stressful and we have to be able. To deal with that stress, to be able to live and to thrive so that we’re not just surviving so that we don’t feel like life is just passing a spy. and, and I love what you talked about, learning how to step out and be vulnerable and share your story and talk about that journey from feeling like you are a people pleaser and how you were able to move forward past that to say, I’m gonna choose to show up even if everyone doesn’t like or care for what I have to say.

[00:19:39] Bona: Yeah, well that’s, let’s be honest, that’s an ongoing thing, right? So every time I walk into a room, because one of the things that’s happened is I’ve actually started speaking to groups. So I’m not in the safety of my podcast booth all the time anymore. I’m literally in front of people sharing this message.

[00:19:56] Men and women, because let’s be honest, I’ll be honest, I’m more comfortable with women cuz I identify with them. when you’re in a room and you can see people nodding, that’s good. But then sometimes there’s that person with their arms crossed and you’re like, oh, they really don’t wanna hear my message.

[00:20:11] So it’s an ongoing evolution. But what I find is, is, you know, I said I had to learn how to love myself. And part of that journey for me is, and sometimes that’s really, I feel very vulnerable saying that statement. So sometimes I downplay it by saying, , I need to learn to know, like, and trust myself. And so if I trust that I’m doing what I was put on this earth to do, then it’s okay if people don’t like me.

[00:20:38] And so I think that, I think it’s an ongoing journey because I keep pushing myself outside mys. My comfort zone. I keep going to places where, you know, my podcast community now, my happiness community, what I, that’s what I call them. They’re loving and supportive, so it’s really easy to talk to them. When I do a podcast, it’s when I go outside of that group that you don’t know.

[00:21:01] you know, you don’t know what judgment’s gonna come. And sometimes I think, I don’t know what my friends are gonna say about me being braver than I used to be. You know, when I told my mom that I wanted to start this podcast, and my mom’s super loving and supportive, but she said, I, I don’t understand. Like, I know who your parents are.

[00:21:18] Why are you doing this? Because it’s just, you know, like it, and, and that’s just it. Like, why are you doing this? And I’m, and now I’ve realized that it’s because. , I need to challenge myself. I need to keep going because what if somebody else feels how I felt on that day with that big gaping hole, right?

[00:21:36] Like at least I had that realization. But what about the years leading up to that realization, right? Where I just thought that I had to be a people pleaser. I had to fit in. And so that was a really long answer to your question, Christine. I’m sorry, but I think it’s about, I, I’m constantly pushing myself outside that comfort zone because I’m so.

[00:21:57] about going back to be that people pleaser because I’m so much happi. Being the real me. You know, like letting my goofy side out, not always being afraid of being judged. It’s so freeing. And what I found a bonus to that is I think I’m a better mom because now I’m not trying to make my kid be a people pleaser and a fitter inner.

[00:22:20] I’m trying to help him. Embrace who he is, and it’s okay if not everybody loves you. As long as you’re true to who you are, then you can live a, a great life.

[00:22:30] Christine: I think it’s so important for people to hear this idea of the freedom that comes with being yourself and, and truly stepping into your purpose and sharing your own story, because I think it’s so easy for all of.

[00:22:50] To either stay in our comfort zone or to go back to being in our comfort zone, because that’s what we know. That’s what. That’s what’s familiar, but that’s not where the growth and change comes from. And we can think about, oh, that’s gonna be hard, that’s gonna be uncomfortable. But you sharing the freedom that you feel when you do that, when you’re not staying stuck because of what you’re thinking.

[00:23:20] How other people are gonna respond when you’re able to show up as the fullest, most authentic version of yourself and, and what that does for you, and how that in turn blesses and encourages other people. That’s really powerful. Yeah,

[00:23:39] Bona: it, it is, it is for me, but I think it is, like you say, for the people around me as well, and.

[00:23:46] that’s what I think you and I are doing, right? Like that’s, we’ve tasted that and we want everybody else to feel that because I, I believe too, and I think you use the same term term as me or something very similar as like, we’re stronger together, right? So the more I lovingly accept myself, imperfections, goofiness, and all the more, I can lovingly accept other people as well.

[00:24:09] Like I recognize that. , they’re sharing their sparkle and it doesn’t scare me anymore. Right. And so I think it’s such a gift that you can give yourself and, and for some people it’s, it’s a, it’s a, from one day to the next, but most of us, it’s just learning a little bit more every day about who am I really?

[00:24:28] And just lovingly accepting her and letting her come out.

[00:24:31] Christine: So good, so good. The more that we are able to truly love ourselves, the ability to show up and love others, well just flows out of that, and I think that’s just something powerful for us all to sit with because sometimes it’s easier to be kinder.

[00:24:51] To other people than it is to ourselves. We can be absolutely. I, I know I can be my own worst self critic, so thanks, thank you so much for sharing that. I, I’m really curious about your journey, starting the podcast that first year. Did you feel like you had that core message from day one or is that something that kind of develop.

[00:25:14] Over time, you knew you. You wanted to talk about your journey and how that could help other people, but talk about how that message evolved as you were navigating the podcast, creating resources and all of that, all the things that came along with that.

[00:25:31] Bona: Yeah, creating resources. So it started out, I call it, it was my personal therapy as looking back at it.

[00:25:38] That’s literally what it was. It was weekly therapy for myself, and I was just sharing my vulnerabilities with others because I, I do think that we are encouraged when we see somebody, a regular person like us, do something right, like, , put yourself out there. And that was really the feedback that I, I still get it, but in the beginning it was always like, man, I just feel like I’m having tea with you and you’re just sharing your struggle, you know, and sh struggle with solutions.

[00:26:06] So it evolved. It just started as a project, like, I’m gonna share this. this revelation with other people that I, I think we need to lovingly accept ourselves and here’s some ways that I’m going about doing that. So literally that first, I would say nine months when it was weekly. My husband was my editor and so I jokingly called him Hot Guy Editor.

[00:26:28] And part of the journey was his feedback and you know, he would listen to the podcast and then, , and that could be really hurtful again, right? A people pleaser and then telling me that what I, I just spent hours creating wasn’t good enough. But I realized a few months in that I welcomed his feedback because he made me better.

[00:26:51] Like, he’s like, okay, you talk too much. Cut this out, cut this out, but what’s your solution? You know, what’s your solution? And so what happened is going into 2021, , one of my friends said, you need to do a 21 day challenge. So you’ve got all these different episodes and there’s all these tools in there, and so.

[00:27:15] Until that point, I couldn’t have told you about my resources. I just kept talking . So when I went back and I looked at it, I’m like, oh, well this and this. Like, then it was a realization for me that I had, and at that time we did a 21 day challenge. So I’m like, I have 21 tools. So I call them my happiness tools and the, and we started doing these challenges and I picked February because February.

[00:27:41] Typically a rough month for those of us that don’t live in Hawaii. , sorry, I had to get that. Yeah, . But but yeah, and I mean, because I am from Canada and winter is dark and long, right? So I did, I did this challenge and then, you know, a few months later we did another one and I just started realizing, yeah, when you can package these, give them to people that they can pick and choose which ones are gonna work for them.

[00:28:04] Some are easy, some are harder. And I keep telling people, You’re gonna learn after you do it the first time. The second time you’re gonna start to see I’m ready for more tools. Right? You can’t do all 21 at at the same time. So yeah, so that’s, I kind of grew into it myself as I got edited. And then got challenged by, so again, I think I hit a comfort zone after a year of podcasting and somebody said, no, no, now here’s your next, here’s your next challenge kind of thing.

[00:28:32] Christine: So, Well, it’s so important to have those people in our life that can give us that feedback, and it’s important for us to be able to accept the feedback and say, Hey, this person. Is giving me this feedback because they care about me and they want to help me grow. Obviously, we’re not gonna accept the thoughts of everybody that’s just telling you what they think, but to have those people in your life that you can trust to give you constructive feedback that’s gonna help you grow as a person and in turn be able to help so many other people.

[00:29:06] That’s, that’s such a gift.

[00:29:08] Bona: Yeah. It took me a while to get there to realize that, but yes, and you’re right. And, and I think that’s important too, right? , of course there’s gonna be criticizers, but his was lovingly criti, like lovingly critiquing and editing essentially. Right? And so I just had to learn to appreciate it.

[00:29:27] Christine: So would you share the core elements of your message and and what you teach, and maybe share a couple of the tools that people have really responded

[00:29:38] Bona: to? So I think my core message is essentially, Loving and accepting yourself for who you are, faults and all, like none of us is perfect. And no matter what anybody tells you, neither are they.

[00:29:51] Right? I think that’s the main one. So lovingly accepting yourself and figuring out what brings you joy, what is your happiness, and so much about what I teach is really about getting to know yourself, but not everybody is ready for sort of that internal dialogue and, and, and. Internal look, I guess easy, easy tools that I love to start people out with gratitude.

[00:30:17] I think no matter where you’re at every day, that you start to realize what good things are in your life. So stop comparing. Start looking at your life and saying, what are great things about my life? And stop thinking that everybody else has it easy. There’s this quote by Silicon Laman, she’s a Canadian rower, and she says, you know, if we all throw our problems into a pile and we see everybody else’s, we’re gonna grab our own cuz of the ones we know, right?

[00:30:44] And so we always think everybody else doesn’t have problems. . I think gratitude gets us to focus on what we do have the blessings in our life. So that’s, that’s a really big one. Another one I love to share with people is small wins and realizing that no big audacious goal happens without small interim ones along the way.

[00:31:06] And so, you know, especially. people who are moving around a lot. You know, I always tell my military people it’s, you know, like a move. There’s so many moving parts, there’s so much stress that some days you just, you just work on your list, right? But instead of saying, oh, I didn’t get all these things done, you, you need to celebrate the things you did get done, we’re all a work in progress.

[00:31:27] So just, just that encouragement for yourself for the little things. Holding your happiness until the big goal has been met. That’s not that, to me, that’s just wasting all this beautiful celebration and joy that you can experience every day.

[00:31:44] Christine: Well, that just helps reframe the way that we’re looking at things and, and it really does, when we can celebrate those small wins, it really does encourage that sense of gratitude in our lives when we’re looking at, hey, not the 10 things that are still on my to-do list, but hey, I got that box of donations dropped off, and I, I’ve been wanting to do that for months.

[00:32:07] Right. So like just that one action. It’s, it’s the choice of what we’re going to focus on, and it’s so much easier said than done, but it is so powerful when we can reframe and said, let me look at the positive, what the small win is, what I can be grateful for.

[00:32:25] Bona: Right. Instead of taking away the joy in that moment and saying, oh, sure, I’ve got this box dropped off, but I didn’t do wa you know, three other things like that just takes the power away from getting that off of your to-do list, like, Just enjoy it.

[00:32:41] You got it done right. So yes, absolutely it is a free reframe, but it’s also getting you to focus on the wins instead of always being so hard on ourselves. And I think we’ve been taught that cuz another one of the, another tools that I talk about is self-compassion. And that one for me is still a work in progress.

[00:32:58] And you had mentioned something earlier that I thought, yes, absolutely. We as. . I think everybody does it, but again, like I said, I identify with women, we are so hard on ourselves and we’re always critiquing ourselves. The self-compassion some days is just saying, how can I be a good friend to myself? How can I help myself through this struggle or this stress?

[00:33:21] Right. And like I was saying, when we moved last summer or the summer before it, , how can I help myself not have a stressful summer? Or you know, how can it be better? And I had to decide to take the summer off from the podcast that, and not look at it like a failure, right? But figure out, but this is what I need.

[00:33:40] This is how I’m gonna support myself. Right? So that self-compassion part to say, how can I support me because we’re so good at caring for other people. But what about caring for. That’s so

[00:33:52] Christine: powerful. I mean, and it’s something that is just that continual work in progress. It’s like I can know these things, but I still have to remind myself of them all the time because it’s so easy to fall back into those habit patterns of.

[00:34:08] Why didn’t this happen? Why didn’t I get this done? You know, to say, okay, what matters in this season and how can I prioritize the things that truly matter in this season and be okay with everything else not getting done?

[00:34:24] Bona: And I love that you say to remind ourselves because one of the things I encourage people to do is have those conversations around the dinner table.

[00:34:33] Like tell people when you’re doing the 21 day happiness challenge. Tell people what the challenge was for today and talk about it. Because what’s come back around for me is when I’m in a funk and I’m forgetting to use my tools, my husband or son will say, how can you help yourself through this? Or what can you do?

[00:34:54] I need my happy mom back. You know? And, and not that we’re not allowed to be down, right? Because we, there’s, you know, we, we. Meant to go through all those emotions, but personally I don’t like saying stuck there. I like, you know, like, deal with it, accept it, forgive myself and move on. And I’ll never forget one time my son said that to me and I was like, oh wow.

[00:35:14] The power , the power of sharing this with the people around you is that they can lovingly support you when you’re in a funk and you forget what tools you have at your fingertips. Right? So,

[00:35:26] Christine: so good. So I would love to know. as you have built this podcast, what has been the greatest gift or one of the great gifts that’s come for you personally out of doing this, and then what’s been one of the most challenging parts of sharing your story and growing through all of this?

[00:35:49] Bona: So, like I alluded to earlier, one of the greatest things was learning to. No, like and trust or love myself, I think I’m a better mom. I really feel like learning all of this has has given me better tools as a mom to support our. Growing into himself. He’s a teenager, and those are challenging years. So I, I think that’s been a huge benefit for me.

[00:36:13] The other big benefit is finding like-minded people, so I never would’ve discovered you, you know, like it’s, it’s this whole community or like, I have listeners who will reach out and when they’re challenged with something, I get these emails and I’m just, , I’m just so touched that now our lives have crossed.

[00:36:30] Our paths have crossed, and I feel so blessed for that because I do think we are stronger together. So the community has definitely been a huge benefit. And then the other one was a challenge balance. So figuring out just how to. , keep going with this, keep giving to this. But then also yeah, fitting it into my life and, and still being a mom, still being on vacation, wanting to give so much to the community, but then figuring out what’s, you know, what’s that balance.

[00:37:01] So yeah, I think that’s the most challenging.

[00:37:04] Christine: Yeah. I think that’s something that so many of us face as we are trying to figure out how to pursue those dreams in the midst of the craziness of our lives and where we’re at. I mean, that’s the challenge for all of us as humans really is to how. do we find our ability to pursue purpose and still take care of everything else on our plate?

[00:37:27] So, I mean, that’s a very normal part of just the process and it’s a continual, again, work in progress. So I, I would love to know, I love to ask my guests this question, but what’s your big dream for the future?

[00:37:43] Bona: Well, I have discovered when I was younger, I would always say, I don’t know what I wanna be when I grow up, but I’m having a good time figuring it out.

[00:37:52] And I have had the opportunity the past couple of years to speak in front of people. And so it’s interesting because the podcast started as. Like therapy, like I said, just something I was supposed to do. And my big dream is just to, just to teach as many people as I can about this. And so just, yeah, like really just getting out there and helping other people find their happiness, but live like I really, you know, I love my podcast.

[00:38:21] I enjoy it, but at the same time, there’s just that energy about being in a room with people and like looking them in the eyes and seeing that they get. Something that you’re talking about. So that’s my big dream is to, yeah, just keep doing this and, and share it with as many people as I can.

[00:38:37] Christine: That’s so awesome.

[00:38:38] Okay, so for all of my listeners who are sitting here saying, okay, what is this podcast? What are these resources? How do I get my hands on The Happiness Challenge? Tell everybody about your podcast, about what you offer and how they can connect.

[00:38:53] Bona: So the podcast is called The Happier You and the website is the Happier you.net in.

[00:39:00] There is a waiting list for the 21 Day Happiness Challenge, which is actually gonna turn, instead of just being one, one-offs kind of thing, it’s gonna start to turn into a course that people can grab kind of whenever they need it. So yeah, that’s on the website. The Happier you.net and the podcast, they can grab on any podcast platform.

[00:39:19] We’re.

[00:39:20] Christine: Perfect. Well, thank you so much for reaching out, for setting this up so we could connect for sharing your story. I love how much of our stories and our missions really resonate together, and I truly think that we are all better together. So thanks for coming on the show today.

[00:39:40] Bona: Thanks for having me.

[00:39:41] It’s been super fun. Here’s

[00:39:42] Christine: the truth, friends, you and I have something valuable to offer the world, and more than anything, what you have to offer is yourself, your uniqueness, and if we wanna show up and become the person that we were created to be, we need to be able to embrace the fullness of who we are because you and I.

[00:40:08] Were made for a purpose and I want to see you step into your purpose and to find as Bonna did that when we. Start to reclaim our lives and dreams. When we start to do the thing that is on our heart, when we get more clarity about who we’re meant to be and how we can use right where we are today to start serving others, it’s amazing what happens.

[00:40:36] The results that come out of. If you are in that same place where Bonna was and you say, I don’t know what the dream is on my heart. I don’t even know who I am or what I want anymore, then I want you to go to milspouse mastermind.com. Slash workshop. I will link that in the show notes, but that is a free workshop for you to start getting clarity about who you are, what lights you up, and what dream is really on your heart.

[00:41:12] So again, that’s milspouse mastermind.com/workshop. Go download that, listen to that, and hopefully it will get you started. I encourage you to go listen to Bon’s podcast, the happier you, wherever you listen to podcast and friends, I hope you have an amazing week, and until next time, may you live filled, fueled, and full of joy.