[00:00:00] Christine: Hey, amazing milspouse. I am so glad that you are here. The holidays can be a difficult time emotionally and mentally for so many people. But especially for military families, because there is all of this added stress that often comes with this time of year. There’s anxiety, there’s all of the hustle and bustle for a lot of people.

[00:00:24] But if you are not in the middle of that hustle and bustle, or you have experienced. Grief or loss or loneliness, it can make it a really challenging time of year. And on top of that, when you are a military family and you are not, Close to home, you have all of the challenge of navigating family relationships and traditions, and if your spouse is deployed, that’s hard, and if your spouse is home but they can’t take off work, that can be hard.

[00:00:58] If your family does not understand why you cannot be a part of all of the normal traditions, or you can’t come home for the holiday. That can be hard. If you have always been able to go home and this is the first time that you’re too far from home and you’re not able to make it back, that can be hard.

[00:01:21] So what do we do with all of this hard? What do we do with the feelings and emotions and all of this stress and overwhelm that comes? With this season that we call the holiday season, what can we do to boost our mental health in a very fraught season? That is what we are going to talk about on today’s episode, so let’s dive into the show.

[00:02:45] I am so glad that you were back for another episode and that we are going. To dig into this topic of boosting our mental health in the holiday season. Now, before we get into the topic, I want to remind you that our survey is now out. This is something that is only going to take a couple of minutes. Of your time, but it will really help me as I look ahead to 2023 and what content that I want to put out for you, what content you need to hear.

[00:03:17] So let me know what your favorite episodes were, what you want us to talk about, because really. This podcast is for you. This podcast exists to help military spouses learn to thrive and define purpose in their current season of life. And so I need to know what the things on your hearts are. What do you want us talking about?

[00:03:41] How can we grow together? This podcast would not be here for. For you. And so the more feedback that you can give me, the better it will be. Not just for you, but for other military spouses who don’t have the time and resources to be able to say, this is what I’m looking for. You are speaking for so many other people, so all you have to do is go to milspouse mastermind.com/survey.

[00:04:09] Like I said, that will only take a couple of minutes of your time to just fill out, gimme some feedback and help me as I plan out 2023. I also have on there a place that you can mark if you are willing to jump on a 15 minute zoom call with me. I would love to pick your brain about some ideas. That I have.

[00:04:29] I know life is busy and crazy, and even if you can’t sit down right this second and have this conversation, but if you are willing to do that, I would so appreciate it because the more that we have this dialogue, the more that we really build out this community and the more that we can grow together.

[00:04:48] So if you are willing to hop on a Zoom call, I just wanna pick your bearing, ask you some questions. I will send you a $5 coffee gift card as a way to say thank you for doing that. So just mark on the survey if you were willing to do that, or if you just have two minutes and you can fill out that survey for me, that would mean the world to me.

[00:05:10] All right. Again, that survey link is milspouse mastermind.com/. Survey. So please do that. Thank you so much. I also wanna say thank you again to everybody who has left reviews of the show on Apple Podcast. That is so important. It speaks so much like, to me, it helps the algorithm. I just wanted to share this review left by Sha.

[00:05:38] Robertson, she says, man, where was this podcast when I first became a military spouse? It is so encouraging and so down in the trenches real with what we need to do with our mindset and our actions. Christine is right on point. Every episode and she’s a real asset for the milspouse community. Shannon, thank you so much for that review.

[00:06:02] If you have not yet left us review, that would also mean the world to me. If you could just take two seconds of your time, scroll to the bottom of the Apple Podcast feed, click reading and review, and leave me a. Review of the show that will help more military spouses find this information, this content in 2023.

[00:06:26] Okay, so let’s talk about our mental health in the middle of the holiday season. What can we do about it and how do we boost our mental. As I mentioned at the beginning of the show, the holidays is a season filled with so much. Feelings and emotions, and it can just impact all of us in very different ways depending on what our circumstances are and what we have experienced in life.

[00:07:00] And this is such a difficult time of year for so many people. There are more people that struggle with feelings of anxiety and depression in this type of year, and if you are a military spouse, a military family, you are not able to do things the way that you have always done. Or if you have all of this added layer of how do I handle.

[00:07:25] Everything that’s going on, it, it’s, it can be difficult. And in almost 14 years of doing this military, 15 years maybe, of doing this military spouse life. The holidays every year has looked really different. For me and for our family and the way that we approach things when we were dating and early married has shifted over time, depending on where we lived, as we had more kids, that changed things.

[00:07:57] Now, living on the other side of the world, being overseas, that changed things again, so. I just wanna give us some practical things to think about as we step into this holiday season. And I know that your time is very valuable, so I will try to keep this as short and to the point as I can. But I was thinking through six things that we can really think about as we are heading into, and really now in the midst of this holiday season.

[00:08:27] The first thing is just this understanding that the holidays can be hard. It’s just this awareness and this recognition of the fact that we’re not just trying to be like, okay, I’m just making it through, but just to be aware. To recognize that this can be a hard season and that if you are feeling this tug, if you are feeling all of these extra emotions about this time of year, that is complet.

[00:08:56] Normal. Which leads me to the second thing, and that is to take some time to think about what your hopes are, what your emotions are, what you are actually feeling about this season, because we cannot solve the problem if we just keep ignoring it. We actually have to get in touch with what’s actually going on.

[00:09:19] So taking a few minutes to say what am. Feeling, what am I thinking about this season? What’s contributing to this is really going to give you some clues that will help you have the best season available to you. So, Taking some time, maybe sit down with your spouse, think through, Hey, what do, what am I hoping for this season?

[00:09:43] What would I like this season to look like? What are my expectations of what is going to happen and what I want to happen in this season? Because really, Do things go according to plan And it is so easy to get pulled by all of the different directions, everybody that has expectations for you about what you should be doing and how you should be spending your time and what you should be focused on, right?

[00:10:09] You’re gonna get pulled in all the directions by all of the things at your kids’ school and all of the things on base, and are you baking cookies and are you going to all of the cookie exchanges and. Buying all of the gifts and are you keeping up with whatever the trend is, whatever the hottest toy for this season, all of these things, right?

[00:10:30] They add. So think about what your hopes and expectations are for this season, and then sit down and make a plan, and the earlier you make this plan, the better. Over time, I’ve learned to start thinking through this earlier and earlier. I used to have this mindset of, I don’t think about Christmas. I don’t want to get into the holiday season until after Thanksgiving, so that I can really appreciate the season of thankfulness.

[00:11:01] The older I’ve gotten, the longer I’ve been a military spouse, the older my kids have gotten, the more advanced planning I do, the better. This just seems to work out for our entire family, so sit down with your spouse and make a plan for what you want this season to look like and what you’re actually going to do in this season, and what your expectations are about buying gifts for your immediate family, for your extended family, what your plan.

[00:11:30] For, if you’re gonna do any traveling, if anyone is going to be coming to visit you, what you are going to participate in, what you’re going to say yes to, what you’re going to say no to. The more that you can make that plan instead of letting life happen, the better things will be. The fourth tip that I would say that I think is really valuable and important for military spouses, for military families is really learning to create new traditions.

[00:12:00] We all grew up with these ideas of this is what. The holiday season should be, this is what Christmas looked like in my family. This is what Christmas looks like in your family. This is the Christmas we wanna have. But sometimes things don’t work out the way that we intend them to. We can’t do all the traditions that we’ve always done that we associate with the season.

[00:12:22] And this is really the opportunity. To begin to make new traditions for your military family and to be able to say, this is what we want to do together in this season. And sometimes that changes based on where you live. When we lived in Palm is very hard to find pumpkins and so like. The Halloween carving pumpkins.

[00:12:47] We had one year where it was very difficult to find pumpkins, and so like, okay, what do we do instead? How can we make the, this tradition even though we live? Somewhere else. And so finding the things that you can make a tradition regardless of where you live, kind of builds in that stability, that family togetherness and then understanding that some traditions are just going to change based on where you live.

[00:13:13] If we live close enough to be able to travel to see family for the holidays, that’s gonna look one way. If we. Too far to travel to see family, or my husband can’t get off work, and so we can’t take that time off. That’s going to play a factor. So sometimes things just change based on the year. Also a season of life.

[00:13:35] When we were early married, we set up this system where we would kind of alternate whose family we were going to visit over the holidays because our families don’t live anywhere near close to each other. But then as kids came along, that changed. I had a daughter born the week before Christmas, so I had a newborn at home and we were obviously not traveling to see anybody and.

[00:13:58] Changed a lot about what the Christmas season looked like in that season because I was nine months pregnant. And, and giving birth and having a newborn on Christmas day. So the fourth tip was to create new traditions. And then the fifth tip kind of ties into the, what I’ve been talking about, but it’s this idea of finding ways to appreciate where you are in your current season, where you are stationed and.

[00:14:23] Lean into that and take advantage of what opportunities are available to you because of where you live. Because we can get so focused on thinking about what we’re missing out on or what other people are getting to do that we can’t do. And it makes us feel Frustrated or left out or lonely or any of these things because we’re focused on what we don’t have that we wish we had, instead of focusing on what we can do to make the most of where we’re at.

[00:14:53] I’ve already had the conversation with my husband this year about the fact that, hey, we live right by the beach. What if we just had Christmas at the beach this year doing something to take advantage of where we live? How do we embrace this sense of Mela Maka? Right? And so it, it changes based on where you live, but.

[00:15:14] Things that are unique to wherever it is that you are stationed and whatever season of life you find yourself in. Like I said, when I had a newborn during Christmas, you know, that changed the way that we did things. But we found things that were available. In that area that we were able to do before she was born.

[00:15:33] And when we lived in Guam, we got to say, okay, what is available? What does the holiday season look like? Where we are at? And we got to do some really cool things that are not available anywhere else. We got to participate last year in operation, which was an amazing thing to get to be a. Netflix actually created a holiday movie based on this actual event that takes place off the coast of Guam and all of the Mariana Islands each year.

[00:16:07] You can go to Netflix and look up the movie Operation Christmas Drop. Now the movie obviously takes some liberalities. They make up the story that goes along with it, but the actual drop and the actual delivering of supplies to all of these islands is something that actually happens. And we got to be a part of packing those boxes and those crates for shipment last year.

[00:16:31] And that was a really cool experience because of where we were stationed. So every year, Is different, and it’s really about focusing your time and energy on what you can do because of where you are and what’s possible for you rather than what you are missing out on. And then the last piece of advice that I would say for you as a military spouse, as a military family, trying to boost your mental health and make the most of where you’re at in this holiday season.

[00:17:06] Whether your spouse is gone, whether you are far from home, whatever you are feeling. Is to have some kind of mindfulness or mind management routine. The more that we take care of our minds, the more that we train our brains, the more that we focus on our mindset, the better we are able to thrive in the midst of challenge.

[00:17:32] This is how we can. Deal with these circumstances that are less than ideal, that are not what we want them to be. The holiday season may not be the holiday season that we want. We may not have the Christmas that we want, but when we begin to manage our mind, when we start to take control of our thoughts, instead of letting them.

[00:17:54] Run away and letting our feelings and emotions guide us, the better off we will be. If you go back, listen to episode one 13 where we talked about unlocking the power of mindfulness in your life. That is a basic primer on what we mean when we talk about mindfulness and learning to train your brain for challenge.

[00:18:19] I would also recommend that if you have some extra. This season, go back all the way to episode 48 where we talked about seven strategies for managing your stress, because I know that this can be a stressful time of year for so many people, and those are some basic tips for helping you manage your stress.

[00:18:41] My ultimate hope and prayer for you is that you are able to have the best holiday season available to you, and really it comes down to really being aware of what you are thinking and feeling about this season. To be able to understand that the holidays can be hard to understand what your hopes and expectations are, to be able to make a plan for what is possible.

[00:19:10] For you and for your family to lean into creating. New traditions that you can take with you wherever you go. To find ways to appreciate where you are in your current season, to be able to take advantage of where you are at, to look for the good and what is possible in the season, and to really develop a mindfulness routine that is going to serve you and that is going to help you take control.

[00:19:41] Of your thoughts instead of letting your thoughts and emotions dictate how you live your life. I hope this helps you. This blesses you. I hope you have the best season available to you. Please pop into our Facebook group. Come share what you are doing this season to make the most of where you are at.

[00:20:01] I would love to hear about it. You can join us just by hopping over to mill spouse mastermind.com/community. That will take you to our free Facebook community where you can pop inside, share what’s going on. Have an amazing week. Until next time, may you live filled, fueled, and full of joy.