[00:00:00] Christine: Ever heard someone tell you to just find a way to stay busy? I don’t know how many times I’ve heard this advice. It’s usually given in conjunction with the knowledge that your spouse is going to be deploying or they’re working a lot, and that is the advice that. People just tend to give, or at least I’ve heard it quite a lot now.

[00:00:23] Almost everyone giving this advice means really well, but I don’t think it’s really that helpful. This is my unpopular opinion, and so today we’re gonna get into why I think this is bad advice and what you should do instead, You. Then let’s dive into the show.

[00:01:36] Hey, amazing milspouse. Did you know that I offer one-on-one coaching to help? Gets you unstuck and craft a life with purpose as a military spouse. This is for you if you find yourself trying to do all the things, but it’s just not working and you feel stuck, you feel frustrated with the way life looks today.

[00:01:57] You’re trying to get clarity on who you are or what you should be doing, or why you keep. Stuck in these thought patterns that really aren’t serving you, and you need somebody to help you figure out what’s really holding you back and determine what that next step needs to be. You need somebody that really understands what military life is like, who’s been there in the trenches and can help us craft a.

[00:02:25] Forward that can help you create a life that lights you up and show you how to do it right where you are at today. Maybe you recently PCs and you’re really struggling to find your place in a new location, or maybe you are looking for that flexible job that’s gonna give you what you need, the ability to be there for your family and help you create your own path to find your own thing.

[00:02:54] But it just isn’t working and you’re trying to figure. What needs to change and you’re feeling discouraged about it and you need some advice and some encouragement, and somebody to come along besides you and help you figure out what your path forward should be. How do you reclaim your sense of self?

[00:03:15] How do you move forward when you feel trapped in circumstances that you didn’t choose. There’s a lot to military life and sometimes it’s just really helpful to have a mentor, a guide, someone who’s been on this journey for a while and can give you some practical tools to help you get unstuck. I’ve been on this journey for almost 15 years now.

[00:03:39] I was that spouse that felt lost, that didn’t love my life, and I did so much research and work on myself. Get unstuck to figure out what tools and resources I needed and how to actually craft a life with purpose today in the current season. And at the time when I was figuring all of this out, I had a spouse that was working 60 hours a week.

[00:04:04] I had three babies under the age of four, and I’m here to. That this is a journey, but it is a journey that is possible for you. It’s, and it’s a journey that will lead you to a life You really can love, one that fills you up and leaves you feeling fulfilled. If you feel like you need some support in your military spouse journey, if you are feeling stuck, I would love to work through that with.

[00:04:37] you can request an unstuck session where we unpack the obstacles you face and create a plan that empowers you to take action. Just go to mills spouses mastermind.com/unstuck to get started. All right, let’s get into this concept. Why? I think the advice to just stay busy is a bad idea. I’ve heard this advice over and over through the years that I have been a military spouse.

[00:05:11] The advice to just find something to just stay busy when your spouse is gone, to just be grateful that you can find some kind of job that we should just be doing something for the sake of doing something. There is actually value in this advice because if the alternative is staying home, doing nothing and focusing on things that you cannot control, on focusing what’s wrong, that is not helpful to anybody.

[00:05:43] You are going to stay stuck. You’re actually going to increase. Anxiety that you feel you are going to move deeper into that negative thought spiral. So where it comes from is a good place. It’s a good starting point, but just staying busy is not going to lead you to what you really want in life. It’s a good starting point because so much of the.

[00:06:16] When we’re talking about staying busy, it’s about changing what we focus on. It’s about doing something with other people. It’s about building that connection and connection community. Those are vital, crucial pieces of the puzzle. We were made for connection. We are better together. Staying busy alone is not going to solve our problem.

[00:06:42] It will not lead us where we want to go. We can stay busy, we can have a job. We can spend all our time pouring into the job the thing that we’re doing and still not love our life and still. Deal with these feelings of stress and anxiety and overwhelm. We can volunteer for all the things and still fill like something’s off.

[00:07:08] Like we’re missing an important piece of the puzzle. We can sign up for all the things. We can fill up our calendar. We can fill up our schedule and still feel lost and still not feel. Because you’re not doing the right things for you. You’re not doing the thing that you were called to do. You’re just filling up your schedule and filling up your time.

[00:07:38] What we’re really after here is not a way to stay busy, but a way to live a life of meaning and purpose. Staying busy at the end of the day is just a control strategy. Now, what in the world is a control strategy? It’s any attempt to change void or get rid of. Unwanted thoughts and feelings. It’s a way that we are using to deal with the things that we don’t like, but we don’t know what to do with.

[00:08:14] And a control strategy in and of itself is not necessarily a bad thing. You can do very good things that are still control. The control strategy becomes a problem when it’s used excessively or when it reduces the quality of our life long term. So the question that we really have to ask is, is the thing that I’m using as a control strategy in this case, staying?

[00:08:48] Is it helping me create the life that I want? Is it helping me show up as the person I want to be? Is it helping me achieve the goals that I’ve set? Now, the problem with these questions is so much of the time we don’t have the answers to that question. We don’t know what will help us create the life we want.

[00:09:10] We don’t know what will help us show up as the person we want to be because we don’t even. What we want. We don’t even know what goals we want. We don’t even know who we want to be. And so if we haven’t taken the time to figure that piece of the puzzle out, then we can’t answer these very questions. So let me just talk for a couple of minutes.

[00:09:34] What we need to do instead of just staying busy. What’s really going to get us where we want to go in life is aligning how we spend our time aligning what we do. With who we want to be and where we want to go. It’s about using our gifts, our skills, our experiences, what makes us unique, and using those to bless the world around us.

[00:10:04] It’s not about just doing a thing or filling our schedule. It’s about doing the right things for. The things that will lead you to a life of meaning and purpose and fulfillment. Fulfillment comes not from just staying busy from volunteering or having a job, or getting involved in all the activities and spending time on our hobbies.

[00:10:32] It’s not about that fulfillment comes from using what we have to contribute to something outside of ourselves, so yes. Control strategies are not all bad. Yes, there is value in not just staying home, staying isolated, staying stuck and not doing anything. But also busyness is not a badge of honor, and signing up and filling your schedule will not actually lead you to the life you truly want inside in order to create a.

[00:11:08] Full meaningful life. We have to stop and reflect on what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. We have to get clear on what is important to us. What do you want your life to be about? Who do you want to become? How do you want to spend your time and energy? What is most important to. These are all the questions that will actually lead us to the life we truly want a life that isn’t dependent on where we live and whether our spouse is home or deployed, whether we’re moving, whether we’re living in the place we wanna live.

[00:11:52] Because it’s all about us. It starts with this internal reflection about what lights us up, what makes us tick, what makes us come alive, and what do we have that we can use to bless the world around us? And when we can start to get clarity on that and step into that. That is gonna lead us to what we truly want in life, which is this life of meaning and purpose and fulfillment.

[00:12:24] You may be listening to this today and you’re like, This is overwhelming because I have no idea who I am. I’ve really lost the sense of what, really, who I’m made to be. So many times this is so common for military spouses, we put those dreams, those passions, those desires. We put all the things that really help us get in touch with ourself.

[00:12:47] We put that all on the back burner and we wind up in this place where, No idea who we are or what we really want, and that’s where we feel last and we’re stuck, and we just need a path forward to help us get unstuck and not just do something for the sake of doing something, but for the sake of understanding who we are and who we’re meant to be.

[00:13:09] So if you have no idea where to get started with this process, I am working on putting together a full training for you to really help you reclaim that sense of identity, that sense of ownership of your life. If you were in this place where I don’t even know who I am, I’m feeling lost I, I don’t know where to start.

[00:13:33] I’m working on this free training I’m putting together that we’ll be available on my website, so stay tuned. That is coming in the next few weeks. Practical steps that you can take today to start getting clarity on who you are outside of just being a military spouse, because I know you were. With and for a purpose.

[00:13:56] You are more than a military spouse and you have something to offer the world. And when you can figure out what that is, get that clarity step into your story, you will find what you were looking for, a life of meaning and purpose and fulfillment, and you will make a difference in the world. You can live.

[00:14:18] Of impact right where you are today and it’s really stepping into your story, into your purpose and really changing. The way that you look at life and really changing the way that we all show up as military spouses, it is possible to thrive as a military spouse right where you are today because learning to thrive isn’t dependent on changing our external environment.

[00:14:49] It isn’t dependent on staying busy. It begins. You and it can begin today. So if you are ready for a change, just know that I am here to support you on your journey. And if you don’t want to wait for that free training, you can go ahead and schedule a get Unstuck session with me, or you can access our full A to Z course that teaches you the.

[00:15:16] Exact steps to get clarity on what you want. Figure out your unique purpose and how to live out of that purpose right where you are today without burning yourself out in the process. That is Mill Spouse Purpose Playbook. It is available on more than a mill spouse.com. Just go there to jump inside Also.

[00:15:41] If you are not already a part of our free mill spouse mastermind community that takes place inside of Facebook, we continue the conversation each week about how to craft a life with purpose. I would love to see you inside of there. Just go to. Milspouse mastermind.com/community to get inside the Facebook group.

[00:16:07] I hope you have an amazing week. Until next time, May you live filled, fueled, and full of joy.