Christine: [00:01:01] Hi friends. Welcome back to the Milspouse mastermind show. Our mission here is to help military spouses thrive and build lives with purpose. And part of thriving is having open and honest conversations about some really difficult situations that many of us face.

[00:01:25] This week is national infertility awareness week. And I wanted to take this opportunity to highlight the struggle that affects so many military families. I don’t ever want us to be afraid or shy away from hard and uncomfortable topics. I believe it’s important to highlight this issue of infertility because it’s one that doesn’t get talked about enough.

[00:01:48] Studies suggest that one in eight couples have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining a pregnancy. And with that struggle comes a whole host of difficult and in painful emotions, guilt, fear, frustration, shame. There’s a stigma that’s still around this topic and I really want to shine a light on this issue. If you are currently walking through this challenge, I want you to know that you’re not alone.

[00:02:21] And if you’re not currently dealing with this challenge or you’ve never faced anything like this, I think number one, it’s really important to be aware of it because the chances are someone, you know, is struggling with this issue. They may not have shared that information with you, but they’re still walking through it.

[00:02:43] And the more that we know and understand about these issues, it helps us to better empathize with, to encourage and be able to support others who are in our lives, who may be walking through this struggle. Or you may have a friend in the future who’s going to be walking through the struggle. And by taking the time to learn about this issue, it’s going to help you.

[00:03:12] And the other thing that I think is so important when we talk about listening to this episode today is because I want you to know it’s not just about the struggle, about the pain. I want you to know that it’s possible to find purpose in your pain. So maybe infertility is not your issue, but most of us have something difficult that we’ve walked through.

[00:03:38] And what I really want to do today is show you that difficult situations can be turned in to your purpose. And I understand if not everybody is there today. Sometimes when you are in the midst of that struggle, all you can do is try to survive. You are in survival mode, and that is a normal place to be.

And so today, when I started thinking about highlighting the issue of starting and growing a family, I immediately thought of my friend Cat. She is a military spouse who has walked through the trenches. She has dealt with infertility with adoption. And not only that, she is a great example of using her pain and turning her pain into purpose. She has a huge heart to advocate for and support other military families walking through this struggle.

[00:04:36] And in this conversation, we’re going to talk about her journey and how her pain and her struggle helps her pivot into a life of purpose and impact. Now I realized that this might be triggering for some of you and it’s okay if you’re not ready to listen to this conversation, come back to it at another time.

[00:04:58] But I truly believe that this conversation will be encouraging and healing for some of you. So I encourage you to listen and to share this conversation with other people in your life. Let’s shine a light on this important issue.

Now, before I share my conversation with Cat, I want to let you know that there are still a couple spots remaining for a free get unstuck session. I want to encourage you to say yes to getting clarity on your next steps. To getting unstuck. To your future. To stepping into your story and becoming who you are meant to be. To understanding who you are, your identity, what’s on your heart. To understanding what’s holding you back.

[00:05:59] If you take the time to look at your life, I know that there is probably something that is holding you back right now. And sometimes you just need that outside perspective. You need somebody else that you can talk through, whatever it is that you were currently going through and help you start moving towards the life you actually want.

[00:06:23] This is an amazing opportunity to invest in yourself, in your future, in your future impact. And all it takes is a willingness to raise your hand and say, yes, I like somebody to talk with me. I don’t want to figure all of this out on my own. And there’s no catch to this. I’m not trying to sell you on a program or course, or a package.

[00:06:53] I just want to have a conversation and be able to help you thrive as a military spouse. All you have to do is send an email to hello@milspousemastermind.com and say, I want a free unstuck session. That’s it. If it’s on your heart right now, don’t let your brain talk you out of this. Like Nike says, just do it.

[00:07:18] You won’t regret it. You can continue banging your head on the wall, trying to figure it all out on your own. Or you can have a conversation and finally start moving towards the cycle of living filled, fueled, and full of joy. The choice is up to. All right now, let’s get into my conversation with Cat Vandament.

[00:07:42] Well, I am so excited to have Cat Vandament with me on the show today. Cat, can you tell everybody hello and a little bit about yourself and where you are joining us from?

[00:07:53] Cat: Um, first of all, I just want to say thanks for having me on, um, I, and I have to shout out to you, Christine, because you have just been doing this thing.

[00:08:04] It’s like been a part of your life, your whole life. It’s amazing. It’s been really cool to watch you take off with mastermind and just like do your thing. So, um, thanks for having me. Um, I, uh, currently am and Washington DC. Um, we’re in the DMV, I guess we call it. Um, my husband is, doing a tour actually outside the DOD right now at the state department.

[00:08:30] So that’s been a little bit interesting. In the last eight months here, but, um, yeah, we’re just rocking and rolling and I’m about a year left in my master’s degree now. So we’re gonna, we’re gonna. Chugging along with that.

[00:08:47] Christine: That is so exciting. I know. Cause I’ve, I’ve done that and I know how good it feels when you finally get to that end. So you are at that point where it is now in sight.

Well, today we are talking about infertility because April 24th through 30th this year is national infertility awareness week. And I wanted to take this opportunity to highlight this challenge. It’s a struggle that so many people face in general, but especially as military spouses and something that is more common than most people really talk about.

[00:09:26] It’s one of those things that can be discouraging. It can bring thoughts of shame. And I really wanted to highlight this issue. And when I started thinking about it, Cat came to mind. And so, I would love for you to take us all the way back to the very beginning and talk about your military spouse story. How you met your husband and how much you knew about military spouse life.

[00:09:56] Cat: Yeah. Um, wow. Uh, so we celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary in June. So, um, 15 years ago, as I watched the airplanes fly over at the cap toss at the air force academy on my 22nd birthday, um, I kind of was the beginning of my military affiliation. I guess probably we started dating our sophomore year of college.

[00:10:25] So he was at the air force academy and I was at Kansas state. Um, if we back up even further, we went to high school together. Um, and so we’re best friends in high school and, um, So that’s kind of where it started. And then it went from there to pilot training and then to operational flying squadron. And, um, that was about the time that our journey with infertility started.

[00:10:50] Um, we had kind of always been like, okay, we’re going to wait for like five years and then try to have family and like, you know, get established and save money and be ready. Quote unquote. I’m like totally air quotes. Be ready. Cause you’re never really ready. That’s absolutely true. Um, and so it was about that time we were having the conversation again and we were like, well, do we want to start a family?

[00:11:16] And we felt like everyone else was, and we weren’t doing it. So we’re like, well, let’s go for it. And there was a struggle from the very beginning. When I tell the story, I always tell people, you don’t know what you don’t know. And at 24 years old, 25 years old, I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

[00:11:39] All I knew was that everybody else was having babies and I couldn’t manage to do it. And so it was going to take some extra help. And I didn’t really know what that looked like, and I didn’t know where to go. And I didn’t know who to ask. And again, like you mentioned earlier at the top of this, it’s not talked about.

[00:12:00] And so I just kind of was like, well, I guess I’ll go to the doctor and see what happens. And, um, we know like military doctors, not civilian providers, they’re going to put you through every single basic step that there is. And so that’s where we started. We started with Clomid and tried it and it didn’t work and tried it and it didn’t work.

[00:12:25] And then it was time to take next steps. And the entire time we were being very quiet and, um, not discussing it and, um, just kind of trying to feel our way through it on our own. And it was very scary at points. It was very isolating, I guess is the best word. Um, because you’re in this place where you’re trying to be social, you’re trying to be out with other people, but then you’re constantly starting to get that question.

[00:13:01] Right. And whether you’re military or you’re not, you get this question. When are you having a family? You know, when are you having kids? Which when people don’t know. What they don’t know that question, you know, it hits a little harder and there’s a lot more to, to talk through and  a lot more emotions to deal with.

[00:13:20] And so we did that. We got hooked up with a reproductive endocrinologist or a fertility specialist, and we did nine rounds of hormone injections over a two year period. In between deployments, by the way, and trips and trainings and all the things. Um, before we finally found out that we were expecting our first child.

[00:13:44] So that was February of 2011, and in true military fashion, um, we found out on a Friday and he was deploying on Monday.

[00:13:58] Christine: That is absolutely a common military spouse story, it’s like, oh, we’re pregnant and this is happening. And I just want to say nine rounds. That just blows my mind because having done fertility hormones, I know how much that messes with your hormones and your emotions and your system and everything.

[00:14:23] So, just talk about walking through that time and, and going through all of that. What were some of the most challenging parts of that?

[00:14:36] Cat: Ooh. I would say the two most challenging things of that season. One was being alone for a lot of it. Because like I said, he was deploying still. He was training.

[00:14:48] He was, you know, working his job. Um, And two was, um, just the fear of, um, judgment and stigma. If we did say something out loud. Um, so it was hidden. We kept it hidden from our family, from our friends. There was like, it was just a conversation between the two of us for a very long time. Um, so those, I would say the two most challenging things was just that isolation and fear of.

[00:15:18] Um, along with, with the doing it alone, um, the hormones were a whole other thing. Like we could have a whole other like podcast just on hormones, because like, that’s like the part that nobody prepares you for that. And you’re just like, why do I feel like I want to curl up in a ball in the corner and eat chocolate and cry my face off all the time.

[00:15:40] Like it’s or the opposite end you’re like there, or you’re doing. Angry as all get out. Um, and you don’t know what you’re going to get. It’s a lot, like you don’t know what you’re gonna get at any day. Um, so, and I also like during that, obviously we’re very quiet about it. Um, but like, I remember like the very first time we had all this medication.

[00:16:01] It arrived in this box with dry ice and all the, all the things and like pull it all out. We’re looking at it all. And I’m like, I don’t think I can do this. I mean, I really said it. I was like, I can’t stick myself with this needle. Like, I can’t do this and my hands, like, I’ll do it. I let him do it one time.

[00:16:17] And I was like, never again. I’ll do it myself. So, um, you know, now I can look back and laugh. There’s a little bit of humor in some of those, in some of the pieces of it. Um, but I think. You know, overall, I, I didn’t realize how hard it was the first time until we went for it the second time. Um, and that was where, um, there’s no more rose colored glasses.

[00:16:43] Like, you know, there’s no, hindsight’s 2020, like, no, I know exactly what’s coming now. Um, and so I think that second time. To have our second child was, was, you know, I don’t want to say worse than the first. Different because we knew, we knew what to expect. We also knew where the line in the stand was that time.

[00:17:07] Um, the first time, you know, you’re just doing anything you can to carry this baby. Like, that’s all you, that’s all, all I wanted. That’s all we wanted. That’s all most military families or families in general that are dealing in fertility. They want, they want to feel those baby kicks inside. They want to be morning sick.

[00:17:24] They want, you know, um, and so. The first time, like I said, we were doing anything and everything, and there was no line. There was no, like, it’s fine. Um, we’ll just keep going. But the second time there was definitely like, Nope, this is what we’re going to do. And if it doesn’t happen, We’re making decisions.

[00:17:43] Christine: So talk about that next step point when you were trying a second time and, and you reached that line in the sand, what was next for you and what kind of led you to, to that line?

[00:17:57] Cat: so I think lots of things can lead you. There could lead. It could have led us there. Um, we had the complication of, we had, obviously the second time we’re in a new location, we had moved, um, and where we were was sort of remote, we were two and a half hours from a major city where we could actually get care.

[00:18:17] Um, and so. Always a challenge. Um, I had a toddler at that point too, another challenge. Um, and so we were actually commuting back and forth in order to even receive treatment. Um, and I was teaching preschool at the same time. So I was having to leave my work for two weeks at a time to go. From Oklahoma to Texas, um, and taking a toddler with me.

[00:18:47] Luckily I have family there, so we were blessed to have a free place to stay and family support. Um, second time around, we were way more vocal. Um, we got to this point where. Or I got to a point where I was like, I cannot keep this inside anymore. Um, and I had a very strong circle of women, um, and families around our family at the time that we were able to share this with and explain and express what was going on.

[00:19:18] And that was a game-changer for route for the second. And I think without that, with all the other complexities that we experienced, um, we probably would have hit rock bottom, but I remember distinctly one day, um, after having been in a Bible study, coming home and my daughter and my husband were out playing in the pool.

[00:19:43] And I think we had a house full of people actually. Like I think everyone is out in yard and I remember walking inside one day and I was in our master bathroom and I looked down on the floor and coming through the, the window, um, shadowed on the floor was this giant cross on my bathroom floor. And I just fell into a puddle of like I was broken.

[00:20:05] I was, just completely crushed, but I was this the point that I needed to be at. To throw my hands in the air and completely surrender. And I was like, you know what? It was a Jesus take the wheel and whatever you’re going to tell me to do, I’m going to listen because this is a different ball game than the first time.

[00:20:26] And so at that point, it was really, I felt from there, there on, um, in that moment was the first time I ever greed. The fertility process, the inability to naturally on my own, the way God intended have children was the first time I actually like hit the anger stage of grief and dealt in that. And I have written this in black and white and it’s because I a hundred percent believe it, but like you have, this is a loss.

[00:20:58] Like it is a loss it’s we have. You know, we have miscarriage and we have stillborn and we have stillborns and, and those are losses, but this inability to carry is also a loss that we have to, we have to deal in. Um, and so when I, when I did all of that, I came out on the other side and was like, here’s what.

[00:21:19] We’re going to do this for this long. And then when they tell us we need to do IVF, which let’s face it is mega expensive and we don’t get any help. And we could do a whole other podcast on that too. Um, but uh, we’re working on it. We’re working really hard to change that right now. Um, but. I was like, we’ll do this for this long.

[00:21:41] We’ll see what they say. We’ll sit in the IVF meeting. We’ll listen. Um, and so we did that and when we came out of the IVF meeting, we had more questions than we had answers. And we were like, Nope, we’re done. We said, we’re walking away. Um, so at that point for about, so that was like November, December. We didn’t talk about it.

[00:22:05] Neither of us talked about it until it was March of 2016. We came back to the table and I remember, um, having prayed that morning and just been like, I’m ready to pursue adoption. And I said, that’s what I’m ready to do. Um, I had made my peace. I was content and I was resolved, um, with not carrying another child.

[00:22:28] And I said, that’s. And not two days later, did my husband walk in the door one day and he was like, we got to talk. And I was like, okay. And he goes, I’m ready to pursue adoption. And I was like, whoa. Okay. Um, and so that’s, that’s where it led us, um, after fertility and infertility. And, um, yeah, that was, that was our line.

[00:22:57] That was our, you know, we knew we were getting. Not just go nine rounds of hormone injections again, because nobody wanted to deal with me through that a second.

[00:23:08] Christine: So when you look back on it now, what do you wish you would have either known or done differently to deal with your emotions and your grief and to go through that grieving process? Is there something that you wish you would have known at the time or done differently?

[00:23:32] Cat: I wish I would have known that none of it was my fault. I put and I carried the burden of it being something I had done. That was the result of my infertility when the reality is it ha it was not me. Like there was nothing, it was just that my normal is different. Like, I, I can’t carry children, like without help.

[00:24:01] That’s just the bottom line. Um, so I wish I would have given myself that grace, um, to understand that, but it wasn’t in that place. Um, I wish I would have not let the fear of judgment and stigma. Interfere with, with our life, the way it did and be so heavy in our life, the way that it was, um, the first time round and that, and, and through that, I would have had a support.

[00:24:28] Like we wouldn’t have hid it from people. We wouldn’t have had to hit it from our family. We would have had somebody around us. Um, because that was a game changer when we had people the second time. And then those same people were like right there with us when we got to, you know, Send pictures of the new baby after, after he was born, like, um, through, through adoption.

[00:24:50] And so having that tribe with us was just the peace that we, we needed. I wish that we would have had, and again, this is things we’re working on now, because what I’ve done now is taken it. And like this podcast and other articles I’ve written in other podcasts, I’ve been able to be on. The advocacy part is huge and we can’t change the culture surrounding infertility and loss and miscarriage.

[00:25:22] If we don’t talk about it. Um, so talking about it is how we make noise. It’s how we make waves. It’s how we build community. Um, and it’s how we make real change happen, which is what’s happening now. So, um, yeah, that’s, those would be the big ones, I think.

[00:25:40] Christine: Well, and I love this because, and we’re going to get into this more in a few minutes, but this isn’t just, you know, this happened to me and this was hard.

[00:25:49] It’s, you’ve now taken that pain and turned it into a passion and a purpose and a mission and, and become an advocate. Because I know from being in that place myself, like, it’s hard to talk about it when you’re going through it, when you have all those emotions and you’re not quite sure how to bring up that conversation with people in your life.

[00:26:12] So I still appreciate people like you who are out there advocating for these families. So before we kind of get out into what you’re doing now, I would love for you to talk about that adoption piece and what that looked like for your family and, and what that timeline looked like.

[00:26:31] Cat: Yes. There’s so many different ways to build families. That’s one of the pieces that we’re, we’re looking at too, and we’re trying to talk more about, you know, you have infertility and you have, IVU have IVF as an avenue and you have serous surrogacy as an avenue and you have adoption and you have foster care and you have foster to adopt situations too.

[00:26:51] And so we can’t forget about those avenues. We had talked about, I knew very early on before I got married before I knew I was marrying my best friend from high school. Um, I knew that adoption would be part of my life. That was something that like, when I found my person in life, I was like, we have to be on the same page about this because I will do it.

[00:27:13] So, um, I always knew, um, that adoption would somehow play a part in, in my family life. You know, in my ideal world, I would’ve had to have my own children and then adopted a third. That would have been, you know, but not everyone is cut out for that. And I completely understand that. Um, for me, that was, and a lot of people adopt even without having fertility issues.

[00:27:37] It’s just something they’re they feel called to do. And. So for us, it was, um, so we, like I said, March, 2016, her husband says I’m on board. Let’s do it. Well, we already knew we were moving. So this is the big key to this because adoption people are like, what the heck it’s going to take too long. There’s no way I can do it before I have to PCs somewhere else.

[00:28:00] Here’s all the things we had, all the same thoughts. The number one thing that I tell people, if you’re interested in the adoption process is do the research, take the time and do the research upfront. Um, Dive in and expect it to happen. Um, know what you want. So do you want an infant adoption or do you want to adopt an older child?

[00:28:21] Do you want to go through foster care to adopt that’s an avenue? Do you want an international adoption or a domestic adoption? Do you want. You got to examine and explore all these things. So that’s what we did. Um, I was blessed to have a very best friend who is, um, a licensed, uh, master, um, um, social worker.

[00:28:43] And she had worked in adoptions. So she was like my guiding light. And I was like, okay, we want to do this. What do you think is best for us as a military family? Because one of the things that we did run into as we got further down the road, That there is a stigma around military families and adoption.

[00:28:57] Um, and it was hard to overcome. And we had agencies that we reached out to. They were like, Nope, they bet flat out. We’re like, Nope, we’re not going to touch you. Like, Nope, you’re not stable. You’re too transient. You’re not this. You’re not that. And so with her, she kind of. The step-by-step on what to expect.

[00:29:16] Every state is different. So we had to do the research into where we were going, which luckily, like I said, we knew we were moving. So it kind of set us up. It gave us a few months to do research about the state that we were moving to, to look into adoption law, to look into agencies, um, and then decide whether we wanted to do a nationwide adoption agency, or if we wanted to do more, a smaller, um, state.

[00:29:39] Agency, um, which is ultimately what we did. Um, and so we basically moved in July and in August we were in their office and we, we hit the ground running. Um, and that’s what I recommend take that time, do the research and that way you can hit the ground running. Um, so August of 2016, we sat down for our first intake.

[00:30:01] And all told, um, from that date until we finalized in the superior court of Washington, um, it was 21 months. So, um, it does take some time. Um, but again, it can be done if, if, if families are, um, paying attention to those timelines. And like I said, putting in that time up front to look at what.

[00:30:27] Christine: There there’s so much to that because I mean, it is such a lengthy process. And so, you know, I’m glad that you were able to like figure out in advance where you’re going and start that process, because I know that is a barrier for so many military families who are moving quite frequently. So talk about everything that you were feeling in that waiting period, you know, you’ve, you’ve already gone through this grief of, Hey, we’re not going to have another one of our own or trying or waiting for this adoption, but you know, we’re not there yet.

[00:31:04] What was going through your mind? What were you doing? How are you navigating that time?

[00:31:09] Cat: So I, um, decided to be a really great time to take up a job. And I went to work for, um, for Noonday collection, who is, um, one of the fair trade fashion company. Um, that is all about. Empowering women and especially female artisans around the world.

[00:31:31] Um, but they have they’re rooted in adoption and that was very attractive to me. Um, and it was a way for me to be able to help save. So that was the big thing we were doing. We were saving money anywhere we could. Um, and so everything that I was making, working for them was going to saving for the adoption.

[00:31:47] Um, but it also allowed us to do fundraisers through them as well. So that was a big piece, was the financial piece. Um, we were also looking into at that time, Um, what is there in the way of the air force adoption reimbursement, your IRS adoption tax credit, things like that, making sure that we had the basis covered, um, when, when that was ready to.

[00:32:11] We’re also doing a lot of background things. So we were doing background checks and fingerprints and writing an autobiography essentially. And, um, creating a story look, book that would be presented to potential, um, first moms and, um, we were going through all kinds of training and, um, and then living life with.

[00:32:31] I think our daughter started kindergarten and while we were doing that, so all the normal things with it, but we were, um, the one thing that we were adamant about was we’re going to be public with this. And so we created our Facebook page that was dedicated to, um, to just sharing updates with people.

[00:32:48] Because by this point, you know, we have people all over the world that are trying to follow this and figure out what’s going on and just building community. So we, because we were so public, we ended up actually talking through, I think in like, The last six months, we had like eight couples that were in our house asking us like anything and everything that they could get to know about adoption and foster care.

[00:33:10] And so that was kind of where my advocacy really began was on the couch in my house. All these other couples that wanted to know what, what was, what, um, some of them had done in fertility as well. So there were conversations about infertility and how we got to adoption and others were just, we just want to know more.

[00:33:29] So we spent our time doing that and. Took our daughter for her sixth birthday to Disneyland and found out on her sixth birthday that we had been, um, matched with a first mom. So that was a pretty cool way to, to wrap up Disneyland.

[00:33:45] Christine: Now, talk about that transition of bringing your son home. What was that like for your family?

[00:33:51] Cat: Um, so the first thing that we had decided on really early on was that she needed to be a part of. The story, like it wasn’t just, Hey, you’re an only child and now there’s a new baby. Um, so she was involved from the beginning. She helped pick pictures for our family book. She got to help me go shopping to set up the nursery.

[00:34:12] Cause we had to have the nursery photograph for the book a little bit, not like completely done or anything. Um, so we kept her involved in every step of the way. And then she just took it like a champ and she was so. Excited the whole time. I think the most difficult part was probably during his NICU stay.

[00:34:31] He, so he had, um, I had, uh, 11 or 11 or 12 day stay in the NICU, um, where she couldn’t go because, um, when he was born, it was during cold and flu season. And so they were not letting anyone under the age of 12. Um, onto the NICU floor. So she actually didn’t meet him until the day before he was discharged.

[00:34:51] And we, he finally had all these cords off and, um, we could take him to like the viewing window for her to see. So that was the first time. And then the next day, obviously he came home, but it was, she was like I said, she was a rock star. She’s loved every bit of it. And you know, we’re fortunate in that respect.

[00:35:09] I mean, Normal sibling rivalry. Now between being 10 and four, um, he was touching me he’s you know, all the things like he won’t, she won’t. You know, um, but that you would never know now. Like they just act like they’re they’re brother and sister. That’s all you can ask for. So,

[00:35:29] Christine: Can you talk about, you know, you have that moment where families are starting to come to you, they’re asking you questions and talk about that journey to becoming an advocate for families.

[00:35:40] Cat: Um, it’s not something I ever planned on that’s for sure. I think when. The first family came to us, we were like, well, how about we just give you the name of our adoption agency? Like we, we tried to pass the buck. We did, we absolutely did. Um, because we were like, we’re not experts of this. Like we, what do you want us to tell you?

[00:36:02] You know, but I think after conversations, we realized, no, we are the experts because we have this lived experience. Um, and who better to talk about it than someone who’s lived it. Right. And so. It just evolved. It took off. And, um, a friend of mine, a friend of mine nominated me for an award and that’s really where it took off after that.

[00:36:27] And yeah, after, after a military spouse of the year, it took a turn because I got plugged in to people, uh, a group, a community of people that really, um, were prepared to listen and then offer resources. And so with those resources, We’ve been able to, um, and that’s why like the encouragement people, like you have to, right?

[00:36:51] Like, you need to be writing this, this needs to be out there. I still have people encourage me to write a book right now and I’m like, I gotta get there school. I can’t like, uh, but I think after the first couple of couples were on our couch, I started to go like, this is where I’m supposed to be going.

[00:37:08] Like, this is where. I need to be, no matter how narrow the lane is. Um, I joke people are like, you know, people always extend your lane. Don’t go out of your lane. You know, you’re out. I’m like, dude, my lanes, the sidewalk y’all and it’s not a paved sidewalk. It is like a dirt. Gravel sidewalk that just kind of disappears somewhere.

[00:37:30] And, um, that’s okay. I’ve learned that I, that was a lot to come with because there’s been so much work that we’ve had to do, um, around making sure people know that like, this is okay to talk about. Um, because like, like we’ve like, we’ve talked about this whole time. The pressure to have children, the pressure to have a family, the pressure, to be able to do everything that we’re supposed to be able to do as women and the shame and isolation that comes to that when we can’t and our feeling of being inferior or unworthy, um, I struggle a lot with my worth.

[00:38:06] Um, and so now I’m like, oh, like, this is what I was being built up for. Like, for me, That’s not everybody. And I get that. Um, but for me, I was like, this is where I’m supposed to be. And through the writing, through the public speaking through that has led to my going back to school. Um, I didn’t ever think that I was going to go get a graduate degree.

[00:38:31] Um, it was not on my radar ever, but I, once I had so much struggle, um, in trying to. Advocate further for military families. Um, I’ve had so many doors slammed in my face, so many unanswered and returned phone calls and emails, trying to empower other families through the resources we have with in the military that I was like, okay, I’m going to go back to school and I’m going to learn what I need to learn.

[00:38:59] And then I’m going to go back and try this again. Um, and so that’s kinda what I was doing as we were leaving Scott, when we were leaving Illinois, um, a couple of years ago, I was like, All right, we got the ball rolling, and then COVID happened. And I was like, shoot. Now I can’t travel. Now I can’t go speak to all this leadership.

[00:39:16] I can’t go speak to all these airmen and family readiness centers. I can’t go speak to these squadron commanders about family building and, and what we need to know. So I was like, well, I guess I’ll go to school. So, um, that’s where we are now.

[00:39:32] Christine: COVID has changed so much for people, but I love how your story just demonstrates that our pain can become our purpose and what we think.

[00:39:43] The path that our life looks, it changes. And as we go through these experiences, we have the opportunity to either just suffer under the weight of it, or we can grow and change. Through that. And whether it be something that is totally outside your control, the infertility stuff, um, a pandemic worldwide, um, there are all these pivots that we go through, but they are leading us closer to our purpose and to becoming who remit to be.

[00:40:19] So I know you’re in school now. Um, what is your big dream for the.

[00:40:25] Cat: Oh my gosh, my big dream. Um, so I’m going to graduate in August of 23. Um, I’m going to be taking the licensure exam. And then, um, ideally I am going to, I’ve been working in the background on building, um, educational material, um, that I will be able to go and share.

[00:40:46] And then. My ultimate like big life dream right now is I want to build an adoption agency that works exclusively with military families. Um, that’s like the dream right now.

[00:41:02] Christine: I love that so much, that that is such an amazing dream. And I know that it’s going to help so many families. And I know that there is somebody listening right now that just needed to hear your story and feel that reassurance, that it’s okay to feel all these feelings and to go through these difficult circumstances.

[00:41:21] But that doesn’t mean that’s the end of your story. So if anybody is looking for some resources or they just need to be able to talk to somebody. How can our listeners connect with you?

[00:41:34] Cat: So I’m on, oh, I love instead of the gram, I love Instagram. I’m at less is more 14, 18 on Instagram. Um, you can email me. Can we share all that somehow? Or you want me to share it?

Christine: We’ll put it in the show notes.

Cat: You can email me and then, um, I. I’m on LinkedIn. If you want to find me there, I’m not super, super active over there right now, but, um, I do have LinkedIn account as well. So those are probably the best way.

[00:42:06] Christine: Okay, great. Well, like I said, we’ll have all of that information linked in the show notes. You can go over there, connect with cat. Um, I know that she is just a fabulous resource, a fabulous person, and I love where your story is headed and what you were doing. And just thank you so much for taking the time.

[00:42:25] To come on the show today and share with us a very vulnerable piece of your story.

[00:42:32] Cat: Thank you. I’m happy to do it. I just, I think, um, you know, I’m gonna, I’m just going to quote my favorite. My favorite. Is Brene Brown. I’m a huge fan. Um, and actually have this quote sits on a sticky note next to me, but it says you either stand inside your story and own it, or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.

[00:42:53] And I just think when it comes to infertility, like that is just the ultimate for me. You, you know, like you said, it’s vulnerable and, um, the more. Vulnerable conversations. We have, the more we change, you know, the culture. So I love it. And, um, I love what you’re doing in your space and you’re creating this space.

[00:43:12] So thank you for what you do.

[00:43:15] Christine: Thank you so much and thank you, Brene Brown, because we love you and you bring so much value. Um, so I think that was just a great way to end this conversation. I hope you got a lot out of this conversation. I want to share another Brene Brown quote with you as I, we wrap up this because I think it’s really relevant to this conversation.

[00:43:39] She says, owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do. What ever pain you are walking through today? That’s not the end of the story. It’s not that everything isn’t magically going to work out. It’s not that you’re going to get the ending that you.

[00:44:04] But your pain doesn’t have to be wasted. You guys, if you’ve listened to the podcast for a while now, you know that I’m a big fan of Victor Frankel and he says that suffering ceases to become suffering. When we find meaning in it, Cat found meaning in suffering, when she realized that she could help others walking through similar circumstances.

[00:44:29] And you might not be in that point right now. That’s okay. But as pat shared, one of the greatest gifts in the midst of pain is having connection and community being able to share your struggle, your pain with others, people who will walk with you and sit with you in your struggle. So if you are in pain, I encourage you to step out, reach out, find somebody that you can talk to about your struggle.

[00:45:05] And if you are able be a listening ear for someone else, be that support that encouragement and always remember that your pain can become your purpose. If you are willing to step into your story and love yourself through the. I’ll have Cat’s contact information, linked in the show notes below. So if you want to reach out and have that conversation with her, do that, I’m also opening up a dialogue about this topic inside our Facebook community, because I want us to thrive as military spouses.

[00:45:45] And that starts when we own our stories and we began to dialogue and open about the challenges and the struggles that we face. I hope this conversation blessed you today, and that you will share it with someone in your life. Don’t forget to claim your free unstuck coaching session by emailing.

[00:46:08] hello at milspousemastermind.com until next time. May you live filled, fueled and full of joy.