Hi friend, welcome back to the show. Do you ever wish that there were more hours in a day? Do you feel like you’re doing a bunch of things and no one and nothing is getting the best version of you. Do you feel like there must be some secret productivity hack that you’re missing? Or you’re not doing things the right way, or maybe that there’s nothing that you can do. You’re not satisfied with the way things are, but maybe you just need to accept it.

[00:00:33] Well, I have felt all of these feelings. This is totally normal. But today we’re going to talk about how you can create more time and feel less pulled in all directions and do less better. So let’s dive in to learn how.

[00:01:44] Okay, friends. Before we start talking about how we create more time and do less, better, how we prioritize, and how we deal with all these feelings of not being enough and overwhelmed. I just want to remind you, if you can, the best way to make an impact is by sharing this show with someone you know, someone that could also benefit from hearing this information. Who wants to learn how to thrive as a military spouse, how to get clarity on what matters and how to get unstuck and pursue a life of purpose today.

[00:02:24] So, the best thing you can do to help us get the word out about the show and help others learn how to thrive is number one, go to iTunes and leave us a review. This is the best way for us to get found in the feed. Number two, share it to your stories on Facebook, on Instagram, whatever social media platform you’re on. Share about what your favorite episode is and what you learned in that episode. Tag me. And I’ll be sure to share it in my stories as well.

[00:02:48] And then number three, tell the people who are in physical proximity with you, whether it’s someone in your squadron, whether it’s a neighbor, a friend, whoever that you are doing life with, your tribe. Let them know, and you can listen together and come together to talk about what you’re hearing and how we can implement these strategies in our everyday lives as military spouses.

[00:03:23] Now, I’m so excited to dig into this topic with you. We’re talking about how we create more time and do less better. Now, you and I both know that there are still only 24 hours in a day. So, we cannot actually create more time. But what we’re really talking about here is how we prioritize what is most important so that we can operate out of our sweet spot and move towards the life that we really want to live.

[00:03:49] Now this isn’t something that happens overnight; but it is a process that leads us towards the life we want, regardless of where we’re stationed, regardless of how long we’re going to be there, regardless if our spouse is here or deployed or TDY or whatever, this is about how we take ownership of our time and our activities today and move towards becoming who we are meant to be.

[00:04:27] Now, maybe you feel like, that’s not where I’m at. I am feeling so frustrated and discouraged overwhelmed, and I really just don’t know how to move out of that feeling. You feel stuck in the way that your life currently looks. You’re not sure what to do, but you’re just getting by, right.

[00:04:56] You’re feeling impatient. You’re more on edge. You’re stressed. And you’re realizing that those around you can feel that in you and you know that’s not how you want to show up, but you’re not sure what to do about it. I totally get it. And I still have plenty of days where I’m right there with you, but every time I’m there, I go back to these things and it helps pull me out and get me moving in the right direction again.

[00:05:24] I want that same thing for you. I want to help you break out of this cycle of reactionary living, of just responding to the things that are happening. And help you be more proactive and intentional with your everyday life. I look around all the time and I see still many moms, especially, stuck in the cycle of taking care of the home, kids, activities, school work, family commitments, church commitments, volunteer commitments, and military spouse life.

[00:05:49] There’s this sense that every hour of the day is spoken for. But that isn’t a life that leads us to joy, to fulfillment, to contentment, to impact. We feel physically, mentally, emotionally exhausted, tired, stressed, and we don’t know what to do about it. So what do we do and why does this matter?

[00:06:26] Well, before we talk about how we break out of the cycle, we need to talk about why it matters. Sometimes it can feel like everyone is stuck in the same place. So maybe it’s just normal. Right? Is it really a big deal? Maybe we just all feel this way, and this is how we were designed to live.

[00:06:53] While it might be how we live, it is not how we were created. If you’ve been around the podcast for very long, you’ve heard me talk about Victor Frankl and his book, Man’s Search for Meaning. And Frankl says that what we ultimately desire as humans is not happiness or pleasure, but this sense of meaning and purpose. And when you look at research studies, this idea is backed up by the research.

[00:07:19] Now, what does this have to do with feeling overwhelmed and wanting more time in your schedule? Well research shows us that intentionally living our values and aligning what we do with what we value gives us this sense of purpose and meaning. And when we show up as our most authentic selves and do the work that we were created to do work, that fills us up, brings us into community with others and positively impacts their lives.

[00:07:54] That’s where we find our sense of meaning and purpose. And when we’re stuck in the overwhelm of everyday life, we’re just trying to find more time. We’re not showing up as the person that we’re meant to be, and what’s more, we’re not going to find that meaning and purpose that our heart really longs for.

[00:08:20] And so by creating more margin in our schedule, by rethinking how we spend our time and learning how to do less, but better, we are creating the life that we want to live. We’re moving towards a place of less stress, less overwhelm. And finding more fulfillment and contentment in our lives.

[00:08:52] So yes, we want to feel less pulled in all directions. We want to feel like we have time and margin in our schedule, but why this ultimately matters is it’s helping us lead us to who we’re meant to be, how we’re meant to show up, and give us that meaning and purpose that our soul longs for. So the next question is, how do we do this? What steps do we take when we’re in the middle of just making it through the day? What do we do and how do we find more time and do less better?

[00:09:24] Well, if you look around, I think the most common answer you will see is you just need to work on productivity. If you can just have this secret productivity hack, or you can better manage your schedule. If you can get more organized or have better systems, or, you know, time blocking is the answer.

[00:09:48] It’s all about how we be more productive. It’s not wrong, but it’s not the full picture that leads us to the life that we actually want. When you go to Amazon, I did a quick search on productivity and there were over 50,000 results on that topic of books on productivity. Over 80,000 results for books on time management.

[00:10:18] So we think that productivity and time management is the answer. It’s this idea that if we can just manage our time better, if we can fit more into our schedule, then we’ll be able to make it through the day better, rather than starting with how do we live with more intentionality and purpose? And this is the problem because when we talk about productivity hacks, often the result of being more productive with your time is that you can just fit more in the end result or the goal is what else can I fit into my schedule?

[00:11:01] But that’s not what we’re really trying to do. We can schedule out every minute of our day so that we feel really productive. But that’s not going to lead us to the life we really want. It’s not going to lead us to a life of rest, of margin, of ultimately showing up as the person we were meant to be, and doing the things we were meant to do, and finding the joy and satisfaction and contentment. That we are living a life of purpose.

[00:11:41] So if productivity in and of itself is not the answer, then what is? It’s actually the pursuit of less. And so today we’re going to talk about what this pursuit of less actually means and what it looks like. And then I’m going to give you a practical way that you can start moving towards this and incorporating this idea into your life today.

[00:12:09] Now a lot of this comes, essentially from, a play on words there, comes from the ideas put forth in the book, Essentialism by Greg McKeown. And I came across this book. I had been hearing all these people talk about productivity hacks and how you could be more productive. But he really brought this idea that we’re going to focus on, being more intentional and productive.

[00:12:38 But it is not for the sake of fitting more in, or even for the sake of trying to find happiness, but really to be able to make our highest contribution. To figure out what we were meant to do, and how we can craft our lives in such a way that we can do the things that really matter to us.

[00:13:03] It really brought this idea of purpose into the mix.In order to really live a life of meaning and purpose, we have to rethink the way that we go about our days, weeks, months and years. We have to stop trying to do it all. If we really want the life that we were meant to live, we have to not accept all of the noise that gets thrown our way.

[00:13:35] Noise that says, you need this, you need to do this. You need to be successful. You need to say yes to all these things. We cannot do it all.

 Now, if you’re like me and you grew up in the culture that I grew up in, I was told you can be anything, you can do anything and you can achieve anything, but nobody really talked about the sacrifice to make that happen.

[00:13:57] You cannot give all to all the things. Something will have to give,  because we cannot do it all. And so in the book Essentialism gives us a three part process for moving towards a life of meaning and purpose, and really learning how to do less, how to say no to the things that don’t matter, so that we create the time for things that do matter to us.

[00:14:31] So how do we find more time? We stop trying to do it all. It’s the process of doing less but better. It’s a three-part process. It begins with a mindset shift. It is achieved through a repeatable process. And it ends in identity. So let’s talk through what we mean when I say mindset, process and identity. And then I’ll give you the first step you can take to do less but better.

[00:15:06] So mindset. As with almost any lifestyle and habit change, change has to begin with what we believe. And there are three key phrases to help us shift the way that we think about our time and our energy and our efforts. These phrases are number one. I choose to do this. To the fact that we choose how we spend our time and energy.

[00:15:41] Often we can feel pulled in so many different directions. We can feel like we don’t control our schedule and our outcomes, but the truth is even if we don’t feel in control, it is a choice. The military, for example, dictates that our family moves. And in response, I spend my time organizing our stuff, selling a house, preparing for the move, figuring out where my kids are going to go to school and trying to coordinate all the details of the move.

[00:16:20] And then once we move, I spend time unpacking and trying to find the new dentist and doctors and hairstylists and all of the things to get plugged into a new community. That is a significant time commitment. But moving is simply that circumstance. My choice is how I respond to that circumstance.

[00:16:44] So even though I didn’t choose to move, I am still the one that is actually choosing to get organized, to prepare for the move. It’s still a choice that I am making, even if it’s not necessarily a choice that I would choose to make, if that makes sense. Viewing everything as a choice I am making gives me the ownership of my life.

[00:17:12] The second phrase I want you to remember is only a few things really matter. So often we think everything is important, but when it actually comes down to it, there’s only one. Few things are exceptionally valuable. We think everything is important, but the truth is nothing is really important. And until we start saying no to good opportunities, we will never have the opportunity to say yes to truly great ones.

[00:17:46] We have to learn to say no in order to be able to say yes. And when we fail to say no to something that doesn’t really matter to us, we’re by default saying no to something else. Because really we can only do so much with our time. And that leads me to the third phrase. I can do anything. But not everything.

[00:18:16] For so long I tried to just prove that I could go, go, go. Do all the things and make it all work. And that was successful to a point before I had kids. Moving into the phase of life where I have young kids really helped me get a better handle, whether I wanted it or not, on what my limitations actually were. And the idea that I can do anything, but I can’t do everything.

[00:18:47] None of us can do all the things on our own. Even when we look at someone that seems to have it altogether, they usually have some kind of help and support to be able to do other things that there are doing. None of us can do everything. And so we have to accept these facts. I am in control. I choose to. It’s a mindset shift that we’re making to say, this is not happening to me. am choosing.

[00:19:16] Only a few things really matter. And I can do anything but not everything. So once we’ve made this shift of understanding we cannot do it all. There are only 24 hours in a day. Then we start this process of essentialism and, in the book, they divide it into three phases.

[00:19:43] Explore. eliminate and execute. The explore phase is where we learn to evaluate what our options and figure out what is important to us. What is the best version of yourself? What do you care about? What do you value? What kind of life do you want to live? We’re exploring what it is that matters to us.

[00:20:11] Sometimes we have to really take intentional time to figure this out because we don’t know. Some of us know this is what I’m about. This is what I love. This is what matters to me. And that’s a simple process.

[00:20:33] But for others of us who have spent so much time letting other people dictate what we do, how we spend our time. We have to take the time to figure out what it is that we actually care about that we love to do so that we can make those intentional choices with our time and our energy and develop the healthy rhythms to make those decisions, our reality. So this is where we’re getting clarity on what fuels and fills us with life and how we can live that out in our everyday life.

[00:21:02] The second part of the process is to eliminate. Once we know and get clear on what lights us up and how we are meant to show up and serve and what our core values are, then we have to be willing to cut out the things that don’t matter, that don’t lead us to the life that we want. That don’t help us chase our dreams. That don’t lead us to showing up as the person that we want to be.

[00:21:34] So this definitely takes some courage because you cannot be a people pleaser and do all the things that everyone else wants you to do, and actually make this process a reality. This is a challenge point and a learning point. It takes some adjustment.

[00:22:01] So step one, we explore what matters to us. We get clarity, right? Then we have to eliminate things that don’t fit into those buckets. And then we execute. And this is the part of the process where we start establishing the rhythms, the habits, the action steps. We’re going to take the goals we’re going to set that, help us to align what we do each and every day, with who we are and what we value.

[00:22:26] We’re optimizing our life. We’re taking steps towards the life that we want to lead. To the person that we want to be, to the activities we want to be a part of our life, to the contribution we want to make. This is the process that leads us to do less but better. And ultimately to feel like we have more time in our schedule, because we’re not letting everything else dictate what we do and what kinds of commitments we make.

[00:22:51] Now I’m a military spouse. I’ve been a military spouse, I’ve been together with my husband almost 13 years. I understand that there are always going to be things that get thrown my way, things that I did not put on my calendar, but I need to show up and serve for, you know, whether we call it volunteering, being voluntold. It’s part of the military lifestyle.

[00:23:18] And I’m not saying that we can avoid that, but to be clear on what we want, so that we understand the time commitments that we are making and what that actually costs. It’s one thing to understand that, Hey, I’m saying yes to this. So that means I’m going to have less time over here rather than just letting things happen, and not understanding what sacrifices and what we’re trading in.

[00:23:51] And then the third component to doing less but better is the identity piece. Doing less, but better. It begins with our mindset shift. Then it’s this process of exploring, eliminating, and executing and transforming our lives. And it ultimately ends in and results in a change in identity.

[00:24:19] And the thing to understand about this part of the process is that it is a journey. It’s a continual process. It’s not, I mean, it is something that you can just do one time. You can make a choice to do less bet better. Or you can make it a lifestyle and have it become a part of who you are and how you show up in the world day in and day out.

[00:24:48] It can feel discouraging when we look at this process as a whole, because it’s not something that happens overnight. But any lasting change is not going to happen overnight. It takes time to develop the habits and rhythms that lead us to the outcome we desire. But it’s also encouraging at the same time, Because it helps us know that we don’t have to stay stuck.

[00:25:19] We don’t have to accept what is, and feel like there’s nothing we can do about. And the fact of the matter is the more that I practice this, the more that I intentionally make choices that lead me to who I want to be, the better I get at it. The more that I do less, but better. Now, the number one glaring question in my mind, after I read this book.

[00:25:47] How do I start this process? I get the mindset component and it’s great to understand that I need to explore, eliminate, and execute. But how do I actually do that? How do I walk it and live it out? What I ultimately ended up doing is creating this process to help us get clarity and define what our core values are. Because that gives us the framework for making these decisions.

[00:26:20] It’s the clarity we need to get started on this journey. That is why I have been saying over the last several weeks, Hey, there is a free values assessment available for you in the show notes. And on our website. You can get yours by going to milspousemastermind.com/values. But what I also know is that many of you are not going to take the time to download this worksheet because you’re busy.

[00:26:55] I understand if you are listening to this while you’re folding laundry, while you’re driving in the car, while you’re going and doing all the things, it’s hard to remember to pause and go back later and download it. And then find the time that you have no kids running around. Asking you questions that you can just really reflect and work through this process to determine what your values are, because this is what’s going to get you to the next step.

[00:27:27] As a busy mom or dad, that’s hard to carve out the time. So what I decided to do next week on the show, we’re just going to walk through this process together and you can hear me talk you through this process. Ao that even if you’re busy and you don’t have time to sit down and print it out and write it out, we can walk through it together.

[00:27:50] Because what I really want for you is to get a vision for what your life can be and how you can move towards your dreams today, regardless of your circumstances, regardless of how much help you have, what the ages of your kids are, whether you have a job that you love, a job that you hate.

[00:28:15] Whatever the circumstances of your life are right now. I want to help you to feel like you have control and to help you move towards the person that you’re meant to be. To help you feel more fulfilled, to feel like you are doing things that light you up, that bring joy to yourself, to your family. And to the world around you.

[00:28:40] I want you to be able to show up as the person that you were meant to be, to contribute the thing, your unique contribution, that thing that you have that only you can offer the world. And yet you’re not sure what that is or how to bring it to life. I want to help you take the next step in your journey.

[00:29:02] That is why I created this. That is why this podcast exists. Because I so believe you have something to offer the world. I’m going to help you clarify what that thing is, how you can use your gift without sacrificing your well-being and what matters to you and to your family, and ultimately help you become who you are meant to be..

[00:29:25] I’m so excited to be on this journey with you. I hope you have a wonderful week. Until then, may you live filled, fueled and full of joy.