Christine: Welcome back to the milspouse mastermind show. Today, we’re going to dive into the topic of what is purpose and how do I find mine? The truth is there is something inside of you, something that you were born to do. And when you don’t fully give yourself to that, you do the world and yourself and those around you.

[00:00:25] Those whispers inside of you that say that you’re meant for more, they’re there for a reason to guide you to your purpose. And yet, so often we’ve spent so long putting our dreams, our goals, our plans on the back seat in order to serve others, that we’ve lost sight of who we are, of what lights us up of what brings life to ourselves and those around us, and that we have to change.

[00:00:54] So, what does it look like to really chase your dreams in the middle of the season of life that you’re in? How do you find that purpose and how do you live it out? Let’s dive in to today’s show.

Now, before we get started, I want to remind you that if you have not already done so please head over to iTunes and subscribe and leave a review for the show.

[00:02:10] That’s how we help get the word out about the show and how we impact the lives of military spouses. I know sometimes it can be easy to say, oh, I’ll do that later. And then it never happens. So I want to say, if you need a reminder, pause this episode right here, head over to iTunes, leave a review. Now, if you’re listening to this on our website or through another podcast, platform reviews don’t count quite as much.

[00:02:40] So either go find a friend who has an Apple account and ask if you can use their device to leave a review or simply share about this show in your social media, or actually in person with somebody, tell them about this show because word of mouth is probably the best way to really get this message out to people.

[00:03:05] When we talk about wanting to use our lives to make an impact. One of the best things we can do is share with others. What’s helping us, what things that we are really learning and growing and are using to make our lives and those around us. We love it when people share information that makes our lives better.

[00:03:27] So by leaving a review or sharing about this podcast, you are making an impact and making someone else’s life better. Okay. Let’s get into this concept of purpose. This concept of purpose is something that is tossed around a lot in our culture. But what does it actually mean when we say that we exist to help you pursue a life of purpose, joy, and impact?

[00:03:56] What does that mean? How do you pursue purpose? Is it something that’s possible? Do you need to know what that purpose is before you can actually pursue it? There’s so many things that can pop into our head that get us confused. And so often, because we don’t know these answers, we simply stay stuck. We aimlessly wonder unsure of what we’re even looking for, what we should be expecting, what we want out of life.

[00:04:24] We resign ourselves to fulfilling an obligation rather than chasing a dream. So the big question that most of us are asking ourselves is, How do I know what my purpose is? How do I know what I’m supposed to do? We feel this sense of pressure to find that purpose. We, we have the sense that I need a purpose, but I don’t know what it is. I feel conflicted and confused.

[00:04:50] We feel like we should know what it is that we should be moving towards something. And when we don’t, we just feel even more frustrated and restless. Sometimes we really have no idea what it is that we should be doing. And at other times we have an idea, but it’s not fully fleshed out and we’re not sure if it’s something worth pursuing.

[00:05:22] Sometimes we’re just afraid to take that next step, afraid that we might be taken the wrong step and as military spouses. So after we feel like we have such a limited amount of time to devote to ourselves, we just keep pushing that to the back burner and saying that’s something for another day. Another season.

[00:05:44] The problem with this is that it continues to eat away at us. Those whispers, whether we try to block them out or not, are still there. So how do we keep moving towards and living a life of purpose, even if we don’t have a lot of extra margin and time in our schedule? Well, the first thing that I think is a vital part of this process is learning to listen to those whispers again, taking time to actually listen to what it is that’s inside of us.

[00:06:17] That lights us up. How many of us actually take the time just to sit and dream? Now, think back to when you were a kid, he spent lots of time thinking about what you wanted to be when you grow up, but then life happens. We go to school, we get a job. We’ve discovered that that job, isn’t what we thought it was going to be.

[00:06:40] We take a job that we are not at all passionate about, or we get tired of looking for jobs and give up altogether. And soon we’ve lost sight of what it was that really made us excited. More often we spend the time that we do have thinking about how we should know that we should be doing something that we should have this figured out rather than just taking time to observe, reflect, and dream, even in your season of.

[00:07:15] Staying home or being in a job that you don’t enjoy, you can start taking steps to unpack that, to uncover what those dreams are inside of you and how you can use your gifts and your particular skills to impact the world around you and be a light to those around you recently finished reading the art of work by Jeff Goins and he dives deep into this topic of purpose.

[00:07:43] And he shares his story about this journey where he left his full-time job and decided that he was going to be a writer full time. Now, before he did this, he went to this dreamers summit. He went there saying, I don’t know what it is that I want to do. I just know that I want to do something. He said at the time he was feeling like he was probably the only one in that boat.

[00:08:10] He felt like everybody else already knew what they were going to do and were probably just looking for motivation to get started. But then the speaker got up and said, a lot of you are here because you don’t know what your dream is. And he was like, wait, what? I’m not the only one. And then the speaker went on to say, it’s not that you don’t know what you want to do. It’s that you’re scared to take the next step.

[00:08:33] And the author of this book took two things from that. Number one, we feel like we’re the only person that doesn’t know when in reality, most of us are not clear on our callings. We don’t know, and we’re not living in and moving towards who we’re meant to be. So if that’s you, you’re not alone.

[00:08:55] But the second thing he took from that is that the moment that, that speaker at the conference said, you’re afraid to take the next step. He knew that his next step was to become a writer. He was just scared to make that dream a reality because of all of the unknowns and whether it could support him and if it would work out and if he could actually cut it as a writer and all of those things had made him bury that idea deep down in his.

[00:09:33] Now, what did not happen is that he left that conference, quit his job and became a writer. What did happen is that he spent the next year of his life writing a certain number of words. So once you get that clarity, it’s not that you make a big leap, it’s that you began to take small steps in a forward motion.

[00:10:00] So let’s dive into this concept of purpose and really flesh out what purpose is and what is not so that we can start moving towards figuring out how you get clarity on what you’re supposed to do, and then how you start taking those babies. In a forward direction. So whether you don’t have a dream at all, you think there’s something you just don’t know what it is, whether you have an idea and you’re just afraid to take action, or you don’t know how to take those next steps, or maybe you did try something.

[00:10:44] And it was a big fat failure in your mind. And so you stopped trying and you put that dream on the shelf. I think you will find value in today’s episode. I want to read this quote from the book, because I feel like this does such a great job of encapsulating this idea of calling and purpose. He writes, “A calling is not some carefully crafted plan. It’s what’s happens when the plan goes horribly wrong.” It’s not a carefully crafted plan. It’s what’s left when the plan goes horribly wrong.

 So let’s talk about some myths about what purpose and a calling is. I’m using these terms interchangeably today. Some people say purpose, some people say a calling, some people say your lifestyle.

[00:11:37] It’s you showing up to do the thing that you were meant to do and become the person that you were meant to be and serve the way you were meant to serve. A calling or a purpose is not an epiphany. It’s not something that happens in a single moment of clarity, a sudden revelation in an instant, you know what it is and do that thing.

[00:12:03] It’s also not something you just know. Which leads me to the next myth. It’s this idea that purpose is a destination or an inner goal. The truth is we never actually arrive. Once we arrived at what we thought was the destination, we realize that it’s really only a step. Like in our journey because our entire lives are a journey of growth.

[00:12:32] And as we grow and develop into that calling, there is something more for us, and that this cycle continues until we die. To say that it’s this specific destination that it’s this one thing. And once we know that one thing that is the end all be all of calling is not really acting. Calling is also not something you have to know before you can take the next step.

[00:13:03] This myth leads us to believe that if we don’t think we know what our calling is, then there’s nothing for us to do until we can see the end goal in mind. Then we’re just simply existing through. It’s also not a plan. It’s, it’s more of a path or a journey that we take rather than a plan of this is what I’m going to accomplish. And so I’m going to do A, B and C and I will fulfill my purpose.

[00:13:32] Life doesn’t work that way. Calling doesn’t work that way. Who you are meant to be and how you’re meant to show up, it doesn’t work that way. Yes. Setting goals is absolutely essential. But it’s only part of the picture and the process.

[00:13:55] Your purpose is also not something that can’t happen until late in life. I think there’s this idea that some people feel like you have to have had a certain number of jobs or experiences or struggles or whatever it is. You can’t know what you’re meant to do until you’ve done so many different things. But as we talked about a few minutes ago, your calling is going to evolve through your life.

[00:14:25] So you can start pursuing that today, even if it’s going to change in the future, it’s not something that you have to wait until late in life to figure out. Now, this one is probably a little bit controversial, but I think it is foundational to this idea of who we’re meant to be. It’s the idea that purpose is not what you do.

[00:14:47] Yes. What you do affects who you are and what you become. But your purpose is more than work, more than your education, your job. It’s how you live your entire life. For so long people have kind of compartmentalized work as this thing. That’s one area of our life and not related to the whole of who we are.

[00:15:16] And I think we will live such a more fulfilled life. When we look at our life as a whole, your vocation, what you do is one aspect of that whole, but your calling, your purpose, your legacy encompassing. The whole thing, who you are spiritually, relationally, mentally, emotionally, all of that is wrapped up in who you are and who you want to be.

[00:15:47] And then finally, I would say that purpose is not selfish. We sometimes have this idea that if it’s a dream inside of you and it’s something that lights you up inside, then it must be selfish. But the truth is what you have inside of you – the gifts, the skills, the talents, the desires in your soul – are there because they’re meant to be shared with others.

[00:16:14] They’re meant to be shared with those around you. They’re meant to help the world. Your dream is something that you can withhold and keep to yourself. Or it’s something that you can share with the world around us. So if that’s what purpose is not, then what are the defining characteristics of your purpose or your calling?

[00:16:36] Well, number one, it’s something that is developed over time. It’s something that comes with taking action. When I first started dreaming of helping military spouses, I had no idea what that looked like, what that entailed. It was this process of first identifying what characteristics that I wanted to define me and define what problem I wanted to solve.

[00:17:01] What problem did I want to be a part of the solution? How do I want to show up? Who do I want to serve? And then what does it look like to serve in that way? And then taking messy steps of action. Starting a blog, which eventually translated into starting this podcast, but it didn’t happen right away. This clarity where I’m at right now.

[00:17:26] It’s not something that just happened overnight. And I knew exactly what I was supposed to do and what the next steps were going to be. It was just taking one step and then, okay, now what’s my next step. It’s something that develops over time. It’s a journey, not a destination. It, it doesn’t end until we die.

[00:17:46] And oftentimes, and this is key when we feel the farthest from our purpose, when we feel lost and searching. Then we’re actually already on the path. We’re headed in the right direction. It’s when we’re not aware and we’re not seeking that. We’re not really living in our purpose, but as long as we are staying aware and continuing to search, we’re already on that journey.

[00:18:15] Now, your purpose is doing what you do best and using it for good. In other words, there has to be a reason a why behind what you do. I may be good at something, but that doesn’t mean that’s where I’m supposed to be. It just could be something that I’m good at. And I might be able to use that specific skills.

[00:18:41] As a part of my purpose, it’s more than about me. It’s using what I have for good. If you’ve ever been in a career where you experienced success and you were doing really well in your job, but you felt like something was missing it’s usually because you don’t have a why you’re not using it for something without that.

[00:19:03] Why, what we do becomes meaningful. Our calling is more than just what we do. Our lives, when lived well, becomes our calling. It’s more than just doing good in the world. It’s about becoming someone and letting what we have impact the world around us. It’s the person that we become. It’s the legacy that we leave.

[00:19:30] It’s about us, but not for us. So I think this is where we can get into this idea of, well, if it’s about me, then it’s inherently selfish. But when we keep in mind that it’s for the benefit of others. So stillness comes from contributing to something other than yourself. When we talk about finding our calling, we’re not just seeking an activity.

[00:19:57] What we’re looking for is a new identity and understanding of who we are, who we want to be, and to have that story of our lives make sense. So how do we get there? Well, over the next two weeks, I’m going to be taking you through the process.

Next week we’ll look at the big picture of how we start to pursue purpose in our lives and what it looks like.. The pursuit of purpose, part of what we do once we have that big picture understanding at the phases we go through, as we’re pursuing our purpose, that following week we’ll get into the nitty gritty, those answers that you and I really want to. How do I find mine? Everybody says, I need this. What do I do?

[00:20:44] What are the exact questions I need to be asking? What do I need to be exploring? What do I do on a hands-on daily basis to really take those steps in a forward? To become the person that I was created to be, to show up the way I was created to show up and serve in the way I was meant to say. Now, if you want to go ahead and get a head, start on this journey.

[00:21:14] I have linked below in the show notes, your values worksheet. We talked about this last week, but this is the concept of how we start figuring out what values are most important to us. What are the things that speak to us as individuals? Not just. Values to have in general, but out of all of the values out there, there is a set that really speak to how you want to show up on a daily basis and really understanding what those values are, are going to help you make decisions to determine does this align with my values, does what I do on a daily, weekly, monthly.

[00:21:58] Yearly basis align up with what I say I value does the way that I spend my time demonstrate these values and if not, what needs to change. So go ahead, click on the show notes, or you can head over to the website mills pass mastermind.com and download that values worksheet to help get you started. I hope that you had the best week available to you.