6 Secrets to Set Goals as a Military Spouse

[00:00:00] Christine: Oh my goodness. Friends, welcome to 2023. We have made it to a brand new year and what better way to start off the year than by talking about. Goal setting and New Year’s resolutions. Now, the thought of having this conversation, the thought of New Year’s resolutions, goal setting may make you cringe a little inside.

[00:00:26] If you have tried in the past to set goals and you feel like you keep falling short, you never hit those goals, you always fail to keep those resolutions, then that’s not something you really enjoy talking about. I am so excited to have this conversation because I want to give you a different perspective, a different way for us to look at these concepts and what it means for you as a military spouse.

[00:00:57] We’re going to answer the question that’s really at the back of your mind. Is it worth it to set goals as a military spouse when life feels so unpredictable and outside of our control? And if so, how do we actually do it? So what do you say? Are you ready to rethink the way that you think about New Year’s resolutions? Then let’s do it.

MilSpouse Goal Setting Masterclass

[00:02:15] What if 2023 could be different? What if, instead of feeling like you have to keep putting your goals and dreams on the back burner, what if instead of feeling discouraged by the lack of progress in your business, what if instead of beating yourself up over not hitting goals, time and time again? You tried another way.

[00:02:40] What if you opened yourself up to the flexible goal setting method? What if we focused not on what feels impossible, but what you can do right now with what you have and in the process, create a year full of opportunity, possibility, and action. Regardless of what the year is going to look like, if you have a dream on your heart or you just want to uplevel your life in 2023, come join me on January 19th for a live workshop.

[00:03:18] We’re going to talk about how to make real growth happen for you in 2020. We’re going to talk about what’s not working, what’s actually attainable on how to make progress on the things that matter most to you.

If you have a dream on your heart, but you’re not sure how to make it, A reality or if you’ve given up on setting goals because you just wind up disappointing yourself.

[00:03:46] Then the milspouse flexible goal setting masterclass is for you and all you have to do is go to. Milspouse mastermind.com/plan your 2023 to register. I’ll have that linked below in the show notes, but I would love to have you join us for this live workshop. You will also receive a full goal setting workbook to help you plan out your year.

[00:04:15] And if you can’t make it live, no worries. There will be a replay available, but you do have to go to milspouse mastermind.com/plan your 2023 to register. I’m so excited to do this with you.

Does it make sense to set goals for your year as a military spouse?

 I guess this is a little bit of a spoiler alert because the first question that we’re really talking about today is, is it worth it to set goals?

[00:04:45] Obviously if I’m planning a workshop to talk about how we set goals as a military spouse and how we make 2023 our best year yet, then you know that I’m a big fan of goal setting and I want to make this something that feels doable for you, for your life as a military. In the midst of unpredictability, if you have a spouse that’s gonna be deployed this year, or if you are planning a major move around the world, or any other major life event that you know might be happening and you’re not sure what to do with that, and how to actually make progress on the things that matter with all the things that you have coming up on your plate.

[00:05:37] I want to make this feel like it’s a possibility for you. So that is coming up on January 19th, 10:30 AM Pacific Time, 1:30 PM Eastern Time. I can’t wait to unpack the how we do this with you today, but I just wanted to give us an overview today of what we’re actually doing wrong. We’re going to get into why we so often fail to keep our goals or our new years resolutions. By now you’ve realized I have found a better way.

Why is it So Hard to Keep New Year’s Resolutions?

[00:06:15] So why do we not keep those resolutions? Okay. Let’s start with the fact that this is not something that is just unique to military spouses. According to one statistic that I read, 75% of people actually make a resolution of some kind, but can we guess the percentage that actually accomplishes that resolution?

[00:06:43] It’s a lot smaller.In fact, the older that you are, the less likely you are to make a New Year’s resolution. This can be attributed to the fact that, over time, If we fail to keep those resolutions, we decide, hey, it’s not even worth it. We’re just going to wind up disappointing ourselves or feeling like it is a fruitless exercise.

4 Reasons We Fail To Achieve Our Goals

[00:07:08] I want to go quickly over four reasons that we don’t keep our goals. That we set our New Year’s resolutions. Number one, we’re not setting the right goals. Now, what are the right goals? We’re going to get into that in a minute, but if you’re not setting the right goals for you, if you’re not setting the right type of goals, if you’re not doing it in a way that actually is achievable and doable, it’s not going to work.

[00:07:38] So number one, we just start with the wrong goals. Number two. , we don’t have a plan to make it happen. A, a goal without a plan is simply a dream, but the only way to actually make progress on those goals is to have a plan of action of what your going to do to make that dream, that goal, a reality in your.

[00:08:07] number three, we don’t achieve those goals or those resolutions because we don’t make it a priority. We actually have to put it on our calendar. We have to schedule it into our life, and we have to prioritize that thing or it will not happen. Or everything around us, everybody else’s demands on our time and en energy are gonna take priority and we won’t make that thing happen.

[00:08:38] Number four, we fail to achieve those goals, those New Year’s resolutions, because we’re not tracking our progress. We can make the plan, we can put it in our calendar, but then we have to actually go back and reflect on it. Did I make progress on it? Am I keeping this at the top of my mind? How am I doing?

[00:09:01] Am I actually able to stick to the plan, or does the plan need to change if we don’t go back and take that time to track our progress, to reflect on. , what’s going well, what’s not going well? What we need to shift to make us continue to make progress on that, then we’re probably not going to achieve that goal.

[00:09:25] And then the fifth thing, kind of a bonus thing that I think is one of the reasons that we don’t achieve our resolutions is because life happens. Life gets in the way, and sometimes we have to be able to adjust. Expectations based on what actually is happening. Life happens, circumstances happens, and we have to be able to adjust, and that may impact our ability to do the thing, to follow the plan to achieve.

[00:10:00] Our goal within the timeframe that we’ve set for ourselves. I found that to be true in my own life this year when I set some big audacious goals for my year. But I had a lot on my calendar and a lot of that I was expecting to happen with an oconus PCs and being without our stuff and moving across the ocean and things that I hoped would fall into.

[00:10:26] In a particular time period, and they didn’t fall into place as quickly as I was hoping that I was expecting. And so I had to adjust my initial goals, my plans for the year based on what actually happened in our year, and that’s why I’m such a big proponent of teaching this flexible goal setting method. For military spouses, and that’s what we’re gonna get into in that live training.

[00:10:56] But those are some of the reasons why we don’t actually achieve our goals now.

Why Should Military Spouses Set Goals?

Let’s go back to the very beginning because I think some people just need this reminder that setting goals actually matters. If you look at the practices and behaviors of those, we would consider high performers, high achievers, anybody that has accomplished anything in their.

[00:11:26] Those people set goals. Goal setting is a part of being a high performer. High achiever, if you want to up level your life, goal setting is a part of that, and people who set goals and regularly track their progress. Are more likely to achieve them. So if you have a dream, but you never actually set a plan to make it happen, if you never actually put it into place, you’re probably never going to accomplish that goal.

[00:12:04] You’re never going to see that dream become a reality. Now, are you guaranteed to have that dream happen because you set. No, but you are much more likely to get there to move in the right direction if you actually put that goal and then back it up by a plan of action and track your progress. So how do we set, let me just lay the foundation for what this flexible goal setting method looks like and.

6 Secrets to Setting Goals as a Military Spouse

1. 1. Set The Right Goals

[00:12:39] In the live training, we’re gonna get into the specifics of how you do this in your own life. But the number one thing, the the foundational element of flexible goal setting is setting the right goals for you. And I really want us to focus on growth goals. Now, what is a growth? There are three main elements of what a growth goal is.

[00:13:09] Number one, it’s a goal that aligns with your core values. So number one, if you don’t know what your core values are, there are plenty of episodes available. I’ll link a couple in the show notes that talk about our core values, or you can just download our free. Worksheet that talks about how you figure out what your core values are, but once you establish what those core values are, your growth goals are going to align with your values.

[00:13:37] They are number two, going to. Encompass all areas of your life. I created the growth wheel, which divides our life into 10 major areas, and it’s looking at each of these areas of our life and asking the question, how do I up level my life? in each area, how do I wanna grow? And that brings us to the third element of a growth goal.

[00:14:05] It is focused on growth, not achievement. It’s not about the end goal, but about. Who you are becoming in the process, how you are growing. It answers the question, how do I want to grow this year? And I love this quote from John C. Maxwell that says, if you focus on goals, you may hit goals, but that doesn’t guarantee growth.

[00:14:34] If you focus on growth, you will grow and always hit your. And so our focus here is about growing as a person, and I think that when we are talking about setting goals, when we are talking about New Year’s resolutions, everything related to goal setting. Really comes down to how we grow as people, how we become the best version of ourselves, because that allows us to show up well for ourselves, for those we are in relationship with, and for the thing that we feel like we are called to do.

[00:15:20] That purpose, that drive the way that we are using what we. To serve others. It’s about growing. And so yes, we’re going to have specific things that we want to accomplish, and some of us are going to have a clear, big dream on our heart, and we want to figure out how we make that dream and break that down into weekly, daily actions even that lead us to accomplish that.

[00:15:53] But regardless of whether you have a specific big dream or not, all of us have the opportunity to grow this year. All of us have the ability to answer the question, who do I want to become in 2023? How do I want to show up and how can I live into becoming that person? So the first element of flexible goal setting is really setting the right goals and focusing on growth goals and how we want to grow this year.

1. 2. Tie it to a WHY

[00:16:30] The second element of this is tying it to a why. Why do you want that thing to happen? Why is that the dream on your heart? What will be possible if you accomplish that thing? . Why? Why? Because when the going gets tough and it will, and there will be lots of things that try to get in our way. If we have that why, that’s what keeps us motivated.

1. 3. Make a Plan

[00:16:57] That’s what keeps us going. And so we have to regularly remind ourselves. Of that. Why? So you set the goal, your growth goal, you tie it to a why, then you have to actually make a plan. As I said earlier, if we don’t have a plan, it just stays a dream. We have to actually make a plan to make it happen.

[00:17:19] How are we going to make progress on that thing? How do we make. A reality in our lives. So we’re going to create a plan to make it happen. Then we have to set our schedule because if it is not in our schedule, our schedule will become filled with everybody else’s priorities. Our schedule will become filled with whatever we.

[00:17:47] Become the priority. So what is your priority? And have you put it on the calendar or are you letting someone else’s priorities determine all of your calendar, all of the white space in your calendar? What are you doing with it? And this is not a question that’s about packing your schedule to the. To pushing yourself to work harder, to work longer, to do more, to burn yourself out in the process, because that is not what we are after here.

1. 4. Set a Schedule

[00:18:19] We are after sustainable life of purpose. We are after being able to live meaningful lives as military spouses, while prioritizing the things that matter most to us, and there is our specific ways that we can do to. Craft a schedule that allows us to make room for the things that matter to us, to prioritize the things that matter most, but ultimately, you have to be proactive with your time and with your schedule, or it will not happen, or it will be filled up and you will never make progress on the things that matter.

1. 5. Assess Your Progress

[00:19:02] The fifth thing we have to do is to assess our progress. We have to look at what is going on, how we’re making progress, and what needs to shift in order for us to continue to make progress on the things that matter to us. If we don’t take that time for reflection, we’re probably not going to achieve that goal.

Give Yourself Grace

[00:19:27] Number one, we gotta set the right goals. Number two, we gotta tie it to a Y. Number two, we’ve gotta create that plan. Number four, we’ve got to put it in the calendar. We’ve got to set the schedule that supports that priority. We, number five, we’ve got to assess our progress. And number six, and I think this is so important, especially as MilSpouses is that we’ve got to give ourself grace. Flexible goal setting means that sometimes the timeline of the goal is going to have to shift based on what is happening in life. and to be okay with that, to give ourself grace when life gets in the way, when we’re having a bad day, a week, a month, because we’re trying to do all of this alone without a support system, without a spouse that is able to participate in and take an active role in managing our home without extended family, nearby.

[00:20:34] All of the things. Soak up all of the extra margin in our schedule. It happens. And if you’re like me, it’s can be easy to beat yourself up and say, why did I let all of that get in the way? Why didn’t I do a better job of sticking to my plan? Why? Why? Why? To compare ourselves to people who have those support structures in place and say, why am I not moving as fast or accomplishing as much as that other person?

What’s Possible for You in 2023?

[00:21:07] But the journey is unique for each of us, and it takes the ability to give ourselves so much grace. and to reframe our mindset so we don’t get stuck in that trap of saying, why didn’t I do better? Because that doesn’t serve us and that doesn’t lead us to the life we were meant to live. The abundant life, the fulfilling life, the life of meaning and purpose, and that is what I want for you.

[00:21:34] That is what I want for me, and that is what I want us to do together. This is kind of the big picture of what does this look like for your life as a military spouse? What does flexible goal setting look like? And then we’re gonna get into all of those specifics of how we make this a reality in your life.

[00:21:56] How we actually create the plan. We actually figure out what your goals are for this. How we put it into our schedule, and then how we manage our mindset when things don’t go according to plan. So I am so excited about doing this training, this live workshop with you because I want you to have the best.

[00:22:19] Year yet, I want you to have an amazing 2023, despite everything that might be on the horizon for you. And I want us to do it together and I want us to support each other on our journeys because the journey’s gonna look different for each of us, but we are all here. With the same ultimate goal, and that is to live a life of meaning and purpose as a military spouse, and we can totally support each other along the way.

[00:22:50] So I hope you’ll join us for that life training. , just go to milspouse mastermind.com/plan ear 2023 to make sure you are registered for that. Oh, just to give you a heads up, as we are planning out the year, I have several bonus episodes for you this month. I really wanted to let you know what this looks like to take some time to reflect on your year to plan your.

1. [00:23:18] To talk about what is possible for you and for your life in the coming days. So just stay tuned for that. But until I see you back here in a few days, I hope you have an amazing week living filled, fueled, and full of joy.