Navigating the Holidays as a Military Spouse: When Expectations Don’t Match Reality

[00:00:00] Christine: All of us, whether we realize it or not, have specific thoughts, feelings, and emotions when it comes to the holidays. A lot of that is tied to our past experiences, our traditions, and what feels comfortable and familiar to us. The real challenge is often when our reality and what’s Possible for us this year isn’t what we’ve come to know and expect.

[00:00:29] Perhaps your spouse will be deployed this year. Or you just moved overseas and you aren’t going to be able to make it home to be with extended family. Or perhaps you move somewhere that doesn’t even celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas in the way that you’ve come to know. Perhaps you’re living in a climate that doesn’t get cold.

[00:00:54] I get that. It’s been a long time since I experienced a true change of seasons. So today we’re going to talk about what to do when our expectations don’t match our reality, and how to make the holidays meaningful, regardless of where you live. You ready? Then let’s dive into the show.

[00:02:09] Welcome back, Amazing Milspouse. I hope you are having a great week. I’m over here getting my kids ready for their Thanksgiving break from school. And we are in the same situation that many other military families find themselves in. Where you have lots of family that come together over the holidays and you just aren’t able to make it or to participate.

[00:02:31] It’s just not feasible. for you to travel to see extended family. And for some of us, that might be a relief. And for others of us, that might feel devastating. I think for our family, we’re used to not being able to go see extended family around the holidays. And the most challenging part about this season for us has always been, how do we make this season Memorable.

How to Make Holiday Celebrations Meaningful from Afar

[00:03:00] How do we celebrate this? Well, and it’s look different for our family every single year If I’m being honest, it depends if my spouse is home. It depends who our neighbors are It depends whether we have just PCS to a new location or our friends have just PCS to a new location sometimes some years we’ve had a great friends giving and some years we’ve had More invitations than we can even say yes to and other years we just eat alone.

[00:03:37] One year at Christmas when my kids were really little I ate Christmas dinner by myself because my husband was sick in bed and I had one kid that was napping and one kid that wasn’t even able to eat solid foods yet. But what I do know is that for many of us the holidays can be difficult. And what I want to do today is give you a framework to help you have a meaningful holiday season regardless of where you live.

[00:04:09] Now before we get into the how we do this, I want to let you know that I am offering a limited number of free coaching sessions. If you want to hear the entire story, go back to last week’s episode where I talked about starting my ICF coaching certification journey. ICF is the gold standard when it comes to coaching, and I am working.

[00:04:36] to build up my coaching hours so that I can become officially certified by the International Coaching Federation. Now, the biggest question I get is, what do you mean by coaching? So I want you to think of a therapist as someone who helps you deal with and heal from issues in your past. And a coach As someone who is helping you navigate current situations and move forward.

[00:05:08] The ICF actually defines coaching like this. Partnering with a client in a thought provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional growth. So, if there is a belief or mindset issue that is making you feel stuck, or you don’t know how to pursue your goals in the midst of military life, or you need some clarity around what you should be doing with your life, maybe you’re trying to make a decision Or you just need someone to help you figure out why you’re struggling and where the overwhelm is coming from.

[00:05:53] Coaching can… If this sounds like something that you would benefit from, and personally I think all of us benefit from this. But if you are interested in a free coaching session, go to milspouse mastermind. com slash unstuck or just click on the link in the show notes. With that said, I have a limited amount of slots available, so fill out that form quickly if you want to claim one of those spots.

[00:06:26] The first 10 people to fill out the form will get a free coaching session with me on whatever topic you want to cover. Again, that is milspouse mastermind. com slash unstuck.

Making the Most of the Holidays, Regardless of Your Location

Know What is Meaningful to You

Okay, let’s talk about making the holidays meaningful regardless of where you live. And honestly, the first step is somewhat of an easy one, or a straightforward one, because in order to make the holidays meaningful, we have to know what is meaningful to us.

[00:07:00] And the easiest way to do this is just to make a list of all the things that you enjoy about the holidays. I recommend you do this for yourself, and if you have kids, I recommend you do this with them. I am always surprised at the things that are most meaningful to my kids. We did this last year and it really helped us prioritize the things that we did together as a family during the holiday season.

[00:07:29] But if we’re going to make something meaningful, we have to know. What it is that is meaningful to us. So the first step is just to write down a list of all the things that you enjoy or that you love about the holidays.

Prioritize What Matters to Your Family

[00:07:55] The second step is to be able to prioritize the things that matter most to you as a family.What are the things that speak most deeply to you and that really make you feel Like it’s the holiday season be able to articulate what those most important things are the third piece of this is understanding that just because it is Meaningful to you just because it is important to you Doesn’t mean that it’s going to be feasible this year or that it’s going to look Exactly like you would want it to look so When you have something that you really enjoy about the holidays.

Examine Why Something is Meaningful (And How You Can Tap Into the Feeling in a New Way)

[00:08:37] But it’s just not going to be possible, or it’s going to look a little different this year. Then we have to go a step deeper and look at why that activity, that experience, is so meaningful to you. What aspect of that activity speaks to you? And is there a way that you can tap into that feeling of through another activity, or do the activity in a little bit different way.

[00:09:11] One year, my husband was deployed over the entire holiday season. And so we created a day we called the holiday. And we celebrated. every single holiday he had missed over his deployment in that one day and it was a really fun day for us and for our family. Another year my husband was deployed, uh, over the holidays but he didn’t have to work on Christmas day itself and so he was able to get on FaceTime with us as we were opening presents and still get to participate in a little bit different way.

[00:09:49] He wasn’t there physically. But he’s still got to be a part of our family celebration. Maybe the challenge isn’t that your spouse is deployed, but that you’ve moved and you’re too far away to be able to visit family over the holidays. But you’re gonna be able to do a video chat with him and still get to connect that way.

[00:10:12] Maybe you just moved and you don’t have any of your Christmas decorations and you’re missing getting to decorate your house, but you can go buy a miniature Christmas tree and Make some ornaments for the tree. No, it’s not what you would usually do But there’s a way to tap into that feeling of joy and Christmas cheer and really find a new way to celebrate this year.

Make the Most of Where You Live

[00:10:41] Which brings me to the fourth point, which is very similar to this. But it’s really about making the most of where you live. For example, we moved to an island where it was 88 degrees on Christmas day. It didn’t really feel like Christmas. Our street did a fantastic job of decorating with Christmas lights and displays and that really put me in a more festive mood even though the temperature didn’t make it feel like it was the Christmas season.

[00:11:19] Last year we sat outside and we did a neighborhood potluck and gift exchange with the adults and the kids each exchanging gifts and again a lot of fun something that I had never done but it really gave us a chance to celebrate with our neighbors since most of us were not able to travel home over the holidays.

[00:11:46] look into local events and ways to celebrate the holidays that are completely different from your background and upbringing. I’ve heard amazing things about European Christmas markets. I’ve never lived in Europe, so I am I can’t speak to this from personal experience, but it sounds really amazing. When you start to look for what’s possible, and how you can tap into the feeling, rather than the exact

[00:12:20] Situation or experience that you want it really changes the game.

It’s Okay To Not Be Okay

It’s really important for all of us to remember the last point and perhaps The most important part of this journey and what really allows us to make the holiday meaningful regardless of where we live and that’s to give yourself a A lot of grace.

[00:12:47] There are going to be emotions. Maybe emotions for you, maybe emotions for your kids. There’s going to be days when it doesn’t feel like you want it to feel. That, days where it might not feel okay. And it’s okay. to not be okay. Feel those feelings. Acknowledge them. Accept them. Understand that this isn’t familiar or this isn’t how you would want things to be.

[00:13:19] And then be able to move through those feelings because where we get stuck Is when we can’t move past it, when we can’t begin to say, How can I make the most of the situation? When we become so attached to what we wish would have been, rather than saying, what’s possible for me? That’s when we make ourselves miserable.

How Will You Make the Most of the Holiday Season as a Military Family?

[00:13:44] So I hope this conversation has got you thinking about where you are, what expectations, what emotions and feelings you are bringing into the holiday, and so that you can start now to think about what matters most to you, and make the holiday meaningful for you and your family regardless of where you are living.

[00:14:09] So, just to quickly recap, Number one, make a list of what you love about the holidays. Number two, prioritize the things that are most important to you. For number three, for everything that you love, but doesn’t seem to be possible this year, think about what aspects you love about that, and how you can tap into those feelings and experiences.

[00:14:36] in a new way. Number four, embrace local experiences and find new ways to celebrate. And number five, make room for all those feelings because there will be good days and there will be bad days. But it is possible to have a meaningful holiday season regardless of where you live. So if you are still struggling with this, Then, I would love to sit down and have a coaching session with you.

[00:15:08] If you hurry over to milspouse mastermind. com slash unstuck, you can claim your free session today. Have an amazing week! Enjoy your Thanksgiving, count your blessings, as I am counting having the blessing of you in my life. I will meet you back here next week for another episode of the Milspouse Mastermind Show. Until then, may you live filled with joy. Fueled and full of joy.