It was supposed to be simple.

But somehow I made it way more complicated.

One of my big goals that I identified for 2020 was focusing on my health – physical, mental and spiritual. 

I identified that my biggest pain point was a lack of time, but more specifically a lack of margin in my schedule. It’s not that I’m wasting time, but rather that I have filled every moment of my schedule from waking up to falling asleep. Unfortunately, most of the responsibilities sucking up my extra time I’m committed to for another few months.

In my last blog post, I talked about reading Atomic Habits and learning that best way to establish a new habit that lasts is to develop it incrementally.

MY GOAL

Since I don’t have extra time, it’s about prioritizing the things that matter to me in this season and finding ways to begin establishing healthy rhythms that lead to lasting habits and long-term success.

Priority #1: Focus on becoming physically healthier.
Action step: Start building a habit of moving my body each day, even if only for a few minutes.

Like I said, simple. Practical. Achievable. A good first step toward creating a lasting habit.

But then I saw the Facebook feeds of others achieving big work out goals with young kids, and I told myself that “if they could do it, I should be able to do it too.” I convinced myself that I had the time (not based on reality) to make a big change.

I of course didn’t think through any of this at the time. I just said “I can do this.”

But the funny thing about reality is that it doesn’t lie. I still have young kids. They still wake up extra early some morning. I still have very time consuming commitments. My husband has a very time consuming job. My reality didn’t change. 

And so “I can do this”, soon became “why can’t I do this????”

Instead of focusing on moving my body for a few minutes each day to become mentally and physically healthier, I was determined to keep up with a specific workout schedule. And when I couldn’t keep up, I got frustrated with myself and my children. 

I made a Facebook post asking friends for tips on how to work out with young children. Now for all the negative aspects of Facebook, I also love the beauty of an online community that supports and responds. It was a great reminder that I am not alone, others have also walked this road, and some have found success. Thank you Facebook friends!

But I also realized that my frustration with my kids for not letting me finish a workout wasn’t the whole story. 

Here’s why.

MY RECKONING

At the same time, I was reading through Brene Brown’s Rising Strong. The book focuses on the process of how we get back up after a fall or a failure…how do we learn and grow from our mistakes.

Ms. Brown identifies a three-part process:

• The Reckoning
• The Rumbling
• The Revolution 

The reckoning happens when we recognize an emotion, a behavior or a thought pattern and we choose to lean into it and own our story, rather than running from it. 

The rumbling is the messy middle; it’s leaning in to the discomfort of those feelings and trying to gain a deeper understanding of how and why we reacted a certain way. 

The revolution is the victory after the battle. It is the change we make to engage again and move toward a wholehearted life. 

Unfortunately rather than engaging with this process, most of us choose the path of numbing instead.

“I’ve had a long day with the kids, I deserve chocolate. Or I just need a glass of wine. Or I just need to watch a show and unwind.” We choose to ignore our feelings, rather than engage with them. 

I know this to be true because I have said and done all these things.

The problem is that if I never engage with why something made me feel frustrated, sad, angry, etc, it’s really hard to learn and grow from it.

Side note: Reading this book makes me feel like we would all be better people if we just went to therapy and had a neutral third party to help us walk through our feelings and emotions. But I digress. 

MY RUMBLE 

So I decided to reckon with my story of struggling to work out. Why did it elicit so much frustration in me? Why was that my reaction?

Through the rumble I realized that I had absorbed these messages of “you should make working out a priority, even if you have young kids,” “other people with young kids are able to work out,” “other people are making progress on their health goals,” “other people are committed.”

It all boiled down to comparison. Which always brings along its friends fear and shame. 

I was so busy comparing myself to others that I lost sight of the two truths I had already identified:

1. I don’t have enough margin in my life right now to add much in 
2. MY key to long term success is in developing the habit of moving my body a few minutes each day. Once the habit of taking action is built, I can help it grow and develop. 

The reason I was experiencing so much frustration with my kids had much more to do with comparing myself to others, than not making it through a simple workout. 

WHAT AM I SAYING?

I am not saying that anyone should feel bad about sharing their physical health journey on Facebook.

I am not saying that you can’t work out with young children. Obviously there are plenty of creative solutions out there. 

I am not saying that my truth applies to you.

I am saying that the key is looking at YOUR life, goals, etc and figuring out what works for you and your family. 

MY REVOLUTION

I am realizing this comparison game is a common theme in my life. Why can’t I manage three littles and still do all the things that mama with one kid is doing, or that mama with kids in school full time is doing, or that person without kids is doing.

I need to celebrate and embrace the season and the reality of life I am in for what it is, not for what I wish it was. 

• This doesn’t mean I give up. It means I engage with the how and why of what I’m feeling, it means I change the things I can, it means I embrace progress, not perfection. And it means I do it all from a place of gratitude.

I’m still experimenting with how I can make physical health a regular part of my daily life. I’m still tweaking my schedule and looking for better ways to do this.

 But I’m trying to do this with my ultimate goals and the reality of my current schedule in mind. 

Not someone else’s reality. 

Not someone else’s goals. 

Not my unrealistic expectations. 

And before I head for that glass of wine.