Dear overwhelmed mama,

In my last blog post, I mentioned that in my next post I would talk about tips on self-care with young children. 

That post was published almost a month ago. 

In many ways it feels like a lifetime ago…a time when it really was possible to go meet a friend for dinner or sneak away for some alone time at a coffee shop. 

Self-care when you are (mostly) solo parenting, working, and confined to a house with a five, three and one-year-old for weeks on end is something else entirely. 

This wasn’t the plan

I didn’t plan on a global pandemic popping up that would close all the schools and require us all to #stayhome. 

I didn’t plan on trying to homeschool my oldest. 

I didn’t plan on trying to entertain three littles while still getting all of my work projects completed. 

I didn’t plan on my husband being deemed “essential” and being gone 12-13 hours a day (often leaving before the kids wake up and coming home as they are getting into bed).

I didn’t plan on potty training regressions or the return of the wake-mommy-up -every-three-hours-all-night-long.

I didn’t plan on trying to sell my house in global pandemic or trying to keep the house clean while simultaneously coming up with activities to keep my kids engaged. I didn’t plan on the endless requests for snacks from the pantry. 

I didn’t plan on spending weeks trying to figure out if the military is actually moving us this summer or if we are staying here (Okay, this part I kind of expected). 

I didn’t plan on any of this.

But here we are

I haven’t written a lot or even posted a lot on social media in the last few weeks. I’ve simply been trying to adjust.

I’ve been taking it all in. Thinking. Processing. Listening. Trying to adapt to my “new normal.”

I’ve sat down to write several times, and yet words seem to fail me.  

This is hard. This is tough.

I contemplate how to offer encouragement and joy to others when my own emotions are all over the map. 

One moment I’m thankful to have this time with my children. The next I’m concerned how this will impact our family. And if it is possible for everyone to be just quiet for five minutes.  

I’m not typically an anxious person, but I feel the added anxiety right now. Perhaps it’s because both my husband and I have underlying medical conditions that make this virus a little bit more concerning. Or perhaps it’s because I’m a planner and I want something concrete that I can look forward to when this is all over. Instead, I have no idea where we’ll be living or what our life will look like. Or perhaps it’s because this season is just physically exhausting and started just when I thought I was at the end of a physically exhausting season. 

Dear overwhelmed mama, I see you

But after taking everything in for the last few weeks, here is what I want to say. 

Dear overwhelmed and exhausted mama: “I see you. You are not alone.”

There are a lot of voices out there right now. Voices that tell us this is a big deal. Voices that tell us that all of this is overblown. Voices that tell us how to respond or what to do or how to handle the situation. Voices that tell us all the ways we should be educating our kids. Voices that tell us what we can do with our “extra” time.

Perhaps the thing that I’ve noticed most is that there are not a lot of voices – good or bad – that share my current reality. 

On the one hand, it is crazy to think that this pandemic is global. It truly affects ALL of us.

In some ways the effects of the pandemic are universal. Stress and anxiety affects all of us. Isolation affects all of us. The economy affects all of us. In soo many ways we are all connected. 

But while everyone is affected, this pandemic also highlights the ways in which it affects us all differently.

Dear overwhelmed mama, it’s a lot

There are many influencers I follow, podcasts I listen to, and friends’ posts that I read that come from a desire to help. They encourage us to try new family activities, or take up new hobbies, or be more productive at work, or take advantage of the extra time we’ve been given. 

These are all great suggestions. 

I think learning a new skill is a fantastic idea. I think catching up on home projects you have been meaning to get around to and spending more quality time together as a family are all wonderful things.

But those things have not been my reality. 

My reality has been defined by a spouse who is rarely home, a job I am struggling to keep up with, and three small children who need me for just about everything (although we are slowly making strides towards more independence). 

I don’t know what your reality looks like. But I know it feels overwhelming.

I don’t have more time on my hands. Maybe you don’t either.

I don’t have more time to prove how valuable I can be to my employer. I don’t have a way to keep the exact same schedule that I usually would. I don’t have time for an afternoon meditation session or even a chance to catch up on the list of books I want to read. I don’t have time to make a sourdough starter or organize my recipe collection. I don’t have a spouse around to trade off watching the kids with so I can stay on top of my work projects.

If anything, my plate is even more full than usual.

And that’s okay. I just have to stay mindful not to compare my reality with others.

Dear overwhelmed mama, it’s okay

This is what I want to say to every overwhelmed mama: “It’s okay.”

It’s okay that you are not doing all the things.

It’s okay if you have a bad day and need a good cry.

It’s okay if you’re not rocking it at homeschooling.

It’s okay if you didn’t come up with a great art project for your kids to do.  

It’s okay if you’re struggling to stay on top of your workload. 

Dear overwhelmed mama, you are doing your best and that is enough.

Just take it one day at a time (and sometimes one hour at a time).

Dear overwhelmed mama, just take the next step

My kids may have watched Frozen 2 several times in the last few weeks. Now that the soundtrack is on repeat in my head, Anna’s song lyrics have stuck with me:

Just do the next right thing
Take a step, step again
It is all that I can to do
The next right thing

I won’t look too far ahead
It’s too much for me to take
But break it down to this next breath
This next step
This next choice is one that I can make

Sometimes I catch myself trying to figure out what the future holds or how long this will be my current reality. And that just adds to my anxiety. Rather, it serves all of us much better when I focus on being present and just taking the next step.

Dear overwhelmed mama, we are better together

I’m totally guilty of this. When I start to struggle, I pull away. I internalize. I don’t want to be a burden on anyone else.

But what I know to be true is that we are better together. We need connection. 

It’s terribly easy to disconnect. It’s hard to remember to respond to the text message your friend sent when your kids constantly need you, or try to participate in a zoom call when your daughter literally starts screaming every time you try to join one. 

It’s easy to not invite others in to your crazy. My girls & I tried to do a FaceTime playdate the other day, which quickly devolved into lots of jumping, screaming and complete chaos.

It’s hard. But even when it’s hard and you feel you have nothing to offer, please lean into other people. 

Because we are better together. 

Dear overwhelmed mama, this too shall pass

As with every season, this too shall pass. This season will eventually end.

In the meantime, remember each day is a new day.

Each day we will fail and try again. Each day will come with a different wave of emotions.

Remember that each day is an opportunity to choose connection, to choose to be present, to choose joy over fear, to choose hope over despair, and to choose to invite others in. 

And as I’ve said before, it is through our vulnerability that we find connection, that we find purpose, and that in both small and big ways together we build a flourishing world. 

Here’s to you, mama!