Tired of feeling overwhelmed? Last week I wrote about beginning a journey towards a life of less, but better. It sounds wonderful in theory, right?

And yet. 

You’re probably thinking, “Christine, that sounds great, but…” 

• • I’m now trying to work from home AND homeschool my kids
  • My spouse is deployed and I’m burning the candle at both ends right now
  • I’m trying to stay on top of too many Zoom meetings
  • I’m in the middle of a crazy PCS
  • I’m just trying to survive life with littles
  • There are too many things outside of my control 

Whatever it is for you, I understand. There’s a lot on our plates right now and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.

How To Move From Overwhelmed to Living With Purpose

Many of us are being asked to do things we’ve never done before and make decisions for which we feel wholly unprepared. If those of us with young children felt overcommitted and overwhelmed before COVID, it’s now more like overwhelm on steroids. Yes, many of our normal activities have been cancelled. But those activities have been replaced with a host of other challenges and decisions that need to be made. 

We have a lot of questions with no easy answers. Should I send my kids to school? Homeschool them? Attempt virtual school? What should I do now that I have no preschool or childcare options? 

Uncertainty combined with the sheer number of decisions adds to our mental stress. And unfortunately, many of our healthy rhythms for dealing with stress have been interrupted as well. 

Going to get a pedicure with a friend? Getting a massage? Sneaking out for an afternoon of shopping or a girls’ night out? Those are no longer simply activities to help us unwind. They also involve calculating a level of risk. Is this activity safe? Is it smart? Will spending time with friends benefit my mental health to the potential detriment of my physical health and that of my family?

All of these decisions only add to our anxiety and stress level. And as mentioned in last week’s post, when we are not in a healthy state of mind, it is even more difficult to make smart decisions. 

This makes choosing less, but better even more vital. If we craved margin and the ability to thrive in seasons of chaos and change before, then we need to develop the rhythms that make that possible now more than ever.

Together we can continue to exercise these muscles so that we can show up well for our families, our friends and the world around us. Each of us has something to offer and we can only do that when we are living and leading from a healthy place.  

Here are my five big takeaways from the book Essentialism by Greg McKeown as I begin the journey toward less, but better. I hope they will inspire you to begin this journey as well, and that we can encourage, motivate and hold one another accountable along the way.

1. Play More 

I hear your skepticism.

“I don’t have enough time as it is. Who has time to play?”

I can’t tell you how many times I have asked myself this question, especially as a mom of three young kids. Honestly, any activity done simply for joy or pleasure is the first thing that usually gets cut from my schedule. 

Last year I started researching whole person health assessments that evaluate all the areas of your life – mentally, spiritually, physically, emotionally, vocationally, etc. The first time I saw a matrix, it included the category of play. I immediately wrote it off. 

But as Essentialism points out, there are numerous studies that show that engaging in play has a positive effect on the executive function of our brain, and can improve our personal health and our relationships. In addition, it makes us more inquisitive, more attuned to novelty, and more engaged in the world. 

A couple months ago, I had the chance to participate in a virtual painting class. It was your typical paint ‘n sip class where the instructor walks you through the steps to paint a picture. I was initially hesitant to sign up because we were deep into prepping for our move, but after reading this chapter of the book, I went ahead and signed up. 

There was something about just turning off my to-do list in my head and focusing on using a different side of my brain that helped me relax. No, the painting didn’t turn out exactly how I wanted. But the painting itself was not the point. It was the act of engaging in a different activity, not to accomplish something, but just for the joy of it.

So let me ask you…Is there an activity you currently do simply for the joy of doing it? If not, is there a way to incorporate that into your life?

2. Find Time for Quiet Reflection

This is another area for growth in my life. When we simply exist through life and move from activity to activity, we never give our brain space to breathe. According to the book, this can be the single most valuable productivity tool there is. The noisier things get (hello small children and life as a WAHM), the more quiet space for reflection and focus is needed. 

I often find myself craving this time, but with young kids at home, it is difficult to come by. This is where it is so important to communicate with your spouse, if they are around. We have yet to find something that consistently works for our family.

We’ve done a much better job lately of trying to carve out time in our week so that hubs and I can each get a little time alone, but with his schedule about to change, we’ll have to go back to the drawing board again. However, we remain committed to doing this, as we have both learned how high a priority this needs to be!

A secondary component of this reflection time is journaling. Again, this is something I want to do more of, but I have yet to find a system that consistently works for me. I am currently trying a digital journal, since I pretty much always have my phone with me. My goal is to write at least a couple sentences in my journal each day.

Do you have a way you can incorporate even a short time of quiet reflection into your day or week?

3. Practice Making Decisions Intentionally

“The real question is not, ‘How can we do it all?’ It is, ‘Who will get to choose what we do and don’t do‘.”

Greg McKeown, Essentialism

It’s all too easy to go through the motions of our day, without stopping to consider what choices we are consciously making and what choices are being made for us. When it comes time to make big decisions, we can become paralyzed trying to analyze our choices. 

Making wise, impactful decisions begins by acknowledging the reality of trade-offs (see my last post) and then approaching the little decisions in life with intentionality. It is a habit and a muscle that must be exercised to grow strong and healthy. McKeown advocates for developing a set of criteria for decisions in our life that forces us to make decisions consciously, logically, and rationally; rather than impulsively or emotionally. 

Identify three criteria for deciding which projects need your time and attention. Are you prioritizing the things that matter most? 

4. Practice Saying No

This is yet another opportunity for growth for me. I want to help. To participate. I want to create. I want to say yes to all the things. But slowly I am learning to set boundaries and evaluate opportunities based on a more realistic picture of my life.

I distinctly remember hearing about a new project that I desperately wanted to be a part of last year. It checked all the boxes of things I love and am passionate about – being apart of a start-up, focusing on military spouses, and giving back to the community. I knew my marketing background could help get the project off the ground. And yet…I also knew that my husband was in a job where he was rarely home and I was already struggling to keep up with my job, the house, three young kids and my two other volunteer commitments. I simply did not have the margin to say yes to one more thing. And so I passed on the opportunity.

In that instance, I said no because I already knew I was maxed out. But the goal is to learn to say no while we still have margin in our life, so that we can say yes to what really matters. So that we can make our highest contribution.  

Saying no is not easy. It takes courage and a willingness not to give the popular response. Others may not understand. You won’t be able to be a people-pleaser and say no. But building healthy boundaries and practicing enforcing those boundaries, in the end, will garner respect from others.

As I begin life at a new duty station, I am reminded of my desire to say yes to all the things. Over the next few months, I’m sure I’ll have plenty of opportunities to practice saying no to good things. You can hold me accountable to this. Check in with me in a couple months to see how I’m doing at maintaining healthy boundaries and saying no to good things.

Is there something you need to eliminate from your schedule or an opportunity that you need to say no to right now? 

5. Pursue Clarity of Purpose 

The point of learning to say no is that we can ensure we are pouring our energy into the things that matter to us. In order to know what we want to say yes to, we need to pursue clarity of purpose. We need to know what we value and what we want to prioritize. 

When there is a high level of clarity, people thrive. Why? When we understand what we care about, what lights us on fire, and what brings life to ourselves, our families and to others, we can prioritize those things. 

However, when we lack clarity about what is important, it’s easy to waste time on things that don’t really matter. What’s more, we never show up as the person we were created to be; we never fully use our gifts to contribute to a flourishing world. 

You have something valuable to offer the world. Yes, you. Some people refer to this as purpose. McKeown calls this our point of highest contribution.

And yet so many times we settle for simply existing through life, rather than pursuing the things that bring the fullness of life to ourselves and others.  

Before you get stuck on thinking your purpose is one fixed thing, understand that purpose is an ever-evolving process of showing up, serving others and gaining greater clarity. In my experience, greater clarity develops over time. The more that we pursue this, the more understanding and insight we gain.

If you haven’t started pursing this clarity, here are a few questions to get you thinking: 

• • What do you value? 
  • What are you passionate about? 
  • What taps your talent? 
  • What problem do you want to help solve?
  • If you could only be truly excellent at one thing, what would it be?

THE STARTING POINT

There will always be things outside of our control that place demands on our time and energy. But the journey to less, but better begins with an understanding that we always have choice. But then action must follow understanding. It’s a process. For a more robust understanding of all the practices that make this journey possible, I recommend reading Essentialism for yourself. 

But whether you read the book or just start with the ideas outlined here, my hope is that we can encourage each other on this journey and intentionally pursue a life of more purpose, joy and impact, no matter how much of life feels overwhelming and outside of our control. Who’s with me??