Note: I first drafted this a few months ago. But it is as true today as it was then. Replace pregnant with a baby, two toddlers with stomach bugs and add a few extra loads of laundry and you have last week. This week it’s a 2-year-old who insists on testing every limit and sees a need to come wake me up at least 2-3 times each night, on top of my sitter calling in sick and a six-month-old having a sleep regression. Hard days/weeks happen. 

The week had been a rough one. My to-do list was multiplying faster than I could check things off of it. I was eight months pregnant, trying to prepare for a baby, keep up with two toddlers who wanted all of my time and attention, handle all of the projects at home, and still manage to keep everyone cleaned and fed.

Oh, and then there was the pesky business of taking care of myself.

Because by now I’ve learned that when I don’t take care of myself, I don’t do a great job of being there for my kids or my spouse or anyone else in my life.

And yet, when life gets overwhelming, the first thing to go is “me” time. It’s a vicious cycle.

In my dreams, when life gets overwhelming, my knight in shining armor rides in to rescue me from the chaos. Unfortunately, my knight is in the military.

Which means that, even if he’s not currently deployed or TDY, he often puts in long hours at work. It also means that we don’t live close to family. And this particular week fell shortly after moving to a new duty station, which meant we hadn’t had time to develop many relationships. 

I mention this because I’ve read enough “self help” articles and blog posts to know that often the first thing people recommend is having your spouse be more supportive, or calling on friends and family to help out. That’s not always an option. 

When I have a victim mindset, I am frustrated by this fact. I am jealous of those who have help as an option. I blame my circumstances. I blame the military. I blame the fact that I am pregnant. I blame everyone but myself. 

But if I am going to choose to live a victorious, flourishing life, the only thing that matters is HOW I respond to the circumstances life presents to me. 

If I want to thrive – as a military spouse, as a mom, and as a friend – then I must be intentional about my response.  

Let’s face it. Some days…weeks…months…years…life is hard.

That particular week I felt out of control. I felt overwhelmed. I was struggling. 

My guess is that at some point you’ve been there too.

It seems (thanks to social media) that everyone else has it together.

Meanwhile your life feels like it is falling apart. You can’t seem to get anything done. The kids won’t listen. They destroy the house faster than you can clean it up. There are piles of laundry mounting on the floor. You’re not sure how dinner will get on the table. You’re stressed out. You feel overwhelmed. Life doesn’t look the way you wanted it to look. 

Hard days happen. 

So, what do we do? How do we respond to these situations?

First, accept that there is no magic cure.

There is no genie in a bottle to fix things (cue Will Smith singing Friend Like Me). 

Second, focus on your mindset.   

I choose to begin each morning by focusing on what I am thankful for. Regardless of how I feel, this is an important practice for me. It sets the tone for how I begin my day.

Some days this is easy. Other days, it takes more effort. (Or, at least the goal is to begin the morning this way. Sometimes I first have to deal with a toddler who wants to get up at 5am).

Some days, before I am ready to be thankful, I have to remind myself of what I know to be true: 

• •       I am loved by God
  •       He has a plan for me
  •       His grace is sufficient for me
  •       He has everything under control

From there, I move on to asking for help.

I know I feel overwhelmed and anxious. I know I don’t have the time to focus on myself or the ability to be renewed by spending time by others. Life happens.

And so my prayer on those days is that I would walk in joy not discouragement, that I would remember that it is progress that matters, not perfection (in my to-do list, in being a good spouse and mom, etc), and that I would be present with my children and intentional with my time. 

Finally, remember that there is always grace for the moment. 

We won’t always respond with grace, joy and understanding. I will get short with my spouse. I will raise my voice at my kids. I will forget to check on my friend whose husband is deployed. I will fail to sign up to bring a meal to the family that just had a baby. For these moments, and so many others where I fall short, there is grace. 

More than likely, this season will pass. And until it does, all we can do is what we can do with what we have.

And that is enough. Give yourself grace when you get frustrated or discouraged. Pray for help when you need it.

Nope, no magic cure.

Just baby steps to reframe my thinking and stopping to ask for help when I need it. 

I’m in the battle with you, sister. Let’s encourage, support and spur one another on in love.

Drop me a note below if you are struggling and could use some prayer today!