I have a confession to make.

As I mentioned in my last post about the question we should be asking, a few years back I set out to distill the core characteristics I wanted my life to reflect. And once I determined which characteristics I wanted to cultivate, I then sought to figure out how to begin my journey. I decided to try and read one book about each of the characteristics I wanted to develop. (Sadly, I got sidetracked on this and haven’t finished).

One of the books I stumbled upon was The Lifegiving Home: Creating a Place of Belonging and Becoming by Sally Clarkson and Sarah Clarkson.

.I loved the title. It was exactly the type of thing I wanted to cultivate.

But I almost never read the book.

I have to confess that I doubted whether I would actually like the book.

I knew Sally Clarkson was well known in the homeschooling movement, and I had this notion in my head that the book would actually be about some combination of homemaking and homeschooling.

Fortunately I ignored my doubts and bought the book anyways. And even though I didn’t necessarily agree with everything in the book, there were a lot of great nuggets…especially with regards to making a “home” in a season of frequent moves.

“Having a place and time to rest, to be encouraged, and to find hope and healing is one of the most powerful gifts of a lifegiving home.” Sally Clarkson

The book helped me reflect on what I wanted our home to be about, what atmosphere I wanted to create, what traditions and practices I wanted to integrate into our home, and how I could use our home to cultivate belonging.

As a military spouse, I know that a house is usually only for a short season. Each house will be different and each move will bring new relationships, new experiences, and new challenges.

And yet, home is something that can remain constant across time. Home, not tied to a specific location, is a place where I can cultivate encouragement, belonging and rest.

No matter where we live, I want my children to experience home. I want it to be both an expression of who we are as a family, and a place that brings comfort and familiarity in an ever-changing world. I want it to be a place where others feel at home as well.

 As Sally writes, “All great works of life must be planned in order to make them productive, useful and flourishing.” Home doesn’t happen by accident. But the more I plan for and cultivate home, the more I create a space for human flourishing.

Sure, I can wait for a “better” or less-busy season of life. I can wait until I don’t have little people all around me. I can wait for my spouse to not be deployed or TDY or working long hours. I can wait until we are in our “forever” home. I can wait for any number of external factors to line up. But if my goal is to create this space of belonging and becoming, the best time to begin is now.

Here are three keys that have helped me cultivate a life-giving home:

1.Determine the type of space you want to create

A home is both a reflection of its occupants, and an opportunity to become whatever you make of it.

In our culture, it is common to view home as a place of relaxation, retreat, and a haven from the frantic pace of the world outside. A home can be a place of becoming and belonging, a place where we can be heard, seen and known. These are all wonderful descriptors of what a home can be.

And yet, I believe it can be more. A home can be all of that for both our immediate family and for those around us.

Cultivating a home is an opportunity to bless others.

2. Practice self care

This may seem a little counterintuitive. But my goal is that those who visit our home will have a full well to draw from. And I cannot offer that when my tank is empty.

Sure, there are difficult days, weeks and seasons. But if I want to speak life and hope and encouragement to all who enter my home, it must begin with me.

That means choosing to adopt a loving, generous and thankful mindset. It means intentionally focusing on the things that matter. And it means giving myself proper rest, nutrition and exercise.

When I am spiritually, emotionally, and physically healthy, I take care of my family well, and speak life to those who come into our home. This is true whether I work full time or stay at home, whether my spouse is deployed or at home station, and whether my children are little or grown.

This does not mean that I wait until I reach a point that I feel healthy to invite others in (because I’m a work in progress), but rather that I focus on making self care part of the regular rhythm of life.

3. Create space for simple acts of hospitality

Hospitality can be a scary word. It somehow makes me think of Martha Stewart and over-the-top Pinterest-moms. I will never be either.

But hospitality isn’t about putting on a show. It’s about having an open, welcoming posture. Hospitality means choosing to engage, rather than unplug. Hospitality, in a nutshell, is simply a way of life.

I don’t have to have a large house. I don’t even really have to invite people into my house. Hospitality can be as simple as choosing to sit in your front yard, rather than the back.

The key is that there must be space for hospitality to happen. When we overcommit and overschedule ourselves, hospitality doesn’t happen. The life-giving home instead becomes just another address on the growing list of houses we’ve slept in.

I am a recovering over-committer. It’s in my nature to want to do all the things. I constantly have to check myself and consider what things we choose to be involved in. I am slowly learning that if I want to build a flourishing world, sometimes it starts with ordinary actions. But ordinary does not necessarily equal insignificant.

It means choosing to sit and talk with my girls about their day. It means inviting someone over for a cup of coffee. It means throwing some chili in the slow cooker and inviting a neighbor over for dinner. These are small things. But they open the door to conversation, connection and flourishing.

When we choose to use our homes to engage with others, we trade isolation for community, comfort for purpose and apathy for mission. And as we build life-giving homes, these simple actions have the opportunity to transform people’s lives and impact the world.  

Creating a Life-giving Home