How will you remember 2020?

They say hindsight is 2020. However, it will probably be a while before we truly understand the impact that this year has had on us as individuals and collectively as people.

I think in the short term, we have a tendency to want to move on, to say good riddance to a year that was, for many of us, challenging, difficult and frustrating. A year that left many of us feeling overwhelmed, stretched thin, confused, isolated, stressed out or weary. (Amiright?)

But before we press into a new year with new dreams and new hopes, I think there is immense value in reflecting on all that we have been through in the last year.  

Last week I sat down to reflect on the year, and I was surprised at what came out of my time of reflection. So I thought I would share my top ten takeaways from 2020 in hopes that it will help you gain perspective and make peace with a year that was anything but normal. 

MY TOP TEN TAKEAWAYS FROM 2020, Part 1 

1. Start with gratitude

In all things, give thanks. Even in the midst of challenge, frustration and hardship, there is always something we can be grateful for. If you are reading this, you made it through 2020 alive. That in itself is a reason for gratitude. 

Gratitude is both a valuable practice to begin each day and a practice for when I feel myself start to get frustrated by a circumstance or event. I pause, take a breath, and focus on what I can be thankful for in the moment. For example, when my kids all start fighting and crying at the same time (I have three little girls with lots of big feelings), I try to pause and remember that I am thankful that I have three wonderful children and that this opportunity exists for me to help mentor and guide their hearts. 

Starting with gratitude is important because it shifts our mindset and perspective. It helps us gain an understanding of the bigger picture. 2020 gave me many opportunities to practice gratitude when I didn’t feel like it. But every time I took action, it reframed my perspective, my stress level decreased, and I had a better day. 

2. Acknowledge the hard; Look for the learning points

Sometimes life sucks. It just does. Some seasons are just hard. It doesn’t do us any good to ignore our negative emotions or pretend that we’re happy with a situation when we’re not. But neither does it benefit us to dwell on our unwanted circumstances or wallow in self-pity for long periods of time. 

So how do we deal with the hard? 

• • Step one: Acknowledge what we are feeling. 

• • Step two: Choose what to do with that feeling. Is this a feeling to simply acknowledge and release? Or is the feeling one that I need to change? Is it an indicator that something else is bothering me? 

• • Step three: Look for what we can learn from the situation. Personal growth doesn’t happen as easily or as quickly when life is easy. It happens much more quickly in times of chaos and change. But we have to be willing to grow through the challenge, instead of holding on to what was or what we wish things were.

This year was full of challenge for me personally. A battle with anxiety, selling a house, our first overseas move, a severe bout of shingles and my first foray into virtual/home schooling…all during a global pandemic. 

Throughout the year, one of the truths I clung to on my hard days was the knowledge that I could grow through these situations. To be completely honest, that sometimes didn’t feel like much to hold onto. I simply had to keep putting one foot in front of the other. But in hindsight, I am grateful that I chose to be open to growth and to look for the learning points in all of my struggles. 

3. Adopt a role model mindset, rather than a victim mindset

A victim sees events as things that happen to them. A victim blames others for his or her circumstances and chooses the path of self-pity. A role model, on the other hand, understands that others are looking to see how they will handle a certain situation and they want to set the example. 

Another truth I clung to this year was the idea that I am a role model for someone. And as such, I need to be aware of how I am handling my struggles. My mission is to help military spouses learn to thrive, but that means I can’t just talk about thriving. I have to demonstrate how to do it in the midst of challenge. And I have to do it, even if only one person is watching. 

Keeping this thought in mind is one thing that kept me showing up, even on the days I felt like calling it quits. There were plenty of days when I questioned how I could help others when I was struggling so much myself, but I knew if I was struggling, I wasn’t the only one. 

The truth is that all of us have the opportunity to be a role model for someone. There is always someone looking to see how we handle a situation. So the next time you feel overwhelmed by a situation or event, try adopting a role model mindset. Ask yourself, “What would I tell someone else going through this situation? How can I be a role model for others who also find themselves in this situation?” 

4. We are better together

This isn’t a new lesson nor a novel idea. But it is an idea that became even more clear to me over the course of this year. Human beings were never designed to do life alone. We are wired for interaction, human touch and connection. That’s how we were designed to thrive. We are better together. 

I am truly grateful that this pandemic arrived in a time where online connection was possible. I think life would have been so much more difficult for all of us if the Internet and social media did not exist. We would probably feel even more disconnected from one another.

But, with that said, we also learned that digital connection is not a suitable substitute for physical community. It’s just not the same as being in the same room together and giving someone a physical hug. In a year where we were told to physically distance ourselves from others and cover half our faces when speaking, we all missed out on human connection. I knew prior to the start of the pandemic that I needed more in-person time with people. It was one of the things I wanted to prioritize in 2020. 

Instead, I spent more time isolating from others.  My hope for 2021 is that at some point we will all be able to physically spend time together again. 

5. Seek understanding, not to convince others

Aside from my personal struggles, I learned so much this year by reading and observing people and seeing how one’s experiences shape one’s views. I learned that I have a very limited viewpoint, and that my life is better when I seek to learn from others who have very different life experiences from my own. 

Last month I wrote a post about how comfort keeps us from becoming who we were meant to be and from living a life of meaning and purpose. Part of pursuing comfort is choosing to surround ourselves with people who are similar to us; who agree with and think the same things as we do. We then assume that we have the right answers; if someone behaves or believes differently, they must be wrong.

Election years are always divisive, but this was 2020. Between the pandemic, the election and the racial tensions that came to light, there were plenty of ideas that became polarizing. I definitely fell into the trap of believing I needed to convince others that their way of thinking was wrong. 

When we approach a conversation with the goal of trying to convince someone that they are wrong, we’re probably not going to make a lot of headway. The number of people we will convince through argument is very small; we will just make people defensive.

Dialogue is important, but understanding and empathy should be our goals, not “winning.” Instead of focusing on WHAT someone believes, we should seek to understand WHY.

TEN TAKEAWAYS FROM 2020, Part 2

Next week I’ll share the second half of my takeaways, with a specific focus on how my stress and anxiety got the best of me in 2020…and what I learned through the process. I’ll also share my biggest takeaway from the year as a whole, and what I am holding on to for the year ahead. 

Until then, HAPPY NEW YEAR!