Because we are so burnt out, we’ve lost our ability to connect. And connection is the path to building a more flourishing world together.
Anne Helen Petersen
In our last post, I talked about specific tactics that can help us move from a place of overwhelm to a place of pursuing a life of purpose.
Today, I want to zoom out and focus on something that we all desperately need, but most of us fail to prioritize.
This one this is THE ANSWER to the stress and anxiety we feel.
And it is THE FOUNDATION that allows us to pursue our dreams and purposes from a place of health and wholeness, rather than from a place of striving.
Rest.
I’m devoting an entire post to this topic, not because I’ve mastered this concept (ha!), but because I think it is something we all need to be talking more about.
THE STRESS WE FEEL
According to the American Institute of Stress, 77% of the population experiences negative physical symptoms associated with stress on a regular basis and 73% experience psychological symptoms.
That’s a lot.
And the bigger problem is that when stress goes unresolved, it contributes to many unwanted health issues.
Stress is a natural bodily response to a circumstance or event, but when we allow negative stress to build up in our body, it can lead to a variety of unwanted physical, mental and emotional responses. And left unchecked, stress can negatively contribute to many health issues.
THE REST WE NEED
So many of us long for a life of purpose, joy and impact, but also one of greater peace and less hustle. We long to connect. To create. But we don’t want more stress. And so we settle for a life that looks nothing like the life we want.
Or we buy into the cultural sentiment that we can have it all if we just keep hustling harder. Digging in. Doing more. Being more productive.
We are so busy trying to keep all the plates spinning in the air, that we don’t have time to connect with one another, do the things that light our hearts on fire, and ultimately build a more flourishing world. We just keep trying harder, hustling more, and spiraling downward. Doing more doesn’t work!
The truth is that we are weary of the hustle. Many of us are burnt out. And this burn out has negative implications for all of us, including our ability to connect with those around us and our ability to contribute to building a flourishing world.
WHY REST MATTERS FOR MILITARY SPOUSES
This is especially true for military spouses. There is a steady undercurrent of stress that comes with being a military spouse. As military spouses we hustle a lot. We hustle to prepare for moves, make new friends, find new jobs, and manage everything during deployments. We understand hustle. And much of this hustle we cannot control.
We want to be able to create and contribute to something outside our homes, without adding to the stress that is already present in our live.
We long for greater purpose AND greater peace. I believe this both/and is possible, IF…our life is built on the proper foundation. A foundation of rest.
REST AND PURSUING GREATER PURPOSE
A life of peace, passion and greater purpose is possible…but only when we pursue it from a place of health and freedom, rather than from a place of striving.
How?
This is the focus of the book Rhythms of Renewal: Trading Stress and Anxiety for a Life of Peace and Purpose by Rebekah Lyons.
Lyons advocates establishing healthy rhythms, habits and patterns that lead us toward a life of greater peace, passion and purpose.
Lyons describes four categories or rhythms of health that lead to a life of greater peace, purpose and wholeness – two input rhythms and two output rhythms. The two input rhythms are designed to bring our heart, mind and soul back to life. They fill our cup, so that we can, in turn, engage in the two output rhythms.
RHYTHMS OF RENEWAL
The four rhythms Lyons describes are:
REST – This is the foundation for everything we do
RESTORE – We engage in practices that contribute to our health and wellness (mind, body and spirit)
CONNECT – When we are healthy, we have something to offer others
CREATE – When we are fueled, filled and connected, that is when we create and contribute to a more flourishing world. We live a life of purpose and impact.
Our ability to fill our cup, our ability to connect with others, and our ability to create and positively impact the world all stem from the first rhythm – the rhythm of rest.
In other words, our ability to pursue a life of greater purpose depends on our ability to prioritize rest.
In a culture that teaches us to prize effort over rest, this can seem counterintuitive. Lyons writes, “We don’t have to run to earn rest; we run fueled by a posture of rest.”
Rest is THE FUEL that leads us to a life of freedom, flourishing & influence. We are invited to pursue purpose and use our gifts and abilities out of a place of emotional, spiritual and mental health, not striving.
PRIORITIZING REST
The problem? We’re really bad at prioritizing this foundation.
Intellectually we know rest is important. We know when we get sufficient quantities of sleep, we feel better. We know that cognitively we function better when we’re not exhausted and drained.
But why is rest the first thing to get booted off the schedule when life gets busy? Why do I so often tell myself that rest is a reward to be earned after my work is done?
Too many times we fail to understand the crucial link between rest and a life of greater joy, purpose and impact. We do not think of “unproductive” time as crucial to living the life we were meant to lead and building a more flourishing world.
BUILDING A FOUNDATION OF REST
So how do we change our perception of rest from a “nice to have” to “can’t live without?” And practically speaking, how do we begin to prioritize this foundation of rest?
Start small.
Like any skill or habit we want to see long-term success in, the key is to take action and start small.
Often when we see that something is off, we have a tendency to want to make big sweeping changes and overhaul everything. But when we try to change everything at once, we usually fail. It’s like making those grandiose New Years’ resolution that deep down we know we’ll never be able to keep. Or like diving into an intense diet and exercise plan…that we only stick to for a week. We need bite size chunks to work on. The best way to start is to start small.
As I mentioned earlier, this post is about rest not because I’ve mastered the concept, but because I believe it is a critical skill for us to learn. My hope is that by sharing my “start small” wins and losses, it encourages you to continue to pursue a foundation of rest.
Here are six practical ideas to get us started:
1. Take Inventory
When was the last time you paused to evaluate your life? So often we get into a routine and go into autopilot. We move through the day without conscious thought.
The first step to finding rest starts by pausing to take inventory. How are you doing…really? Are you feeling drained and depleted or full of life? Are you living the life that longs to live in and through you?
I mentioned this in this post about how to do less (but better), but one of the first things I identified as problematic this year was that I had no margin in my life.
Take an honest assessment of where you are right now:
-
- What are you doing right now that you love?
- What do you not love?
- How can you incorporate more of what you love into your everyday rhythms?
- What in your current schedule needs to shift or change?
2. Regularly Reflect
We talked about this in the last post, but the importance of regular taking time for quiet reflection is vital to our mental and emotional health. We need space to pause, reflect and assess. Our brains need quiet space to process, to discern, to evaluate and understand. Studies show that this practice has been linked to increased happiness, life satisfaction and stress management.
Time for regular reflection doesn’t have to come in huge chunks. Even five minutes a day can be helpful. These times can be as simple or as complicated as you want to make them. But essentially it is about pausing long enough to reflect, ask questions and set your intention. Lyons recommends setting aside a few hours on a quarterly basis to ask the following questions:
-
- What’s Right: What can I be grateful for?
- What’s Wrong: What things have veered off course?
- What’s Confused: Am I prioritizing the right things?
- What’s Missing: What are my blind spots?
I’ve found that 5 minutes a day and 15 minutes a week for reflection is usually doable, but I’m still struggling to find a few hours to set aside on a quarterly basis. One of my goals this year was to look at hiring a sitter, so that I could have quarterly time for reflection. But then came COVID. Maybe next year??
3. Establish a Morning Routine
There’s a reason that so many people who are experiencing success in life prioritize a morning routine. Having a consistent morning routine and starting the day off with the right frame of mind makes a huge positive difference in the whole day.
My morning routine has been all over the place the last few months. I really dialed it in back in January, but once I got out of my daily rhythms and routine, my morning routine suffered as well.
On the days I oversleep and don’t have time to collect my thoughts before starting the rhythm of the day, I feel rushed, stressed and more anxious.
So what does a morning routine look like? For me when I was consistent, I:
-
- Started my day with prayer and gratitude
- Read my bible
- Made my to-do list
- Meditated
- Worked out for 30 minutes
The goal was to be done before the kids were awake. My older two have an “okay-to-wake” clock in their room and they know they are supposed to stay in their room until the clock turns green. However, my youngest often wakes up early these days, which makes things trickier.
While most of my routine has gone out the window the last several months, the one thing I have stayed consistent with is starting my day with prayer and gratitude. Even on my worst days, I know I need to start the day by focusing on what I can be grateful for. Try it. It helps!
4. Get Proper Sleep
Getting proper sleep is critical to sustained emotional and mental health. It also has numerous other health benefits. It reduces stress, improves your memory, makes you feel more alert and attentive, reduces brain fog, and increases your productivity and focus.
According to the sleep doctor Dr. Michael Breus, “There literally isn’t a thing that you do that you can’t do better with a good night’s sleep.”
I find it a bit hilarious that I’m writing about the importance of sleep right now because last night all three of my children woke me up at least once. I could probably count on one hand the number of solid night’s sleep I’ve had in the last year. And between pregnancies, babies and life with toddlers, it’s probably been about six years since I consistently slept through the night.
I am currently sleeping on a temporary mattress until our household goods arrive and I can feel the metal springs through the padding. I can’t wait to have my own bed back!!!
Three things that have helped me combat my sleep deficiency are:
- Going to bed at a consistent time each night. Studies show that when we stay on a consistent sleep/wake schedule our bodies perform better than when we go to bed at a different time each night.
- Going to bed early to try to ensure that I get a decent quantity of sleep, even if it’s not quality sleep.
- Investing in things that improve the quality of sleep. Hubs and I invested in a high-quality mattress and memory foam pillows a few years ago. You may also want to consider diffusing essential oils before bed.
5. Take a Sabbath
“So God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it God rested from all his work he had done in creation.” Genesis 2:3
The Sabbath was a sacred part of ancient Jewish tradition – a day where everyone would rest from their labor. Six days they would work, but the seventh day was set aside as a day of rest. It is rooted in the Genesis narrative that God himself rested on the seventh day, after six days of creation.
My type-A tendencies lead me to want to be productive at all times. A day devoted to rest feels to me both like a luxury and simultaneously a waste of a potentially productive day. And to be honest, with young kids that still need me for a lot, a day of no chores or responsibilities isn’t possible or practical.
At the same time, I am acutely aware of my need for margin and specifically the need to incorporate more time for play and rest into my schedule.
Pre-COVID I spent my Sundays going to church, making lunch, cleaning the house, doing laundry, prepping for the week and hosting a small group. All those activities needed to happen…but they left no time for actual rest.
My compromise was to try and make Sunday the day I actually didn’t try to accomplish anything during my kids’ rest time. Every other day of the week this is my work time. But I tried to make Sunday nap time a time for me to rest do something that brought me joy while the kids slept. This wasn’t exactly a day of sabbath…but it was a first step.
6. Find The Source of Rest
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
I don’t know what your spiritual beliefs are, but what I do know is that there is a Creator who sincerely longs to give us the rest we need. He loves us, values us and longs for us to partner with Him in building a flourishing world. And all we have to do is come to him. He waits with open arms.
And when we do? Lyons writes, “When we ask God to cultivate our heart, talents and passions according to the purpose he planned before our days began, we’ll find new horizons opening up, horizons beyond all we could ask or imagine.”
Your “Start Small” Starting Point
The best advice I can give you is to start with one area of rest and make that your starting point. What is one small step you can take this week to build a foundation of rest in your life?
These tiny steps will lead you much closer to the life your heart longs to lead. Rest will lead to restoration, to connection and ultimately creation. I truly believe that if we get this foundation right, we will find more freedom and more joy in our lives. We will lead healthier, more fulfilling lives. And more people will be blessed by and flourish through who we are and how we live.
If you’ve found ways to incorporate rest or sabbath into your weekly routine, drop me a comment below. I’d love to hear it!
